One of the prices you pay for crossdressing

[lisa_vin]

Hi everyone! I haven't been around here for several days. My wife stumbled across some of my Lisa clothing last week while trying to hide Christmas presents in the attic. She knew that I had my things stored up there in 3 or 4 very hard to reach places but she ventured into one of those, saw bags she had never seen and curiosity killed the cat once again. Now, she's seen some of my clothes before but this one bag had my breast forms and a couple of wigs in there. She'd only seen the clothing and this was more than she could stand......the straw that broke the camel's back! We had seen a great therapist last year over this and the clothing and my dressing need had been discussed openly with the therapist. The forms and wigs had been talked about as well but she didn't remember that and SEEING them was the final blow......the last and final realization that I can't extract Lisa from my persona no matter what and she definitely will never go away! I now know she only grudgingly tolerated that I dressed and underdressed and as long as it was not discussed or she didn't accidentally come across something I may have forgotten to put up or across a collection of items such as this particular one it was "out of sight, out of mind" for her. She never truly accepted that Lisa was a part of me and the therapist only provided a band aid over what was obviously a gaping wound that will never heal. She also would never discuss any of this with just me when we were alone.

There are other issues in this mix so it was not this one single thing that will end the relationship but I'm now contemplating a split-up and probable divorce somewhere in my future......after 30 years together! There's been a lot of unhappy, ugly water under the bridge since her first "discovery" many years ago and two other subsequent therapist sessions where I was ordered to "Get it fixed or else" and told this was my problem and she didn't have any problems and would not be talking with either of those therapists because I needed to be fixed, not her, and she would never accept any alternative. Looking back, I missed the sign way back then that she wanted absolutely no part of me physically or "mentally" dressed in her eyes or mind by her complete unwillingness to discuss it with me or the therapist and try to look for compromises or set up house rules. I realize she had rejected me for who I was then but for whatever reason either chose to refuse to believe it and push it out of her mind or not seek separation in "hopes" that it was a passing ugly "phase" or experimentation that would play itself out. That I never told her before we married and she "found out" later left her feeling cheated out of a better life and a relationship with a "real" man as she has put it to me several times.

The "cheated out of" part I fully accept responsibility for and have nothing but deep sorrow and shame if I've truly done that to her. I kept this part of me from her so I lied and betrayed her and fully accept the blame for that. Believe me, any future relationship attempt, if any, will include a full, up-front disclosure of my imperfections so there will be no misunderstandings of who I am and the person they will be getting!!!!!!!!!

Sorry my friends.......I know this is not the most pleasant of posts and a real downer but if I couldn't share this experience with y'all, I would literally explode. Thank you all for listening and supporting. Your friendship means the world to me.

Love

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

it sucks that the SO in a cd relationship cant see the BIG picture,,,,,
we are NOT hurting anyone,,raping babies,,selling drugs killing people,,or being drunk wife beaters,,,(I wonder if they would rather live with a wife beater instead)

WE are NOT the sick ones,,we know who we are,,,,,,

who says your not a REAL man??? just because you like to wear soft clothes...why should only the females get to wear the fun clothes..i HATE labels....WE ARE ALL HUMANS.........

shyt,,i do work on cars and the house while dressed,,,,
im a jack/jill of all trades and can build you a house while wearing a skirt and 4 inch heels,,,

[Karren H]

it sucks that the SO in a cd relationship cant see the BIG picture,,,,,

So it's their fault?? hahaha That's a great statement... They didn't sign up for this knowingly so I wouldn't blame any of them including my wife who found out almost the same way for diviorcing them, us... me... in a heartbeat....

[MJ]

i am so sorry to hear this . try to get her to forget about it until after Christmas at least have one more fun time before the crap hits the fan. my heart goes out to you
been there done that got the bumper sitcker... and the dog house

[Tess]

So it's their fault?? hahaha That's a great statement... They didn't sign up for this knowingly so I wouldn't blame any of them including my wife who found out almost the same way for diviorcing them, us... me... in a heartbeat....

I agree. Of all the things that our SO may think they could face during a marriage, a cross dressing husband probably isn't one of them. I don't think my wife could handle it and I really couldn't blame her.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

So it's their fault?? hahaha That's a great statement... They didn't sign up for this knowingly so I wouldn't blame any of them including my wife who found out almost the same way for diviorcing them, us... me... in a heartbeat....

