therapy questions

[Shari]

Hi girls
I have recently begun to think that I'd like to pursue some sort of therapy.

What I'm after primarily is to not change who I am, but to try and find out through some sort of regression therapy, more of the why I have dressed practically my whole life. Was there a particular event that pushed me into it, or is it just predisposed genetics?

I'm interested in hearing from others here who have gone through similar counseling and would really like to know if you found it rewarding or just a waste of time.
Did any of you do the regression therapy, and did you find any answers?

Also, would you recommend a male or female psychotherapist?

Thanks to all in advance. I hope I can get some direction from you.

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Shari,
I spent a year and a half in therapy for various issues including my crossdressing. I never discovered why i dress, but i did learn to accept the fact i that do and that their is nothing wrong with wanting too.
My therapist thought there wasn,t much to be gained from regression therapy regarding crossdressing, so i never had it.

My therapist was female as i found it easier talking to a woman on these issues, if i had seen a male i feel i may have been more reluctant to talk about it.

[Electra]

Shari, there's really no explanation for why some men like to crossdress. No psychological theory about that has any credence so far. Take the advice of deborah jane's therapist and just accept the fact that you like to crossdress and save your money by not taking regression therapy.

[Jess_cd32]

Never sought therapy for cd-ing myself and I have also been thru the gamut like most here re: guilt, hating it, not understanding why I want to do it etc... .

I did find that with age came more acceptance of it, and now I never even question "why", rather I'm thinking I'm glad I do, and that its a part of me and I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it and make up for lost time

[Jennifer Cox]

...Take the advice of deborah jane's therapist and just accept the fact that you like to crossdress and save your money by not taking regression therapy.

Save your money for shopping - that's the best therapy!

[TSchapes]

but it's more about trying to find a balance. This last year has been an explosion of Tracy and a year of personal tragedies. So I've been hard pressed to take care of the things I should and curtail the Tracy stuff. And it's been hard.

I can't see any benefit to regression therapy. I don't think it would necessarily work anyway. Why you are a cross-dresser is not as important as how you will handle the cross-dressing going forward. Who are you going to tell, how often will you dress, will you go out, will it rule your world or will you rule it, etc.. These things I think are more important to get a handle on, than the why.

You do, you will, get over it. Now, what's next...

Love, Tracy

[Angie G]

I never cared what made me dress or why I wanted to. I know I love doing it's OK with my Beautiful wife and that's all I need to know. Is it going to help if you do know why I don't think so. So take that Money and go shopping for Shary.
Angie

[Kelly DeWinter]

After one or two sessions, your therapist should be able to help you define a plan to as to WHY (i'm depressed because I ... [smoke,eat,work]) you are in therapy, and WHAT goals (I want to stop smoking,eating,working so much) you want to accomplish, then have your therapist help you WRITE a plan(cut back on smoking,eating,working) to accomplish that goal. Then WORK the plan. your therapist then becomes a mento and a guide to help you accomplish those goals.

Therapy is a very expensive hobby for some, a life saver for others, a waste of time for most or a very efficient tool to exercise the mind, and get it back into shape.

If you have NOTHING defined as a goal in therapy, then you will accomplish just that NOTHING.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I have seen a marriage councelor (male) and have seen and am still seeing a therapist (female).

My wife and I saw the marriage councelor, because (see if you can guess) she discovered my crossdressing. I had some individual sessions with him, and had no problem discussing my crossdressing activities without going into detail. Once when my wife was out of town, I asked him if I could come in crossdressed. He discouraged it, so I didn't.

My therapist is a woman, and I've talked to her in some detail about my crossdressing. However, I think it would be more difficult to talk to her if she were really attractive, or wore clothes that I wished that I was wearing. I did go to one session dressed with her permission, again when my wife was out of town.

I went to the therapist to understand why I crossdressed, particularly, what I got out of it. One of my rules going in was no regression therapy. My parents are both deceased and there is no one who could confirm any incident that might have led me to crossdress.

I did come to a much better self acceptance, and that was worth it.

[deja true]

Never seen a therapist...just don't consider that my dressing hinders me in my (alleged) real life.

In fact, in thinking about this in recent years, and in paying attention to many posts here, it has dawned on me that dressing has actually improved "what's-his-name's" life in many ways.

I'm more open to other people and their problems and concerns. I'm more sensitive to issues of disrimination for all 'minorities'. All in all, I'm a much better person now than that arrogant, wise-cracking, sarcastic, self-absorbed kid I was!

