Steps Forward

[Cai]

It's become really obvious to me that I'm not going to be able to get my hands on hormones in Allentown without doing another year of therapy, if I can get them at all. I'm feeling really stable right now, so I don't think the therapy is necessary.

So I emailed the Mazzoni Center (a GLBT health clinic) in Philadelphia. According to their website, they do not provide hormones on-site, but other people have said they recieved hormones there, so I'm thinking it simply means I'll need to go to a pharmacy for the actual vials. (That was mostly what I asked about in the email).

It's only about an hour from here to the Mazzoni center, and I'm more than willing to make the drive if they can give me T. Wish me luck!

[Shelly Preston]

Good Luck Cai

I hope you manage to get the hormones without too much trouble

[ZenFrost]

Good luck!

[Tristan]

Best of luck, Cai. We'll have to throw you a yay party when it happens for you.

[4serrus]

/target Cai
/cast Luck+3

[Cai]

Just got a return email from them (surprising, actually, as I wasn't expecting that until Monday at the earliest) saying that I'll most likely need to make an appt before they can write me a prescription (which I was expecting). The physician who sees trans patients is only available from 4:30 to 7 pm on Tues, which is not the best time for me due to classes, but I can manage.

Going to call in the morning after my classes to try and set an appointment.

[4serrus]

Grats! Step one!

[Punkster]

Nice one Cai, good luck matey!

[Cai]

They're open. I have the number. I know who I'm supposed to speak to, and what I should ask for.

I just have to call.


Except I have to make a phone call. To someone I don't know. And this phone call to someone I don't know involves me outing myself as trans somewhere in the first couple sentences.

I feel so stupid. What a place to get stuck, right? It's just one step between me and what I want. Yet I can't seem to do it. I even got as far as putting the number in my phone before I stopped, once.

What the hell is my problem?

[4serrus]

I've been..well, not exactly there, but close to there. I have anxiety problems... making ANY sort of phone call is basically hell. What I have to do is make up scripts, play through exactly what I'm going to say about five or six times before ever picking up the phone. Work out how the conversation might go in my head, several different times and several different ways. It becomes an act, a mini-play. Like I'm making a character to specifically play the role of 'make this phonecall' for me. It sucks, but that's how I get through everyday life. Thank god I can order pizza online!

If it helps: remember, you're a guy. you can do this. You're not a p****. It is this person's job to give you a service, **** what they might think.

[ZenFrost]

I've got phone issues too. I'm trying to get better because I can't not call anyone. It helps if you know what you're going to say beforehand. Since you do speech you could write it out as if you're going to give a speech, and practice it a couple times before calling.

[metalguy639]

Cai possibly you are not ready for hormones just yet. If you felt 100% comfy with taking them then it would stand that you would have no problem in telling someone that you are transgender.

A few things to keep in mind though that might help you:

1. This is a doctor's office and they take an oath to harm none (even though they are human and have their own ideas), if they are professional it will not be a problem for them to accept you as a FTM, male, transgender etc.

2. They have heard it before. Its just like when you have to wear a robe and strip naked for some sort of test. Doctors have seen it before and its not a weird kind of thing. Doctors are not trained to act differently no matter what you look like naked.

3. This is not new ground for them. You may find that they are quite accepting in most cases.

Good luck.

[Cai]

That's the thing - I don't have any problems telling people I'm trans. Did it this past weekend a number of times. (You changed your name? Why?...Ooooh! So is that why you're wearing a tie now? *headdesk*)

I just don't want to do it over the phone. I hate talking on the phone about anything, at least if it's expected I'm going to be the one doing most of the talking.

[metalguy639]

Welll...how badly do you want to start the T? LOL Talking on the phone is not my thing either but I'll do it to make an appointment to see my doctor for my T

[dancinginthedark]

did you make that call? I cannot help but wonder. Been reading your words and how so many guys hate making phone calls.... and your dread over making a call while still yearning to get that appointment set up for the T Seems a bit like a catch 22.

Heck, I'd be glad to make that call for you if you'll come here and get rid of the huge spider who has taken up residence right above my bath tub We eye ball one another while I soak, but I think I'm the nervous one. With the cooler weather they are marching in under my front door daily. *shutter*