Being with a man

[Alexandria9919]

I am not gay but I suppose I am bisexual to some extent. When I am in my male mode I do not have any interest in being with a guy. But when I am dressed I have a strong desire to be with a man, to be treated like a lady. I have been talking to guys over the internet but have not acted on this desires.
I am married and I really do love my wife. But when I am dressed up I want to be the lady that I am and want to have sex with a man. I know that would be cheating but it just so overwelms me. Anyone else have this problem? Would it be wrong? I dont know really I just get really confused over this issue. Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated

[Mya Summers]

I as well don't ave any interest in men while in drab, but every so often while I am dressed up I wonder what it would be like to be treated as a lady, but I will never act upon it, b/c it would be cheating on my wife if I did. I just don't think I could go through w/it if I was ever in that situation anyways not sure why but i just don't think I could.

[Sandra]

I am married and I really do love my wife. But when I am dressed up I want to be the lady that I am and want to have sex with a man. I know that would be cheating but it just so overwelms me. Anyone else have this problem? [SIZE="3"]Would it be wrong?[/SIZE] I dont know really I just get really confused over this issue. Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated

Unless you wife is agreeable to this the hell yes of course it would be wrong, it would just be plain cheating, and if you went ahead what about the health risks, not only to you but your wife.

[Tamara Croft]

Of course it's bloody wrong, you're married for crying out loud... I wish some of you would get a clue, dressing does not excuse cheating....

[Kate Simmons]

It's cheating plain and simple. Not only that but anyone can pass themselves off as anything on the internet. Most of them would not have the courage to actually meet you and all most of them are interested in is sex, they care nothing about you. Don't let yourself be used in this way and don't get carried away with it. What you have is more precious than what they can offer you by any stretch.

[Megan70]

I am not gay but I suppose I am bisexual to some extent. When I am in my male mode I do not have any interest in being with a guy. But when I am dressed I have a strong desire to be with a man, to be treated like a lady.
I have been talking to guys over the internet but have not acted on this desires.
I am married and I really do love my wife. But when I am dressed up I want to be the lady that I am and want to have sex with a man. I know that would be cheating but it just so overwelms me. Anyone else have this problem? Would it be wrong? I dont know really I just get really confused over this issue. Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated

YES Alexandria, I've felt exactly that way for a long time now. I have never acted on it but am at the point where I think I would and label it bi-curious or sexual experimentation instead of being gay which I'm not.
I've been married 37 year and have always been faithfully but if the opportunity were there at this gay bar we CD's hang out at I'd probably do it,maybe even intitiate the move myself but worry about the guilt I would feel the next day,,, .

The urge gets stronger every year that usally when i sleep dressed in lingerie, and I must take care of needs.. Anyone else's turn to be so bold and 'fess up? Hummmmm?

Megan

[MsJanessa]

darling you are what you are and you think what you think----can't help that--I'm sure there isn't a married person alive who hasn't at sometime fantasized about being with someone else---it's what you do about it that matters.

[Carroll]

Of course it's bloody wrong, you're married for crying out loud... I wish some of you would get a clue, dressing does not excuse cheating....

See, now thats one reason I really like you. Blunt and straight to the point

[Megan70]

See, now thats one reason I really like you. Blunt and straight to the point

...even with the british "bloddy" spin to it to emphasis the point.
Right on ya all.

[Alexandria9919]

Of course it's bloody wrong, you're married for crying out loud... I wish some of you would get a clue, dressing does not excuse cheating....

I never said I would go thru with it and I even made the statement it would be cheating. But you cant tell me no one else married has never thought about it, straight, gay or cd's. Sometimes a person needs to talk to someone about the way they are feeling. I thought I could talk on here about it without being condemned. All I was doing was expressing the way I feel. It is confusing but I NEVER said I would do it.
But isn't dressing also cheating or at least deceiving if u dont share it with your significant other? Anyways that is a whole other story.
Thank you to everyone else that gave positive advice and a little understanding

[Nadia-Maria]

I thought I could talk on here about it without being condemned. All I was doing was expressing the way I feel. It is confusing but I NEVER said I would do it.

