Finding the level

[Deborah Jane]

After splitting with my ex wife just over two years ago because of my crossdressing and moving in on my own i found myself dressing constantly at every opportunity.
At differant times in my life i,ve gone between hating the urge to dress up as a woman, to hating my guy side and thinking i was a woman trapped in a mans body.
Several times after my split i thought about going 24/7 and i even considered looking into SRS with a view to becoming a woman full time.
Just recently though i seem to have found a level i,m happier with. Sometimes i dress 5 or 6 times a week, while other weeks i may only dress once or twice.
I feel much happier in myself and although i no longer consider myself to be a woman trapped in the body of a man, i,m very happy to be able to dress as a woman whenever i like.

Is this the Holy Grail of self acceptance i,ve been looking for, for my whole life?

[mykhelee]

My dear sweet Deborah, isn't self acceptance the "Holy Grail" we are all searching for? I underdress as much as possible but am only able to go full femme on the rare occasion. That doesn't mean I won't dress at night when everyone else is asleep, I work nights. If you have found a level that "YOU" are happy with, isn't that all that matters?

[curse within]

Deborah,

I am happy for you in finding the level you are seeking..Your story reminds me so much of my life with my wife..she never accepted my dressing either I went through 20 plus years of that..

My part of dressing and it is what I consider the down side of it as well..Is not only the urge to dress but the urge for it to be accepted.. Because it is a part of me..That has yet been accepted until I came here.. I thought I could live as you are but the closet is very hard to step out of and lonleyness eats away of the half that stays in it..I can not be whole until I find someone who accepts me just as I am..That is like finding a needle in a hay stack in my
opinion.

I really do believe you are happy but for how long is the question?

[TommiTN]

Good on ya, Debs! It sounds like you've found a balance between your two selves that both can live with. I'm so happy for you!

[Celeste]

I would say so,its available to you,you enjoy it but it doesn't own you, nor cost you any mental anguish or financial ruin and you are prepared to share with someone special if that opportunity arises.Yes,I would call that a desirable and level headed place to be.

[TGMarla]

I'm happy to hear it, Deborah. It's about time, girlfriend. I know you've been stewing about it all for some time now, and I'm real glad you've reached a balance that allows you to get on with life. Look, life is hard enough without encumbering yourself with crippling gender dysphoria. Now you have the best of both worlds. You can get on with your life as a man, and be a woman whenever you want to.


Cheers!

[trisha59]

Welcome to the mountain top. It was a long hard climb but now you can enjoy the view.

[tanya1976]

I feel much happier in myself and although i no longer consider myself to be a woman trapped in the body of a man, i,m very happy to be able to dress as a woman whenever i like.

Is this the Holy Grail of self acceptance i,ve been looking for, for my whole life?[/QUOTE]

Crossdressing was also a major factor in my breakup with my first wife, she absolutely hated it. For years I thought no woman would be able to accept it, yet neither did I want to stop. Although I never considered myself a woman trapped in a man's body ( I don't think!) I never thought I'd ever really accept it, or find anyone else who would but...
Like you I eventually found a place where I'm happy to dress whenever I want and to not have to wonder why all the time. Once this happened I started to see it as a blessing rather than a curse, I also found that there are plenty of women who are really not that bothered by me exploring my feminine side....

[Sarah...]

Hey! Sounds good Debs. Long may it continue - good on ya!

Sarah...

[Sam-antha]

Congrats Debs, I am glad you have made it to this plateau and long may the sitting upon it last.
It is a tough journey you made, a quick journey too, but you made it without climbing to the extreme.
Being someone else part time is wonderful, especially when you ( either of you ) understands the other you - if you know what I mean, and I am sure you do -.

