The boards feel dead..

[Wren]

I'm not sure if it's just me.. but since when have the transmen boards been so dead. I remember when I joined it was always thriving with excitement.

* Watches the tumbleweeds roll by*

[Cai]

Yeah, they've been doing that.

[sandra-leigh]

I don't know how much effect it has had on the discussions, but I know several of the transmen are pretty burnt out about how MTF keep voting in polls that the MTF were clearly asked to keep out of.

[John]

I don't know how much effect it has had on the discussions, but I know several of the transmen are pretty burnt out about how MTF keep voting in polls that the MTF were clearly asked to keep out of.

I duno, the ftm-only section's been prety quiet at the moment...

[Lora Olivia]

Well I hope it livens up, I miss all the guys lol

[ZenFrost]

I've been trying to perform CPR on the FtM sections for a while now but so far it's still in full cardiac arrest.

[Tamara Croft]

So just why are the boards dead?

I'm going to add my 2p as an Admin here, not as a member...

When I first joined this board four years ago, this section was pretty non-existent. Since then, we've (the staff) have accommodated just about every request the FTM's have made here. This section was renamed, new sections created, a private section etc etc ... new rules in place, do I need to go on? And for what? for this section to die because of reasons (bullshit tbh) that should have been done and dusted by now.

So what next? Is this section going to continue to fail, because in all honesty, the hours we've put in making this site welcoming for FTM's seems like it was just a waste of time and yeah.. you could say I'm pissed.. because a lot of that time I personally could have had better things to do. One of the staff already stepped down (lex).. and for what? just to have this section die anyway? seriously... time to let it go and use this section, like it was used before... you don't want it pulled do you?

[brylram]

I think that part of the problem might be the personal needs of members.... I mean, when I first joined, I had only just recently started T, and at that point everything is new and exciting... and there's a lot more interest in being on a site like this, and a lot more to say/ask as well. I've stuck around cause I like the site, and this is the only place I have a T-journal type thing. But I really don't have a lot of transition-related stuff to say anymore, and I'm not really the type for just chatting... and I don't need any support, because I'm just living my life now without any problems.. at least not problems that would be related to this site, or that are big enough to warrant me seeking opinions.

I think that the main reason the mtf parts of the site are so much more active is because there's simply a HUGE amount of members compared to the ftm's... I've never really looked at their parts that much, but I'm guessing that there's a sort of cycle where things that have been discussed to death before come back round again, and my guess would be that the much more frequent influx of new members would mean there's a constant supply of people with the same old questions and topics (as well as new ones) coming in and keeping activity levels up.

But as it stands we don't have all that many guys around, and of the guys that we do have hanging around here there just might not be that many who have anything to ask/say that isn't easily found in a quick search through previous topics/discussions. There's only so much a given person can say before they stop being interesting/interested... and I also get the impression that we're all too busy dealing with life to actually sit down on here and talk about it... which is a shame, but at the same time maybe kinda a good thing.

[RevMoonSerpent]

I know I haven't been on here as much as I use to. When I first joined I didn't have my own business. Now that the economy isn't doing that well I have been spending most of my time working on trying to stay in businesss. Doesn't leave much room for me to do anything else.

[sandra-leigh]

I think that the main reason the mtf parts of the site are so much more active is because there's simply a HUGE amount of members compared to the ftm's... I've never really looked at their parts that much, but I'm guessing that there's a sort of cycle where things that have been discussed to death before come back round again, and my guess would be that the much more frequent influx of new members would mean there's a constant supply of people with the same old questions and topics (as well as new ones) coming in and keeping activity levels up.

"Same old topics" in the MTF sections is true to a certain extent, and since "tags" were introduced, I've been working to identify the posts with common themes and tag them.

You can pretty much count on there being at least one post about wigs every day, and at least every two days someone will either talk about the breastforms they just bought or ask a question about breastforms they are considering buying.

Some of the other topics go in bursts, such a series of broken relationships all in a couple of weeks. And there was a spell where there were several new undergarment threads every day, but people just aren't into that topic so much now.

"How young did you start?", "Where did you get your name?", and "Suppose your wife wanted to go out as a guy?" do go through irregular cycles, as new people come on-board and think they are coming up with something new.