It may be that many of us feel a need for therapy 'cos we might feel that that's the only way we can safely talk about this thing with anybody else face to face. And there is a need to talk to somebody...anybody... to get a little empathy and validation that we're not really the perverts that we grew up thinking ourselves to be.

So if we don't have enough confidence in our SOs or friends to accept us or support us right off the bat, then we think about the option of therapy, a method of venting that virtually guarantees some level of support, 'cos that's what we're paying for.

Those who know they have other, tougher issues, like addictions or marital problems or self esteem issues could prolly benefit from therapy...and it's worth looking into it.

Just my opinion...and what works for me.

[MarinaTwelve200]

In my experience, Crossdressing is just a RESPONSE some of us have to other issues or pressures in our lives. Its only a symptom(albiet a very prominent one) of something else going on, and is not the REAL issue itself. This is why if one focuses on the issue of crossdressing, one never finds the answer.
Just as a headache can be a symptom of MANY different underlying causes. it never does any good to simply treat the pain response, it will always come back---successful tratment depends on finding what is causing the pain in the first place--- eg.loud noises, muscle tension, trauma, anurisim or a tumor.--all unrelated, but causing the same (head pain) symptom

CDing can be a symptom or response to many diverse factors too--Trannsexuality, fetishes, forms of S/M, urge to break taboos, autoeroticisim, and even "discovered" reactions that support repeated CDing such as stress releif, identity escape, and /or a simple undefined "High"

Some urges are congenital (like TS), psychological(like S/M and fetishes) or simply a "great feeling " or useful effect one may have discovered at a younger age--(eg. dressing like a girl on Halloween was So much fun I'll keep doing it to get that high)


My point here is Crossdressing is a common REACTION to several different conditions, and not a "treatable" condition in its own right. To get a handle on CDing, you need to look into other life issues and see how your psyche USES dressing as the opposite sex as a TOOL for whatever it seeks or is compensating for.


I do NOT think that things(like TS) that make some of us inherently CD are DIRECTLY genetic, but may be congenital---There may be a genetic factor in the mother that may cause some hormones to go awry during pregnancy. The offspring may be born TS as a result. But neither the mother or the child would have an actual TS/TG gene. The closest thing to that would be the gene or gene defect in the mother that might cause some "hormonal instability" that CAN result in an ocasional TG/TS birth as a side product.

[LACD]

I've considered going to therapy but so far have not. I can't think of any one event that put me in the Pink Fog. I have like womens clothes as far back as I can remember. When I was first married, I put my dressing aside for many years, then started out as a fetish thing for sex. Finally opened up to my wife about 3 years ago and now I am more comfortable than ever. Still have my guilt trips, but I am more accepting of myself now. I haven't been out fully dressed but that is a dream of mine. I don't know if therapy would help me or not. I know I don't want the regression type as I've seen it's effects on some people I know. Not good.

[deja true]

...There may be a genetic factor in the mother that may cause some hormones to go awry during pregnancy. The offspring may be born TS as a result. But neither the mother or the child would have an actual TS/TG gene. The closest thing to that would be the gene or gene defect in the mother that might cause some "hormonal instability" that CAN result in an ocasional TG/TS birth as a side product.

Um...but Marina...this sorta implies that a hormone imbalance in the our moms or a "gene defect" may be occasionally at the root of TG/TS in the offspring.

Not to realy disagree with the idea, but your post as well as many others over the past months (especially in Nature/Nurture threads), almost always compares TG/TS inclinations to negative conditions...e.g. addictions, illness, a symptom of something else that's 'wrong' with us. Know what I'm trying to get across?

What if that 'hormonal imbalance" or "genetic defect" is not a negative thing at all? But just another , a different, expression of the variety of possibilities that's possible, given the almost infinite combination of genetic expressions that are available to the chaotic combination process that goes on at the time of conception. Or that the amount and timing of the 'hormonal bath" that we get in the womb is just one of many different possibilities in a wide range of workable, but not neccessarily "incorrect" or "faulty" potentialities. (That takes care of 'genetic' and 'congenital'...) Or as far as the strictly 'nurture' argument goes... Instead of TGness being a symptom of an early psyche trauma, it's a reaction...a good and healthy reaction...much better for us than the dive into chemical addictions or antisocial behaviour that affects some.

See...all I'm saying here, is that it might be more productive for us to use positive comparisons for our 'condition' than just those of pathology. I'd like to compare my predeliction to x-dressing to something like "excellent night vision" or "a full head of hair at age 70" than a negative sumpthin' like "six toes on each foot" (not that there's anything wrong with that!LOL!) or a bad case of the flu!

It's not that we're cursed with being TG, it's actually the (very good) luck of the genetic draw!



