We all might want to be "passable", but what if....

[Sherry-Stephanie]

A thought just occured to me...

Very few of us can really nail being totally passable as a female....but what if we were told that "we look very nice dressed/made-up" even though they really knew (or said) we were CDing/TG....wouldn't that make it all worth while....

I was thinking of a situation where say we were in Victoria Secrets in drab (or dressed for that matter...) and looking for some items for us and events evolved to where we showed a picture (or she was seeing us at our best in female dress) to say, SA of oursleves dressed (as many of us here show pictures of ourselves) and the SA looked and genuinly said how great we looked as a female...wouldn't that be validating enough for us???? would we have reached our goal in dressing and achieving "the look"????

Just wondering what your thought would be if this were to happen to you....

Steph

[Charlene Ogden]

Some Sales Assistants are honest and have even rudely laughed at the mention of a man dressed. This is without even seeing me in clothes. It's just the thought that made them laugh.
Others are turned on by the thought or image. Some SAs will say anything to make a sale.
I've encountered all three, genuine types, from sincere rude to sincere flattery.
My ultimate goal in passing is not to genuinely pass, because I never will without being covered from head to toe in the baggiest clothes. It's rather to look so good or elegant that i don't offend anyone. I want people to look at me and say, "yea it's a guy, but he/she looks good or even hot".
I've had plenty of compliments from men and women while dressed and it's wonderful.
Since there are so many opinions, however, on what looks good, I think all that matters is that YOU are ultimately the one who is happy with the way you look.
If you're happy with the way you look, that happiness will outwardly convey itself and others will see a more beautiful you.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I was just looking to see those of us who have been out and have encounted guine comments on their appearence (regular and not like someone who was doing female impersonation of had a theatrical make up about them...)although the person commmenting knew you were't a gg but looked very good anyway...

I think if I got to that point that would make me thrilled with what I've accomplished....

[Karren H]

I'm just really happy that no one points and yells "Pervert"... lol In my book that's compliment enough.....

[TommiTN]

"although the person commmenting knew you were't a gg but looked very good anyway...

I think if I got to that point that would make me thrilled with what I've accomplished...."

I think you hit the nail on the head. The one time I've been out so far I know I was read. No one (except the waiter, and he was trolling for a big tip) commented, but I could tell from eye contact with some of the other customers that I was at least accepted in that venue as a well turned out CDer. You don't have to pass, but you need to have class!

[tricia_uktv]

Sherry,

That exact question opened the door for me. I had to accept that I couldn't 100% pass, particularly at the time I started (I am now getting better at it but will still not pass all the time). If I hadn't accepted that I would still be stuck in the closet. I do get comments but very few derogotory ones and those I can deal with. Its all about being safe so its best staying in crowds. I have not had any problems buying clothes, in fact the SA's and me have a great laugh. That is the other thing you need though, a sense of humour!

[Rachel Morley]

I was thinking of a situation where ........... the SA looked and genuinly said how great we looked as a female ... wouldn't that be validating enough for us??

Absolutely that would be enough for me! I am not concerned whether they know or not, I am only concerned with how they treat me. Hopefully, I am giving lots of clues as to how I want to be treated (how I'm dressed and mannerisms etc) so please treat me as if I was the gender I am trying to present as. Is this just "playing along with my fantasy" ... or is it recognizing that I have, to a greater or lesser event, some GID? I don't know but I do not have to pass completely to be happy. I just want to be close enough that the other person is "comfortable" addressing me as a woman. I other words it's about their comfort level as well as mine.

[jenalex]

We all might want to be "passable"

nope. I'm not interested in passing at all

but...

what if we were told that "we look very nice dressed/made-up" even though they really knew (or said) we were CDing/TG....

compliments are always nice

[gerry]

It just isn't fair. Often, when my wife and I shopping (I'm in drab), many store clerks will often will say "hello ladies how are you today", or "if you ladies need anything just let me know.": If I seem to be mistaken for a woman while I'm in drab. Why can't it be easier when I dressed more feminine?