But for all of that, it is still amazing how many different themes come up, and how many different viewpoints onto themes come up that are sufficiently novel to deserve discussions of their own.

Yes, there are only a limited number of ways to measure one's bra size, and Yes, sometimes I am tempted to answer some posts with a simple "RTFM" (technical support people will know what I mean), but I can but stand back and marvel about the range of ideas that people come up with.

Does there have to be a "critical mass" to get to that point of continuous creativity? Possibly... but it seems to me that most of the transmen I've seen posting have been a lot more settled in their identities than the majority (numerically speaking) of the MTF are.


Please forgive me if the following doesn't come out right, but another thing I've noticed is that the transmen don't seem to be having nearly as much "fun" with their situation. Sort of as if it is something the transmen must do and the transmen are doing the best they can to survive it -- but for many of the MTF there is a substantial element of what could be termed "play". Where are the transmale equivalent of the postings about "Look at my beautiful new earrings!", "I really love these shoes!", or "I had such a great time going out dancing!" ? Or are you gonna tell me that it's true, that all the stuff designed for men really is boring?

[Satrana]

Ever since this site became was carved up and divided amongst its component parts, it has lost its vitality. The fact that some people cannot handle certain points of view means we have sanitized debates and lackluster talking points.

The best parties are when folks from all over get together and enjoy diversity. Sure some fights will break out from time to time but hey! that is a sign of vitality. Imagine going to a party and everyone is divided into separate groups and could only wave at each other from partitioned off sections. If someone wants to talk to another group they have to politely knock on the door and are requested to behave themselves. That is no way to party and it gets boring only to relate to people who share the same mindset as yourself. There is only so much you can learn from this setup.

Diversity is the spice of life, interaction is good. The MTF section looks lively only because of the constant influx of new members excited about being able to finally talk about their thoughts and feelings. Many interesting and thoughtful members who were involved in creating vitality have been forced out or have left of their own accord because those who complain loudest are those who cannot handle other points of view.

[Cai]

Well, damn, don't I feel welcome and respected.

So just why are the boards dead?

I'm going to add my 2p as an Admin here, not as a member...

When I first joined this board four years ago, this section was pretty non-existent. Since then, we've (the staff) have accommodated just about every request the FTM's have made here. This section was renamed, new sections created, a private section etc etc ... new rules in place, do I need to go on? And for what? for this section to die because of reasons (bullshit tbh) that should have been done and dusted by now.

So what next? Is this section going to continue to fail, because in all honesty, the hours we've put in making this site welcoming for FTM's seems like it was just a waste of time and yeah.. you could say I'm pissed.. because a lot of that time I personally could have had better things to do. One of the staff already stepped down (lex).. and for what? just to have this section die anyway? seriously... time to let it go and use this section, like it was used before... you don't want it pulled do you?

I'm not touching why certain members chose to leave - those discussions were personal and closed. (Although in several cases, the members that chose to leave were treated like CRAP by a number of other people.)

You want to decide that this space is wasted, fine.
You can't BLACKMAIL us into being active by threatening to drop the section. You don't want it here, get rid of it.

But you'll probably lose most of the rest of us, and I'd be shocked if you saw very many new transmasculine members. Getting overwhelmed by women and other female-IDed people and their needs is not why we come here. It wouldn't be deliberate, but just due to sheer numbers there wouldn't be enough activity from the guys and male-IDed people to begin to make a dent.

(And if you can't keep your personal opinions out of it, then you shouldn't be announcing that you're saying things as an admin.)

Please forgive me if the following doesn't come out right, but another thing I've noticed is that the transmen don't seem to be having nearly as much "fun" with their situation. Sort of as if it is something the transmen must do and the transmen are doing the best they can to survive it -- but for many of the MTF there is a substantial element of what could be termed "play". Where are the transmale equivalent of the postings about "Look at my beautiful new earrings!", "I really love these shoes!", or "I had such a great time going out dancing!" ? Or are you gonna tell me that it's true, that all the stuff designed for men really is boring?