~Samm

[avril findlay]

It sounds like you've found yourself (I hope you have). I've been through almost exactly the same as you describe. Knowing who you are, accepting it, and getting on with it is a wonderful feeling.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Debs

Its good that you have found your level of acceptance

It can be a great struggle at times but that can make it feel more worthwhile when you suceed

I know when I found my level, it led to less turmoil in my life

It has not completely solved all my problems but it is one less thing to worry about

[ReineD]

Just recently though i seem to have found a level i,m happier with. Sometimes i dress 5 or 6 times a week, while other weeks i may only dress once or twice.
I feel much happier in myself and although i no longer consider myself to be a woman trapped in the body of a man, i,m very happy to be able to dress as a woman whenever i like.

Is this the Holy Grail of self acceptance i,ve been looking for, for my whole life?

Good for you, Deborah!

I've read this thread with a great deal of interest. Of course, none of the people who posted a response seem surprised, or even question the whys or the hows. You all understand perfectly because you live it! But, not being TG, I'm still trying to understand ... so please, bear with me.

I've asked my SO what it is that drives the desire to dress, why sometimes it is more intense or more frequent than others. She says it is very difficult to describe ... like trying to explain to someone why, at that given moment, you feel like eating an orange instead of some yogurt, or why your mood on a given morning might dictate wearing blue instead of brown.

So Deborah, having read your post and given that you have complete freedom to dress anytime you want to, I wonder if you know why some weeks you wish to dress more often than others. If you or anyone else reading this thread cannot answer my question, then I resolve to accept this is just the way it is and I will stop asking my SO or anyone else the question!

[Debbie new]

Good on you. Your two sides existing together, lifes journey is hard but can also be rewarding.

[Deborah Jane]

Thank you everyone
I don,t think i could have reached this stage of my life so soon without the help of everyone here

Good for you, Deborah!

So Deborah, having read your post and given that you have complete freedom to dress anytime you want to, I wonder if you know why some weeks you wish to dress more often than others.

I,m not too sure really Reine, i think the urge to dress is just stronger some days than others, thats the only reason i can think of.
Sorry i can,t help much

[StephanieT]

I am happy to hear you found the right level. It feels great when you can find that balance.

Steph

[Karren H]

I thought level was when drooll ran out both sides of the baby's mouth? Ok bad WV trailer joke!!

Yea for DJ!!! Level and balance are the most important thing, in my humble opinion.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I have reached the point where I can only go without dressing for about 10 days then need to dress again. Before children I used to dress everyday when my wife was at work and then after about 2 years I burned out and stopped for a month, and during that time I was not shopping like I do now in fact I had no confidence at all.

[sallyjones]

confidence is sexy. you are still a man and the line that you have decided to get to as thicker than you think. be free and dont feel bad fel good!

[Tracii G]

I agree Deb it has made my life much nicer.

[Laura_Stephens]

To me, the "Holy Grail" is self acceptance as well as being accepted whoever it is who is the most important person in your life.

[Jess_cd32]

I thought level was when drooll ran out both sides of the baby's mouth? Ok bad WV trailer joke!!

Yea for DJ!!! Level and balance are the most important thing, in my humble opinion.

I agree w/ Karren except for the drooling baby part

[Angie G]

Good for you Deborah it a good thing to know where you are with you feeling and dressing. I'm in the place I like and am happy with what more can someone ask.
Angie

[jasmine57]

Deborah-
I too am divorced and living on my own. I love being able to dress everyday if I want to. And like you have found a level I'm comfortable with. I also considered going 24/7 but with my kids I thing it's better the way it is. I normally dress 5-6 days a week at least for a couple of hours a night and pretty much all weekend long. There may come a time when I step it up to the next level but for right now I'm happy with the level I'm at. I'm glad you reached the a similar level. I know it make life easier.

[Jennifer Cox]

... I feel much happier in myself ... i,m very happy to be able to dress as a woman whenever i like.

Is this the Holy Grail of self acceptance i,ve been looking for, for my whole life?

Nice to see that you've found a happy place.

Maybe it's just a matter of getting the right balance!