[RobinScott]

Respect and to be treated as the gender I am presenting is all I want. For those who draw strict lines as to Female and Male, I am not close enough to "pass". But I do enjoy being called a lady or miss. (make my day when this happens, and I am not even trying!) Truth be known, I just want to have the freedom to be cute and express my female side.

[SIZE="3"]Love, Robin[/SIZE]

BTW: yes, thanks to the River City Gems. Us Sacramento girls have a home.

[Ásfríðr]

i think i just about pass if i put a little more effort in. first time i was out, was halloween, had on this uber (well slightly) ****ty pink dress. we came across a guy we knew, he was the year above, i knew him fairly well, we used to play music together in school. anyway we were all chatting 'n stuff and he eventually came over to me and said "ello". it took me a second to realise he hadn't reconised me, so i put on my lowest growly voice and said "hi!". took him aback to say the least lol but he still said i looked 'damn fine'. so that was nice, mostly i liked having "stealthed" him up though. i do love being mistaken for a girl proper, even when i was a kid and people would ask my mum questions about her little girl, and i would think like "tell them! tell them about your little girl!"

x

[Sally24]

I prefer to "pass" but being treated well and complimented is a close second. I've had many people approach me when out with T-girls and comment on how good I looked. (not all of them were drunk! LOL) Usually when out as a GG they won't comment because they don't want me to know that they know, you know.......

[Brina Halloween]

At all of my Halloween parties, I got lots of compliments. How I looked. Having the nerve to do it. One guy who said it freaked him out, still complimented me that I acted with confidence. I was not trying to pass. Yes, it is nice.

I have been growing my hair. Dressed in absolute drab, polo, dress pants, a friend and I went into a Kroger in Cincinnati last weekend. When I paid for it, the guy wanting to know if I wanted it bagged said "ma'am" several times before realizing his mistake. I even needed a shave. I don't look passable to me but, I am wondering...and I didn't mind his mistake.

Brina

[Nicole Erin]

Many believe that being accepted is more important than passing.
I wo0uld take either one.

[Nicki B]

Some Sales Assistants are honest and have even rudely laughed at the mention of a man dressed. This is without even seeing me in clothes. It's just the thought that made them laugh.

They don't tend to do that when confronted with the reality, though - most are very impressed - you should try it, sometime?

Don't we all really just want acceptance for who we are? You'll find it's not that hard..

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=89315

[Kate Simmons]

Works for me Hon. People know who I am and I always get a lot of nice compliments.

[Jilmac]

Great thread Sherry, and dead on as well. I just posted a reply to Sophie Haworth about being read, but I have also been told by guys and GGs that I present myself well as a female. Some have told me in person and some have told me after seeing pics of Jill. I have to agree with you, even though I know I'm not passable, (meaning, fooling everyone into believing that I was born female), when I receive a compliment about my feminine appearance, It makes it all worthwhile. And that's what I consider as passing.

[docrobbysherry]

So u can tell whether or not u can pass? Without asking an "SA"?

Since there are so many opinions, however, on what looks good, I think all that matters is that YOU are ultimately the one who is happy with the way you look.
If you're happy with the way you look, that happiness will outwardly convey itself and others will see a more beautiful you.

And after looking, you're happy with your look or not. And u either think u mite pass, or think u won't. And then u can decide to go out dressed or not, rite?

I'm just really happy that no one points and yells "Pervert"... lol In my book that's compliment enough.....

My mirror yells what Karen said, at me whever I look in it. I have no desire to hear that from an "SA", or anyone else, out in public! Thank u very much!

[Jodi]

When I am out and about, I go for a presentable, stylish appearance. I fully understand that none of us are totally passable. I don't try for passibility. I find that if I am dressed well, act well, and play the part, I am accepted whether they read me or not.

