Trying to accomplish what exactly?

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes I wonder what we are trying to accomplish by doing all of this. Granted there seems to be some kind of "drive" to CD for most of us but there must be some kind of reason we put so much effort into something that seems to be so "taboo" to society, many going to great lengths and risks to express it. Some do it for the psychological boost, some for sexual reasons, some for the excitement of going out and "passing" in public, some for fun, some for the reason of "that's just me", some for getting in touch with the feelings.

There seems to be no one reason and it may be any or all of the above and some I haven't even mentioned. While, in the past, I have done it for many of the above reasons, it seems I am doing it less and less for those reasons and more and more towards just being myself as a person. Phyliss' essay on attitude got me thinking about this.

Society as such seems to be strongly demarcated when it comes to sex and gender but for the most part it has the two inseparable. This is based on premises produced by Madison Ave. and Hollywood largely to capitalize on sex and gender and to somewhat glorify it. The problem is, the premise never truly existed as is evidenced by the diversity among the sexes and this is even more true with regard to gender. We as humans tend to eat that stuff up though and we can't be blamed really when we fall under the spell and they make it quite appealing to be this, that or the other thing. The real deal is much different, however, and the products they sell and the images they purvey don't really change who we are as a person even if that is what the illusion is.

I've pretty much decided to poo pah it all and just concentrate on who I am as a person because no matter how many clothes or wigs I buy or how good I get at doing makeup, I'm still basically a guy. So, what's the point? The main point in my mind is to just be comfortable with who we are and try our best to demonstrate that to others. Sincerity has a lot to do with that because if we are just putting on some kind of "act" or pretending to be someone we are not, it will be evident to others no matter how we are dressed. The level of commitment for being who we are really does make a difference and others will see that.

What we are individually trying to accomplish varies from person to person but I've decided that anything worth doing is worth doing well and now that the "preliminaries" are over for myself. I've pretty much decided that developing myself as a person is the way to go.

[Kahlan51]

I've pretty much decided to poo pah it all and just concentrate on who I am as a person because no matter how many clothes or wigs I buy or how good I get at doing makeup, I'm still basically a guy. So, what's the point? The main point in my mind is to just be comfortable with who we are and try our best to demonstrate that to others. Sincerity has a lot to do with that because if we are just putting on some kind of "act" or pretending to be someone we are not, it will be evident to others no matter how we are dressed. The level of commitment for being who we are really does make a difference and others will see that.

What we are individually trying to accomplish varies from person to person but I've decided that anything worth doing is worth doing well and now that the "preliminaries" are over for myself. I've pretty much decided that developing myself as a person is the way to go.[/quote]

I like what you had to say it kind of sums up a lot of the thoughts I have about it. Just be yourself and life will work out. Thanks for sharing this. Love Kahlan

[mykhelee]

I'll keep it short..I'm just being me

[Nicki B]

There's going to be as many answers to this, as there are of us..


But I'd suggest at least some are really trying to find a place where we can be at peace with ourselves, because we feel (most of the time) strained trying to be something we're not, at least not completely?

[Electra]

Sometimes I wonder what we are trying to accomplish by doing all of this. Granted there seems to be some kind of "drive" to CD for most of us but there must be some kind of reason we put so much effort into something that seems to be so "taboo" to society, many going to great lengths and risks to express it. Some do it for the psychological boost, some for sexual reasons, some for the excitement of going out and "passing" in public, some for fun, some for the reason of "that's just me", some for getting in touch with the feelings.

There seems to be no one reason and it may be any or all of the above and some I haven't even mentioned. While, in the past, I have done it for many of the above reasons, it seems I am doing it less and less for those reasons and more and more towards just being myself as a person. Phyliss' essay on attitude got me thinking about this.
......

