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Thread: Where and when will all this end?

  1. #1
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Where and when will all this end?

    I don't understand why this is happening to me. Maybe some mature, more experienced reader(s) can help?

    Let me explain.

    I dress in the closet, and I always dress completely. I try to remember every detail, altho that's getting more and more difficult as I add more layers and go to detailed dressing levels.

    I dressed last week and again last nite. Once again, as I looked at the convincing, attractive, young female in the mirror, I was shocked and stunned by what I saw! I can only relate the feeling as being similar to that of a young man seeing his gorgious date naked for the first time! The rush, the high, the feeling is quite indescribable! And also the disbelief that this is actually happening to me! ( And that the image IS actually me!) My feelings overwhelm me for a second.
    At that moment last nite, I thot to myself, " How I can I still feel this way after all these years of CDing? Especially at my age? Why isn't CD getting old? When will it be common place for me?"

    Here's what I don't get.

    I was married for 7 seven years, with her for 10. After the first 3, getting sexually excited became more and more difficult. Yet, she was very pretty and always interested in sex.
    As a young man, I always felt turned on being with a new woman. But girl friends became less exciting after a number of times in bed. Sex always became, "just same old thing" again.

    I've been dressing for 10 years. I'm 60 years old. How can I still be having these over the top urges when CDing? Why is it still so sexually exciting and such a turn on? Still so overwhelming and compelling?
    Why do I still keep feeling like a teenager on a first date?

    I may have a greater variety of different faces and characters than many of u. But that doesn't explain why these feelings ALWAYS happen to me. I recognise all my female characters quite well, after all the years. And yet they all still have the same effect on me!

    My question to u:
    Why is this happening to me, and when will it end? Does ANYONE have, or had, similar experiences CDing? Did u have it and finally move on? I'm really confused!

    How long can a 60 year old go on like this? Don't get me wrong. I'm having the time of my life, but sometimes I'm frightened by it all! I know it MUST end sometime! But I don't think I WANT IT TO!
    I would appreciate any and all input!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 08-03-2008 at 12:23 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  2. #2
    OMG I am Headless!
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    I dont think it goes away. I am young so I cant speak directly from experience but I think it's just not the type of thing that goes away. From your post I am almost getting the feeling that you are worried that it will go away instead of being worried that it wont...

    if that is the case, the good news is there is always a way to keep CDing fresh. that is, of course, the ever evolving world of fashion which tends to drop new options right on top of our pretty little heads season after season after season

    if that is not the case, things that have made it feel like it was over for me were, fear, insecurity, having hard times getting through life, lack of energy... essentially... the only time I dont connect with that part of my life is when I am excessively depressed... so when I am thinking about dressing myself I figure that it is a good sign that mentally I am doing well and feeling good

    the fact that you still have fun is a great thing and you should keep having fun until ya just dont want to any more no matter what...

    anyway that's my advice hope it helps

  3. #3
    Member Kimberly Marie's Avatar
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    I don't know but I'm enjoying it. and that's what's important. Being happy and enjoying life. As we all know it's to short, so enjoy why we can........

  4. #4
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Simple RS. It's feminine energy which is very powerful. It can be overwhelming sometimes but if we get the natural "feel" for it, it becomes more and more comfortable as time goes on and we can make it work for us whether we are dressed or not. Just enjoy it.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  5. #5
    Lingerie Lover Stephenie B's Avatar
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    Baby Girl, I'm 52 years young, and the feelings that you describe have never gone away for me! I don't think that they ever will! I have fought them when I was young and tried to deny them. Good Luck with that! Now look at me! I gave in to my feelings and have never regretted it. Now I go out all the time and am having the time of my life. Don't be ashamed of what you do, hold your head up high. I know plenty of people that hide there feelings and are miserable. Your a good looking girl, go have fun!
    Huggs

  6. #6
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    We all know when it ends. Enjoy it while you're still alive and have your wits about you. You should only worry if it's harming you or others in some way. Otherwise, why fight it if you're having fun?

  7. #7
    Still Single Stargirl's Avatar
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    Smile Well

    Maybe it "ends" when you are pushing up daisies, instead of a push up bra.