(Rambling a little, but the caffeine makes all these associations keep coming up...)

[Nicki B]

..more of the why I have dressed practically my whole life. Was there a particular event that pushed me into it, or is it just predisposed genetics?

Shari - can you tell us, why is it important to you, to know that?

[RobynP]

Hi, Shari!

I have been in therapy for about a year and a half now (this time!) and I have finally reached the point where I am able to identify precisely why I crossdress. A lot of childhood/teenage stuff was uncovered that I had surpressed for a long, long time.

I would recommend that you find a therapist that understands gender issues so you don't have to spend time educating them.

I have had both male and female therapists and for me, it didn't matter as to their sex. I was paying them to treat me and they better do a good job no matter what sex they are! If I had to pick, I am probably more comfortable talking about "guy things" with another man.

Don't be discouraged if after several visits you don't seem to be making any progress. In my case, a lot of time was spent unpacking all of my emotional baggage. You want to make sure that everything is unpacked before you start to sort things out...

Robyn

[StaceyJane]

I never have worried about why. I really think it's just the way I am. The reason I went to therapy was to accept myself and see how I could move on and be happy as both a guy and girl. that's the tought part for me.

[docrobbysherry]

Shari, I have not had any direct experience with it, but my sister did.

After years of seeing her therapist, " they" decided many of her current problems were caused by events that happened during her childhood. Since I was there, too, I know, for a fact, SOME of those events NEVER HAPPENED!

Just wanted to relate that to u. Be careful who u choose to see for therapy. Regression therapy is NOT practiced by most therapists. I'm sure there's a reason for that!

[KLUP]

I Went To A Counsler We Talked Several Times About Crossdressing And After All Was Said And I Really Enjoy Dressing

[raleighbelle]

First, I have not been to any counsellors for this at all.

I don't think there is any use in going to a therapist for regression therapy, or even to address the 'why's, which modern medicine does not have the answers for as of yet (though there are a lot of opinions out there, even with professionals, not based on any kind of scientific research). I think counselling could be very useful for you though if you are having issues with your crossdressing, such as how it affects your marriage, family, lifestyle, etc., and how to deal with those issues.

I think that regression therapy for cross-dressing is somewhat like regression therapy for blonde hair or short stature. You may or may not find something that gets attributed to the reasons for it, but those reasons won't make any difference. If you need therapy, it should be addressed to dealing with the issues you have.

I agree strongly with others who have said that this is not a disease - it is not in itself a problem; in fact - it is a very positive thing (at least for most of us). The problems for some are in how it affects the rest of their lives. And those are issues I think that can be treated and dealt with.

[tanya1976]

The best advice I got from seeing a therapist was as long as what I'm doing (i.e. crossdressing) is not hurting myself or anyone else then there is nothing inherently wrong with it. The other point was that there may not be any great reason why I do this so just try and accept it and not make such a big deal out of it. I haven't looked back since...

[curse within]

I really never had good advise from a threrapist other then there is no cure just treatment for the lifestyle of how fits you.. The best advise I could give someone seeing a therapist..Would just be open and honest..The Therapist will ask you how far are you willing to take your dressing and do you want to be or how strong is your desires to become female.etc etc.. The reason in asking all those questions goes into the type of therapy the Doctor will perscibe. Very important to be honest..

[Shari]

Shari - can you tell us, why is it important to you, to know that?

Nicki, that is a question I have asked myself too.
I can only equate it to the book and later on the mini-series "Roots" Maybe better said, it's about curiosity and the cat.
When I think about my beginnings, I get flashes of different images, feelings and even some aromas. I feel a longing sometimes when I remember some of these things, an ache that needs to be soothed. One might even call it nostalgia, like when you hear an old song that propels you to a place and time where the memories were fond ones.
I'd just like to be able to fill in the blanks, as it were.

Let me say that I feel no remorse or guilt about what I do, and strangely enough, never really have. I hid it for many years, but only because of what society thinks, or better said, the lack of acceptance.I don't think it perverse and I do not seek a "cure".
I consider myself a stable being with few issues.
I'm in a loving relationship (my wife knows and accepts) and my family and life is strong and loving. My business is doing very well, my health is good and overall, I'm a very happy and content person.

I want to thank all of you who responded or still may. There's definitely comfort in numbers of like beings.

[trannie T]

A therapist may be able to help you accept yourself. A therapist most likely be able to determine why you are what you are. If you need help accepting your crossdressing see a therapist, if you wonder why you crossdress read some of the threads on this site, they all have reached the same conclusion as to the reason we are crossdressers, that is- we do not know.