Confidence Vs Passing ..or..passing Vs Confidence..or Is It Something Else?

[LA CINDY LOVE]

What is it that makes a CD go out and about and what is it that will keep a CD who wants to go out stay in the closet?

We all have seen Cd's who say that they do not go out because they feel that they can not pass, but when you see there photo they look passable and on the other hand we have seen Cd's who are some what passable but they are out of the closet and they go out.

To some Cd's passing is very important to them and is what gives them there confidence and confidence to some Cd's who are some what passable helps them to pass.

But why is it that a lot of Cd's who go out, do not go out in the day time or to the mall or shopping or out and about, they only go out at night and that is only to a club.....the same club....... to be the only CD in a club is not for them..........safety in Numbers.

There are some Cd's who do as they please and go were they want they go out and about in the day time and at night, they know how to dress and they know how to handle them self,if someone make eye contact they do not turn away and if they get read they do not shy away they stand there ground............what is it that makes this CD stand out from the rest.

I do believe that it is more then just passing and confidence it is something Else...........I just do not know.



LA CINDY LOVE

[crusadergirl]

I picked confidence manily b/c thats what i need before i go out. Passing is good but thats not what I care about.
But your right there is something else that is needed just don't know either.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Yep, what Crusadergirl said. Confidence IMHO, is the key to going out and enjoying yourself. If you have that, everything else seems to fall into place. Confidence is also infective. Others around you will feel it and pass it on. Like a conga line

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[txrobinm]

We don't really pass, most of us. However, most people don't really care how we dress. I'm trying to alter my appearance so much that, while it's still fairly obvious that I'm male, someone who knows me would need to look long and hard before deciding that it WAS me under the dress/wig/makeup. At this point, I don't think I have that skill, but I'm acquiring them. That said, the chance of running into someone I know needs to be minimized by geography- shop and go out (relatively) far from home, outside the normal circle of influence.

Going out at night (or at least not on a bright, sunny day) is not a confidence issue- it is a practical one. My neighbors know my job, my kids, my wife, I see them at the grocery store, etc. One of them has already stolen a political campaign sign from my front yard, sprayed a big X over it, and placed it behind HIS campaign sign. I would like to keep my job and my standing in the neighborhood, and those things are not very likely if I drive past the neighbor walking her dog and she spots me as I pull into my garage, or past the old oil executive on the other corner, or the landscape business owner who looks and waves every time I drive by. This makes for a great community, but it's hard when trying to hide an activity that is dangerous to a career.

Tami at apparentlyfemale.com has some great essays on this topic. She also posts here regularly.

[Hali]

No matter how confident a CD is he/she must hav the enabling environment (feel safe) to be able to express themselves if a CD knows that he/she will get arrested or attacked(constant life threatening situations) at anytime, it will be difficult to hav CDs that'll go 'out and about' in those situations no matter how confident a CD is even if he/she is passable there are still fears of 'if coincidentally' he/she got discovered what'll happen.

[CD Susan]

Having confidence is the most important aspect of going out dressed! If you have confidence in your presentation then you will blend in and no one will notice you. If you have enough confidence that you do not even think about being read then you are passing. I have reached that level of confidence where I do not care if I am being read or not. You can also call it having the attitude to dress the way you want and not care what other people think. No one cares anyway.

[vivianann]

I voted confidence, because it is a huge factor to passing in public, I am out in public almost everyday as Vivian, and even though I am not 100% passable, my confidence helps me tremendously and peaple seem to pick up on my air of confidence, especially GG's.

[faltenrock]

I voted for confidence. Actually, I'm one of those CD's who go out no matter what. I don't go out around my personal environment though, usually far away from home.
When I'm out, I don't really care what people think, or if they stare at me. I just try to be myself. When shopping in malls, people are mostly very nice and sales persons help and don't say a word if they've read me. They just concentrate on giving advise or shwoing me clothes that I like.

[Lesley Ann]

I voted passing because, I believe only then can you gain confidence.
Lesley Ann

[yms]

I said that confidence was most important, but if it were an option, I would have said self-acceptance is most important. People will accept you for what you are when you do the same for yourself.

Yvonne

[renee k]

For me confidence, is the most important part of going out in public. It conveys to those around you that you are who you are, the gender your presenting in. While presentation is important ie; how we look the part if you will, dressing your age, and for the venue your at. All contribute to not being read. But the still the one thing that goes the farthest in passing is conveying that I'm the person who you see, and if your comfortable with yourself that will show through to those around you. And you will leave no doubt in their minds, that what they see is female. The old saying. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck. It is a duck, applies here.

