My Marriage is Over

[JennaDesire]

Well, I never thought it would come to this, but my wife of 14 years has asked for a separation. She wants me to move out within a month. A little background first. I have been dressing my whole life(always in secret), it is a part of me. I have tried to stop multiple times by purging only to start up again within a few months. About 1 year ago, my wife found my stuff and confronted me. She told me that she cannot live with somebody like me, and that I needed to stop or get out. Well I stopped for a little while only to start again. She found more stuff in August and that was it, or so I thought. A couple of months passed and she was great to me. Last week she dropped the bomb on me, told me she cannot live like this anymore and she wants to split up. Big problem here. I have 3 children. While I have accepted the fact that my marriage is beyond repair, I don't know how easy it will be to leave my children. What I can say is that one thing that I think about is how nice it would be to not have to hide anymore. I have been wanting to break out my whole life, but not at the expense of my family. I guess I need a little advise here. Knowing that my marriage is beyond repair, do I leave and see how my children handle it, or do I stay home and contine to leave Jenna in the closet. I am not sure if this is much of an option as my wife has told me multiple times that she does not want me here at all. What do I do?

[Vicki65]

Phew... I dont really have any advice for you, other than to offer my heartfelt sympathy. I was divorced some ten years ago (nothing to do with CDing), with a young child who went to live with my ex. It felt like the end of the world.

However, time is a great healer, and now my ex and I get on fine, I'm married again to a wonderful lady who understands CDing is part of me, and my son and I have a fantastic relationship.

Whatever happens, and whatever path you choose, things have a way of working themselves out. Try to stay positive.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Jenna

Have you considered counselling as it may be a way to save your marriage

I know it wont be easy but it may be worth trying

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Jenna, i went through pretty much the same situation as you 2 years ago.
My wife was dead against my c/ding and told me to leave, i,ve got 3 children too.
If you need to chat to someone whos been there, feel free to PM me whenever you like

Good luck for the future

[SexyLatexSamantha]

I am so sorry to hear this. I wish I knew what to say. Maybe councelling. Anything is worth a shot. 14 years is a long time. I hope something can be done to save your marriage. We are here to talk to though. Don't be afriad to talk to us if you need to.

[Amy Hepker]

Well,
I have been through many relationships and I will tell you that you are pretty much done. I just went through another Lady that left me because of my dressing. I am sorry to tell you this, but since she has been really nice to you the last few months, she was either planning on how she was going to get you out or she has already found someone else. Either way you can pretty much kiss your relationship with her goodbye. Even if she says you can stay longer, I will tell you she will be looking for someone else. As far as the kids go, well you are up a creek without a paddle unless you can prove she is an unfit mother and you can get custody. That would only really happen if she was a criminal, or was into drugs and you can prove it, or she beats the kids or neglect them. Otherwise you can figure you will have to let her have the kids and pay Child support. As far as seeing the kids, that would be up to the courts or your wife at this point. She usually cannot keep you from seeing the kids unless you are a really bad father. I would say look for a motel that rents by the week and start your new life from there.

As far as you, you cannot keep lying to yourself and others, you are who you are inside and to keep hiding it is not healthy for you or your relationships. It will not be easy, but you will feel better about yourself and be more confident being yourself, but remember it is hard to find a new Female partner when you are dressed as a female. You are not true Female so Lesbians will not want you and so-called normal females will not want you. It is hard really hard to find someone out there that will want you as a mate.

[fluffy_kingston]

I am so sorry. I don't have much to offer. Sometimes there are no good choices.

[Tracii G]

Just because you separate don't shut your kids out spend time with them.
If she says you can't see them thats bull you have every right to see them they are yours too.Don't let her use the kids as a way to get back at you its not fair to the kids.

[Sally24]

This is a divorce, that doesn't mean YOU have to leave. She's the one that wants a divorce, she should be the one to move. If you love your children and want to have them with you then start preparing to fight for them. Don't just roll over and let her decide how your life goes from here.

