I am dressing more and more now in my free private time, and have been out for a drive and wander (in the dark at like midnight tho! )
I am getting closer to actually going out fully dressed now - but i'm really nervious!
i reckon once i make the first step into public i'll be fine, and love it (i'm loving going out so far!)
but... do you ever get nervous? - i would be worried everyone was looking at me thinking "thats a man!" - as i've seen it before!
any advice/thoughts?
Thanks girls! x
Certainly you are having the same questions, thoughts, and concerns that most of us have had. And If I had it all to do over again... and I were more intelligent and deliberative, I would have contacted some local cross-dressing organizations before I went out in public. I know that I would have received some very good experience and advice.Originally Posted by kelly1469
But I didn't do that. I am strong, and don't need other's help (And maybe a little afraid to be admit this to others....) and so I did it all my self! It took years to gain the skills that I could have picked up in a few weeks. I lived in shame and fear that someone might find out. I was alone and afraid.... And that part could have been softened or avoided.
Good luck and have a good time! Rickie
"Who's around your TV is more important than how big it is...." Dr. Phil
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#1) Confidence
#2) Attitude
#3) Dress appropriately for the occasion
#4) Have a comeback if you are detected
JoAnne Wheeler
my come back is and what was your first clue.. most people don't care at best they will tell you so next time you can try harder.
just don't let it get you down have Confidence in yourself
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Kelly, I don't know what area you're in but if you google Tri Ess, probably the largest CD support organization, you might find a chapter near you. Each local chapter is a bit different as to how much they get out and about, but the one I belong to is very active. I can practically guarantee it will be one of the best steps you can take.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
you could reply "and proud of it" but keep your head up.
Kelly, I went out en femme for the first time on new years eve and was expecting some comments while walking to the party venue. I was very nervous but although I walked past a lot of people nobody said anything and most barely noticed me. I only had one negative comment all night and after telling them it was my first time out they congratulated my courage.
As this was new years eve I probably had an easier time than had it been any other night but its all about not worrying too much about whatr others think of you. Its OK to be nervous, just try not to show it. I will certainly feel more confident next time out.
living the dream
Been out now too many times to count and yes still nervous. Now my advise is quit with the midnight thing. There is no safety in being out at that time of night. I go out in the daytime and do what any other woman does.
Lora
All I want is a world somewhere, a place to wear pretty underwear
A dress, some makeup, hose and heels
OH wouldn't it be loverly
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing"---Helen Keller
How about wearing those big sunglasses that footballers wives have. That way, you can see the people, you can see their eyes but they can't see yours so there will be no direct connection between their mind and yours. Sunglasses give you anonymity.
Regarding what is written above: Avoid friendly fire, it causes unnecessary tension. Seek clarification if theres any hint of misunderstanding.
Take care.
My only advice is to enjoy being yourself my friend.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
No sense in being scared of something that's going to happen... If it doesn't then your damn good!! Lol. And after the first time then .... It doesn't matter.. I actually find it hillarious at their reactions!! When the lightbulb goes on and they realize... "Bink". . One boy at Wendys in WV was probably ruined for life.. As he handed my my diet coke I heard him yell... "Roy!! Roy!! You got to see this!!". Needless to say I was laughing so hard I couldn't drink my diet coke!!!
When it comes right down to it... How cares what others think!! I've got the right to wear what I want, where I want...
Kelly-
I would say find a support group in your area and inquire as to when their meetings are. They are really helpful in getting your feet wet.
What is your general location?
Jen
I agree with attitude and confidence. Have fun and enjoy it...the first time out goes by way too fast. If you think people are staring think to yourself "who cares". Most....if not all of the people you'll never see again.
I had a chance to visit the big city today and went to Dress Barn. I was pretty much in drab but still wanted to try something on. I asked an SA about a dressing room and she said she would start one for me. How I love those words
No problems, no laughter, no snickering and nothing fit
yeah i did think of that - will have a look next time i'm shopping!
been out again tonight (no-one around) - do wanna try in the day light next, just nervous/scared!
Ive been going out just about fore ever and there are days that what ever you do make up or clothes wise your stared at as "thats a man".I just go with the flow
Hello all. I don't remember any time that I have been out when I was dressed that anyone said anything like "That's a man." I am sure they thought it but only children and drunks would blurt that out. As was mentioned before act like a woman and dress according to where you are going and no one will bother you. Have confidence, if you act scared then you will attract attention. And I am totally against a comeback. If you have to react in any manner just smile and nod. A verbal comeback to anyone who is that rude will only invite more comments and possibly violence. I can't tell you how many times though I have been taken as a woman and had positive and salacious (is that how it is spelled?) comments. When I am dressed and in heels I am 6'4" and I am sure you can tell I am not a real female. One of my photo shoots was in a public park here and by the time we finished I had an entourage or at least 20 people.
