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Thread: $1,000,000 Question

  1. #26
    Lady in Training Jenny J's Avatar
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    In all honesty, it's not going to go away. Just when you think you are cured, up rises it's pretty little face.

  2. #27
    Senior Member paulaN's Avatar
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    As far as I know,it does not go away.
    keep on gurlin everyone. paula may

  3. #28
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    Oh, Sweetie!

    Quote Originally Posted by deborah jane View Post
    The simple fact is i lost my wife after i confessed to c/ding and i,ve now found someone new.
    She,s the type of woman who won,t accept this and i,m very reluctant to tell her!!
    It would be far better for me to give up the fun of being Debs and keep a woman i know i,m going to end up falling in love with...
    We,ve become very close, very quickly and i don,t want to risk losing her!!

    Simple as that!!
    I'm with you gurl; my lack of success with the GG's has made me rethink a lot of things, and my urge to dress is on hiatus. Partly because of the hot weather and partly because dressing hasn't furthered my cause either. The crossdresser in me is still very much alive, and I think anyone I would want to really get close to deserves to know all about me; "warts" and all.

    If there is anything I can do, I'm here for you gurlfriend!
    [SIZE="2"]Tina D'Orsay
    Central Iowa

    "Silence is golden,duct tape is silver."
    "You can never be to rich, to thin or wear too high heels."[/SIZE]

  4. #29
    Silver Member AmandaM's Avatar
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    To stop can be done, if there is a reason for your CDing not related to a gender issue. But, to find out, you'd spend a ton of money on therapy, and the odds are against it. So, while it is possible, it's not probable.

  5. #30
    Secret Lady Kayla_CD's Avatar
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    The urge to dress never goes away like the urge to have a smoke after you've quit. And if it turned out that dressing up was giving me health problems I would leave it behind in a second.
    [SIZE="3"] + = Kayla Glass[/SIZE]

  6. #31
    A Woman Inside KarenSusan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JiFem9ll View Post
    I'm afraid you're stuck with it for life dear, the urge to dress will never go away.
    And I find as I get older it gets stronger.


    Karen Sue

  7. #32
    Mrs Peel, We're needed jennifer41356's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deborah jane View Post
    The simple fact is i lost my wife after i confessed to c/ding and i,ve now found someone new.
    She,s the type of woman who won,t accept this and i,m very reluctant to tell her!!
    It would be far better for me to give up the fun of being Debs and keep a woman i know i,m going to end up falling in love with...
    We,ve become very close, very quickly and i don,t want to risk losing her!!

    Simple as that!!
    if you dislike it that much , my advice is to quit , cold turkey, and you will spend the rest of your life fighting it and maybe being quite miserable, its like anything, if you dislike it quit, it may be difficult, but if you want a "different" life, then that appears to be the only option

  8. #33
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    Hey hon if you feel like jumping off a bridge give me a call and I'll jump with you! No I'm just messing here the urge never totalily goes away, it dies down, but just walking down the street theres a pretty girl in cute dress and you think, damn I wish I had a dress like that, yep the urge is back, sorry.

  9. #34
    Member Brina Halloween's Avatar
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    I would not say it is my highest priority to dress. Considering that I had bought some stuff from Fredrick's of Hollywood at least 5 years before I did my first Halloween...CD'ing definitely has some fascination for me.If a lady is close minded about this, she is likely not the personality I am looking for.

    So much for this being a version of a joke I once heard....

    Brina

  10. #35
    Member Nicole1's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    You can stop and purge, as most of us have at least once, twice, ..... But, you Will return. The main problem is that you do it in secret, praying that you don't get caught; not realizing that you are leaving evidence behind that your wife will mistakenly believe is evidence of an affair or something to that end. You think you are miserable now? You have no idea! If you want to have a real relationship with her; then you need to break the news before you get to far into it. It will be so much better for both of you. It may end the relationship; but now is better than later. And if she surprises you, then it will be greater than you would believe. Best of luck; only you can decide what is right for you!

    Hugs

    Nicole

  11. #36
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    I think it depends from person to person. Only you can answer the question. I am 43. I asked this same question to a therapist about 20 years ago and they said yes it can be done. The therapist had no clue about gender issues. I believed it. My mom kept telling me once I could do it and not CD anymore and I believed her too.
    A CD friend of mine told me some years ago he thought some simply 'grow' out of it. Key word being some. This same friend used to go out all the time, now says it simply is not worth it for her. Beautiful CDer too, whether she still does it around the house I do not know. I have heard indirectly from another CD friend that some of her friends recently 'hung up their heels' so to say.
    And then there is this

    http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homep...thytg/cure.htm

    For the record, I have not been able to give it up.