As far as your femme side, yes this may be a good time to start figuring out how it fits into a new life for you.

[Daintre]

Jenna, all I can offer you is my condolences. Like you, I was married 13 years before my dressing broke the camels back, she was aware but hated it so much. We both had counseling, and it was her counselor who suggested divorce. Custody of children is quagmire, in my case, my wife got custody and I got visitation rights.....it all sucked.... But believe me, things may look bleak now, but life will improve.

[2B Natasha]

You can't stay home. She wants you out. Counseling is not the answer either. I went through he same situation not a month ago. 3 months of counseling and all. All that I got out of it was A. From the counselor, that CD ing is normal and nothing wrong with it. It's just part of who some people are. B. There is no was in heck that she was going to accept anything else but my total surrender to her on the subject IE Stop all together she thinks I am mental and she wants a "Real Man" what eve the hell that is!? Anything out side vanilla sex and clearly defined gender rolls is not acceptable. To hell with that. I spent 1/2 my life lying to myself about who I was and what I was. I was not going to spend the rest of it doing the same thing

Thanks to the economy I had/have a second house, so I moved there. Prior to that, we sat down and came up with a little schedule for having our child with me and with her. Mostly he is with her, as we bought the other house so he could have more room to run and play. So I moved. I did send her an email saying that this is temporary and that if we decided to get a divorce that this in no way should be construed as a final decision on how to split the marital goods or child living arrangements, from either side. (Just in case)

At first I thought I would be miserable. After 22 years with the same GG I could begin ho think about life alone. We started dating when we where 17. Then when I moved. I was relieved, free, unshackled. The knot in my back left. The pain in my arm left. I am happier and my out look on life is better. Not just that I can dress anyway I want but no more secrets and no more denial about who I am.

So sit down with her and come up with a schedule for you to be with the kids. Perhaps it is two nights a week and she goes out to see a movie or shop or what ever, don't ask her. You then go "Home" to be with the kids. Don't leave them. don't punish the kids just because you and her can't get along on this topic. They didn't do anything. AND YOU NEED TO MAKE THEM FEEL THAT WAY. THEY DID NOTHING WRONG AND DADDY LOVES THEM NO MATTER WHAT. One of the other ladies said you could PM her if you needed to talk about it. I also extend that offer to you. Please, please, please, talk about it and don't let it eat you up or feel that you are the only one and alone.

[Erica Lauren James]

Been there done that but I agree with Lisalotte above me. The things she suggested would be good advice to follow.

Just let your focus be on your kids, let them know often how much you love them and that they are your number 1 priority.

It worked for me as my ex was engaged 8 weeks after our divorice and married within 6 months and expecting a baby.
We were married for 14 and dated for 5yrs, I also told her about my other side 3yrs before we were married.

I focused on my kids and whenever they have something to do they always ask me rather than their mom. Also when I have more space they have also told their mom that they will be moving in with me.


So just don't roll over and give everything up, but be fair and keep your kids in mind always.

Best of luck

Erica

[Sheila]

Jenna, staying home and going back in the closet is not an option hun , you have tried that and know that it can't be done.

None of us here can really really give you anything but genaral advice, we know you and your wife not at all, nor your unique circumstances, but the one thing I will say is, make your kids and your relationship with them your top priority, everything else comes a long way behind.

I wish you calmness to face this troubled time, and an easy road into your future

[Holly]

Jenna, there is not a lot to go on here. 14 years is quite an investment, though to just casually walk away from. If the two of you have not sought outside help, it could be of great benefit in getting to what the real issues are. It's not usually the dressing, as many of our GG members here can testify to. I don't know if your marriage is salvagable or not, but from what I have read in your post, you still have some avenues to explore before declaring this union dead.

[Maria2222]

I am so sorry for you Jenna. I've always hated the thought that a person sometimes has to choose between being married and being a CD. Often, you wouldn't willingly give either one of them up if you had the choice. As far as giving up being a CD, I feel it's inborn in you and it will always be there no matter what you do. I hope things work out.

