Ideal world

[crystal99]

I am 27, i look ultra femme when dressed, my voice is soft. I made my money a couple of years ago and now don't have to work. I go out shopping for clothes, with my partner, she fully understands who i am and why i have to look this way, we socialize alot, our friends see me in both boy and girl mode and don't really care as i always act the same anyway, its never an issue. My family apreciate me for who i am dressed both as male and female. I totally pass, strangers we meet can't tell, everone accepts what they see as reality, my reality.

The problem is that this is not the world i live in.

Yes i am still quite young, i think i do look quite good when dressed and i can put on a soft voice, but only a few words, a full conversation would out me. (along with a 5 oclock shadow once the makeup begins to fade), i still have to work so couldn't risk completely plucking my eybrows (which messes with the whole look by the way) as people would talk or not take me seriosly, my partner doesn't know and recentley when i tested the water with a comment among friends that i would look amazing as a girl (was in context, conversation had already led us to the subject) i was met with a discusted look, i may lose her, friends (girls) were a little more accepting of the comment, friends (men) were a lttle wierded out, made fun of me for a bit (alpha male type group (of which strangely im near the top)). It would be an issue. My family are traditional, they like to think their liberal but their not and would never accept.

And so i have two looks, the one the outside world sees and the one i keep locked away until im alone and can express my other side.

Now how can one go from long paragraph 2 to long paragraph 1? can it be done? is there anybody out there who has done this, even in part, and could share with me what i could expect, what were the reactions of family, friends, partners? any answers would be greatly recieved

Crystal xx

[Jonelle]

all i can say is that i feel for you girl.. as i find myself in a very similar situation.. i wish you the very best regardless of the road you choose.. and i will be here the entire way.. hopefully we can learn a thing or two from eachother.

[docrobbysherry]

It may be that everyone's realty is different from everyone elses! That's especially true for CDs!

Inevitably, we must decide for ourselves what part of our CDing is realty, and what is fantasy! And some of us continually confuse the two!

And I must admit to being one of those!

[Roberta Marie]

Crystal,

I too, know how you feel. I lived like that until I was 52 years old. The biggest difference is that you do have a lot more information than I had when I was your age. You know that you are not alone. I went through most of my life thinking I was a weird freak. You have the rest of us to lean on and to talk to.

There is hope, too. Last year, I came out to my wife after being married to her for 30 years. I do get out occasionally, and peoples' reactions are not nearly as bad as I had feared. I have learned to ignore the stares and occasional giggle, although my wife still has a problem with it. But she is an amazing woman, and is learning.

I think, too, that there's hope in that society's attitude is changing. As more and more of us get out, and people get to see that we are not perverted freaks, we are gaining a bit of acceptance.

Hang in there Crystal, your time will come.

Grace,
Bobbi

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

If I had it to do over I would have dressed and presented full time from my late teens or early 20's. You have the chance that I would love to have over again. People will get over it, even in my situation at 52 they would but it would have been much easier at 20 or 27 as in your case. It also helps when you are fit and trim and can look the part as you have said. i too could have done a good job of it in my 20's and wish now that I had gone full time. The times were differant then and society really frowned on it. The times are a changing, so change with them.

[harmony]

dear crystal-congatulations for not beeing confused but the pink fog is right round the corner!
a true idealist is someone who persues a goal that is unattainable and keeps going on a quest that never ends-what fun!!
you can do it the american way too-get yourself a lawyer to sue somebody with deep pockets to make up with money for a lost paradise!

[Cindi Johnson]

Crystal, we TG's do not need to spend our lives flip-flopping between parallel universes. Some things you can do are: laser your arms and legs once or twice, which will thin out excessive male hair; laser or electrolysis your face to thin out beard; pluck your eyebrows a bit (many guys do not have heavy eyebrows) and then use a pencil when you dress; get your ears pierced (lots of guys do, now); keep your weight down; take care of your skin; etc., etc.

Unless you are too tall or muscular, doing these and other things will lead you to a fluid center where you will be able to shift from boy mode to girl mode and back, without a lot of problem. Believe me, the world won't care, stores won't care, co-workers won't care, and your family will ultimately accept you however you are.

The only real hurdle is a TG's girlfriend/wife. They tend to care, and care a lot! If she'll accept you and give you love and kids while tolerating your occcasional crossdressing, then I think you can have a great life on this earth.

Of course, that is a BIG if. Best of luck.

Cindi Johnson

[crystal99]

Thanks, that is all good advice but somebody is inevitably going to get hurt along the way, i dont know if i could do that to my partner or my family so in that case its me, but i dont think i could do that to myself. Square 1 (i dont need advice on that part, just getting it off my chest, i know its my decision alone)

I do however have a question, i think iv got an idea but what is this "pink fog"? also what is a GG?

You see im new to this forum stuff.

Also while im here, this has given me the best outlet i could have at the moment, your all amazing x

[Karren H]

Well there is no ideal world.... and you have to mold yourself into what ever version of that world you want to eventually fit into.... usually requires sacrifices and a balance... but I've gotten close enough to a balance and couldn't be happier... It's your call..... No one can make the tough decisions except you....

GG is a Genetic Girl... ..

[crystal99]

all i can say is that i feel for you girl.. as i find myself in a very similar situation.. i wish you the very best regardless of the road you choose.. and i will be here the entire way.. hopefully we can learn a thing or two from eachother.

That would be nice, thanks.

so whats your ideal world then?

[Jenna Lynne]

I do however have a question, i think iv got an idea but what is this "pink fog"? also what is a GG?