  12. #37
    Joanie sterling12's Avatar
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    Young Lady, you could possibly ABSTAIN for a while. But, will you ever stop it completely? We don't see any evidence that it's possible. Remember, if The CD is still going on inside your head, it hasn't been erased. Your just not wearing femme clothes for a bit.

    Stick around, with some regularity we get postings that say, "Bye you all, I'm gonna' quit, don't need this anymore!" But, we get an equal number of postings that say: "I though I could quit, and I did for ___ months/years." "But now the feelings have returned, and it's stronger than ever!" NO ONE on this sight that I know of, has ever unequivocally proven that they were "CD Free," and shown any evidence to back it up.

    The CD isn't screwing up your life, its the intolerance of other people who don't understand the compulsion, or simply feel threatened by anything not within their narrow views.

    Give yourself time to grow, to mature, to learn self-acceptance. Once you do, CD will not "screw up your life." It will become an intrinsic part of your personality which will make you a better person.

    Peace and Love, Joanie
    Last edited by sterling12; 08-05-2008 at 03:36 AM.

  13. #38
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    Good question one I have been asking myself for over 30 years.

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member NatalieBliss's Avatar
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    damn I could use a cool million... or a hot million...

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Wannabe View Post
    I will collect the money now. You are stuck for the rest of your life.
    However, I would say "You are blessed for the rest of your life"
    - Natalie


    P.S. that's what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R where eliminated.
    -Mitch Headburg

    "If you think you think outside the box, you're trapped in one"
    - M.C. Paul Barman

  15. #40
    Aspiring Member Violetgray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deborah jane View Post
    The simple fact is i lost my wife after i confessed to c/ding and i,ve now found someone new.
    She,s the type of woman who won,t accept this and i,m very reluctant to tell her!!
    It would be far better for me to give up the fun of being Debs and keep a woman i know i,m going to end up falling in love with...
    We,ve become very close, very quickly and i don,t want to risk losing her!!

    Simple as that!!
    Sounds to me like the cross dressing isn't the problem, it's honesty. There are plenty of relationships to be had by accepting women, but you must let the know at the point when they're your friends, but before the point where you are intimate. It's the timing where things are all going wrong for you.

  16. #41
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    Will it ever go away , i would have to say i doubt it, can you control it , if you really wanted to .
    The problem with a new relationship is that if they do not know beforehand then when do you tell , to soon before they get to know you and they might run, leave it to long and they call you a cheat or a liar.
    If you think that you cannot control it and you would like the relationship to get serious then i suggest it should be sooner than later but try to find someone your intended partner could talk to if need be .





    joanne

  17. #42
    Me, Myself & Rachael Rachaelb64's Avatar
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    With me its tends to screw me up more when I don't do it. So I've stopped trying to give it up.

    But Debs, at the end of the end of the day honesty is the best policy. I decided after I split with my ex that would be upfront about my cding.

    I didn't think my SO would accecpt me but she did after a lot of talking she saw my crossdressing as part of me.

    Like my old nan (god rest her soul) just to say 'If you don't ask, you don't know the answer'

    Same goes here Debs, you need to say something or you will lose everything.

    Best of luck Debs
    Last edited by Rachaelb64; 08-05-2008 at 07:14 AM.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Life is to short so enjoy it to the full

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    WARNING:Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies , projects or any other reasons You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.

    Today is a good day to Dress!

  18. #43
    Senior Member Sherry-Stephanie's Avatar
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    Their not screwing your life up....you just need to stop trying to put a square peg in round hole and go find a square hole and then it will all fit together....JMHO...YMMV

    Compatibility is an amazing thing....

  19. #44
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    Hi Debs. I'm sorry you're having such a struggle with it. I've been there and done that, and acceptance from my wife has not yet happened. I hid it, and I regret it, but I'm still sure that the alternative would have been losing her. Now we're 14 year in, she knows, but we just don't discuss it, and I keep it out of her sight, dressing only when she's not around. It's not a perfect situation by any means, but it works for us for now.

    I'm not advocating hiding it from her. It only postpones the problems. But in answer to your question, I don't know if it goes away or not. For me, it has not. But I think that just throwing up your hands and claiming that it doesn't ever go away, and that you're "stuck" with it for life is a bit of a simple cop-out, too. People quit smoking, quit drugs, quit drinking....this cannot be much different. I've never heard of a 12-step program for crossdressing, but if you absolutely need to quit, I think you can. I doubt the urges to dress will ever go away completely, but I'm sure that in some cases, it can be controlled. But you may also end up miserably unhappy with fighting with it forever.

