I may have done just that, emotionally speaking. I have been on a huge fem roll for the past 2.5 months, especially after I found this site. Been dressing as freely and often as I wanted, as I live alone now for the first time in nearly 20 years. I just kept ratcheting it up, seeing how much further I could take this new (yet somehow old & familiar) "hobby" until last weekend. I went out for the first time to a mixed gay bar (meaning that straight people go there too) but as I couldn't convince anyone to go with me, I flew solo.
Now, I know that we're all going to have an off night, or some less than pleasant experiences from time to time, but after doing fairly well interacting with the people there - and also having a little too much to drink (I was nervous) - I still felt that it was a successful night out. Yes I got a few weird looks and a couple of drunk guys trying to lift up my skirt, but that didn't really bother me too much. I met people, made friends, danced and generally enjoyed myself.
The problem, or shall I say the crash came for me the next day. I just didn't feel like dressing, I mean I still had a little mixed clothing on but wasn't feeling the need to dress. The part of me that was so alive and happy to express itself and hungry to live and experience life is now kinda... well, dead. I haven't had anything but male clothes on now for two days and it's very strange.
Maybe I'm just exhausted from all of the prep and stuff that goes into a fully dolled-up night (or day) out in public? I've been going out almost twice a week now for nearly a month, and while it's been great... it is certainly not cheap (razors, makeup, clothes, drinks etc.), and I feel a little like a kid on their birthday who has eaten too much chocolate cake. All I can do now is just lay in bed with a tummy ache or worse will have to get up and go to the bathroom and get sick.
I understand enough from life in general and reading on here about ups and downs (there are a few threads on self-acceptance and seasonal depression that I just recently read), and I get it that I may be in the midst of that very thing. And I know better than to purge all girl things, and how much I (probably) would regret that later, but I just don't know exactly what to do. I had a very strange feeling yesterday that I couldn't put my finger on, then I remembered what it was... male energy. Yeah, I actually felt like a guy! I can't remember feeling that way for a long time and I guess it kinda freaked me out a little. Not that I was ever a "macho" guy or anything, but I definitely felt male.
So, I think I'm headed for the bench for a bit; I'm going to sit this next period out girls. That won't stop me from getting on here and reading everyday though haha! I'm sure that I will be back with you all when I'm feeling more girly.
Happy Holidays,
Donna