Yep, and this is why I perpetuate the HONESTY aspect for people wanting to know IF they should tell their soon-to-be spouses up front. Either risk losing them right away, or suffer the hardhsip that comes out after a LONG time of lying about it.

Zarabeth

[DocChuck]

The only thing I can think to say to you is give her some time to try and get right in her mind. My wife was not too happy either. Being married to me is hardly a picnic.
In due time she realized that I am still me even in a dress or in pantyhose. She loves me for who I am and who I am is a man who likes to dress as a woman. Right now she cannot see beyond the feeling threatened. When and if she can you may be able to talk to her. I wish you luck.

[Satrana]

Lisa

So sad to hear this happen. She has spent 30 years with you and is now contemplating throwing that all away because her head in the sand approach backfired. This is why people have to get these issues properly sorted out when they first materialize and not let them be swept under the carpet because you can pretty much guarantee they will be come back to haunt you.

Suggest you remind her what you have accomplished and the commitments you have made with her over 30 years despite not being the "real" man she dreams about.

[linnea]

So it's their fault?? hahaha That's a great statement... They didn't sign up for this knowingly so I wouldn't blame any of them including my wife who found out almost the same way for diviorcing them, us... me... in a heartbeat....

Yes, I agree with Karren. However, I think that it is possible to work through these shocking revelations when they happen. I have not done it; I'm too chicken to bring it up myself (though I have made some tiny progress toward telling my daughter and another relative). If and when I tell or I'm caught, I hope that my SO will have the patience and willingness to deal with it.
I don't believe that CDs are sick or perverse, but some--like me--have lived deceitfully, and as has been said on this forum many times, the deceit is often the WORST of the situation with our spouses or SO's.
I hope and pray for every secret CD that their relations will endure and prevail over the negatives involved in hiding their other -selves.

[Sara Jessica]

we are NOT hurting anyone,,raping babies,,selling drugs killing people,,or being drunk wife beaters,,,

This part is so true. My wife has actually said it might be easier if I was having an affair!!!

No, I wouldn't do that, nor am I any of the above. So sorry to hear of this Lisa. Stay strong, hopefully all will work out for the best.

[sissystephanie]

we are NOT hurting anyone,,raping babies,,selling drugs killing people,,or being drunk wife beaters

I totally disagree with Obsessed's statement. You ARE hurting someone when you lie and deceive them!! Marriage is now, and always has been, a two way street. Or better stated, a two person situation. Honest and open communication must always be the way to handle things. And that means from the very beginning, BEFORE the marriage.

Lisa's wife married a real man! But that man likes to wear women's clothing! She did not know that, because he never thought to tell her, and give her the option of saying NO to his proposal. Was that fair to her..........not in any sense of the word!

I am truly sorry if a 30 year marriage has to end like this, but you know deep in your heart that it is entirely your fault!! If you really truly love her, and after 30 years I would think so, you can give up Lisa in order to keep her! You have to decide what is more important! Satisfying your own desires, or keeping the lady you loved enough to marry! I have been a CD for over 60 years, but if a certain lady told me to stop being Stephanie I would in a heartbeat! My love for her is strong enough that I know that I could stop being Stephanie. My dear late wife, who was fully supportive from before our marriage, once asked me to stop being Stephanie! I did, and one year later she handed me a pair of panties and a bra and told me it was time for Stephanie to reappear!

[StayceeCD]

I totally disagree with Obsessed's statement. You ARE hurting someone when you lie and deceive them!! Marriage is now, and always has been, a two way street. Or better stated, a two person situation. Honest and open communication must always be the way to handle things. And that means from the very beginning, BEFORE the marriage.

Lisa's wife married a real man! But that man likes to wear women's clothing! She did not know that, because he never thought to tell her, and give her the option of saying NO to his proposal. Was that fair to her..........not in any sense of the word!

I am truly sorry if a 30 year marriage has to end like this, but you know deep in your heart that it is entirely your fault!! If you really truly love her, and after 30 years I would think so, you can give up Lisa in order to keep her! You have to decide what is more important! Satisfying your own desires, or keeping the lady you loved enough to marry! I have been a CD for over 60 years, but if a certain lady told me to stop being Stephanie I would in a heartbeat! My love for her is strong enough that I know that I could stop being Stephanie. My dear late wife, who was fully supportive from before our marriage, once asked me to stop being Stephanie! I did, and one year later she handed me a pair of panties and a bra and told me it was time for Stephanie to reappear!