For my part, I am not trying to accomplish anything. I just love the feel of feminine clothes, the softness of my silk or nylon panties, the sheerness of nylon stockings, a long skirt swirling around me or a short one making me behave demurely, the sensuousness of a summer breeze trying to lift my dress or skirt and all these feelings are enhanced by being outdoors, out in the free air rather than indoors. I guess I'm just an epicurean at heart trying to get as much pleasure out of small things. In other words, like you now, I just want to be myself.

[Kayla Shadows]

Yeah,nothing to really accomplish other then being who I am.Takeing a match to what society thinks and to being someone else.Just living as the person that I am and not who someone wants me to be.

[Deborah Jane]

I'll keep it short..I'm just being me

I,m keeping it shorter

[Ruth]

Arianna, thanks for another thoughtful post. We all obviously put a lot of effort into this stuff, so there has to be a powerful motive behind it somewhere. Something that Nicki wrote struck a chord with me - something about always striving to be something you're not.
I feel very much like that in my everyday 'man' life. I know I'm biologically a man - I've got children to prove it - but the male persona is very much an act that I had to develop because of the body I occupy. It's an ongoing strain in many subtle ways to keep it up. So it's nice when I dress to relax back into the clothing of the other gender, and feel, if not exactly myself, at least more like myself than I do as the guy.
And I have no fantasies about transitioning or becoming a woman because I'm not and never will be. Rather I occupy a niche that is my own (though I realise many of you on this site are in nearby niches) and I suppose working out how to realise the lifestyle and appearance of that 'niche personality' is my mission.
Thanks again Arianna for keeping us thinking.

[Sammy777]

I've pretty much decided to poo pah it all and just concentrate on who I am as a person because no matter how many clothes or wigs I buy or how good I get at doing makeup, I'm still basically a guy. So, what's the point?

that statement sounds very defeatist to me. If you were to apply it to anything else in your life people around you would look at you like your head was on sideways.

Take the statement below & use whatever else in life you enjoy doing then see how much sense it makes then.

I'm never going to be a pro [insert other hobby],
so I should just toss equipment & give up doing it.

No....... Never
OK, CD'ing is unlike any hobby or sport or whatever.
But like those you know you will never be , say a pro at it, but that doesn't mean you stop playing it, doing it or enjoying it for what it is & what you get out of it.

In everything else I do, besides this,
I have found or settled on a level I can be happy with.
With some things I am happy where I am, with others I want to become better & with some I know I can become better.

I probably could have explained it better or just continued to ramble on but I hope I got the point across.

[Sarah...]

Just living as the person that I am and not who someone wants me to be.

Yep, same for me. Simply got fed up of working hard to be someone I'm not.

Sarah...

[Bev06 GG]

s.

What we are individually trying to accomplish varies from person to person but I've decided that anything worth doing is worth doing well and now that the "preliminaries" are over for myself. I've pretty much decided that developing myself as a person is the way to go.

Well Arianna, I think that conclusion comes with age and experience. And reading your post I could say that much of it is true for me too. Many of us try to show the world our more positive, intelligent, and attractive side when inside we dont actually feel like that person at all. I guess as we get older we hopefully become more comfortable with who we are and quit worrying what others think.
Bev

[Kate Simmons]

Actually Samantha, I did not pooh pah my stuff but rather the stereotypical ideas generated by society. This kind of thinking tends to divide and separate people and the sexes. What I am trying to do is strive for better understanding and the avenue I have chosen to do that is getting to knows others better. Showing a sincere interest in others demonstrates what we are really made of. In that respect it goes well beyond the clothes and the presentation and hopefully makes me a better person in the process.

[suzypier]

I'm just being me inside women clothes.

[bimini1]

It seems most of society does not even know we exist. It's like we are this secret undergournd society amongst ourselves in some kind of vacuum and the ignorance of it by most common folk astounds me. Partly because I get so caught up by the immense on-line community of various gender-benders that when I encounter most 'real world' attitudes I seem to think, wow how could you be so ignorant?
Iv'e gotta get out of that mindset. Like I say, if this wasn't me, I'd be just as ignorant of it too. It is just not on folks daily radar screens, and when they encounter it they freak out.