THIS IS NOT FUN FOR ME. You understand? I'm not playing at anything. I just want to be allowed to live my life. And it's hard to have fun with a situation that gets me treated poorly on a daily, if not hourly, basis. It has nothing to do with men's clothes/things being boring. It's got nothing to with clothing PERIOD. It's just me trying to exist in a world that doesn't want me to.

[dancinginthedark]

I've been trying to perform CPR on the FtM sections for a while now but so far it's still in full cardiac arrest.

I'm not trying to be glib here but Zen maybe CPR isn't working because their hearts aren't in it at the moment? Sure the guys can cut up and goof off with the best of em' but sometimes, most times, life is hard enough to get through without being the comic relief for an entire board. *sigh*

I just know I'm going to say things wrong or offend where none is intended but guys I'm just glad you're still around. I don't expect you to be the court jester or all smiles every day.

And if the FTM side seems a little too quiet then respect the quiet. Hell it's their house. No worries folks. They'll come out and play, talk, argue, debate, or just chill when the mood hits.

And I don't think anyone should be pushed to participate in order to keep others happy. I am very sure everyone appreciates the work that went into this forum as a whole,not just this section. Please folks don't take the guys not being very vocal at the moment so personally. We cannot know what everyone is going through but you can bet we all have our battles to fight. Lets take a moment to respect those unknown battles and each other.

Guys you need me you know where I'm at.


dancin

[Tamara Croft]

You know damn well I wouldn't pull this section and I have no intention of blackmailing anyone. The point is, it got some of you posting didn't it... that was the intention, to see why people aren't using this section... and I already know the reason, I don't need it spelling out either... As for my personal opinion, well I put my personal bloody time into this forum, so if I want to add an opinion, I damn well will.

If you had any idea how much time I've spent (personally) doing things for this section, you would probably understand the reason I'm so mad it's gone downhill...

[Wren]

Ok when I first joined it was an FTM section.. and that was it. Everyone was forced to post in one section and things were moving along. New people felt invited, mtf's voting in ftm only poles always pissed people off, and although fights did sometimes break out there was a general sense of harmony. I remember mtf's coming in and posting about how happy we all were on this side of the forum.

I left for less than 6 months and a dozen people dropped off the edge there were 5000 different subsections for all of the 5 people who posted regularly and ..

@tamara yeah I can see why you are pissed off that all the work was for nothing. AND I am really confused about people leaving.. who left? Where has CaptLex been? What exactly happened to cause a schism?

And i'm really not sure why there's suddenly a lot of animosity on this thread alone..

Please folks don't take the guys not being very vocal at the moment so personally. We cannot know what everyone is going through but you can bet we all have our battles to fight. Lets take a moment to respect those unknown battles and each other.

You know.. this place hasn't always been the liveliest. There have only ever been a few people active at any given time, and I'm sorry that it turned into a shouting match ..all I was saying was that it was quiet again..

THIS IS NOT FUN FOR ME. You understand? I'm not playing at anything. I just want to be allowed to live my life. And it's hard to have fun with a situation that gets me treated poorly on a daily, if not hourly, basis. It has nothing to do with men's clothes/things being boring. It's got nothing to with clothing PERIOD. It's just me trying to exist in a world that doesn't want me to.

I really don't mean to be oppositional here but, For me this is fun. Although I can understand and empathize with you, I have no outstanding pain from my Cd'ing I do it for pretty much the same reasons I have sex.. it's fun and it feels good. I wish I could post.. "check out my cool shoes, they are Techtonik and bitchin" Everyone uses these forums for a different reason because we're all coming at it from different sides. My recent posts on the anti-fem rhetoric kind of boiled down to this: I want to talk about my shoes, will this alienate me from the FTM boards? Maybe I should have phrased it like that but I'm not that brilliant.

[Cai]

I really don't mean to be oppositional here but, For me this is fun. Although I can understand and empathize with you, I have no outstanding pain from my Cd'ing I do it for pretty much the same reasons I have sex.. it's fun and it feels good. I wish I could post.. "check out my cool shoes, they are Techtonik and bitchin" Everyone uses these forums for a different reason because we're all coming at it from different sides. My recent posts on the anti-fem rhetoric kind of boiled down to this: I want to talk about my shoes, will this alienate me from the FTM boards? Maybe I should have phrased it like that but I'm not that brilliant.

