How Have You Grown?

[MarieTS]

This thread is especially meant for those who have CD'd for some time...
From the time you first slipped into that racy stocking, donned a bra you saw drying on the rack, or perhaps applied your first lipstick with all the precision of a drunk, how have you grown, changed, developed from a fledgling young girl to a woman who knows her way around any cosmetic counter or clothing boutique? How does the present "you" compare to that little girl who first began her voyage of curiosity some time ago? Are there any defining moments you can specifically point to or remember that marked your passage from the erotically confuzed to the ranks of a skilled transformation artist?

[crusadergirl]

I've grown in small steps, i really started taking this on about 2 years ago. And i never thought i would ever go as far as i did with it. Buying a wig really changed everything b/c i never wanted to go out in public. And now i have done that many times. When i first started here i acted like a kid that took this as a joke. Now its a big part of who i am. As for shopping i was really scared at first of what ppl would think of me, now its not very hard to get what i want. I have always liked the look girls have but never really knew if i could have that look. So far i have took my self to a new level and i'm only going to get better.

[KayR]

I believe that I've grown into a more tolerant person. I came to CDing quite late, as an adult. My path has been relatively smooth compared to others in that my wife and I discovered this together. I'm amazed at the detail women get involved with - a positive trait for me because I was always a "that'll do" kind of handyman. Now, I have patience. If I can get my eye makeup just right, I will feel the same sense of achievement as if I'd - oh, I don't know - perhaps made a complete suite of furniture out of a tree!
In the past I have been guilty of being judgemental to people who appeared different to me. Now, I try to be more understanding and empathetic. I don't always succeed, but I do try.
One thing I have learned; Everyone has value. Everyone can contribute to this life.
So my journey, albeit a slightly diverted one, continues.

[Sally24]

Several things have changed over the last 3 years. At first it was "dressing-up" and sort of wearing a costume. Now it seems to me to look like myself when I'm dressed. My male self is a bit like a costume now. The second thing I really notice is consistancy. It was hit or miss when I first started doing my makeup. One time would be good and the next poor. I wasn't sure what to do each time. Now it just takes some time, but I know where each thing should go in what order and I look pretty much the same each time I finish. Much less stress about looking good because I know what I'm doing. I never thought I'd get to any kind of confident stage as a makeup artist!

Most times when I'm out now I feel very female, natural, and sometimes I am not even self conscuous. It's great to be a girl!!

[danam]

I had totally given up on CDing in my 20s, because I thought my build was too masculine for it. My teen years were scary and confusing, because I didn't know what to think about CDing, except that I liked dressing up, yet was totally horrified at getting caught. I also knew that I was perfectly happy as a guy when not CDing, hence, the confusion.

It wasn't until my 30s that I started exploring. I guess you get tired of fighting the desires as you get older. I started in very small VERY SMALL steps at first. And the most amazing thing happened--I learned, much to my surprise, that I was good at it!!! This has totally blown me away.

Still exploring, still searching for more of Dana...but progressing quite rapidly.

[Toni_Lynn]

One thing that impresses me as I look back upon my journey in life, is the absolute consistency in my views and desire to just be 'me'. I look back upon diaries and scraps of paper that I wrote as a teen and compare them with journal entries in my later years and am amazed that at times I have used exactly the same phrases and words. At times it feels like I've been chipping away at a great block of ice.

Its not to say that I haven't grown, for within those writings I see my thoughts being applied to new situations and refined and polished. What worked for me as a teen to keep me sane when I was abused by my mum, helped me to venture out in public, learn to love and embrace the girl within, and tell my wife several months after we first met (and be prepared for either acceptance or rejection).

Milestones, these are there as precious thing I hold onto:

1) First time venturing into the girls restroom in grade school (grade 3, 1966)
2) First time trying on girls clothes - my sister's panties - age 10, 1967
3) My first training bra and panties -- Mine! and NOT my sisters! - age 13, 1971
4) First time wearing a training bra and panties to school under boys' clothes - age 13, 1971
5) First time challenging my mum's abuse by sewing boy's underwear tags in panties that would pass as boy's underwear -- age 17, 1974
6) Joining a crossdressing group helping to start Transpitt - 1982
7) First time going out in public - 1983
8) Living on my own and dressing whenever I wanted to - 1985
9) Challenging all the years of abuse after being outed to my parents - 1987
10) Getting clean & sober - 1988
11) Reliving the secretative years of my teens during my first marriage and then asking for a divorce, coupled with coming out to my ex -- 1996
12) Embracing and loving the girl within for who she is -- ongoing, but finally recognising her in 1997
13) Telling (at the time my wife-to-be) Debbie about me - 1985
14) Getting married! (not necessarily a crossdressing thing, but I was wearing panties, a bra, girls pants and blouse, with a guys suit jacket and tie)