That being said. I cannot say exactly what it is I am hoping to accomplish by it. At first I thought I wanted to get out and experience the world with it, as my en femme self. And of course in a perfect world I would love to, but in the real world , it is just not worth it. It is not really worth it for me around the house anymore either. It is like I can't get any more out of it.
I am between the proverbial rock and hard place, dammed if I do and dammed it I don't.
So here I sit, closet full of beautiful clothing, some gorgeous pix of myself when I did happen to venture out some years ago but scared to do it again.

In a weird kind of validating way I look at my clothes closet and the fantasy of me being dressed in these clothes sometimes satisfies me.
Accepting wife who actually wants me to go out and explore. What the hell is wrong with me right? I just do not know but these kinds of questions Arianna I pose to myself constantly.

[Tracii G]

I love being able to express both sides of me.

[Sammy777]

Actually Samantha, I did not pooh pah my stuff but rather the stereotypical ideas generated by society. This kind of thinking tends to divide and separate people and the sexes. What I am trying to do is strive for better understanding and the avenue I have chosen to do that is getting to knows others better. Showing a sincere interest in others demonstrates what we are really made of. In that respect it goes well beyond the clothes and the presentation and hopefully makes me a better person in the process.

Sorry Arianna
I didn't mean t say or think you did that, but it just sounded like you were almost ready to just give it all up and that sorta made me sad and upset.
It made me think that if someone like you were ready to call it quits on some level then what did i have to look forward to as I am just begining to explore this.

I see now what you meant and i am glad that you are trying to find the "bigger" reason behind this and be happy.

I'm sorry if you misunderstood my earlier post.

[Joanne f]

I am one of those people that the more i think about some thing the more complicated it gets , so to cut it sort i have split it into two.
The first part i would say that i am trying to accomplish is that of the type of clothes that i like to wear .
And the second part would be that i would like to accomplish the fact the i am far more feminine than masculine , how i go about this is a question of balance that i have not quite worked out yet .



joanne

[Nadia-Maria]

Arianna, thanks for another thoughtful post. We all obviously put a lot of effort into this stuff, so there has to be a powerful motive behind it somewhere. Something that Nicki wrote struck a chord with me - something about always striving to be something you're not.
(...)
Thanks again Arianna for keeping us thinking.

Yes, Arianna and Ruth , I'm convinced too there has to be a powerful motive behind it somewhere.

. I will take an example : being a child, my brother was heavily criticized for years for his lazyness by his father, and father told him often he never would succeed in anything in life.
Then, for all of his life my brother was powerfully driven to show to everybody else (not only to my father) he could do great things (becoming an extremely successful businessman).

. As a child I have not endured the same kind of pressure as my brother, but I have severely suffered to have to admit I could never be the girl I wished I was born. This mere fact must have raised a powerfully drive in me to show myself as sort of a "special" girl to the entire world if not only to myself !

Hugs

Nadia

[Kate Simmons]

I've realized that a lot of we are trying to accomplish has to do with our true self image as well. I'm not talking about the image looking back at us from the mirror but the one that reflects who we are as a person. Believing in who we are helps us to accomplish many things, from improving our appearance to becoming a more understanding and approachable person. When I first came out, I used to be somewhat half hearted about the whole thing as if I was at somewhat of a disadvantage as to society's attitude about the whole CD thing. I finally got out of the dumps though and realized that if any difference was to be made, I had to make it so eventually turned that perceived disadvantage into an advantage. Believing in ourselves and who we are makes all the difference in that respect and what we are able to accomplish is then only limited by our own imagination.

[Angie G]

Arianna very good hun just be yourself hun.
Angie

[SarahLynn]

I've .... I finally got out of the dumps though and realized that if any difference was to be made, I had to make it so eventually turned that perceived disadvantage into an advantage. Believing in ourselves and who we are makes all the difference in that respect and what we are able to accomplish is then only limited by our own imagination.

Well said and i can not improve on the saying.

SarahLynn