Hiding sucks

[4serrus]

Today my SO nearly stumbled on my home-made binding method (sports bra and upside-down bike shorts, not perfect but better than nothing). You know, did that thing where he reached up under my shirt, then got confused at an unfamilliar fabric combination. I explained it away enough and he didn't get too close a look (how would you explain wearing bike shorts like that?), or he didn't care enough to probe right then. Close call, though.

I know I need to tell him. Eventually. It sucks having to keep secrets from somebody you're suppossed to be closer to than anyone else in the world. I just guess I don't know how to bring it up. What do you do, say "how was your day at work? I work on saturday, kid has a doctor's appointment on thursday, oh and I've been questioning my gender identity and have started binding my breasts. So what would you like for dinner?"

Makes me want to scratch patterns onto my skin. :\

I've got a psychology appointment in a week. No not a gender therapist, just a regular psychologist. I want to make sure i don't have any legitimate mental issues, or that they're under control, before I take any further steps. I will probably bring the gender thing up durring my session and see how the doc reacts. Good idea, bad idea?

[Felix]

Hi, I think it would be a good idea to bring it up with your psychologyst before ya tell ya other half Hun. I do know what ya mean about finding a way to tell ya partnerthough, I can definitely relate!! The funny thing is and I laugh at myself now when I think about it, my ex new and told me that I was a man even before I came out and yet I worried constantly about how to tell her and how to do it gently so as not to hurt her when in reality she knew all along. I think my main hang up about telling her and I have read other peeps threads about similar feelings is that I would be rejected as no longer fitted the butch dyke per that she wanted. My fears did unfortunately or maybe not as the case very well is become reality. It is not always like this though and I have seen many examples of peeps who stick by each other and continue in their relationshps working through it together and becoming stronger for it. Good luck Hun coz I know its not easy to make such decisions when ya got others to consider. Lets kno how ya go anyways xx Felix

[ZenFrost]

Yes, I think it's a good idea to bring it up with the therapist. I also think you do need to tell your SO sooner rather than later. Keeping secrets isn't healthy for any relationship and if you tell him before he finds out, it'll be on your own terms, it's easier to have a serious talk when you're not doing damage control. And you shouldn't bring it up just offhandedly like in your example, you should sit down and have a serious talk, explain that you're still you and you still love him, and it wasn't something you chose.