    (not being disrespectful. Enjoy every sensation. Some people forget what satisfaction feels like)

  8. #8
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    How long can a 60 year old go on like this? Don't get me wrong. I'm having the time of my life, but sometimes I'm frightened by it all! I know it MUST end sometime! But I don't think I WANT IT TO!
    I would appreciate any and all input!

    I think the real question is does it need to end? Acceptance was the key for me. Once I fully embraced my female side, things got better. Everything felt right. I could finally be who I was all along and do so with no regrets or ill feelings.

    As you say above, you are having the time of your life. Most people wouldn't want an experience that good to end. You even say you don't think you want it to (end). The part you need to explore further is why it frightens you. Once you are OK with it, perhaps everything will fall in place for you like it did for me.

    Hopefully it won't have to end until some day your life eventually does. Then you can be on your way up to heaven singing that famous Dirty Dancing song "Now I've, Had, The Time Of My Life". lol

    Gen

  9. #9
    A Woman Inside KarenSusan's Avatar
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    I'm 62 and the only thing I can say is that as time goes on there are less and less exciting over-the-top urges. Just a calm increasing feeling that I want to live the rest of my life as a woman.


    Karen Sue

  10. #10
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Thanks AD and KS.

    Quote Originally Posted by Arianna Daniels View Post
    Simple RS. It's feminine energy which is very powerful. It can be overwhelming sometimes but if we get the natural "feel" for it, it becomes more and more comfortable as time goes on and we can make it work for us whether we are dressed or not. Just enjoy it.
    Quote Originally Posted by KarenSusan View Post
    I'm 62 and the only thing I can say is that as time goes on there are less and less exciting over-the-top urges. Just a calm increasing feeling that I want to live the rest of my life as a woman.
    I don't think I was clear in my thread. I'm NOT talking about CDing, per se. It's the FEELING I get WHEN I dress!

    It's a; sexually overpowering , sinking feeling,( in the pit of my stomach), blood rushing to my head, ( and other places), heart racing, can't-believe-what-I'm-seeing sort of thing. I'm obviously not capable of describing it properly. Maybe u can relate? I think AD and KS got it.

    I don't understand how or why I can still have this feeling, at my age, and after 10 years of CDing? It's like I've found the fountain of sexual youth. Or am using drugs! ( I'm not).
    I was never this energised or sexually active as a young man! I just don't get it!?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  11. #11
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    I've been at this for about 36 years, and it's accellerating, rather than slowing down. I'm afraid I have no answers for you, my friend.

    Any money found in the laundry is MINE!


    "This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"

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  12. #12
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Dear RS, I have been dressing since age 15 and I am 63 now. The majority of my dressing was also in the closet. I also had a full beard for 37 years, but the thrill of dressing was always present. For me the sexual aspect of it waned many years ago but the rush and elation of seeing my male body in something feminine has never waned. Now at 63 I am finally out to the public. I love it more now than ever. The thrill of going to a public place and being called ma'am and actually being treated like a lady is just as you described it, totally overwhelming. I already know when the elation will end for me. It will be when they're shoveling dirt on top of me.
    Luv and Jill


    Straight, into Fantasy Land

  13. #13
    Unofficial CD Mom Holly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    ...I was never this energised or sexually active as a young man! I just don't get it!?
    Well, this might be a clue. As a young man, you knew something was not right. Now that you have given yourself the freedom to explore your feminine side, you quite naturally find it exciting and stimulating. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about making something normal out to be a problem . (By the way, women mature sexually at a later age than men... something to think about )
    Fulltime girl on the inside.
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  14. #14
    Joanie sterling12's Avatar
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    Hi Doc:

    Perhaps the high comes from "your creation(s)." You stated very clearly that what you see is a "convincing, attractive, YOUNG, female." Perhaps it is an escape from middle age, or from life's cares.

    If you really want to escape that aspect of The Dressing up, drop the masks and actually introduce yourself to Sherry! Maybe she's really what you want, maybe all the disguises have been a way of avoiding her.

    Perhaps if you just dealt with Sherry, you would still get that High you spoke of. Bet if you did; it would be a more natural high and infinitely better.

