Fear of Passing.

[Annie D]

I just finished reading the Post from Sarahluv74 about if we thought she could pass and everyone was very supportive and encouraging. My thoughts about being out in public is as follows;

1. I try to be as feminine that I can possibly be considering my height and build.

2. I try to wear location appropriate clothing and although I may sometimes want to wear something a little more "sexy", I try to refrain.

3. I try to be unafraid and make eye contact and say "hello" to anyone who makes eye contact back.

4. If someone does a "neck jerk" and seems to have "made me", I try to go on as if I belonged there and go about my business.

5. The more that I am out, the more confident I have become and the more I am accepted and the more I accept myself, just the way I am.

DO I THINK THAT I PASS? PROPABLY NOT AND NO, I AM NOT OUT AT WORK NOR TO MY FRIENDS.

For all the new members who have recently joined our site, Ladies please add your two cents worth....What do you think about passing in public?

[victoria]

I think 1 and 2 are the most important items a CD should adhere to in trying to pass. I find that guys will look at you no matter what you're wearing, but if you're practically half naked, it's going to bring a hell of a lot more attention to you than if you wear an outfit that will help you blend in. There's nothing wrong in dressing provacatively, just be prepared to deal with the extra attention

[Karren H]

Personally...... I think that I don't care if I pass or not... And I don't pass.... But my attitude projects that I belong there, dressed as I am... And hardly anyone gives me a second look...

And If someone doesn't like the way I dress... That's their problem.. Not mine.... When I'm out enfemme I wear what I want, where I want....

[SherriePall]

Annie -- Using those five steps you posted, you'll have a better chance of "passing" than if you don't. And, I have said it before and I'll say it again: If you can keep them guessing (whether you are a woman or not), than you have succeeded in "passing."

[Mollyanne]

Personally...... I think that I don't care if I pass or not... And I don't pass.... But my attitude projects that I belong there, dressed as I am... And hardly anyone gives me a second look...

And If someone doesn't like the way I dress... That's their problem.. Not mine.... When I'm out enfemme I wear what I want, where I want....

ATTA GIRL KAREN, GIVE'M A GOOD WHAT FOR!!!!!!


Mollyanne

[Kristen Kelly]

[SIZE="3"] The more you are out the more confidence you will have, passing is over-rated I say I blend and I do it well. My confidence allows me to walk through a crowded mall and not even look if I'm being made. Each time you push your point of comfort things will seem easier. [/SIZE]

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]I believe each of us has a comfort level when we are out in public. That comfort level is determined by our self-confidence. In Karren's case, she has absolutely no problem with self-confidence and therefore probably has less problems than most of us. She takes life head first and there is no reason for anyone to get in her way. Her confidence is what is visible and makes her the beautiful woman that she is. We could all take lessons from her, even though she does pass beautifully and fits into public very easily.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]If you do not have self-confidence (and I did not for many years) then you are simply going to see yourself as not "passing" from everyone you meet, regardless of how you are dressed. You have to develop a different attitude, accept snide remarks, or cease going out, it is as simple as that. If it bothers you that people look at you, then you should not frequent public places but limit your exposure to places where it is "safe". [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]GGs face the close inspection and catagorizing every time they go out, especially if they are attractive and/or dress to attract attention. They don't stay at home and worry about how much attention they are going to attract, they use it. The term "use it or lose it" doesn't really apply here but the idea is the same. If you can demonstrate a positive attitude, you are 90% of the way to moving through a crowd without a problem.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]In my case I had to develop an air of confidence even it I didn't have it to be able to face others. Now I do that on a daily basis and rarely have any confrontations. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Remember, you are the star of this show.[/SIZE]

[carhill2mn]

I agree with what has been said so far but, IMHO, one of the most important things is to SMILE especially, at other women! Women smile much more than men. Usually, it is just a quick smile with no hidden meaning and very brief eye contact (if any). Also, a smile nearly always "disarms" the other person and they will smile back at you. Presenting a confidant, friendly, non-threating demeanor is a great plus to being accepted as the woman you are presenting yourself to be.
I have been "out" in a wide variety of situations and have always been treated as a lady because that is the image that I am trying to present and, I think, that is what people see and respond to. I don't know if I "pass" or not and I really don't care as long as I am treated as a lady.
Spend some time studying how women that you admire act, move and speak.
There is a difference! It is no different than an actor studying the character which he is going to portray so that he will be believabe.
One of the quickest ways to be "read", is to act as if you are doing something wrong or to act as if you feel like you really do not belong "there".

