OMG! I FINALLY went out in public!!!

[tgirlinva]

I remember seeing some sort of recount of someone's first outing, but I forgot which section it is... Anyways, I just wanted to write a little diary of my first time going out in public.

Friday: My bf and I decide to go for a weekend getaway in order to get some privacy and alone time before I start school again. It would also be an opportunity for me to first come out in public, if I felt comfortable. I pack my bags, one black bag with my regular clothes, another red bag with my girl clothes. I make a first stop at Macy's because I need to buy a purse to go with my intended outfit (a black strapless dress and patent leather heels). I am lucky. I find one that I absolutely love. Unfortunately, it's not on sale. It costs me $90 + tax. A bargain in my eyes for a bag that beautiful. I wanted a pair of jeans, in case I wanted to go more casual, and went to Banana Republic. I found a pair of jeans, but found them way to expensive at $78.00. But on my way out, I saw this cashmere shall that was on sale, I thought it would look good to cover my broad shoulders, so I buy it at a bargain for $68.00 + tax. It was on sale. I then head to DSW Warehouse because I wanted stiletto shoes. The patent leather heels that I had were open toes and matched my dress perfectly, but I really wanted to buy rounded toe shoes because I thought it would make my feet look smaller. I call my bf to tell him that I am on my way to his place. I get to his place and we (bf and i) load the car with my bags. He needs to get his in his apartment and we both go up. His roommate is gone. He takes forever (my bf has huge OCD) and it makes me nervous. But we finally get on our way around 6PM. We arrive at the hotel, check-in, the hostess asks me if I want a "king or double bed"... I say King. She asks me if I will be staying in the room, and I say no. She hands me two cookies as a welcome and my bf walks up to the counter with me. Hostess looks awkward, it is an awkward moment, but I didn't care. It was the first time I was comfortable being open about him. I smiled. We check into our room, it's very nice and comfortable. We quickly notice the tempurpedic bed, which is exciting for us... We decide to go to dinner, so we go to Frank's restaurant and grill where I have a pasta bolognese and he has a warm spinach salad. We walk home, but we first pass by CVS where I buy a nail filer, nair, shaving cream, and a lotion. we head back to the hotel. I dress for him, i'm nervous... but I didn't have the guts to go out, so we stayed in. my makeup wasn't right, my hair wasn't parting the right way, I hated everything. However, what a wonderful night to start our romantic weekend.

Saturday: We wake up in the early afternoon. Happy, but tired. We finally decide to get up and make our way to the nearby museums... but first, we stop by PotBelly in order to have our lunch fixes. We both get their fabulous roast beef sandwich, which quickly fills us up. We finally get to the museum where we would spend the next three hours looking at the scientific and engineering feats of the past, present, and future. We go home to the hotel, but first, we stop by CVS so I can also buy makeup (i ran out the night before). We finally get back to the hotel...and I am exhausted, I take a nap in his arms. I wake up and he asks me: "do you want to get dressed?" and I smiled then woke up to head to the shower in order to get prepared. This time, everything worked out. I liked the way my eyeshadow went, the makeup, the mascara, the lipgloss, everything worked, even the hair. I put on my waist cincher, which was difficult to put on. I zipped up my strapless dress. and there i was ready, nervous, a million of emotions going through my head. I take out my two pairs of heels and wear both of them for my bf. I ask him, "which one do you prefer"...he says, I like these ones... (the open toe ones). he thought it matched better with the dress. i agreed...but then I had to paint my toenails. so i did, just the first two (the big toe and the one next to it) since only those four would show through the small hole. i then took out my shall, which looked good, but very formal. my boyfriend, who wasn't prepared for such formal an outfit, was wearing jeans and a ralph lauren buttoned up shirt. he suggested that i go about it with the strapless dress. omg, i get nervous, what if people see my broad shoulders. what will they think. i look at myself again in the mirror to work out the best, most feminine, positions for my shoulders.... i become happy. okay, i think i'm ready. my boyfriend finally realizes that i am going through with it, and gets ready, he takes forever...since he's OCD, he needs to check everything to make sure it is in place.. it makes me nervous. so i look in the mirror even more. making sure my hair is going the right way, that the makeup is put on properly.... i decide to hold my breath so that my waist is smaller. i also decide to swallow and hold it so my adam's apple is hidden. omg , i freak out, but remember that i need my shiny new purse. so i take it out, take out the stuffing paper that was in the purse. i place, my foundation, my lipgloss, my wallet, and my water, in case i get thirsty. my bf is sitting on the bed, I ask him... "do you think people will read me?" he says, "with enough confidence, i don't think so"... "i don't think so" seemed an uncertainty, i needed certainty, 110% guarantee that i will not be read. omg, i freak out. my bf notices and tells me that if i'm not comfortable, there is no pressure to do it. but i felt like i had gone this far and that i needed to seize the moment, "carpe diem" it to the maximum. i take in a breath of air, and my bf opens the room door and says "after you".

