How do you know whether you are "transgendered" or just a crossdresser? This isn't the usual question about how do you know whether you are "transsexual". I do not feel like "I should have been a woman", and I am not sexually attracted to men. But that's defining me by what I am not, and there is a lot of ground between "being a male who likes to dress in womens' clothes" and "being a genetic male who would be better off as a female". I've been thinking of myself as somewhere in the middle, but how do I know?

Where I stand:

- a genetic male

- who did not "grow up in the wrong body"

- who does not hate his male organs or their associated sensations

- who likes wearing womens' clothes

- who did some minor dressing experimentation when young (just one variety amongst other experimentations)

- who has only been cross-dressing for about 4 years... but in retrospect, whom had been "trying things on to see how they look" more and more often for a few years before the idea of actually wearing some of them came to mind

- who has worn panties nearly every day for close to 2 years, and no longer "feels right" in men's underwear... a psychological dependancy?

- who wears womens pants to work the great majority of the time (but who wears men's pants too)

- who often wears subtle female shirts/tops to work, but will wear men's shirts too... especially if the men's shirts are some of the bulkier ones that hide forms well

- who will wear even more "shiny" tops to work, and even what are really blouses: tops that someone could potentially realize are "womens'", and tops which few of the men around would wear -- but nothing that is an outright give-away as "definitely female", always something within the bounds of "he's a guy, so it must be menswear".

- who does sometimes wear a bra at work, having chosen his top/shirt so that the bra won't "show through"

- but who does not worry about bra straps and buckles once the bra is on: a once-over in the mirror at dressing time to be sure that nothing is too obvious, and then don't worry about it

- who does sometimes wear forms at work while working (knowing that he doesn't actively work with people so few people are likely to have a chance of observing them)

- who does not spend all day thinking about how pretty his panties are or how what sexy his clothes must look. At work, he does think about his appearance sometimes, perhaps some concern about having over-done it... and if he is wearing forms then he is more likely to think about appearance and about dressing

- who would seriously consider (e.g., likely would try it and see how it goes) wearing skirts to work some days "as a guy" if somehow the message came down that that would be acceptable to management;

- who would is a little uncertain about whether he would wear a dress at work "as a guy" (at least during the working day) unless for some reason management happened to say they would be happy with it

- who hasn't thought much about presenting as a female (wig and all) at work

- who sometimes wears nail strengthener or clear nail polish, but does not often wear nail polish at work (a light pink is not unknown), and who does not usually wear nail polish even "out" (partly because it is a nuisance to put on)

- who rarely wears makeup of any kind to work (might have chanced light mascera twice or so)

- who usually wears only (hair-concealing) foundation and perhaps a bit of eye-shadow when going out as "mixed-gendered"

- who does not wear a lot of makeup even when fully Dressed

- who doesn't bother to "practice" female things much at all -- doesn't bother to practice makeup, has never bothered to study voice, doesn't pay a lot of attention to walk

- who, in other words, is not even remotely "consumed" by the need to "pass" in the sense of being 90-whatever percent taken as female

- who, even when fully Dressed (full wig, makeup, dress or distinctly femme skirt and top, heels) is often easily recognized by those who have met him before as a male.... or, for that matter, as met while wearing very different female clothes and wig

- who most taxi drivers immediately call "sir" even when fully Dressed... before he has even spoken

- who would prefer to be more regularly thought of as a woman when fully Dressed, and who would prefer to be less easily recognized as his male self when fully Dressed (partly because recognized implies knowledge of original gender), but whom just gets a bit disappointed about it and whom doesn't spend a lot of time dwelling on it

- who not-uncommonly deliberately goes out "gender-bending" when not at work, in the sense of wearing a recognizably female top or blouse, or in the sense of wearing D or G cup forms underneath less-obviously-female clothes (but not "flaunting" the forms), or in the sense of wearing a skirt or a dress out in public with no wig and little or no makeup

- who often shops for female clothes while in drab, and who speaks openly about the clothes being for him in the stores, and who openly tries things in in stores without worrying that other shoppers will notice that he is trying on womens' clothes

- who spends a fair bit of time and research thinking about what size of breasts he would like to have for himself (summary: would very much like "cleavage"; at least C cup provided cleavage could be created without difficulty, but would probably prefer around DD -- and the 40G's look very nice for regular clothes, only looking "too big" with clothes designed to fit closely around the breasts.. and yes, a number of people have said that the 40G's suit him well)

- but whom is presently unsure that he would ever actually do anything to deliberately enlarge his breasts -- not from the standpoint of worry about whether he could "really" deal with the fallout of a male having "breasts": only due to the serious side-effects of all known enlargement methods

- but for whom, the urge towards actual breasts seems to be getting stronger

- and whom in the meantime is developing a urge to openly sometimes wear forms at work "as a guy"

- for whom wearing silicone forms around a D cup "just feels right", feeling like he should have something that shape and weight on his body, and when he is without them for more than a few days, it feels as if "something is missing"

- who, if breast enlargement was gradual, would let the breasts be observed more and more with the "this is how I am" reasoning... but who is not certain how he would handle the situation in case of sudden breast enlargement (e.g., implants)



So, given all of that... how do I tell if I am really transgender, or if I'm really just a cross-dresser with a breast fetish?

I am willing to (and do) go out in public to be seen as a male with female clothing and with the most obvious of the female secondary sexual characteristics. I am increasingly bringing that "closer to home", going in a skirt or dress "as myself" into more places where I am "known"... I can only think of three "regular" places that I have not gone to while visibly gender-bending.

I care a little about what a small number of of the neighbours think -- to stay in "good graces" for one of them, out of friendship for the other. I'm not "out" at work, but I am "out" to the public.

But "clothes do not make the man" (or the woman), and a willingness to be seen in female clothes or a willingness to be seen as if I have "female" breasts doesn't mean that I have a noticeable female gender component. It means I have the appearance of mixing male and female (and to be clear, I enjoy wearing skirts even as a guy)... but what kinds of things should I be looking at in my personality to determine whether I am truly a mix of genders in personality?

Is the difference between "crossdresser" and "transgender" as simple as "if you seriously consider body modifications beyond hair removal, then you have gone beyond cross-dressing to transgender or transsexual" ?


The imputous to this questions is that I started thinking about telling my mother that I consider myself to be transgender -- so I had to starting thinking of answers to the obvious question "Well, what does that mean for you?" And I realized that all I really knew for sure about my transgender nature was the clothes, the willingness to be perceived as mixed gender, and the distinct desire for breast enlargement.


For what it is worth, the COG-whatever pseudo-science test rates me as "androgeneous" (towards the male side) and claims that I would likely suffer if I were forced to polarize towards to side or the other. Which summary does agree with how I feel. I don't feel especially that I am a woman, but I also think it is "too late to put the genie back in the bottle" and go back to being "just a male".

I could imagine that at some point, after retirement maybe, or perhaps on a longer vacation, I might experiment with presenting as female "full time" for a period and see how I like that, but I do not have any inclination towards SRS. I do not rule out hormones... but definitely not until I've given up on the possibility of becoming a father!