Huggs, Renee

[Nadia-Maria]

. As the vast majority have pointed out, confidence is very important, probably as the most decisive factor.
. A bit of technicity in femme things and mannerisms and having learnt about them are also quite important.
. Moreover, if your face looks already girlie in male mode and if you are very good-looking including several feminine traits, you will do MUCH BETTER than if you have the basket ball player or boxing competitor look (of course, it's obvious, but it's too often overlooked by some contributers who wants to tell us it's not that important)
. Last but not least, there is another clear reason why some almost-passing CDers would not go out :
Because they would want to go outside as pretty, young, and very sexy women, whereas they'd better to go outside as uglier and older ones for better blending.
That's why, they prefer to play the role of the prettiest and sexiest young woman at home.

[tricia_uktv]

I couldn't care less about passing although I can do ok if I really try and dress down. Confidence is the key aligned with attitude. Attitude is hugely important and takes months to build up.

[FanciJewel]

If you really look around you will see that there are many GG's that don't "pass". We set our standards very high when we define "passable". So it really comes down to the attitude that I belong out here as much as anyone else. A confidence that I own this spot where I am and I will live it to the fullest.

Now, if I had a bit more of that I would be fine.---Fanci

[erickka]

Definitely confidence. I think that if you are confident in being a girl, you will exude that much more, and thus attracting less attentino to yourself.

[Sara Jessica]

I went with "it's something else" because we're talking about something which resembles "which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

And for the record, I'll go with the choice of word "passing" under protest because for me, I feel that blending is a more appropriate term. Anyway, it can be quite a simple little circle. Having the ability to pass/blend gives one confidence. Being confident enhances the ability to blend in. There is no right answer between the two choices.

[MJ]

With Sara

[TGMarla]

It has to be the confidence thing. Otherwise, I'd be out a whole lot more. But I always see the guy under the trappings when I look in the mirror. I think others maybe don't, but I don't feel like I'm fooling anyone. Perhaps I'm wrong, and a dose of confidence would go a long way towards helping me pass better.

[Sara Jessica]

It has to be the confidence thing. Otherwise, I'd be out a whole lot more. But I always see the guy under the trappings when I look in the mirror. I think others maybe don't, but I don't feel like I'm fooling anyone. Perhaps I'm wrong, and a dose of confidence would go a long way towards helping me pass better.

I think a lot of us have a hard time NOT seeing our other self underneath the feminine presentation. But this is because we live with our own mug every day. It's hard to overcome the feeling that you are infinitely recognizable in girl mode but for proof that not many of us are, just look at the great thread of boy mode/girl mode pictures. The degree of transformation in most cases is priceless!

[LA CINDY LOVE]

Txmichellem you said, that going out at night (or at least not on a bright, sunny day) is not a confidence issue.......then what do you fee it is that stops a lot of Cd's who go out in the day but do not go out at night.

Katie, Lesley and Sara I do agree with you all passing dose give confidence to a lot. and I did pick passing.

I always said it was something Else, more then just passing and confidence and Traica and Fanicjewl told me what it is.......ATTITUDE THAT IS THE KEY.

LA CINDY LOVE

[docrobbysherry]

Here's how I picture it, if I appeared as Sherry, out in public:

Barking dogs!

Crying children!

Women screaming in horror!

Finally, all the villagers coming after me with torches and pitchforks!

The only part of that, that bothers me is, I really LOVE children!

[Karren H]

I'm confident enough but for me somethng I think that it borders on stupidity!!! There's a fine line between the two.... lol

[Glenda]

I voted for "something else." Yvonne eluded to it earlier. I think the most important thing is to accept yourself for who you are. If you accept yourself then you will find the confidence you need. If you are confident, then the chances that you will "pass" are greatly increased. We somehow need to shed the idea that what we do is wrong. This is just as much a part of me as liking puzzles. Not everyone does, but I do. Not everyone has that inner feminine side, but I do. I'm also another who thinks passing is more blending unless you are transitioning. If you are dressed around friends or interract with others on a personal level, they know you're not a GG. That doesn't mean you don't look good. If you go to the grocery store and the guy at the counter doesn't realize what you are then I guess you passed. But what you really did was blend in.

[avril findlay]

You can be as "confident" as you want to but that's not going to be much help when you're trying to escape a crowd of drunks who would gladly beat the crap out of you just because you're wearing a skirt!

[Maxi]

I would have to say confident in knowing you can handle your self in any situation, and the ability to defend yourself. Most people react negatively to things they don't understand.