Question for the dudes

[4serrus]

I apologize in advance if this is too forward, or...not a thing to be asking. I'm ignorant. I've only understood that there were such things as transsexuals for about 5-6 years, and for a very long time I thought it was something that only happened with genetic males.

I'm not sure how to go about this so I'm just going to ramble and hope I get there in a way that makes sense. In the world it's "easy" for a genetic girl to act masculine, but not be considered "wanting to be a boy" (or at least, easier than the other way around). You wear men's clothes and play football, you're just a tomboy. You rail against the way women are treated and expected to act in society, you're just a feminist. You're attracted to women, you're just a lesbian.

How did you, as FtoMs, make that mental leap from 'tomboy/feminist/lesbian' to 'male'? I am talking about, to yourself in your own mind, not to everyone else. Did you ever have to make that leap at all?


Some personal background, so you don't think I'm a complete nosy weirdo freak...
My sig down there? It's not just a name, it's an affirmation. And I hope that's enough clue to get what I'm saying. Sorry I'm not cool enough to say things clearly.

[John]

Hia! welcome to the forum.

Well firstly, because this is a sticking point for me, abandon the idear that sexuality has any bairing whatsoever on gender. Transmen are not on the extream end of lessbian. Some transmen are atracted to women, but some aren't; I'm not. You get streight transmen, bisexual transmen, gay transmen... (sorry, I'm not having a go, I'm really not. It's just a comen misconseption that winds me up a tad.)

As for how I made the 'jump'... Many years or not quite fitting in no matter what I did, never quite maniging to 'conect' with people in a 'people like me' way, never quire beeing on the same wavelength as everyone elce... When I first really becae awhere that ftms existed, I looked around for websights, and a lot of stuff they said made sence to me, as in it aplied to me. Started thinking of myself as a man, living as a man, and it just felt right.

[4serrus]

Thanks for the response. I included the lesbian thing because of something I read on a website, that stated FtMs were always "attracted to females" except in "exceptional cases". It was kind of discouraging... I know, I know, "don't believe anything you read on the internet", but it was on a suppossedly good, legitimate site. And was apparently some kind of medical document. Official-looking. (Just looked it up now DSM-IV, or claims to be that anyway).

I guess a better thing to ask would be, "did liking girls (assuming you did) contribute to figuring everything out?"

[John]

Thanks for the response. I included the lesbian thing because of something I read on a website, that stated FtMs were always "attracted to females" except in "exceptional cases". It was kind of discouraging... I know, I know, "don't believe anything you read on the internet", but it was on a suppossedly good, legitimate site. And was apparently some kind of medical document. Official-looking. (Just looked it up now DSM-IV, or claims to be that anyway).

This is discouraging. I also suspect it's bolocks. Theres a thread here with a pole on it about sexual atraction, and taking into acount that a bunch of aparently iliterate mtfs came along and clicked femail... well, clearly non-strate transmen arn't extream exeptions (I wouldn't even be suprised if they're the majorit), so keep faith

I guess a better thing to ask would be, "did liking girls (assuming you did) contribute to figuring everything out?"

Well, I uest to think I did, because the idear that I might actually be a man just isn't one that easely ocours, and I'd say it helped in that it put me in a position to meet a transman at an lgbt club, that's about it.

[NateX]

How did you, as FtoMs, make that mental leap from 'tomboy/feminist/lesbian' to 'male'? I am talking about, to yourself in your own mind, not to everyone else. Did you ever have to make that leap at all?

Mine was pretty much the same thing as John's. I never really saw myself as anything. Not a girl, not a guy, not really anything but me. I dressed and acted like a guy, but I knew I had a female body, so it must be true. Then earlier on this year I stumbled across this forum and got to reading, and some things just kind of clicked. Dunno if that qualifies as a leap or not. *shrugs*

I guess a better thing to ask would be, "did liking girls (assuming you did) contribute to figuring everything out?"

Not for me it didn't. I've always been bi. I don't really "like" anybody. I just find people to spend my days with in a relationship style thing. Sometimes it's people I get along with, sometimes it's not. Usually always ends over (the lack of) sex. *scratches head and shrugs again*

[ZenFrost]

I didn't make a mental leap from tomboy/feminist/lesbian to male, I just realized I was male and had been all along, but hadn't been much of a tomboy or a feminist or a lesbian to begin with.