Stephanie,
I agree with you about taking responsibility. It is truly a confusing place for a wife to be after thinking she married a "manly man".. But sometimes situations like that are unavoidable because we ourselves are so confused by it. I don't know Lisa's whole story but it very much mirrors what I am currently going through.. I met my wife when I was 20 in 1983. She was 18. we dated for a long time and got married in 1992.. I was still trying to figure out what I was at that time and was young and full of guilty feelings for thinking I was a freak. I wasn't going to to tell ANYONE!! I thought it would pass.. Sure, I put it on the back burner for a long time but it A L W A Y S comes back! More guilty feelings, and now being married for a few years. Thought I could give it up again.. Tried.. Didn't work.. Long story short.. She found out.. They ALWAYS will eventually.. She was understandably shocked.. At first she said it turned her on, then she did an immediate about face and it's now sort of a "don't ask, don't tell" situation.. She says "I'm the one with the problem" and will not see a therapist with me.. She doesn't want to know about it and I'm realistic enough to know you CAN NOT give it up! It is a part of you just as much as your skin is! You can deny it and put it on the back burner for a while but you are just being unrealistic. You can't quit this even for someone you love! You'll just be lying even more! That being said, I can only imagine being put in that place myself. If my wife wanted to put hair on her face and a bulge in her pants I would be devastated.. I don't know what will happen with my marriage but I try to bring it up from time to time cause I know communication is the key..I love her very very much and hope she will one day want to open the lines of communication.. I AM the same person she's known since 1983! I AM a great father to our daughter! I AM a great provider, and I AM a crossdresser! Sorry for the rant!!

[Joanne f]

I am sorry to hear of you and your wife`s situation at the moment , and i do not think that we should be laying the blame on anyone as that would mean that one person is right and one is wrong when it is a combination of events that taken one at a time can be sorted out if both are willing to like in any relationship "give and take ".
You need to look at your wife's needs and she needs to look at yours and you come up with a compromise, i know it is so easy for someone else to say that and so hard to put it into practise, but that is what relationships are about not one or the other demanding anything as that only causes resentment.
I wish you both well in sorting this out as i can feel and look at it from both sides.

joanne

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi there Lisa,

I was saddened to read your story and I can fully sympathise with both you and your wife. You are into something which is impossible to escape from even if you wanted and she rightfully feels cheated and can't accept it. Stale Mate! I've been there and faced many very bitter comments from my wife(ex). Life became unbearable. When sober she would say it was all okay and she had no problem with it but after a drink she would be absolutley evil towards me becase of it.

I felt all the guilt for being the one to start it and then spoiling her dreams. The main difference with us is that I told her early on before I had any CD items of my own.

I finally told her that I didn't want to live with her anymore as I could not and would not take any more of her mental/verbal abuse and that we both deserved a better life than what we currently had. The opening lines of an old Randy Crawford song summed up my situation,
" If you're not afraid of what love brings
Then endings are beginings of beautiful things"

We split up and I realised that she would spread the news about me quickly, which she did in (over)graphic detail. I didn't want friends or family to be hurt so I had to get in first. I came out totally to them. Now I can see that this was the best move I could have made. And now?

I met this fantastic woman who (due to my ex) knew about me. We would talk about it a lot and finally we became lovers. We now live happily together and she accepts me for the person that I am. She is also a member on this website (katy dee).

I think you are nearing your darkest point but I write to assure you that there is definitely a bright shining light at the end of the tunnel.

I sincerely wish you all the best and hope that you both can find the right solution to your saddness.
Samantha K

[Satrana]

. I was still trying to figure out what I was at that time and was young and full of guilty feelings for thinking I was a freak.

And that is an important thing to remember especially for those who entered into a relationship before the widespread use of the internet, basically any time before the turn of the century. Almost all CDs were completely isolated and unable to understand their own feelings and thought themselves the worst freaks alive. To condemn anyone who found themselves in such a predicament is to be devoid of understanding and empathy.

Similarly when you know that others will almost certainly consider you a freak and hate you for being so, exactly what about that is going to encourage you to open up? It is only human to avoid the pain such prejudices bring.

How many people would so readily condemn a woman who decided not to reveal her childhood abuse? All CDs are victims of society's intolerance which leads to self loathing and guilt. While we should overcome these feelings ourselves, a little compassion from others would not go amiss.

