Why so much angst?

[Jocelyn Renee]

Is it just me or has the angst level risen noticeably around here recently? There's a thread on CDs being reviled the world over, another on being locked in the closet by society, another on aborting a child if we had advance knowledge they would be TG, etc. Maybe it's just pre-Halloween jitters, but I find it troubling.

As a group I believe we tend to mischaracterize society's willingness to accept CDing as well as as the motives of those who don't immediately welcome us with open arms. We call folks bigots, say they are narrow-minded, or deride them for their religious beliefs. I think the answer is much simpler than that. Humans are communal creatures. We find comfort amongst those who are most like us and become uncomfortable around those who stray very far beyond the boundaries of the group. We don't KNOW them and so we are unsure of whether it's safe to let them in. That's not bigotry, stupidity, or narrow-mindedness; it's just simple human nature. Everyone reading this post behaves in the same way. Isn't that why we find comfort in this forum? Aren't those the very same reasons we fear letting other's in our secret?

Let's give society a bit of a break and face the fact that we are, in fact, a bit weird. People are going to stare and not understand, but how are they ever going to understand if they don't have the opportunity to interact with one of us who is willing to smile and have the grace to answer a few questions? Society is not some crazed, monolithic machine determined to grind us to dust. It's made up of people just like us who are simply trying to earn a living, take care of their families, and derive a little pleasure from life. The overwhelming majority of people are perfectly willing to accept differences once they have the opportunity to gain understanding of those differences and how they are going to affect the comfortable spot they have carved out in the world.

The bottom line is that I am out in society 4 - 6 days a week en femme (in a small town in West Virginia, no less) and I simply do not recognize the world that is so often portrayed in TG forums. In a bad week maybe 2% of the people I encounter are overtly disapproving. A small percentage are fascinated and ask questions. The rest treat me the same as if I were en drab and we go about our lives. There are plenty of others here who have similar positive experiences.

This isn't a call to come out of the closet and jeopardize your family, job, etc. Make an informed choice that is right for your situation. However, please know that, should you decide to step outside of that closet, society is not quite the bully we so often think it to be.

[PamelaTX]

Well said! Thanks for the post.

[Sandra Dunn]

I agree with you. I will go one futher, Attitude. Anyone that portrays a weak person for what ever reason will be bounced on. When I go out I am not a small woman, I am a tall big bone woman. I could , like so many use to loose about 20 pounds. Still, when I go out people have to really think about whether I'm a man or woman.

I give the credit for the confussion to my attitude. When I go out I am who I am and I'm okay. I am a woman. I am supposed to be here and there is nothing wrong with me. You are the one with the problem, so get over yourself.

I will visit with anyone that comes up and asks honest questions. I will answer any honest question they ask. For the ones that come up and ask those question we know to be perverted I will not answer. You can tell when a person is asking a genuine seeking understanding question.

If you need to learn how to go out , take a bellydancing lesson, it'll do you wonders
HUGS Sandra

[Alice Torn]

Very well said, two! I must confess, that I have looked at unusual looking people, with a startled stare, too. You are right. We all have human nature, with its insecurities, and ego, and it is what's wrong with this world- a lack of the right kind of toughness, mixed with mercy, and understanding. You made me rethink going out, except, that at six foot ten, in heels, I naturally draw some unwanted attention. I hope to drive, then take a short walk, some distance from people, if that is even possible around where i live-wall to wall people! Thank you for a very soul-searching post.

[Miss Tessa]

Today my mom and I were talking and she told me to be careful and things and that if I go out as a transsexual people are going to call me names or worse.

I told her she is living in another time in America because I never get called named hardly ever for being TS. Most people are curious once they know the Tee.

She doesn't realize that straight guys LIKE transsexuals and the truth is very few feel revolted.

Everytime I get locked up, the transsexuals are like the celebrities and entertainers of the prison camp!

[Sam44]

I agree too.

[Karren H]

Yeah!! I agree... Your right on.... Way to much worry about this and that... Damn depressing... I remember the good old days when panty threads were every where... And crossdressing was considered fun.. Something to be celebrated.... Ohh well.... I'm heading back to go chat about makeup.... Ohhh and my Pumpkin photo contest....

[bimini1]

It seems like to most of the CDs who are out, this is not a problem. They either don't see all of this hate or are not bothered by it.

I do find it quite interesting that most of the time threads about all the hate that exists are created by closet CDers like myself. Could it be that we think it's there and it is not really there but in our heads we hate ourselves so much we think and project the false illusion that others will hate us as well?

Most of the gurls here who are out and about seem to be so happy and fulfilled with it and they are letting people know and interact with them. Yet us closet cases see no one, do it in private, no one evens knows and yet we are convinced of the hate. Strange.