    Kinds sucks, huh? Good luck with the woman. Oh, and by the way, don't sell her short. She may just have a side to her you have not seen yet. It's easy to assume she'll be unaccepting, and you may be right about that. But do you really know?

    Any money found in the laundry is MINE!


    "This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"

    www.flickr.com/photos/tgmarla/

  20. #45
    My destiny awaits... Nikki K's Avatar
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    My wife has been on a desperate mission to find a "cure"; the best she's been able to find so far is this:
    http://www.stonewallrevisited.com/pages/randall_w.html

    No. I don't think there's any hope for "recovery"; we are who we are and the secret to a happy life is accepting that. Easier said than done, however, when the SO you love so dearly isn't on the first rung of tolerance let alone acceptance.
    Nikki

    A young girl asks a wise old woman;
    "How does one become a butterfly?",
    With a twinkle in her eye the old woman replies,
    "You must be willing to give up being a caterpillar".

  21. #46
    Member LisaElizabeth's Avatar
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    This is probably going to trigger a LOT of responses........
    IF and I repeat.... IF... you can find out 'WHY' you crossdress in the first place, it helped me decrease the compulsion portion of dressing. I can go for a year or longer now without the 'all consuming desires' to CD. Does this mean I have stopped? Not really, I just don't get that all consuming, gotta do it now or I'll die, feeling any more.
    If I have a trip where I know there are safe places to go out for the eveing, I'll take a coupls outfits along. Or if we are going to attend a Halloween or Mardi Gras party, I'll do a femme costume. But the 'every day' desire is no longer there.
    How you go about discovering this about yourself is probably as varied as there are types of crossdressers. Maybe counselling, maybe transcendental meditation, I don't know what will work for you. I tried a lot of different things, just searching for that elusive 'WHY".
    What finally helped me was 'dianetics'! Controversial? Probably! But it was the way I found that helped me see 'why'. So I can't say enough about it. It took a number of hours to get to the 'Why'. I don't remember exactly, but I also know that it started when I was 6 so the memory is in terms of a six-year-old.
    No matter how you decide to travel a road of self-discovery, that road is covered i boulders that you have to move to get to the problems. I have also noticed that the core problem is in the language of whatever age you were when it occured, so if you were 35, it's an adult thought, if you were 5 it's a childish thought. After all it's what happened to you at that time! So of course that memory is as you saw it then! Not how you would see the same thing now!
    Find a way you are comfortable with and start your journey, it will be the first of a thousand steps, some easy, some not so easy.
    Huggs,
    Lisa Elizabeth

  22. #47
    the inner beauty waiting kym's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Genifer Teal View Post
    If you don't like it, then stop. If you can't stop, then maybe you like it.
    Quite the conundrum, isn't it?

    Gen
    but its impossible to stop 99% of the time, i fought it for years trying to save three marriages before i realized that its a major part of who i am so no more fighting it. and there are women, good gg's that will accept and maybe even embrace us like we are, if you truly love a person then it shouldn't matter what they are or who they are.
    when in doubt, dress

  23. #48
    Senior Member Carly D.'s Avatar
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    I pretty much agree with everyone here who says it stays for life.. you can curve it.. try to beat it but it comes back.. it takes a supreme effort to stem the tide.. even when I wasn't cross dressing I was thinking about it.. fantasizing about what would it be like.. and then falling off the wagon, or on the wagon depending on how you look at it..
    This is what I mean by "every guy can look like a girl from the right angles".. this is one of the first pictures of me dressed up.. very vague look.. almost fem...

  24. #49
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    Hi,

    I really feel for you. I told both of my wives before we married. First marriage was doomed form the start for a lot of different reasons.

    When I met the woman who would be come my second and current wife, I told her as well and over the years she has come to love and accept the entire me and is more than helpfull.

    You need to very carefully consider whether you want to continue this relationship. Two things can happen as I see it.

    1) You hide it from her and your dressing has the possibility of destroying your next marriage.

    or

    2) You be honest with her now and if she accepts you then you know you have a future together and if she hates it well then, you are just better off.

    Wish you the best!

  25. #50
    Member Donna tv's Avatar
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    Stuck !!!!! C'mon there certainly are worst things to be.
    EMBRACE IT !!!

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