[deja true]

Katie B's posts (#'s 21 and 22) and Satrana's last (#23) are exactly what was going through my head as I was reading this thread...

Except in the rarest of circumstances, there just was NO telling, NO possibility of compromise if you'd told over 30 years ago! Even with the most educated and sensitive woman in the world, there would have been friction over this revelation.

And on our sides, without the support of empathetic others (like most of those on this forum) and with an official med/psyche attitude that cd'ing was a mental illness, all we had was guilt and fear and recrimination!

I kept quiet, too. And I felt safe. And I let the chance of marriage to several miraculous women slip through my fingers because of it!

Get off lisa's case. She did the best she could. But she ended up with a woman who decided not to love her. It's sad that it took so long for this drama to finally end up as a tragedy, when it could have ended up as a romantic comedy!

[kimberlyt221]

And that is an important thing to remember especially for those who entered into a relationship before the widespread use of the internet, basically any time before the turn of the century. Almost all CDs were completely isolated and unable to understand their own feelings and thought themselves the worst freaks alive. To condemn anyone who found themselves in such a predicament is to be devoid of understanding and empathy.

Similarly when you know that others will almost certainly consider you a freak and hate you for being so, exactly what about that is going to encourage you to open up? It is only human to avoid the pain such prejudices bring.

How many people would so readily condemn a woman who decided not to reveal her childhood abuse? All CDs are victims of society's intolerance which leads to self loathing and guilt. While we should overcome these feelings ourselves, a little compassion from others would not go amiss.

Just what I was thinking! When I brought it up to my SO, it took me 20 minutes just to start talking. I still feel a deep rooted shame, and horrible embarrasment. I'm still pretty much in the closet, but she knows I've done it in the past. It's not fun here, and I rarely dress anymore. But I THINK about it constantly!
I guess it's not going to be as easy to give up as I was hoping

[mona lisa]

I totally disagree with Obsessed's statement. You ARE hurting someone when you lie and deceive them!! Marriage is now, and always has been, a two way street. Or better stated, a two person situation. Honest and open communication must always be the way to handle things. And that means from the very beginning, BEFORE the marriage.

Lisa's wife married a real man! But that man likes to wear women's clothing! She did not know that, because he never thought to tell her, and give her the option of saying NO to his proposal. Was that fair to her..........not in any sense of the word!

I am truly sorry if a 30 year marriage has to end like this, but you know deep in your heart that it is entirely your fault!! If you really truly love her, and after 30 years I would think so, you can give up Lisa in order to keep her! You have to decide what is more important! Satisfying your own desires, or keeping the lady you loved enough to marry! I have been a CD for over 60 years, but if a certain lady told me to stop being Stephanie I would in a heartbeat! My love for her is strong enough that I know that I could stop being Stephanie. My dear late wife, who was fully supportive from before our marriage, once asked me to stop being Stephanie! I did, and one year later she handed me a pair of panties and a bra and told me it was time for Stephanie to reappear!

Well said Stephanie!!!

[kittypw GG]

it sucks that the SO in a cd relationship cant see the BIG picture,,,,,
we are NOT hurting anyone,,raping babies,,selling drugs killing people,,or being drunk wife beaters,,,(I wonder if they would rather live with a wife beater instead)

WE are NOT the sick ones,,we know who we are,,,,,,

who says your not a REAL man??? just because you like to wear soft clothes...why should only the females get to wear the fun clothes..i HATE labels....WE ARE ALL HUMANS.........

shyt,,i do work on cars and the house while dressed,,,,
im a jack/jill of all trades and can build you a house while wearing a skirt and 4 inch heels,,,

I am sorry but this makes me Just what is the big picture???? I don't think she was allowed to see the "big picture" because her husband, the "real man" in her life sort of left the big picture out!!!! How is hiding this not hurting someone???? Fricking explain that to me. And I hope you are not suggesting that wife beaters and child rapers are the alternative to relationships with cd's.

You say you are not the sick ones and you know who you are?? Then why in the world don't you share who you are up front in a relationship??? Why the intent to deceive? I'm sure he got exactly what he bargined for, but he did not allow her to have the same.

And get off the soft clothes crap, men have a full selection of soft clothes to pick from and a large variety to boot. Oye it is not about the damn clothes!!!!!!