[trannie T]

[QUOTE=Jocelyn Renee;1478845]
Let's give society a bit of a break and face the fact that we are, in fact, a bit weird. QUOTE]

A voice of reason is heard in the wilderness. We are different from most other people, we will stand out. We can still go out and be accepted or at least tolerated by others.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

It seems like to most of the CDs who are out, this is not a problem. They either don't see all of this hate or are not bothered by it.

The latter is my POV. I get clocked every so often and can hear some of the comments, but ya know... I dont give people like that the time of day because I KNOW the next 50 people will be entertained and have FUN.

That makes the naysayers, hypocrites and jerks a very small minority in my book

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[Tasha Meredith]

I also agree. I think your message, Jocelyn reflects a lot of empathy and social awareness on your part. It would be so easy, in our search for validation to paint torch-wielding villains in our minds, and then roll over and play dead when life doesn't go as planned. It's part of human nature to seek out mirrors of ourselves in others. And our expectations aren't met, words like "bigots," and "idiots" get tossed around. Mostly in circles.

Your message really resonates with me because I actually enjoy the challenge of being out of my element and meeting opposing views. As I'm sure many will soon learn, the burden of being different (or revolutionary) rarely entails going 100% unopposed in life or getting your way 24/7. Not that it can't be fun. Still, the concept of gender has gone unchallenged for ages until very recently. How foolish would we be to not expect a just a little friction?

Let's refuse to fall for the "us versus them" mentality. Relationships, reason, and trust are 2-way streets. Things will get better as long as we're willing to respect differences, build off similarities, and *give people a chance*!

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Is it just me or has the angst level risen noticeably around here recently? Maybe it's just pre-Halloween jitters, but I find it troubling.

I do think that Halloween has a lot to do with it. For a lot of transfolks, Halloween is the only day they feel comfortable being themselves outside the closet. And that depresses them, leading to the angst.

This isn't a call to come out of the closet and jeopardize your family, job, etc. Make an informed choice that is right for your situation. However, please know that, should you decide to step outside of that closet, society is not quite the bully we so often think it to be.

I agree!

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[battybattybats]

Let's give society a bit of a break and face the fact that we are, in fact, a bit weird.

Many people are indeed accepting and that situation is improving as my own experience out tonight shows me.

But then there is that list to be read on that day coming soon that tells me that society cannot be let off the hook till the number of those dead each year is proportional to the rest of the population.

Till the deaths come down, till the assaults come down, till the jobless figures go down then society is not off the hook.

We are making progress but we cannot ignore the problems just as we cannot be ruled by fear.

The fact is many of us here are not in the high-risk groups so we should not use our circumstances to judge by and say 'everything's fine' while people are being shot, stabbed, throttled, smashed in the head to death with a fire extinguisher and being raped.

Those who are in the high risk groups deserve our awareness of the threats they face

[Raquel June]

It goes both ways. If you're dealing with people on an individual level, they'll usually be very nice. If you're dealing with people on an impersonal level or in groups, they can be very mean.

People I talk to are nice. When I'm out somewhere, people will come up to me and be nice. But I still catch groups of people across the room making rude comments, making jokes about me, and rolling their eyes.

Around here there's plenty resentment. Some closet CDs resent CDs who get out. Some GGs resent the CDs making such a fuss about how feminine each other are.

[Rachaelb64]

I think its a sign of the times, The World is depressed economically, the goods have gone (for now) this effects society, thus its population and the individual........ripples in a pond.

As individuals we all have a different perspective on these events and they affect us all diiferently.

[Debutante]

The economic crisis, the possible political transformation that is coming... and the fluidity of us gender changers: that makes for a bit of angst. We need to be grounded in a good spiritual viewpoint...

[Caroline C]

Yeah!! I agree... Your right on.... Way to much worry about this and that... Damn depressing... I remember the good old days when panty threads were every where... And crossdressing was considered fun.. Something to be celebrated.... Ohh well.... I'm heading back to go chat about makeup.... Ohhh and my Pumpkin photo contest....

Not to get too off topic but from what I've read the Mummers new years parade (It's a Philadelphia thing) started out about a hundred years ago when a bunch of party revelers decided to dress up in their wives clothing and go marching down the streets to ring in the new year. And it's just gotten more flamboyant since then. I guess it also depends on where you live. I love the Florida Keys and vaca there anytime I get. Once when I was in Key West with a girlfriend there was someone walking down the street with a foral gown and full beard. Other than a few tourists and my GF at the time no one took notice or cared. More or less just to be expected.

[Nicki B]

I think its a sign of the times, The World is depressed economically, the goods have gone (for now) this effects society, thus its population and the individual........ripples in a pond.

I think Jocelyn's closer to the mark... I think it's simply fear.

It's my observation that the comments always tend to come from people who haven't ever tried going out in the mainstream - and they're looking for reassurance, for reasons why not to?

And, as said, it's Hallowe'en - perhaps in the US today, there's more pressure on ourselves to go out dressed as a girl? (The same cross-dressing on the 31 Oct tradition isn't found elsewhere..)