It just gets better and better, and I am truly thankful to God for all of it!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[renee k]

Any of you, who have my previous posts will know I've been at this since my childhood. Everytime I've made a jump to a new level there's been a GG there to show me the way. From the time my mom and her sister and her friends made me up for Halloween. Till the time when my hairdresser/ makeup artist Mary alice, gave me instruction on setting wigs and doing makeup. Even my electrologist Cindy,who removed my beard and gave my eyebrows a nice femme shape, helped me with making choices in my wardrobe. They all were very sincere in their efforts to help me bring Renee to where she's at today. Without their help I'd be wandering helplessly about. It's nice to have moms and big sisters out there to show you the way. I'm sure what they did for me they would have done for their daughters and little sisters. A big thanks, to them all.

Huggs, Renee

[curse within]

It has been all trial and error I would say yes I have grown a little I have kept the girl inside of me hidden only to come out to my wife 25 years ago and of course here today.I have developed acid reflux due to fighting the urges and the troubles it has caused in my marriage was a heavy drinker for years , isolated myself most of the time in order to sneak a little CDing in wishing I could go all out with the desires that comes with CDing be all woman meaning the hair boobs nails etc.
I couldn't tell you how to apply makeup or what choice would work great for what skin color or why my eyes water so bad after I do apply it .Now that I can get away with it more being seperated and living with my daughter at my apartment. I think I have regrets that I put that femme side of me on hold to raise my kids because it was not allowed to show it ugly face in my marriage I lived with years of quilt for expressing my urges alone only to be put down for doing that called names by the one who was supposed to have loved me the most and have anything that ever went wrong like her haveing affairs blamed on it as well.No it has caused me more grief keeping it bottled up inside than if I was to have let her come out years ago. If I could I would have changed most of it been healthier if I have I should have been a lot more open with my femme side

[linnea]

I have definitely changed, but some of that simply comes with age and maturity.
Probably the biggest revelation to me and consequently the greatest defining moment for me was the realization that I was not alone, that I was not one of a very small group of weirdos, that there were many others, and that like those others I was doing something that offered me a way to fulfill important qualities and desires of my personality. This came after many years of guilt, self-doubt, mild depression, and anxiety.
I am better at many of the skills that dressing entails: applying make-up, styling my hair (wig), selecting pieces of my wardrobe, walking with comfort in various styles of shoes including heels, shopping, etc. That has taken a long time too.
I know myself better than ever too (after much soul-searching), and I know that cross-dressing is an expression of some of my deepest feelings about myself and how I want to relate to other people.
I have been cross-dressing to varying degrees since I was seven years old. It has only been in the last ten of the intervening years that I have really been able to hone my skills and to take stock of what dressing en femme means to me. A part of that development includes my interactions with other crossdressers whom I have met on this website and forum. The latter has been instrumental in my development and to my having taken some rather big strides over the past three years.

[debbeelee1]

My CD'ing has definitely been an ongoing process for the last three years! I recently been out en femme a half dozen times or so, just tried my first fake nails last week (what a major transformation of my hands!) and just ordered some breast forms. Just started meeting real MTF and FTM CD'ers and hope to start having some CD get togethers at the house. The biggest thing was coming out to my SO's daughter and that went great. Yep, the sky is the limit!

[Mitch23]

very steep learning curve for me in about 18 months from timid and apologetic to confident 'girl about town' and just about anywhere else for that matter. Defining moment was when a real girl 'friend' put me in a frock and helped me to embrace my femme nature. I graduated from closet undie fetishist that day. helped by a recognition through this site and others along with the wonderful people I have met along my journey that I am not alone, nor am I a sad perve...

mitch

[Fab Karen]

One of the ways is that I don't rely on a tranny club for going out. While I enjoy meeting some other t-girls, in general those venues can be a bore. If going to a club a mixed place is more interesting. I work on getting out in some in non-nightclub ways but that's not as easy as it is for some, as I don't have a car.

[emmicd]

My crossdressing has been a constant in my life with several interuptions. I never revealed this side of myself to many people. It is something I enjoy very much because it helps me connect to my inner self. I am happily married with a son. I love my wife and son very much and I never crossdress in front of them. I usually dress at night or early in the morning when I have some alone time. I have grown to accept my crossdressing. It has not been easy and took a long time and a lot of repression and purging. I purged so many wardrobes and I had so many pretty clothes. I learned that I will never purge again. It's just so expensive and it makes me sad when I realize all the cute outfits I gave away.

