By way of introducing myself, I am a mid-50's male, who has been married to the same woman for 31+ wonderful years. We have three grown children, with our first grandchild due next February. I have never been unfaithful to her throughout the 34+ years we have been together.
About four months ago, I was struck with the notion of wondering what it would be like to be dressed in women's clothing. I have no sisters, and two brothers. I have never experimented with trying on clothing of the opposite gender (other than putting on a pair of the wife's panties a couple of times with her present in our bedroom), and have not felt any desire until recently.
Being the analytical person that I am, I did a fair amount of internet research (incluing reading quite a bit on this site), and I see that I do not fit the mold of the 'typical' crossdresser who first gets the urge to wear women's clothing while in adolescence.
The curious thought did not go away, and in the week leading up to Halloween I decided there was no better opportunity than then to try. I had no interest in trying on my wife's clothes, as I am quite a bit bigger than she is, and I knew I would likely ruin anything that would satisfy my curiosity.
I went to a local Ross, screwed up my courage, and proceeded to buy an elastic-waisted skirt, a top, a bra and a pair of panties. Guessed at the sizes, and rationalized to myself that if anyone paid attention to me, I was assembling a Halloween costume.
Waiting in line to pay was excrutiating. I felt all eyes were on me (of course no one was watching), and I could feel the closed circuit cameras (??) following my every move. The clerk could have cared less. All but ran to my car, and figured, well I've gone this far, now I need some shoes. A Payless shoe store is close by, and I boldly walked in, picked up a pair of size 12 heels, and went to the register. This time, the clerk gave me that quizzical look, so I blurted they were for my costume....so I paid and was gone.
Stopped at the grocery store for a pair of pantyhose, and home I went.
Laid my purchases out on our bed, and cut all the tags off. Was extremely nervous as I removed my clothes and put on what I had bought. Of course the bra was too small, and the shoes were too tight, but I got everything on.
I stayed dressed for a little over an hour, while doing some computer work. There was no sexual stimulation, so I believe there was no fetish attraction. I had conflicting emotions, in that while I liked the feeling of softer clothing, I knew that the societal stigma of crossdressing was stronger. Took the clothes off, stuffed them in a bag, and hid them in the garage.
The next day I put them on for about 15 minutes, really felt odd, so off they came, and I threw them away at a local shopping center.
I kept what I had done inside for just over a week, but I told my wife on that next Sunday what I had done. I couldn't keep this inside me (I am not one who is secretive by nature, and this was eating me up inside).
She was shocked and stunned, as I have read most wives are. She asked most of the questions I have read about, and I told her honestly what had happened, and that I had no idea why it occurred the way it did. I mentioned reading a couple of times that decreasing testosterone levels might have something to do with it, but I didn't know.
Told her honestly that this had never happened before, and that as far as I was concerned, it was a one time episode. She was as shell-shocked as I could imagine her being. Kept saying that she could not process what I was saying, nor visualize me dressed.
Over the next couple of days, she did a bunch of research, and had more questions. I have stayed truthful with her, and have not had any further desires to dress. I reassured her this morning that I have not had any desires in the 3 weeks since I threw the clothes out.
My biggest question (and I have no one I can ask this of) is how likely was this to be a one-time deal? The thought that I may be heading down a path that would include an increased frequency of dressing concerns both of us...we know it is just clothes, but nevertheless, it is worrisome. My wife is worried that I am going to change into someone she doesn't know, and that I am not the person she thought I was...In no way am I making any sort of value judgement on those who do wear women's clothes, but this is something I never envisioned facing in my life.
I apologize for the length of this post, but I am looking to this group to try and give us an idea what is in store as time goes on....
Thank you,
CT