thank you god! there is nobody in the hallway, despite hearing multiple sounds from inside the room. people shouting, slamming doors. my boyfriend comes out, and checks the door a hundred times, you know, to make sure that it is really closed. and then we head towards the elevator. omg. i hang on to him for dear life. i am afraid, nervous, i am shaking. "ding", the elevator arrives and the doors open. pheww!, nobody is inside. he hits the button for the lobby. ding, ding, omg, it stops on the 3rd floor. these people will be the FIRST (other than my bf) to meet me as dressed. it is a father and his son. their family is standing right in the 3rd floor lobby. the daughter looks at me, looks at me strange... but she doesn't laugh or do anything. meanwhile, the elevator goes down even further, finally, to the lobby. the doors open and a sea of people are seen in the lobby. we let the father and his son exit first, and I step out...with my head down, trying to avoid eye contact. thankfully, we go out and make it safely outside the hotel, without any weird stares or laughter.

i am still shaking like a leaf as we walk down the street. my bf tells me to slow down as it appears that i was sprinting, all in 4.5" heels! but I slow down. we cross a man, he doesn't notice anything. we cross a couple holding hands, they look at me, a weird look on their face, omg, they know! my bf reminds me that I am still shaking like a leaf, and i don't even know it. but all in all, i feel fine. we cross more people and it makes me nervous, so we decide to go on a side street. my bf stops me and gives me a kiss. something he says he always wanted to do since we met. kiss in public, without being embarrassed or ashamed. it feels nice and comforting. we see steps to a museum and decide to sit down. the original intent was to go to dinner, but I wasn't feeling up to it. i was way too nervous, so we decided to sit down by the steps in order to kill time. after all, we wouldn't want to come in to the hotel 5 mins. after we came out. wouldn't that raise some eyebrows? we talk, we enjoy the moment...until we have a fight. (see other thread). i am furious and ask to walk back to the hotel. all of a sudden, i am furious, angry, upset. and while all those emotions invade within me, I have to remind myself that i am still in need of being feminine. i check myself in the window of a car.... and everytime i see people about to pass by me, i turn around to see my bf... somehow seeking some sort of shelter and/or comfort...even though i was upset. we arrive at the hotel and i remind myself, shoulders back, breathe in, swallow, hold it...then i swing the door of the hotel open, i don't care anymore. all i wanted to do is go back to my room and cry. take whatever i had taken the past 2 hours to do off and curl into bed and cry.

This experience has been such a blessing. If it happens that it is my first and last experience, I will always cherish it. I can finally cross that off my list.

[curse within]

Wow ...nice going tgirl quite a novel, that will ever be something you will always remember . I bet next time will be very exciting.

becarefull lots of crazies out there

[debbeelee1]

Wow, a whole gambit of emotion, but you did it girl! Congrats and hope to hear about the second outing real soon!