The one thing that makes me sad though is that I will probabaly die without the real true feeling of acceptance. I have never had the experience of going out in a dress in a friendly setting and feeling totaly at ease. I did venture one time to a shopping mall all dresssed up and I was so scared. I managed to walk around the mall for an hour. I do remember an old man held the door open for me. That felt good. I also remember 3 young women making eye contact and giggling when they realized I was a CDer. i felt good that they took an interest to notice!

I also remember a bunch of guys seeing me and saying amongst themselves that's a guy in a dress! Again I was noticed!

I also managed to use the girls room that day but really was so nervous.

I managed to get through the experience but never ventured back to the mall in a dress again.

During another crossdressing experience I also managed to drive to CT from NY in a dress to a support group meeting and it was a sad day because I saw a terrible car accident where victims were thrown from their car and badly injured. It was so unsettling because I saw a mother screaming for her baby. It never leaves my mind!
I did not have a cell phone at that time so all I could do was get off at the next exit and make a phone call to 911 which I did. I managed to inform the police about the accident over the phone in dress and all. I even drove back in the opposite direction after the phone call to see if rescue was there. I was glad to see how fast they dispatched rescue to the site. I felt so bad for those people and all I could think about was that poor mother crying for help and trying to get to her baby. I never cried so much that day. I hope they were ok and protected! I did manage to get to the support group meeting but did not mention the accident. It was a good meeting as I met other TG people. I however never went back to a support group meeting again.

My last crossdressing experience was really the most scariest one of all bcause it involved me actually driving down to Virginia from NY to a medical facility to admit to medical doctors that I felt transgendered and considered hormones and possible surgery. I opened up to the medical staff and discussed my internal desires. I was going through a difficult time not sure what direction I should go. I wore a dress underneath guys clothes and I cried in the interview on how I felt so trapped and scared but did not want to hurt anyone. I was a mess. I really wanted to transition but I felt so out of place and so unsure and so afraid I would be completely shunned. I needed to get away from this struggle so after my day at the medical facility I drove down to Disney World by myself for the week.

It was good to just get away. The doctors felt I was not quite ready emotionally to consider such an undertaking and I felt they were right. Though deepdown I wanted to be a girl I was not emotionally ready to go down that path.

I also started going to therapy after that visit back in NY and started talking to a therapist about my crossdressing and TG feelings. She convinced me that I was not equipped to go through such a life altering journey but told me I should not be ashamed of my feelings or my crossdressing. She encouraged me to write my feelings in a journal and really get to visit my female self. I allowed myself to express my feminine side and dress as I needed. She knew I was not ready to transition. She actually encouraged me to try to start dating girls. She even arranged a date for me after a couple of years of seeing her. I actually met my wife through her and was very fortunate I went to see her. If it was not for my therapist I would not have met my wife. We invited her to our wedding and our son's christening!

I am truly blessed!

I am still TG and a crossdresser but am managing well and so very happy to have a wife and son. I still need to wear a dress but I do it in secret.

I am a TG crossdresser.

I am also a husband and father!

i am emmi too!

[NicoleScott]

Yes, I must admit that every time I crossdress, a part of me grows.

[joann07]

I have been fully crossdressing for almost 2 years and I've made so many leaps and bounds in such a short period of time.
The first time I fully dressed was when I went to my first Tri-Ess meeting on Oct 2006 and then I first went out in public in Februrary 2007.
After I got a taste of being out in public, I was addicted and went out as much as I could, last summer. My confidence kept building and building and then I went to my first transgender conference (Southern Comfort Conference 2007).
That was an amazing experience because I got to dress 24/7 for a whole week. I had never done that before until then and so I followed that up in October 2007 by flying, in femme, to Chicago for an event called Pink Fest.

After I flew in femme, it did wonders for my confidence. I said to myself that if I can do that, I can do anything.
This year, I've built upon what I've learned and experienced in 2007.
I pretty much go anywhere to any place because I have a high level of confidence, a postive attitude, and I present and conduct myself appropriately. Because of that, things have started to come natural to me and so I treat things just like they've always been. No matter where I go, I'm having fun and enjoying life and being treated as a woman.

I enjoy going out on my own and doing, of course, shopping.
It doesn't matter whether a place is TG friendly or not (not that it's a bad thing) because I know that I'll be treated with respect just like any other customer
There are many other things I've done this year that, a year ago, I thought would never be possible, such as, eat at various chain restaurants, watch a movie, go to the beach, or buy groceries. Basically, typical things that a woman would do.
I even got my own Florida Id with my female picture.
It worked like a charm when I flew, for the second time, to Chicago to attend Be-All.
What a marvelous experience that was.
There's no Sophomore slump in my book because I'm just chugging right along.

I can't wait for what 2009 will bring.

Hugs!