Yes, and I do believe you could talk on here about it without being condemned.

Curiously, whenever I read a thread like this one I get the feeling that on this forum certainly much less than 1 person out of 1000 would ever cheat.
Nevertheless my statistics concerning ethics in the general population use to be at odds with that. Maybe I live in another world (or just in another country ...).
It seems that the vast majority of the people in this forum are much more ethic than usual, or at least they let understand they are.

Congratulations to all of us for this high level of "ethics" !

Regards

Nadia

P.S. The same with doping ; I have still to meet a very successful sportsman admitting he dopes himself.

[MJ]

the thing is there are limits to cding when dressed yes it would be great to be treated like a lady but how far would you go ?

if you want me to treat you like a woman .. then come over to my house and do my laundry for me

for me being treated like a woman is just respect for my gender thats all

[victoriamwilliams1]

I had the same feeling when I started back and I refused to act on them! However I did meet an admire once who was very creepy and touchy plus he begged for a kiss and so I could get away from him I let him kiss me on the lip and I wanted to knock him out when I was back in male mode. Plus on the way out he held my hand but it was as far as I ever have or will go with a male while dressed in fem mode!!!!

I am happy now with the doors being held open foe me.

[Holly]

...Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated

I will have been married 40 years before 2008 is finished. Here is my advice to you; if you love your wife as much as you say you do, then concentrate your efforts in strengthening that bond and relationship and forget about what it would be like to be with anyone else, regardless of your gender status... trans, bi, straight, it makes no difference. A marriage is mental, physical, and emotional commitment... a commitment you promised to honor. You should consider the fact that you even have to ask the question a warning sign.

[janet1234]

from what I learn from a therapist, that the female component of our makeup, not only causes us to dress but may also implant in our minds the desire or at least the thought to go farther. Having noted that, I suggest we all be very careful about acting on bisexual tendencies. It would be called cheating. However, some marriages have deteriorated to the point where cheating is a moot point. We all know about the Indian who said we should not judge another brave until we have walked a mile in his moccasins.

[Annemarie]

Alot of admirers are fantasists, only about 20 % will be serious about meeting you in person, and even less will treat you like a normal human being (let alone a lady). The vast majority will just want a ONS, it is very rare for there to be any meaningful admirer-Cdr relationship. If I were you I would not stake a solid LTR for the fickle world of admirers, it is bound to end in disappointment and disillusion.

[Jocelyn Renee]

It is quite common for TGs to fantasize about being with a man. I believe the confusion stems from the fact that we aren't (or don't want to believe we are) attracted to men in drab. It's very difficult to prevent ideas from popping into our heads, but as others have pointed out, it would be wrong to act on them. Actually, I think it's wrong to participate in sexual conversations on the Internet with men as well. I suspect your wife would feel the same way.

[Sharon]

I won't get into the morals of your question, though I agree with the naysayers above, but just be careful you don't confuse fantasy with reality. Do you really want a man to have sex with you and to perform just as if you were female? Or are you just allowing your momentary infatuation with your image to take you places you wouldn't otherwise want to go? Dressed or not, you are still you. And if you don't want sex with a man as a man, then why would you want it as a man dressed as a woman?

[2b.Lauren]

Lots of great comments in this area. I certainly can't add anymore to what has already been said. As a professional family counselor I have seen many marriages break up over fantasy that has spilled into reality. I too have struggled with the various questions, feelings and desires. I like the point made about fantisizing about men when dressed but not while dressed as a man. I am not sure if there is an easy deliniation here. If you have a fantasy then it is probably common in your life in either stage, you may have stronger urges when dressed as a lady verses man but I am sure they are still there just easier to deny. I will change hats in order to be more of myself verses my profession. I guess the real question is have you had fantasies in your youth before you started dressing or when you did, and then did you act on them when you were free to do so , before the commitment you made to your spouse. This can really muddy up the water. You can only struggle with this no matter what gender mode you are in. I had sexaul experiences with men when I was younger, and some of them were not ideal. I don't have to explain I think it is pretty obvious where I am going. That too has only caused confusion in my life. Counselors need counselors and I do have a good one that is aware of things and becomes more enlightened with each visit. I don't think I am being extremely coherent here. I want to say I indentify with the conflict, that I also struggle with this, but am aware of the fact that it permeates not only my hidden life as Lauren but also my outward life as me! I just right now do not act on the feelings but also don't try to deny or not deal with them. It is cheating no matter how we look at it. So I won't even attempt to glamorize that. Sorry I also wish I could answer these questions for myself better, and maybe done a better job here.