    Otherwise.....I think your stuck with it!

    Peace and Love, Joanie

  15. #15
    Member whitelace's Avatar
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    Question

    Hi docrobbysherry,
    I read your post and thought as a person who's gone through this my whole life and at different degrees along the way I will try my best to shed at least my thoughts .
    I would frankly tell you probably never ..it never goes away IE that the overwhelming feeling of satisfaction. It never has gone away for me. If the initial thoughts that you glorify as I do about the empowerment of transformation the end process will indubitably bring the same results each time I call it the gift that keeps on giving and yes I do believe it is deeply embedded in our minds. You mention that it frightens you and sure the unknown has a tendency of doing that to all of us, but take a look at what we have ....you take the average senior... they look in the mirror and then they look away in defeat for the oncoming of age and just end up accepting the years .... but we're e a different lot indeed... we have the will and the expertise to just wave our magic wands an poof , a beautiful princess appears .... lets face it would you ever give up the power of transcending the years ( not I )...sure we changed the rules but then again this is our game and this is our field of dreams hope this helped to shed some light hugs ....lacie
    Last edited by whitelace; 08-03-2008 at 09:28 PM.

  16. #16
    Junior Member AnnMorgan's Avatar
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    I've found that my cross dressing comes in waves. My SO doesn't fully approve and she doesn't have to but we do talk about it. I have never found anything as sexuality powerful as my dressing because it hits me on many different levels at once. As a side benefit I'm a much more caring person to those around me.

    So what? I have to tell ya' about "The Seven Itch"? That would have happened even if you didn't dress. Trust me, I know exactly where you are right now, exactly. Perhaps in time we all find a balance between what we want and what we have.
    My biggest fear is hurting those that love me. IMHO the very fact you brought this topic up makes you a good and sensitive person. We are not bad people that do bad things.

  17. #17
    Senior Member cindybarnes's Avatar
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    I was reading your post and thinking that sounds a lot like me.
    After being with my wife 25 years now some of that special spark is gone that was there. That may happen over time to most anyone,I cant blame it on me being a cd'r
    When I do get a chance to let my other side come out I get the same feeling I always have somewhere between the wig and eyeliner Maybe its the excitement of not having to look at the old ugly guy in the mirror ? (talking about myself)
    Anyway its probably as hard to explain as it is why we have the need to be this way in the first place and agree with most here thats its not going away, at least I hope not.
    Cindy

  18. #18
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    RS, I am happy you have found a way to keep your libido going so strong into your 60's, and like the others, I agree that you should continue to enjoy it to the fullest without questioning it, if it works for you! It is good that you are true to yourself by not being in a relationship with a GG who wouldn't be able to meet your needs in the same way as CDing does.

    But as a GG in a fairly new relationship with my bf, reading your post and most of the others who experience similar feelings to yours scares me because it does not look as if you need to have women in your lives. For the type of love that brings emotional security and companionship perhaps, but not for passion. You have yourselves.

    Many GGs share the fear that we are not enough ... that our CDers will never feel as passionate towards us in the long term as we feel towards them, because CDers' love for themselves as women elevates them to a high beyond compare. Any woman would love to have a man (or a woman if she is so inclined) feel about her the way you describe you feel towards yourselves dressed.



    If I am reading it incorrectly, I do apologize. Or, maybe it is not true for every CDer, but I venture to guess that if what I have said is true over all, it may explain why marriages fail eventually even after the SO has been supportive of the CDing.
    Last edited by ReineD; 08-03-2008 at 07:05 PM.
    Reine

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    " How I can I still feel this way after all these years of CDing? Especially at my age? Why isn't CD getting old? When will it be common place for me?"
    When did sex get old?

  20. #20
    OMG I am Headless!
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    RS, I am happy you have found a way to keep your libido going so strong into your 60's, and like the others, I agree that you should continue to enjoy it to the fullest without questioning it, if it works for you! It is good that you are true to yourself by not being in a relationship with a GG who wouldn't be able to meet your needs in the same way as CDing does.

