Going Public the First Time - To Church
I wrote this piece some time back for our church newsletter - it tells the story of my first time out in public as Alice - in the middle of a crowd of more than 200 people - all of whom went out of their way to make me feel welcome and safe.
On Finding a Church Home
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.” When philosopher Henry David Thoreau wrote these words back in the late 1840’s I very much doubt that he had the transgendered person in mind. But he could not have written truer words for or about any other group. For it has been said by many a transgendered person that their coming out was a final act of desperation, a gamble if you will, driven by the knowledge that to not do so was to die. Either in a literal sense or a spiritual one or maybe both.
It is against this background that in the fall of 2002 that I finally had to choose between death and reaching out. After years of declining health due to stress and the effects of depression I knew that I could not live much longer if I were to continue as I had been. So I decided that as I had nothing to lose I would take a chance on coming out to a close friend. She was understanding and supportive when I needed it most and in being so was a lifesaver. She was also a regular at MCCGSL and a few weeks later asked me if I would come to a Sunday service with her and her partner. I had never been out in public as Alice before this and was hesitant to say the least. But deep down something said to me that it would be the right thing to do and I really had very little to lose.
Since my friend had said that she would pick me up at my house on that Sunday I had only to get ready to go and then wait nervously for her to come. Nervous? It would have taken very little indeed to send me back to hiding – a gerbil on speed would have had more composure than I did that day. Couple that with past experience with organized religion that had been largely negative and you can imagine how scared I was. Then in what seemed a rush my friend pulled up and we were on our way.
As we arrived at church for the 11:30 service that morning and went inside the sanctuary I was immediately struck by a sense that I had indeed come home. People were friendly and welcoming and my fears began to subside. Despite my previous experiences with organized religion I felt safe and welcome. As the service progressed I felt a deep sense of peace and knew that I had indeed found something that I had all but given up on. And that was a spiritual home – a place where I could be myself and worship safely and without fear of harassment, ridicule, or rejection. When we left after the service that day I felt as though a great weight had been taken off of me and to this day I feel the same sense of relief any time I come in.
It is not often in this world that you get what amounts to a second chance at life and I have many people here at MCCGSL to thank for it. Perhaps that is why when I see a new face here on a Sunday morning – someone looking nervous, lost, and alone – I try to make them feel welcome and wanted. For I remember all to well what it was like for me and I also remember that the greatest gift that you can give or receive is love. Who knows what the future will bring or the lives that change here will result in. Changed lives isn’t just a vision but can indeed be a reality.
This sounds intresting.
Originally Posted by crispy
In the mean time I'm still looking for mine 