[Susan4]

I haven't been on the forum long enough to sense the angst you are talking about. In fact, in the two or three weeks I've been here, my sense is the opposite. Maybe it's the threads I'm attracted to ... but, I've read a large number of helpful and supportive messages from people who seem to like one another and enjoy giving positive feedback (and turning a blind eye to things that might be less than positive).

People are encouraged to 'be themselves', stay in the closet if they must, venture out if they want to (and can) ... and share stories, good and bad, sad and uplifting.

It's been fascinating to see how quickly one can discern the personalities of the various posters. And track the ebb and flow as new people join, hesitantly make 'first contact' and start participating in forum life.

Many of the people who post seem to be out, either a lot, a little or recently. Or people thinking of leaving the closet. This last group, may be the source of some of the angst the older members are picking up on. And, if it has increased recently, is that perhaps because there is an increase in membership every year (at least in North America) around Halloween. In short, is this an annual, cyclical thing?

There are also the needs of what would seem to be a large, a very large, community of lurkers. Shy or quiet CDs, probably very deeply in the closet or dressing part-time. What must they think?

I hope, like me, the message they get is the positive one. I was a lurker myself for more than 20 years.

I would never have joined a forum like this, before now. Why? Trust. You have to give your real e-mail address (with the possible disclosure of your real name) to an unknown someone - the faceless and threatening 'administrator'. Could you depend on them not to 'out' you? (smile).

For the last few decades I have believed everyone who ever told me that I can go out, I make an ugly girl, I can't pass, people will laugh ... worse, my boss, clients and employees will find out and I'll be fired, lose business or loose respect. etc. etc. etc.

Last Halloween, for the first time in my life, I went to work en femme. And, sky didn't fall. The worse (I joke) thing that happened is that some of my female employees got mad at me for not telling them in advance so they could do my make up and help me!

A couple of weeks ago, I went for a drive en femme, went shopping, went out to a restaurant ... they did it again. They went shopping. Earlier today, I scheduled a makeup application at MAC for next week - before my next outing.

I'm mad ... mad because I could have been doing this for decades. I've just discovered, in my late 50's that people are actually quite nice. As someone said, there may be problems with groups, or drunks, or late at night ... but people, as individuals, are quite wonderful.

Had I known this, I would have been enjoying myself a lot more for a lot longer.

I'm only happy I found you guys this month.

So ... don't worry too much about the angst ... I, for one, got a lot more positive vibes from this board recently.

Whew ... sorry for the long blurb. I'll stop now.

Hugs

[VeronicaMoonlit]

but, I've read a large number of helpful and supportive messages from people who seem to like one another and enjoy giving positive feedback (and turning a blind eye to things that might be less than positive).

I've been a member for a few years an didn't read and post heavily. One of the reasons I'm posting more is because some people here said some stuff a couple of months ago which alongside some stuff on another board helped me get over a rough patch. So I'm giving back as best I can and trying to be positive, gentle and nice even though I can be a bit judgemental on fashion/makeup issues (but I'm working on not being a you know what).

People are encouraged to 'be themselves', stay in the closet if they must, venture out if they want to (and can) ... and share stories, good and bad, sad and uplifting.

Sharing experiences is always a good thing, twas shared experiences on USENET that gave me the impetus to do my own first outing on Halloween in 2001. :-)

It's been fascinating to see how quickly one can discern the personalities of the various posters. And track the ebb and flow as new people join, hesitantly make 'first contact' and start participating in forum life.

Yes.

Many of the people who post seem to be out, either a lot, a little or recently.

Yep, that's how it is it seems, the more out one is, the more one tends to open ones mouth. Same applies to other boards.

Or people thinking of leaving the closet. This last group, may be the source of some of the angst the older members are picking up on.

Yep, people just about to open the closet doors tend to be a bit angsty. I was, on USENET and also in regards to the TS thing

And, if it has increased recently, is that perhaps because there is an increase in membership every year (at least in North America) around Halloween. In short, is this an annual, cyclical thing?

It was on USENET

There are also the needs of what would seem to be a large, a very large, community of lurkers. Shy or quiet CDs, probably very deeply in the closet or dressing part-time. What must they think?

The Dark Matter my friend L calls them. They don't talk much, they don't join support groups out there, they're invisible.

I would never have joined a forum like this, before now. Why? Trust. You have to give your real e-mail address (with the possible disclosure of your real name) to an unknown someone - the faceless and threatening 'administrator'. Could you depend on them not to 'out' you? (smile).

I solved that problem with a VeronicaMoonlit e-mail address. Don't ask me how many e-mail addresses I have, though some are inactive.

I'm mad ... mad because I could have been doing this for decades. I've just discovered, in my late 50's that people are actually quite nice. As someone said, there may be problems with groups, or drunks, or late at night ... but people, as individuals, are quite wonderful.

Yes, the "why did I wait so long" thing. :-)

Whew ... sorry for the long blurb. I'll stop now.

Hugs

I like insightful wordy posts.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.