GG is "genetic girl" (or "golden girl"). I'm not sure about the pink fog, as I hadn't run into that term until a few weeks ago. I think it means you're in the zone where you just gotta do it and nothing else matters. Like, "Omigawd, those shoes!" And so you buy the shoes even though you can't afford them. Or you're dressing and just enjoying yourself so much you never want to stop.

BTW, as a 60-year-old who dressed when younger and then set it aside for a long time, I have one piece of advice: Do it while you're young! You don't get any better looking as you get older, trust me on this. And dressing up as a grandmother is just NO FUN AT ALL.

Your circumstances sound difficult. Many have been through what you're going through, and the results were all the way across the map. Some families turn out to be surprisingly supportive -- others, not. Some wives and girlfriends don't mind at all, others are totally freaked and may even out you by talking about it.

Co-workers -- it depends on the company culture and the city where you live. I was more or less out 25 years ago with co-workers, and it totally didn't matter, but that was because I live in Northern California and worked at the time in a company dominated by rock musicians. If you're in construction, expect a different reaction.

Some of us are able to enjoy a "secret fling" once in a while while maintaining our normal lives. Others find the stress too great. Only you can decide what's best for you. But having an understanding person to talk with can help a lot! A therapist, an ex-girlfriend who is discreet, a minister if you're religious and belong to a liberal congregation -- all would be good choices.

BTW, as much as I love this forum, reading words on a computer screen is NOT a social life. Ideally, you need to be able to talk to someone face to face.

Good luck, and try to remember to have fun!

***Jenna Lynne***

[Jessicaparkson]

I know how you feel. I'm not the most soft spoken either (more like a booming foghorn). My family would never accept me and my girlfriend is on the brink of leaving me, even though she knows and has assured me she supports me.

In my perfect world we would be accepted. Well more than accepted, respected and maybe even appreciated for who we are. I'm not sure who's signature it is but I think it works perfectly "It takes a real man to wear a dress". In a perfect world our SOs would support us 100% (and for those of you who's SOs do I'm happy for you). And in a perfect world guys wouldn't care. Maybe they would just see our skirts and dresses the same as seeing a GG in loose jeans...

Unfortunately,this isn't a perfect world. Most of the time we aren't accepted,or even wanted. But here's the thing. Even though some people can't get past the exterior and what they think you should be, many others see into our inner selves and treat us as such. If the first is getting you down hun remember that the latter do exist and that you have your sisters around the world behind you.

[crystal99]

Even though some people can't get past the exterior and what they think you should be, many others see into our inner selves and treat us as such. If the first is getting you down hun remember that the latter do exist and that you have your sisters around the world behind you.

I kinda agree with you on this. I have always been better friends with girls, when i was a kid my best friend was the girl next door (never got to that cleshay tho), in school i mostly had girls round me although to survive i played football, at college same thing and at uni i lived in a house with 7 girls, now its the girls im more close to and at parties/bars i find myself mainly chatting with the girls and vice versa. Maybe they do see the inner girl. Interesting x

[garyunsure]

I have for years tried to keep the inner voice from speaking up, and let her out at night. but you can't stop the inner self even after you been chased by others in cars shouting at you. You throw your stuff away and say never again .But she shows up because it is part of you like you and many others i to have come to the crossroads and trying to embrace the inner self just like my mind my closet is 50/50 which way to go .But the one thing i know is i love my high heel boot collection 10 pairs while male shoes i only have 2 pairs this is why joined this group yesterday to look for answers to get a balance within myself that is why is why i am signed garyunsure untill i evolve more female or a blend of the 2.sorry if any spelling mistakes new at this

[Jenna Lynne]

But she shows up because it is part of you like you and many others i to have come to the crossroads and trying to embrace the inner self just like my mind my closet is 50/50 which way to go .But the one thing i know is i love my high heel boot collection 10 pairs while male shoes i only have 2 pairs this is why joined this group yesterday to look for answers to get a balance within myself that is why is why i am signed garyunsure untill i evolve more female or a blend of the 2.sorry if any spelling mistakes new at this

Welcome to the forum, Unsure! You'll find that most folks here are very friendly and supportive. Some of us are a little on the wacky side ... but that's hardly surprising, is it?

High-heeled boots are a wonderful thing! There are ankle-high styles, calf-high styles, and thigh-high styles. Mmmm.

The thing about getting chased by guys in cars ... that sounds like a personal experience. One of the things we can do here is share those stories -- some are scary and some are a hoot! Nobody else is likely to understand, but the folks here "get it".

***Jenna Lynne***

[Jocelyn Renee]

I just posted a thread called living a life of truth that has some thoughts apropos to this subject. I don't mean to be flippant, but I believe it is possible to live an ideal life here and now. You achieve this by living a life of truth.

All of the following are true:
I want to present a femme persona to the world and I do.
The overwhelming majority of people do not mind.
Some people do mind and actually hate me.
I want to be perceived as the ultimate in feminine beauty but I am not.
I can be happy with the femme image I am capable of presenting.
My life was utterly destroyed at one time by the revelation that I was a CD.
My life is now better than ever and everyone in it accepts that I am a CD.
I WANT people who can not love me despite my flaws (real or imagined) to leave.
I mourn the loss of these people, but I accept the truth that they can not love me.
Not everything about my life is roses; there are thorns too.

I think we spend too much time visualizing a dream world and assuming we live in a nightmare world. The truth lies somewhere in between. I believe I live an ideal life because I can accept the truth that we will never achieve perfection in this life, but we can achieve peace, happiness, freedom, and acceptance.