    But as a GG in a fairly new relationship with my bf, reading your post and most of the others who experience similar feelings to yours scares me because it does not look as if you need to have women in your lives. For the type of love that brings emotional security and companionship perhaps, but not for passion. You have yourselves.

    Many GGs share the fear that we are not enough ... that our CDers will never feel as passionate towards us in the long term as we feel towards them, because CDers' love for themselves as women elevates them to a high beyond compare. Any woman would love to have a man (or a woman if she is so inclined) feel about her the way you describe you feel towards yourselves dressed.



    If I am reading it incorrectly, I do apologize. Or, maybe it is not true for every CDer, but I venture to guess that if what I have said is true over all, it may explain why marriages fail eventually even after the SO has been supportive of the CDing.
    wow, I had never seen it from that point of view. and that is an amazing point!

    I wonder if that is why I stay away from relationships in general...

    because I wouldnt want to do that to anyone

  21. #21
    Unofficial CD Mom Holly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    ...maybe it is not true for every CDer, but I venture to guess that if what I have said is true over all, it may explain why marriages fail eventually even after the SO has been supportive of the CDing.
    I don't claim to speak for all CDers but even at 61 years of age, I can't keep my hands off my wife! But I do agree with you Reine, that those who are self-obsessed do relationships a dis-service. I'm not sure that this is a trait fully attributable to CDing, however. It may more be a symptom of other marital deficiencies.
    Fulltime girl on the inside.
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    [SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]

  22. #22
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    So you still get sexually excited about dressing...
    docrobbysherry, exactly what is the problem with that?

    I think a lot more CDs get a sexual thrill than willing to admit. Probably cause a lot of other CD or TS say "Oh if you get turned on by it, you are not a "true" TS or a "true" CD." So other CD and TS feel ashamed like even their own "sisters" don't accept them.


    Others claim their is no sexual attachement to their femme side yet they have 10 gigabytes of photos of themselves [which they LOVE to bore people with...] Yeah right. They don't enjoy it yet they have a whole extra HDD devoted to their photos.
    Last edited by Nicole Erin; 08-03-2008 at 09:00 PM.
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  23. #23
    Where's my Millionaire?? Kendra (Tx)'s Avatar
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    [SIZE="3"]DocSherry...I don't think it will ever end..."Star Girl" says maybe it'll end when when you are "pushing up daisys"....If I had my way...I'd be laid to rest as Kendra....My prettiest dress, perfect hair and makeup finally able to be who I am...I've had this inside me ( at first recollection ) since I was 5 years old...And there's been not one day that I haven't thought about dressing as pretty and as feminine as I can...I hope that it never goes away...Then I'll have to be the "plain, old, and boring "evil twin" with nothing much to look forward to...I can't imagine having that "hole" in my life of there NOT being any excitment of being Kendra...[/SIZE]

    http://kendra954.com
    [SIZE="3"]Some of the most beautiful women in the world were born male. [/SIZE]

  24. #24
    OMG I am Headless!
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    Quote Originally Posted by MlleErin View Post
    I think a lot more CDs get a sexual thrill than willing to admit. Probably cause a lot of other CD or TS say "Oh if you get turned on by it, you are not a "true" TS or a "true" CD." So other CD and TS feel ashamed like even their own "sisters" don't accept them.

    so true

  25. #25
    Banned Read only Satrana's Avatar
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    It is called autogynephilia - look it up. You are basically short-circuiting your sexual arousal pattern in your brain by finding the "perfect woman" in the mirror and not in someone else who comes with emotional baggage and the stress of a relationship. You know the girl in the mirror will always look the way that excites you most and will always play along with your fantasies. There is no fear of rejection or judgement.

    You get to play both sides - the desirer and the desired, so arouse yourself by looking at yourself in a female form. It is a closed, perfect system of arousal which you can maintain because you only dress in the closet and do not present yourself as a female to other people giving them the opportunity to interact with you and pass judgement on you.

    So if you wanted to break out of this perfect circle, go out crossdressing in the real world so you have to deal with the stresses of being a CD and having other people accept as such. If you were to find a GG who did accept you then you would likely find the same passion would continue with her instead.

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