[LA CINDY LOVE]

Annie -- Using those five steps you posted, you'll have a better chance of "passing" than if you don't. And, I have said it before and I'll say it again: If you can keep them guessing (whether you are a woman or not), than you have succeeded in "passing."

When you walk out that front door and you got in your mind you hope no one reads you then you should just turn around and go back home to your closet because you will give your self away.

LA CINDY LOVE

[suzy]

WOW! Ladies, I am so impressed with all of the great advise that I have read here. I concur wholeheartedly! Smiling is sooooo important but it is a part of the total self confidence issue. Listen to Karren! That lady has got it down to a science!

Self confidence comes from learning and learning comes from doing! As was mentioned, if you are too afraid to be outed than you are probably not ready yet to go out into public. You can't be a wall flower all of your life, so let's take it one step at a time until we are all confident!.....ahhh...you go first!

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

[SIZE=4]Remember, you are the star of this show.[/SIZE]

Gods I LOVE this quote!!!

Zara

[curse within]

I just finished reading the Post from Sarahluv74 about if we thought she could pass and everyone was very supportive and encouraging. My thoughts about being out in public is as follows;

1. I try to be as feminine that I can possibly be considering my height and build.

2. I try to wear location appropriate clothing and although I may sometimes want to wear something a little more "sexy", I try to refrain.

3. I try to be unafraid and make eye contact and say "hello" to anyone who makes eye contact back.

4. If someone does a "neck jerk" and seems to have "made me", I try to go on as if I belonged there and go about my business.

5. The more that I am out, the more confident I have become and the more I am accepted and the more I accept myself, just the way I am.

DO I THINK THAT I PASS? PROPABLY NOT AND NO, I AM NOT OUT AT WORK NOR TO MY FRIENDS.

For all the new members who have recently joined our site, Ladies please add your two cents worth....What do you think about passing in public?

I think passing is in the eyes of the beholder..If being in public makes you happy go for it ..Who cares if you get made right?..Then again why would you care ...You have to be you and something that feels right for you is going out in public dressed than do it..

[marny]

With time and age it becomes less of a problem for you hon.

[Cari]

One of the best pieces of advice I got was that there is a big difference between "passing" and being recognized. Allot of people have read me as a man in a dress, but only other CD's or people who know I dress have recognized me.

It helps to be away from home as well, just easier to be confident with strangers. For most of us its hard to pass but fairly easy to lower the odds of being recognized. Dont forget the vehicle, that work parking pass or the bumper sticker that tells everyone where your kids go to school are pretty strong clues to your identity. No sense making it easy.

Ive related this on other groups but its a great story - I was with a group and being nervous let the others lead the way. Well that meant I entered the elevator last, the doors openned and the lobby was full of girl scouts and their parents. Last in first out, so naturally I froze up. While being pushed out I heard "Chin up and Smile". ( I editted the middle part)

I'll forever be gratefull that the hand stayed on my back and someone took the lead. I'd pretty much outed the entire group and the next thing I heard was "I guess they get their CD badge" I was laughing so hard I forgot to be nervous. So I am a huge believer in heading out with some more experienced CD's the first few times. After all if a group CD's start wondering whose SO you are then you are passing.

Have a Great Thanksgiving:

Cari

[noeleena]

hi ...Cari.......yea got that right ...the first tentitve steps are the worst .. yet when you take them it becomes easyer. going to a mall with say 300 to 400 people around . oh dear you start sweating .. then you sit down then watch .. all those people going about what ever . they look now & again yet no ones really looking . you get up put the seat back . then enjoy your day out .. easy ,,,a,,, well yes it is you just need to think . am i any different than those other peolpe ... well no. so you like me just go . do your shoping . like all the other women ... what i would like to know is who told you & me we are not like the others .. i have yet to find out ...after 11 years there is no answer. so i just went for it .. slow at first ... now i am part of those people ... just think of all of those neat times you are missing out on . i take lots of pics so whos out there me with a camara guess were i go ... or dont go ... the people i meet ... oh can i take your pic please ...i dont have to hide behind the camara now .... youll be surprised who you meet .. & i meet a lot of people from around the world now . yea just me as a women . .but but . my voice my this or ........what ever ........to make an excuse youll never go .. so yes you can as well.........go enjoy . ...noeleena...

[Genifer Teal]

The best way to "pass" is to not think about passing. Act naturaly. Results mayl vary. You will greatly increase your chances of "fitting in".

Gen