Wren, I do see that. I do. Your journey is not my journey. And you, on your journey, would be supported if you wanted to post something about those cool shoes. Check on my shoe post, in the Appearances section. I went on about which ones I was going to buy for two days.

I just take offense at being told I'm not having enough fun or "playing" enough. Yeah, sometimes I have fun, but for me this isn't something I do for fun, it's my whole life, and sometimes it sucks. And sometimes (like now) I'm very busy, and I don't have time to do much beyond poke my head in from time to time, and not say much.

You know damn well I wouldn't pull this section and I have no intention of blackmailing anyone. The point is, it got some of you posting didn't it... that was the intention, to see why people aren't using this section...

Well, this:

time to let it go and use this section, like it was used before... you don't want it pulled do you?

sounded an awful lot like a threat to me.

And it's never going to be like "like it was before". I'm certainly not happy losing one of my few safe and supportive spaces like I did, with no one here to talk to, but we can't undo what happened.

[Tamara Croft]

And it's never going to be like "like it was before". I'm certainly not happy losing one of my few safe and supportive spaces like I did, with no one here to talk to, but we can't undo what happened.

No, but you can move on and try to forget what happened. You took me saying something out of proportion and chose to focus on that, instead of looking at the real reason FTM's aren't posting in here... and you and I both know the actual reason... doesn't publicly need spelling out does it?

[Felix]

When I first came on this board it was just what I needed warm friendly supportive and loads of useful information There haven't been many reasons for me not wanting to come on the boards and I have made some really good friends and little di I know I would meet another trans guy and get togeth with him here. Ok I stopped coming as much when I was off work wth depression but Idid withdraw from a lot of stuff so its no slight on this board at all. I still find it a great place to come to and hopefully things will pick up. I mean for me just becase I'm on the medical pathway I wll not stop coming here as I do find it a place I can find solice when I need it. I'm not perfect by any means and I make loads of mistakes but I hope I can help peeps now and again like they have helped me here and for which I am really grateful!! xxFelix

[brylram]

and you and I both know the actual reason... doesn't publicly need spelling out does it?

I wouldn't mind some public spelling.

[Adam]

This thread in itself is a prime example why i stopped posting it started off a fair question and people all over the place take offense at what others said.

I used to hate coming on here and people getting upset over the most silly things because someone didn't word it right and then getting all upset and emailing/pm each other about said person it was like being back at school.

granted people do say things that you may find upsetting but I'm sure when they typed it they did not mean to offend its just some people are not good with choice of words bit like myself and it was this fear of bad choice of words that made me stay away.

i read every day all the threads but decided i would stop posting.

Also i miss the chat with Caplex,poccyo,Sirtrey and a few others that i really liked and geled with there gone too and its not the same without them

Also the feather on that broke the Camel's back was pictures where taken from this site and put on another site and fear from this happening i removed all my pictures that day.

When i joined this group it was quite and nice people got along nicely and stuff then the new sections came that too went well but more people joined and some where/are touchy touchy about everything that is said and done.

I read things all the time on forums groups that i don't like or that upset me but i ignore it life's to short.

on that note i decided life's to short to stick around a forum when i am afraid and worried i may upset a sensitive person lord only nows how they handle the real world where people so stuff and say stuff that may upset them

[Janetmichelle]

I am sorry to see that this forum has come to this. My SO could really use the advice of some of the FtM Users and to think that we are all bickering against each other even though we are all really the same.

All I really want is for her to have a place where she can ask some questions and not be told look for a previous thread. It all comes around people. You help me I help you. I help the next person. That is the whole point of sites like this.

Its good that you all found what you needed but you should maybe think about the next person. You were informed now it is your turn to inform and pass on your knowledge.

I really don't want to affend anyone one but stop being so self centered and keep this forum going to help the new people.

Cheers,
Janet

[Valeria]

Sort of as if it is something the transmen must do and the transmen are doing the best they can to survive it -- but for many of the MTF there is a substantial element of what could be termed "play". Where are the transmale equivalent of the postings about "Look at my beautiful new earrings!", "I really love these shoes!", or "I had such a great time going out dancing!" ? Or are you gonna tell me that it's true, that all the stuff designed for men really is boring?

