Help!

[Paula UK]

Hi ladies. Im currently in the middle of a persoanal chrisis - I dont think chrisis is too strong a word to use. My wife knows fully supports, accepts and even encourages Paula but recently I find myself wanting more. Dont get me wrong I love her and respect her too much to ever do anything about. Although she accepts etc etc etc i dont think she understands totally how much Paula is part of me, she has an idea, but she doesnt fully appreciate quite how much (and why should she?!)

I am incresingly finding myself drawn to the idea of wanting a relationship with another T-Girl. Ive always regarded myself as totally Hetro but im beginning to question this, may be I am Bisexual - gawd, thats the first time ive ever said that out loud!

The thought of going with another guy is not something i could even consider however i find "T-girls" very very attractive and increasingly sexually attractive, im realy struggling to cope with this newly accepted facet to my own make up/personality and i realy dont know what to do - if anything!

Theres no way i could ever throw this at my wife, shes been brilliant in supporting Paula upto now and i know she suspects my attraction to other t-girls but i could never expect her to accept that i have a real life desire to test that route.

Part of me simply wants to try and ignore this part of personality but another part of me thinks that would be futile. If its who/what i am then will i do more harm to my relationship if i try to suppress it?
Confused and at a bit of a low!

Paula x

[StephanieT]

Blunt and to the point. You are married. If you want to stay married, don't cheat on your wife. How would you like it if she cheated on you?

[Paula UK]

Blunt and to the point. You are married. If you want to stay married, don't cheat on your wife. How would you like it if she cheated on you?

Ouch! Stepahnie - I think ive worded my thread badly. I cant agree with you more! What im trying to say is how do i cope with the self denial which is what im going to have to do

[StephanieT]

I think we all have fantasies of what we would like to do or try. I know I do. I just have to keep the perspective that some fantasies I can try and they will not do harm to me or my relationships. Others just have to remain fantasies. It is part of the sacrifice we make to keep our lives intact.

[chrissie-h]

I know where you're coming from, I've often felt the same. I have to say that I'm really envious that your wife is so accepting! How long have these feelings being going on? Crossdressing is a real buzz. But over time that goes away. Just a thought maybe to ask youself ... could you be looking for that 'buzz' again in these new Bisexual feelings?

[ggtracy]

Yikes! this may be every supportive GG's greatest fear.

[Paula UK]

I know where you're coming from, I've often felt the same. I have to say that I'm really envious that your wife is so accepting! How long have these feelings being going on? Crossdressing is a real buzz. But over time that goes away. Just a thought maybe to ask youself ... could you be looking for that 'buzz' again in these new Bisexual feelings?

hi chrissie

i suppose for about 2 years but only in a strong way over the last or 6 months coming to a very high point this last few weeks. My wife is fantastic and theres no way i could ever do anything to hurt her i love her too much for that.

I dont know if its a "buzz" im looking for, may be it is. It would be great if that were the case cuz that will pass. its still very hard to deal with now though.

maybe i should just go and stick my head in a bucket of sand.

xx

[Ze xx]

I think the bucket of sand sounds like a good option.

You have an accepting wife, yet that isn't enough?? That makes me sad for her.

[Deanna2]

Often when we start something it is not easy to say where it will lead us. In the beginning it might have been fun to wear a pair of panties and to 'progress' up the scale from there. Some folks wear femme gear because they like it. Others wear it because they want to be women.

Attitudes depend on how we feel. I wear a skirt because I like to wear skirt. End of story. For those who feel that they would like to be woman and have that desire may have other desires that project their assumed sexuality. I don't know, it is all very complicated.

[Nancy (PA)]

I know exactly where you're coming from; I have these feelings myself, only I don't have a suportive spouse. I believe that it's like climbing a ladder...our first step was to recognize that we were cd, and to act thereon. The next step could have been shopping for our wardrobes, and really not caring if the SA's knew or not who it was for. Then came the need to share our siuations with others, and then comes the biggie, wanting to have sex as a woman. My SO is willing to act as the male and use the equipment that makes me feel like I'm being taken by a man, but there's no doubt that the last frontier is to actually have that real experience. Whether we venture out that far is really a giant leap, and to be carefully calculated.

[2hairy]

i too have been getting those kind of urges although im not sure if my hairy body is a turn off. can u advise

[crystal99]

Your not the only one that has had these feelings and im sure not the last of us that will.

The way i see it is that we are both sides of quite a liberal coin, most of us are hetro but we have a very strong femme side which needs to show (sometimes more than others) but we're all still trying to place ourselves:

we are attracted to women, but we like to dress as one and strive to look pretty and attractive (this is where it can get a bit blurred) we look and go, im lookin pretty hot tonight, who will be attracted to me? i dont want it to be a guy coz im not that way inclined so id like it to be a woman, but im attractive to myself and im not a woman (genetically) so i must be attracted to someone like me, who is both sides of this liberal coin thingy.

but (and sorry to continue the bluntness xx) its probably just a fantasy, as we all have fantasies, and when realized its probably nowhere near what you have at home.

Could you look at your partner if you went through with it? if not dont do it, if you could then you need to be honest with her but see previous point.

Remember the last time you were out/in with your partner, that look across a room of mutual understanding at a point/joke/comment etc thats just been made, that song that makes you both look at each other and you get the same expression right back at you. Bonds can never be unbroken

Sorry to be cheesy but im a soppy girl sometimes.

xxx

[chrissie-h]

Nancy ... sounds to me like your wife is being very supportive!

I couldn't agree more Crystal ... well put!