I included the lesbian thing because of something I read on a website, that stated FtMs were always "attracted to females" except in "exceptional cases".

That's pretty incorrect. We're split about down the middle on that. In liking guys or girls or both or neither, there are FtMs with any sexual preference.

I guess a better thing to ask would be, "did liking girls (assuming you did) contribute to figuring everything out?"

Not at all. Realizing how much I hated my breasts and female body contributed to it. If anything, having any attraction towards females made things harder, since I had a great appreciation of the female body, it took a lot of thinking to decide I wanted to alter my own.

[mistunderstood]

Ever since I was little I felt as a boy. People would tell me I was a girl but I always thought they were lyeing to me. It was not till puberty that reality come home to roost. I have been at war with my body ever since.
I am male and my body just does not match simple as that.

[4serrus]

Thanks for the responses. It's given me...more stuff to think about anyway. ... Gonna go back to being in my weird place now. >_>

[Cai]

I did sort of have to make that leap. Before, I liked boys but never had a relationship that worked, didn't like getting dressed up but did it when I had to, liked sports and computers and science, and knew I never fit in with the girls around me. But I always assumed I was just an unusual girl.

I found out what an FtM was from one of my classmates. I was intrigued, to put it mildly, and started doing research. My first thought was sort of like your description: "Why would anyone need to be a boy? You can do everything you want as a girl." But the more I read, the more I saw how well it fit. I'm not a cookie-cutter transman by any stretch of the imagination (for starters, I'm mostly gay), but yet it's such a perfect fit I can't imagine being anything else now.

[4serrus]

This is where I'm at... A lot of what I'm reading here, and other places, makes a lot of sense. A lot of it doesn't. It's about 50-50. I'm not asking anybody to tell me what I am, I'm just trying to find out where the Line is so I can figure out where I am in relationship to it.

Unfortunately what I'm getting is that there isn't really a line? It's more like a field? That kinda...makes me wanna go scream obscenities. Haha.

[Cai]

I'd agree - there is no line. There isn't much of a definition as to what a trans man has to or should be. The only common factor I can find between all of us is that we all know or feel we should be men. Everything else - sexual orientation, choice of dress, hobbies, jobs, movie preferences, whatever - is different if you look hard enough.

Nobody here is going to say "if you do X you are a trans guy." On the other hand, you won't hear "if you've done Y you aren't a guy." It's up to you to decide who you are.

[ZenFrost]

I'd agree - there is no line. There isn't much of a definition as to what a trans man has to or should be. The only common factor I can find between all of us is that we all know or feel we should be men.

Or at the very least, feel our birth gender is an incorrect or incomplete description of who we are.

(yes I stole that from the section description, but it fits)

[Alan]

Hard to pinpoint a moment, because I've had a lot of conflicting thoughts on this matter. For the longest time, I didn't wat to admit that maybe I wasn't really a girl, so I forced myself to think of myself as a tomboy.

And then, when the thoughts of being a man, of everything that would entail, wouldn't go away, I went super-femme to try to be a girl. Sexual attraction had nothing to do with it; I just plain didn't want/need this complication, and anything I could do to avoid it was to be devoutly wished for.

Well, long and short of it: Being super-femme just drove me crazy. I suppose it's pretty telling that I always wore shorts underneath my skirts.

So, in a way, I always knew I was a guy, even if I didn't want to accept it. I could suppress it for ages, but it wasn't something that made me happy. I had serious depressive issues and just a plethora of mental illness problems that nearly got me hospitalized.

The biggest 'click' moment I can give you is just ACCEPTING being a guy. Letting the thoughts, feelings, emotions, *being* just BE, and I guess that's the moment you're looking for. There was no other, oh, I should change my thought process. Sometimes, I feel like I feel different, "now that I'm trans," and then, I realize, that I've ALWAYS been trans, but accepting it is different from being it.

Btw, for me, sexual attraction had nothing to do with it all. I'm pansexual, and so I like women's bodies.

Just not mine.