Comparing the trans male sections here with the CD-dominated MTF sections is pointless. Most of the trans guys here are transitioning (or have already transitioned). If you must compare these sections to something, then compare them to one of the trans female forums devoted to people serious about transition. If you go look at such a forum for trans females, you'll see the same lack of "play".

I mean, it's not like the guys here have never had a fun and frivolous thread, but people who are transitioning are often much more concerned with relationships, family, careers, hormones, surgery, social issues, legal rights, etc., and a lot less concerned with comparing notes about a cute pair of shoes. The transitioner's forum that I call "home" had a member commit suicide earlier this year (because her supply of hormones was interrupted). It has people who have lost (or are in danger of losing) their jobs or their families due to transition -- even young women who have been thrown out of their homes by unaccepting parents. And so on. This forum had a regular contributor hospitalized and in critical condition for a while. Life is all too often hard.

Also, when you've been presenting as the gender you identify with for a long time, it just isn't a novelty. I'm *never* going to post about my experience in going to the mall, because I've been living full time as a woman for years. I do everything presenting as a woman, because I am a woman. It's not a novelty. There's just nothing to say about my going shopping. Similarly, if I do want to talk about something kinda frivolous like shoes or nail polish, I have real life girlfriends for that. Why would I talk about it some place like this?

Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's similar for a lot of the guys here. Though I'm clueless as to why in particular some of the people here left.

[Abraxas]

I agree with Valeria.


Okay, my reasoning for not being around much? My personal life has been ripped through the shredder. My parents broke up because my mom was cheating on my dad. Then he started bringing around some chick and they were fooling around, then he broke it off, blah blah blah. They're both acting like teenagers, and I feel like I'm having to boss them around just so all our lives don't fall apart. That shouldn't be my responsibility but apparently it is. Also. I was on vacation for a month somewhere in the middle of this with no 'net access. I also had a very bad allergic reaction to my pet mice and had to go to the hospital almost unable to breathe. Recovery took time. My best friend moved away with her kids, who I love like they were my own, and then her husband, also a good friend, moved too. None of my other friends talk to me because they're all too busy. My doc shot me down rudely when I asked about T and I had a sort of 'nothing will ever be okay' breakdown because of that (although I could post about that here; just haven't felt up to it).

Because of all this I'm going through a fairly major depressive episode and I don't want to A) bother y'all with this stuff, because I'm sure it's all very boring and I don't want to be pitied and B) with all this negativity (not saying it's all bad, I'm just saying... you know what I'm saying) I don't want to feel worse.

And, of course, nothing vaguely interesting has happened with me, transition wise. I don't need advice on anything, and the stuff I do need help with is specific to my area (legalities of name change, finding therapists, etc) so it'd be pointless to ask around here anyway. I've been easing my way back in, mainly in the clubhouse, though...

[Alan]

I don't know how much effect it has had on the discussions, but I know several of the transmen are pretty burnt out about how MTF keep voting in polls that the MTF were clearly asked to keep out of.

From me? Pah. Ok, it was frustrating, but it wouldn't stop me posting. Didn't stop me posting.

Please forgive me if the following doesn't come out right, but another thing I've noticed is that the transmen don't seem to be having nearly as much "fun" with their situation. Sort of as if it is something the transmen must do and the transmen are doing the best they can to survive it -- but for many of the MTF there is a substantial element of what could be termed "play". Where are the transmale equivalent of the postings about "Look at my beautiful new earrings!", "I really love these shoes!", or "I had such a great time going out dancing!" ? Or are you gonna tell me that it's true, that all the stuff designed for men really is boring?

I personally love the stuff designed for men. I love ties, for example. I love tying them, I love wearing them, I love flaunting them.

BUT.

THIS is NOT about fun. I am NOT having fun here. I am living my life as I choose to.

And guess what?

Most of the time, it's NOT fun. It's frustrating. I'm fighting with my mom over this. My dad's not quite accepting yet. My brother couldn't care less. I'm gonna have to tell a 7-year-old. I'm gonna have to deal with my grandparents all knowing and such.

I don't pass all the time, and it's frustrating. Living right next to NoHo doesn't help, either.