[crystal99]

OMG i think that may have been my coming of age rant

xx

[Paula UK]

I know exactly where you're coming from; I have these feelings myself, only I don't have a suportive spouse. I believe that it's like climbing a ladder...our first step was to recognize that we were cd, and to act thereon. The next step could have been shopping for our wardrobes, and really not caring if the SA's knew or not who it was for. Then came the need to share our siuations with others, and then comes the biggie, wanting to have sex as a woman. My SO is willing to act as the male and use the equipment that makes me feel like I'm being taken by a man, but there's no doubt that the last frontier is to actually have that real experience. Whether we venture out that far is really a giant leap, and to be carefully calculated.

I can certainly relate to what youre saying Nancy. Im lucky enough to have experienced, on many occassions sex as a women with my wife. Full makeup, wig etc etc and taken like a women. may be i just want to experience the real thing (not that i believe i ever could). sex as a women, is fantastic, for me its the "real" thing. (Sorry if that sounds crude to some of you)

xx

Crystal - i thank you. i think you may have a point babes!

[lynn1969]

Blunt and to the point. You are married. If you want to stay married, don't cheat on your wife. How would you like it if she cheated on you?

Yikes! this may be every supportive GG's greatest fear.

I think the bucket of sand sounds like a good option.

You have an accepting wife, yet that isn't enough?? That makes me sad for her.

[Nancy (PA)]

I should have clarified the situation of reverse sex with the wife; she doesn't want to see me dressed, so that has not been part of it, but I have started off with panties and a nightgown (as far as she'll go right now).

[carolinoakland]

Yep, pretty much anything you do with out her, wether in real time or on the web is infidelity in my book. And she sounds super, I would say to you that like all the things we worry about are mostly in our heads. I think that if you sit down and do the one most critical thing needed for a successful relationship. Communicate. How will you know if you don't, and how will she either? Start there, I'm sure you will be surprised. Carol

[Brandiwvr]

please be carefull, a person is a person, and when we make promises to a loved one. we have to remember who all will be hurt.
whe4n i was single and going to shows, I WAS THE BIGGEST FLIRT YOU EVER SAW, but when i thought about it I saw that wasnt what i really wanted. and grabing someones a-- and pinching it to me isnt cheating but that would be the border. I am fortunate to have relationships dressed and not with both genders and am glad for my close relatoinship with my gg-gf. i never have nor wish to have sexual relations with the same gender but might someday?

sorry for typing mistakesw, have aqcrilics on "first time'. as my hairdresser finally talked me into it. cant or wont take them of.

[Violet]

Is there any reason it has to be all or nothing? Couldn't you indulge this new found attraction by fantasizing while you are with your wife (or, ahem, yourself)?

I guess I'm not understanding how one could skip over this step. I mean, I find myself ever more attracted to Colin Firth, but that doesn't mean I'm going to seek him out and cheat on my SO with him. Even if presented with the opportunity to do so, I wouldn't. I have other things that are great in fantasy but would come way, way too close to breaking the commitment I have for my SO if acted upon. So they remain fantasy.

[ReineD]

Part of me simply wants to try and ignore this part of personality but another part of me thinks that would be futile. If its who/what i am then will i do more harm to my relationship if i try to suppress it?

What im trying to say is how do i cope with the self denial which is what im going to have to do

I think I understand your feelings. And I admire you for seeking support rather than arbitrarily deciding to go ahead and act out on them since you know this is not something your wife could support. Hope you don't mind hearing a GGs point of view.

The challenge is to find a way to get past your desires without harming your relationship, since you feel you are suppressing a part of your emerging personality. Would it help to think of it as a potential affair, regardless of gender. Is it possible to remove the notion of gender entirely?

For example, how would you deal with your feelings if they came up over a sexy new GG at work? Or how would you want your wife to deal with an growing desire to be with another woman or a man? I'm sure you've thought of the impact on your relationship should either of you act out your fantasies. And I'm sure you've weighed the benefits of not abusing the trust in your relationship over the potential harm of being with someone else. The advice I most often hear given when a partner thinks about going outside the marriage is to talk honestly with the spouse and perhaps seek counseling.

In other words, maybe it is not about wanting to experience sex as a woman so much as an indication there is something lacking between you and your wife?

Just a thought.

[Ruth]

Fantasy has been mentioned a few times and fantasies are OK. "Regular" men fantasise about infidelities with film stars etc. so there is no harm in you fantasising about a girl-on-girl relationship - as long as you accept that it's going to remain a fantasy.

[kittypw GG]

I think the bucket of sand sounds like a good option.

You have an accepting wife, yet that isn't enough?? That makes me sad for her.

I agree Ze. The lament is that cd's want supporting wives yet when they have one they can't be happy. It always has to be something more and more. I think I agree with whoever said that Paula is trying to catch that "buzz". Sadly crossdressing, for some is like an addiction. One has to keep upping the ante to catch the "buzz".

I have seen this situation many times. Paula you will ruin your relationship then cry over and over again because you lost something special for a quick high.

I think you need counseling before you really goof up your life.

Kitty

[DemonicDaughter]

[SIZE="3"]We all have fantasies but more often than not, reality is NOTHING like we thought it would be.

Ultimately you would be sacrifices a loving relationship on the HOPES of that fantasy being better than your current reality.

Sex is one thing, love, real love where someone accepts you for who you are, is something altogether different.

Why not bring that fantasy to your wife? Why not express you want to have sex in the manner you are referencing and actually see if she's willing to play the male role? Why even entertain the idea of losing something you may never find again over a fantasy?[/SIZE]

[haapykat]

As a supportive wife I can tell you that would be the end for me because it is just like cheating. That being said I look at t eh pics with Sabrina and talk over which tgirls she thinks are hot and why? Part of being supportive is understanding this may come up. She/he stays home with me and I "feed his fantasy" Seems to work for us but be very careful I agree with other GG's you cross that line you might lose everything. Fantasy is good reality cause far more problems.