BTW, I get compliments from gg's most times that I am out. Recently, I took a store manager friend of mine out to lunch while dressed. She told me that I was actually very pretty. I was quite flattered by that comment.

Jodi

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]I am going to stick my finger in the water and makes waves. I think we all are way too critical of the thoughts of others when we can't read their minds. If you get looked at, it could simply be that the person is admiring or saying to themselves that that person looks nice. Not everybody is a Marilyn. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]As I keep telling everyone, I work daily dressed in a hair salon. Into the shop walk all types of women, all shapes and sizes, personalities, and ethnicities. Some are as drab as many of the men I know, some I have a tough time really telling until I cut their hair. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]My point, and I am having a time articulating it, is that most of us dress very nice compared to the average woman out there. We therefore tend to looked at a bit longer than most "ordinary" women. Throw in high heels and you just went over the 50% line. Now add a skirt of any length and you are the person that is remembered the rest of day. Passing is sorta out the door. Now you are ultra-passing. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]I work with a lot of MtF clients and generally in one of the services we walk a mall and shop for a few hours. This is generally the first time the client has been outside the home dressed and here I have them walking with me shopping. Yes, we get looked at. We want to, not for the obvious "clocking" but for the overt admiration that is given to anyone that puts out some effort. Accept it and move on. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]A recent comment by two mid 20's guys when looking at my client, I was actually behind them was "See the guy dressed like a woman?" Guy 2 says "yeah, but he really looks nice" and that was it. I relayed this to the client who was bummed yet thrilled that they thought that she looked good.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Go walk a mall and look at every woman over 30. Disregard the kids who all look either stunning or strange and concentrate on the women. Look closely, could it be a guy? You will be the only one in the mall asking that question, everyone else will just be thinking about themselves and totally ignoring you unless you trip them or get in their way.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]As I was going through beauty school one of the instructors told all of us, "Learn to get a thick skin because people can be rude". Rude people are rude to everyone, not just because you are dressed. Don't take it personally, you can't or you would never get out again.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]If I took it personally I would never cut another head of hair. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Rather than attempting to totally blend with the "average woman" crowd, I go way beyond that and develop "attractors" that actually cause the viewers to look at me. I do my best to make it worth their while to take the time to look at me and draw a conclusion. Some will be good, some won't but it doesn't matter, you are doing what you want to do and that is the important thing. Do you worry when someone tells you the color of your car sucks? Do you quit driving it? Just leave it in the parking lot with a 20 dollar bill on the dash and the keys in the ignition? No, of course not. So don't shrink and run and reflect on the rudeness of others as being reality. It is for only that one person.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Stand up, shift those jewels around (any or all) and do your thing. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Ooops, got carried away again.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]

[Kayla Shadows]

I'm just really happy that no one points and yells "Pervert"... lol In my book that's compliment enough.....

lmao


Quote:
Originally Posted by Sherry-Stephanie
"what if we were told that "we look very nice dressed/made-up" even though they really knew (or said) we were CDing/TG..."

Compliments are wonderful but theres always something I would probably want to change to keep it interesting.Kinda how I hate to feel satisfied or comfortable for fear of things loseing their edge,But in all I would be very happy to reach that point.

[wendy68]

From the few outings I have had can tell my chances of passing are low to none. I enjoy just being able to be out on then as wendy and dont worry too much about being read. The people I come into contact either just smile back or laugh a bit. I think that enjoying the time is the important part

[KateSpade83]

I have no worries because I'm 95 to 98% passable. Even went to Victorias Secret in full drag and asked to try something on and it seems they never read me. I shop other stores in drag a lot and pass too.

[marie354]

To some I pass and to others I do not...
Some compliment, and some giggle...

You can please some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but never will you please all of them all of the time. (Or something similar.)

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I like to think I could pass, BUT

I do only care if people treat me as the woman I am presenting. I have had two GG's compliment me (on separate days) on a skirt I was wearing. One told me it looked great on me the other asked me where I bought it.