So excuse me for not posting about the cute tie about yesterday.

Not when I'm having panic attacks from having to go to the OB/GYN.

But you'll probably lose most of the rest of us, and I'd be shocked if you saw very many new transmasculine members. Getting overwhelmed by women and other female-IDed people and their needs is not why we come here. It wouldn't be deliberate, but just due to sheer numbers there wouldn't be enough activity from the guys and male-IDed people to begin to make a dent.

I brought a friend on the forum, and while he doesn't post often, I doubt he'd be thrilled amongst the female-IDed. I don't know for sure, but you know what? That's not why he's here.

THIS IS NOT FUN FOR ME. You understand? I'm not playing at anything. I just want to be allowed to live my life. And it's hard to have fun with a situation that gets me treated poorly on a daily, if not hourly, basis. It has nothing to do with men's clothes/things being boring. It's got nothing to with clothing PERIOD. It's just me trying to exist in a world that doesn't want me to.

WORD. SO WORD, Cai.

I have an easier time of it, living right next to NoHo on a friggin' liberal campus, but it is not the easiest. People don't friggin' GET IT, and it's a DRAG. So no, this isn't about fun.



My reasons for not being on?
Well, let's see. I'm in college, so I have very little time, period. I'm never around. I'm working constantly.
When I first joined, I was in my house for days at a time. The person I talked to most frequently was Ben. Nothing wrong with that, I adore Ben, but that is not face-to-face interaction there.
Now? If I'm not hanging out with my best friend, who is just the awesomest guy in the world (Ben can back me up on this one), then I'm hanging out with my floor. I live on a floor overrun by queers, and we're a good group. I hang out TONS with Semok (who's on the forum ). Lives two doors down from me, and I just adore him and his roommate, because they are awesome.
So, one, I have more people in my life, actual real-life, so I feel like I need (nay, WANT) less online communication. And two, between work and chilling with friends, I don't have TIME.

Also, when I first joined, I didn't know what binding was, not really. I had no clue about packing. I didn't know jack shit, basically.
Now, okay, I don't know everything, but I know a lot more.

Not to mention, when I first joined, I had no one that was FTM and knew what I was going through, besides Ben.
Now... One of my closest friends is trans. FTM. I have an FTM mentor of sorts... two, actually. I know others in passing.

When I joined, I was having a lot of issues with this. I'm not now, and what would I post? It's same old, same old, and I'm not particularly chatty about life in general. Those around me who need to know, know, those who don't don't need to know.

And there's a whole vicious cycle thing. A lot of the guys I liked talking to have left. NOW, I'm NOT saying anything against the new ones, just... Well, for one, I don't do new people well. And the people I liked talked to, they're gone. /shrug. I mean, Ben, who I am definitely closest to of anyone on the board, he and I talk all the time... on IM. Because we knew each other before I joined. So... yeah.

AND, I get bored of things easily.

Plus, for me, being trans is rarely the biggest thing in my life, and talking continuously about that is kinda dull for me. Waaaay more interesting to talk about the hook-ups/break-ups on this floor and who did what drunk and whether or not this or that Human has been tagged by this or that Zombie yet (Humans vs. Zombies (HvZ), wikipedia it if you've never heard of it). Just not what I like talking about. Even with my closest friend, I don't talk about it all the time, even though he knows and is very supportive. We usually talk about class, rant about idiots, share amusing stories...

All the reasons *I'm* not around anymore.

[GypsyKaren]

THIS IS NOT FUN FOR ME. You understand? I'm not playing at anything. I just want to be allowed to live my life. And it's hard to have fun with a situation that gets me treated poorly on a daily, if not hourly, basis. It has nothing to do with men's clothes/things being boring. It's got nothing to with clothing PERIOD. It's just me trying to exist in a world that doesn't want me to.

THIS is NOT about fun. I am NOT having fun here. I am living my life as I choose to

And this is the old "hitting the nail on the head." We also get very little posting from the true TS'ers on the other side of the fence because it's the same for us, a little thing called "life" gets in the way of being able to participate here. People come when they need to, just like they'll do here.

Cai, Alan, there would be so fewer problems if others understood your words, it's sad that so few get it.

Karen Starlene