This is about betrayal, this is about selling yourself as something you are not. He billed himself as a "real man" and that is what she thought she was getting. Not someone who wants to be a faux girl! He made his bed now he has to lie in it.

Kitty

[kittypw GG]

Kitty, your personal anger is coming out, and it doesn't greatly help Lisa or her wife. Surely you've been around here long enough to know why some of us in our ignorance didn't tell all. Lisa is in her fifties, she married in her twenties. No great point in blaming her for the mistakes of her youth now. Coming out of the closet is not easy today; back in the 1970s it was damn near impossible.

And lay off the "not a real man" bit, please. You wouldn't be happy at any husband who refused to let his wife wear trousers because that made her "not a real woman", would you? Some of us are in painful enough situations without this confusion of the issues.

you know what? Secrecy and deception doesn't help Lisa and his wife either. Any marriage that is based on lies and deception is doomed to fail. Lisa should be happy that it lasted so long. But I will say again, who gives back Lisa's wife all the time she invested in the future she thought she was getting? I'll bet you she did not fantasize about two old women rocking on the porch together. I'll bet you, Lisa lead her to belive that she would have a very different future after the kids were grown!

I don't give a crap what it was like in the 70"s. Hey I graduated in 1977. People were just as honest with eachother maybe more than now. That is a damn cop out.

When you cd's don't trust enough to tell the truth about yourselves and you find out that you loose trust in the very people you say you love.... well all I have to say is DUH.........................................

Lisa should get down on his knees and beg his wife for forgiveness and offer some solutions to work it out. If you are fresh out of ideas, well I guess that it really is not worth either partners time.

Just my opionion. Lots of relationships should end way before they actual do anyway. If more people had the guts to just be honest (and I mean on both sides of the fence) Maybe there would be more happy people on this planet.

Kitty

[ReineD]

Kitty, you and I are friends .. we've had our differences in the past , but who doesn't?

I got my dander up in this thread too, except it was with Lisa's wife. There was too much about the situation that reminded me of my ex, and I was less than charitable with one of my comments about a facet of her wife's character. I'm pointing this out because it is all too easy at times to read our own circumstances into other peoples lives, when in reality we are only presented with a few meagre paragraphs of facts, which are presented from only one of the two points of view involved. It is impossible to get an accurate picture, given all the information, history and the nuances that we cannot know. I don't thing any one of us is capable of getting the true "big picture" for any given couple.

We all have different issues and fears to deal with, and I believe most people generally do the best they can under whatever circumstances they are presented with. I do not want to speak unfavorably against Lisa's wife again, but we do not know what mistakes, if any, she has made as well, and as Lisa pointed out, there are other factors than the CDing that are affecting the marriage.

I agree that honesty is best, and in my own case I do strive to tell the truth, but I also admit that I have not always been completely honest in my own life. Or sometimes the truth has come out, but later for a variety of reasons. Making mistakes is a part of the human experience, and I have made my share (you are familiar with my story). But it does hurt when the people in my life don't let me forget them, even though I have corrected those mistakes years ago.

Again I do agree with your position that SOs are not well served by being lied to, but eventually when they are presented with the truth, they do have options. One of them is deciding to do their best to accept the CDing and move forward with the marriage. The other is deciding they cannot, as in this case, and the marriage dissolves. Either way, the issue stops being about the lies since Lisa's wife has known about the CDing for quite some time, and become more about whether the couple can meet somewhere in the middle. But, as you are well aware with the awful circumstances involving your own ex, it takes two people to do this.

[lisa_vin]

Hi to Everyone!

When I put this thread out here I fully expected a wide range of responses both positive and negative. However, this has obviously touched a very sensitive area in some people and to those I am truly sorry to have taken you back to such a painful place in your lives. In retrospect, I should have titled this thread "One of the prices you pay for crossdressing, deception and lies" because deception and lies were used on my part to hide it from her until she "found out". I asked her that if she knew about my cd'ing before we got married would she have married me and she said most definitely not so we started off this marriage based on my deception and lies. Heck, I'd been doing this since I was about 5 but had absolutely no idea this was a part of my persona, of who I am, and therefore a lifetime sentence! I honestly thought that once we were married that this burning built-in urge/desire/need/craving would lessen and go away.....I'd be cured! How wrong I was to think that and to place that kind of pressure on my wife without her knowing. If I could go back, if I could change things, if the world was perfect, if WE were perfect.......if......if.......if.......if.......I F you've never uttered that word in your life then you've probably never made a mistake and, therefore, are probably not human!