Bottom line is most people have their own agendas and as long as you don't interfere with that agenda they will leave you alone. Have confidence and act in an appropriate manner and all will work out Hun.
[ATTACH]79367
Last edited by Lorileah; 01-09-2009 at 05:35 PM. Reason: double picture
If you can go to a TG conference like the Be-All in Chicago (June 2) or the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta (September 22) or any number of other venues and cruises that are around, this is a big ice breaker. I had been out when I was younger and few times by myself, but until I went to Atlanta last year, I just hadn't been out that much. Once in Atlanta I went shopping multiple times, picked up a rental car, went to restaurants and bars. It was a lot easier than what I thought it would be.
You can also join a group called Pink Essence. They're a Yahoo group but they have local chapters.
-Tracy
Everybody's normal until you get to know them. - Tracy Schapes
An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
- Jef Mallett
Blog: Tracy's Happy Place
If you are a normal crossdresser your first time out should be terrifying. You will soon learn that you most likely will not be declared a witch and be burned at the stake. It gets easier each time you go out, you're going to have a wonderful time.
It takes a real man to wear a dress.
A friend of mine was at a fast food place getting something to eat. She could tell that some of the staff had clocked her as they were giggling. When they gave her her food and she was leaving, she leaned over and said, "Don't worry. In a few days I will legally be a man!" and walked away.
You want to wear a WHAT??
Hi Kelli, 2009 is the year I'm gonna try to pluck up the guts to get out and about (at least once anyway). I'm getting all nerved up just thinking about it, you know when and where etc. Gook luck to you, and let us know how it goes.
Thats a cool response MJ, diffusing, humerous and educational. Nice one.
Can't help you much, I go out all the time, but I am obviously a man.
I do not use make-up, and I am bald, no wigs.
I am always nerveous when I first step out of my truck into public. I just think to myself, oh well, I really dont care what other think, my phrase is "It does not matter what others think about you, its what you think about yourself that counts."
I went to Jury duty in this outfit.
The only problem I had with jury duty, you have to go through a metal detector, and with all the metal in the corset, and D-rings on the floor lenth skirt, the sherriffs officer just looked at me and said, lift it! I could hide a lot of stuff in that skirt, and they had to check, I was smiling and joking with them and they were cool about it. I am sure I was talked about a lot, didnt make it onto a jury.
Last edited by Intertwined; 01-16-2009 at 11:14 PM.
"I am Yin & Yang, North & South, Night & Day, Feminine & Masculine" [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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I joined a local group, and went to my first meeting after getting help beforehand (makeup, wig styling, etc) I was EXTREMELY nervous getting into the car, even at night. I was nervous getting out of the car as well, and walking some distance in 3 inch heels. However, I had the support of my friends. Our meeting place was in the basement of a church who had been very non judgemental---they were great. Later we went to a tg friendly cafe (some straight, some gay clientele). I was shaking like a leaf. But one drink and I loosened up and started enjoying the experience. We went to a club that night as well.
I still do sorta get nervous at times, but it's more butterflies than true nervousness. I have been to several straight restaurants, and even a totally straight theater setting for a musical. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. Sooo---try the group thing, it helped me.
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton
99% of the gurls on here, no matter how good they look in pictures, are going to get read in public. Doesn't matter if anyone reacts visibly or not. I have read gurls, but just kind of smile inside and go about my business. Seriously. We're just not getting away with it. But that doesn't matter.
I know, everyone thinks they "pass." Not! People just don't notice, don't care, or can't be bothered. Nothing wrong with that on either side.
So just be a beautiful man. If it takes longer than 5 milliseconds for someone to read you; if they have to look deliberately for your Adam's Apple, you've done a good job, and they'll smile.
I saw one tranny at a cosplay convention. It took me a while to notice that not all was right with this incredibly hot blonde in a smokin' outfit and amazing boots. My friends and I, male and female alike, said "Dayum!" (If you're here, Hot Blonde, yeah, we clocked you... but who cares? ;-) )
Last edited by MissConstrued; 01-09-2009 at 12:29 AM.
Of all the advice I've read on what to do when being called out, my favorite is to put their confidence to the test: look the direction they're pointing past yourself, as a woman probably would. If they press further, a simple offended facial expression does leaps and bounds to communicate the fact that you aren't the one who is nuts.
If you are presenting as a woman, a good (but certainly not only) guideline in such circumstances is to always "stay in character" sort to speak.
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