Ok this may wonder abit but I hope you get the jist of it
Now I've been crossdressing since I was 13ys old, thats 30 odd yrs of crossdressing.
Over the years thoughts about become 'female' have crossed my mind and always seem to come in cycles, and usually when I'm feeling depressed. However, these feeling have usually subsided once my bout of depression starts to get better and I return to my usual 'modus operandi' of crossdressing (which in itself has changed over the last couple of years since seperating from my ex-wife)
Yet, just lately, I am finding it more difficult to return back to my 'drab' self. I dress and I feel happy and comfortable as Rachael. Then its time to return back to my male self. Usually I give myself approximately half an hour to change back. But I now seem to be pushing the time limit to the max before I get change, thus making myself run late.
Now I know I'm not depressed, Its the first thing I thought of, the usual signs are not there I'm sleeping and eating ok (which are the first things to go) plus I'm feeling well motivated.
Its just that I feel happier being Rachael. Its hard to put my finger on it. Being my male self I feel like I'm just living. While being Rachael I feel like I'm Living.
I'm confussed being Rachael seems more real and it gets harder each time to go back to my drab self.
Any insights, pointers, or views would be welcome.