[Angie G]

It would be wrong to do what you are thinking. Your married and sex with someone other than your wife can't happen. I to wonder what it would be like but would NEVER DO IT.
Angie

[Raven Wynter Rayne]

CHEATING plan and simple...Unless Your wife knows, but remember You would have to let Her explore any sexual desires of Hers. Where does that leave You???

[Patricia1]

The very fact that we all dress as women to express the feminine in us suggests a great deal indeed. If you dress as a woman & wish to be seen as a woman, then the logical next step would be to be taken as a woman, with all the implications. Let's face it squarely - if you put on the clothes you're putting on the persona. If you think of yourself as "straight" is this what "straight" men do? We all probably rarely travel this tortured logical road - the contradictions & confusions would lead no where productive. We know that we were born this way & most of us don't torture ourselves with the sexual implications, but they are there nevertheless. I have fantasized myself about sex with men - it is a logical and emotional extension of my femininity. I do not travel beyond that line but the line is always there. I refer you to Dr. "Alice" Novik's website aliceingenderland.com for more insights. Kindness and understanding are called for at all times in our discussions.

[Melinda G]

The thought crosses my mind, from time to time. But not ready to act on it.

[bobi jean]

I am not gay but I suppose I am bisexual to some extent. When I am in my male mode I do not have any interest in being with a guy. But when I am dressed I have a strong desire to be with a man, to be treated like a lady. I have been talking to guys over the internet but have not acted on this desires.
I am married and I really do love my wife. But when I am dressed up I want to be the lady that I am and want to have sex with a man. I know that would be cheating but it just so overwelms me. Anyone else have this problem? Would it be wrong? I dont know really I just get really confused over this issue. Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated

I have in the past had a few same sex experiences, all while dressed. haven't done it for a long time but recently have been considering it again, the only thing is it would have to be ,one fella and a lot of times over a period of time. The reason I quit is because of the extreme stress it was causing at the time and probably will again if I carry on this way.

[Tommie Rae]

Surely I am not the only person here who has an open marriage? That means that my wife and I are each other's primary partner in every aspect but we each have the freedom to have any kind of relationship we want with anyone we choose. I know this is not a popular or accepted position here or in society in general but it is a choice that we have made and we are happy with it. It is not cheating because we each know and approve of the situation. If you and your wife have an arrangement like this, and are able to communicate with each other in an open and honest fashion, then what you do and with whom is strictly your business, not mine. That takes care of the "cheating" part of the messages here.

The fantasy part is strictly a personal situation and it really exists right now in your own mind. Fantasy can be a rich and rewarding part of our lives. I would even argue that fantasy is a large part of what drives us as CDs. I personally have several fantasies that involve men, some of which I have acted out (and my wife has seen) and many of which I may just keep as fantasy. Some of my fantasies I have told to my wife and some I have kept to myself, as she has done with me. Sometimes telling the fantasy can enrich it and sometimes it can diminish it. The only advice I offer to you is to get off the Internet chat rooms and get a proper conversation going with your wife. You may find that some of your desires can be fulfilled with your wife in a situation that does not involve deception, and may or may not involve being dressed. Being bisexual or bicurious doesn't mean you have to be en femme. It might be easier in your own mind to accept the things you feel like doing but it is not strictly required.

I hope this helps because we all have feelings and fantasies that not everyone is going to like-that is one of the reasons we are all here.