[robb01]

Sorry to hear that

[Oddlee]

Jenna, there is not a lot to go on here. 14 years is quite an investment, though to just casually walk away from. If the two of you have not sought outside help, it could be of great benefit in getting to what the real issues are. It's not usually the dressing, as many of our GG members here can testify to. I don't know if your marriage is salvagable or not, but from what I have read in your post, you still have some avenues to explore before declaring this union dead.

I agree with both Holly and Sally24 - I went through a divorce that had nothing to do with my dressing. We tried counseling, and mediation during the divorce. I was able to get joint custody of our daughter, who ended up living with me half time (started out alternate weeks, then went to alternate fortnights). I ended up moving out, but we had a deal that if ex could not find financing, I could keep the house.

As has been said, don't just roll over. Get an attorney who will protect your rights.

Lee

[Marjory]

I don't think there's any hope. My first marriage went south and my wife knew I CDed before we were married yet she sited the CDing as the cause. Get a good woman lawyer and make sure you know the laws in NY. Protect yourself, it could cost you a lot of money and living becomes damned near impossible with child support even w/o alimony. A really good lawyer could make a difference... spend the extra money now.

[avril findlay]

A clean break with no animosity on either side.
Sit down, talk.

Love

Avril

[Bigbad]

(((((((((((((((((((((((JennaDesire)))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))

[Angie G]

I'm sorry to get this news Denna and can only imagine what you feeling. If just talking helps You can PM me here And I'll get back to you hun.
Angie
PS Don't go let her leave it better for you legally in a divorce case hun.
Angie

[MJ]

I too was in the same situation as you 4 years ago. if i may say counseling might be a good start. and please don't be too hard on yourself. you must try to understand your hard wired from birth no matter how hard you try you just cant stop.
also you must try to understand your wife is just not wired for this type of behavior she fell in love with the man ..not the woman hiding within and just cannot understand why on earth you want to dress up as a girl or wear womans clothing. my ex was the same way.
your children come first always show them you love them. don't ever let your wife put you down either in front of the children or when your not there. if you can't salvage your marriage try to be respectful kids pick up on that.
and never give up i have 4 children and today they all accept me as mj and i see them often. i wish you all the best ..

[JennaDesire]

Thanks for all the quick responses. I have no intention of hurting the kids. The problem is my wife is telling me that this is damaging her mentally. When somebody tells you this and also keeps telling you that they dont want you anymore, sometimes you feel that the only way is to leave. She does not want to go for counseling. I have been going for the past year and it has made me accept who I am.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

You can PM me if you'd like. I was married for 16 yrs, I under dressed pretty much all the time, never fully dressed. After 16 years she wanted a divorce stated many reasons, cd'ing was one of about 30 reasons she gave. But the main reason in my view was the boyfriend she had, she wanted out for him. Our kids were 12 and 13 yrs at the time. My divorce took 4 1/2 yrs to happen, she wanted everything I agreed to 50/50.

Life does exist after a divorce, I let her have primary custody but I had visistation every other weekend. If custody is something you want fight for it, remember who has custody receives the child support from the other parent, otherwise you pay her. Anyhow, whether or not you tell your children about your crossdressing is up to you, I just recently told both my children both adults and living on their own now. They both knew for over 15 years about my crossdressing and they both accept me and still love me.

If you want to PM me, we can email back and forth, it helps to talk things out with someone who has gone thru it..

[arlene123li]

I've been through 2 marriages and this third one is in jeopardy due largely to my dressing. Trying to quit, purging and all that stuff never seems to work. It's so hard to be trapped in a no-win situation. I can see why they have such a hard time with us,...we do to. Time is a healing factor and the relationship with your kids is so important ...I know. There is life after divorce but unfortunately it doesn't seem like it for a long time...especially if marriage is pretty good otherwise.

Sorry that you have to go through that. I wish none of us ever did.