When talking about lies and deception it is very important to remember that this road almost always travels in both directions. I refuse to go into a major trashing mode here against my wife but I will say, only to level this playing field, I have had to endure and forgive 3 known affair attempts, 2 of them before she "found out" about me and the third one just a couple of months ago so please "judge not lest ye be judged". I've never even BEEN with another person in my entire life......she's my one and only......even though I've been tempted in the past I've always refused! There are a couple of other issues in our marital crisis as well but I won't go into those.

None of this behavior on either side is right but it is human! You've heard or seen the statement "To err is human, to forgive is divine". Well, this IS another road that SHOULD travel both directions but quite often does not! There are obviously limits to forgiveness for human beings and they vary from person to person!

I DO believe that honesty IS the best policy but at what price? If that honesty costs you a friendship or relationship then thats one price. But what if that honesty could cause a brutal, devastating hurt, permanent psychological damage or even worse - death from a suicide? While I agree that total honesty is best, judging WHEN to use it IS sometimes better!

It's not a perfect world and it never will be!

[PetiteTonya]

you know what? Secrecy and deception doesn't help Lisa and his wife either. Any marriage that is based on lies and deception is doomed to fail. Lisa should be happy that it lasted so long. But I will say again, who gives back Lisa's wife all the time she invested in the future she thought she was getting? I'll bet you she did not fantasize about two old women rocking on the porch together. I'll bet you, Lisa lead her to belive that she would have a very different future after the kids were grown!

I don't give a crap what it was like in the 70"s. Hey I graduated in 1977. People were just as honest with eachother maybe more than now. That is a damn cop out.

When you cd's don't trust enough to tell the truth about yourselves and you find out that you loose trust in the very people you say you love.... well all I have to say is DUH.........................................

Lisa should get down on his knees and beg his wife for forgiveness and offer some solutions to work it out. If you are fresh out of ideas, well I guess that it really is not worth either partners time.

Just my opionion. Lots of relationships should end way before they actual do anyway. If more people had the guts to just be honest (and I mean on both sides of the fence) Maybe there would be more happy people on this planet.

Kitty

Gee, it must be nice to be able to claim the high exclusively for yourself. I won't speak for anyone else here, but I wish I was so perfect as to be able to be so pious and self righteous. It must be wonderful to sleep so soundly at night, knowing you've never lied to your SO about anything or done anything that was hurtful.

These two people have been married for 30 years. As I read Lisa's remarks, it's clear to me that there were other issues that also contributed to this rather sad and unfortunate situation. Lisa even tried for a time to bury herself and be the "real man" her SO supposedly married. I have issues with those two words, "real man" but that's for another thread.

Personally, inflammatory remarks such as this above only serve to underscore the need for a forum like this for people like us. Repressed anger, vitriolic rhetoric as evidenced up here only fan the flames of intolerence and do nothing to add value to anyone.

Putting things in perspective, it seems to me that if, after sharing her secret with her SO, they both sought solutions through therapy and when that didn't help, Lisa did what she could. She kept her life up in an attic in order to not upset her SO. She did what a person in love does...she hid it away. We're calling this lying? What about wifes, husbands who have affairs and never divulge it just to name one example.

I've spent the last 6 months reading as much as I can about what has happened to me and what effect it has on SO's. I have alot more to learn but we pride ourselves here in Western Society to be tolerant and accepting, yet Homophobics, racists and hate mongers are all around us.

Remarks like these, only serve to entrench the status quo.

A very wise person who has been a CD for over 30 years met with me two weeks ago. This person gave me what I consider to be the best piece of advice I have yet to recieve. To quote "Do not engage in self pity. Celebrate who you are and try your best to integrate"

I wish you and your SO nothing but the best Lisa...and I hope your medical issues improve.

PS. I would continue to stand as tall as you can. I see no need for you to get down on your knees at all dear

[curse within]

I still don't get it.....I'm sorry folks try to have an open mind and not take things so personal..Situation... Lisa's wife does not approve of Lisa desires to dress right? We all agree to that?

I lived through over 20 years of an un accepting wife ,for my desires even as small as they were! I kept my stuff ( like Lisa did ) hidden, I used them in my private time alone and not often.. I loved my wife dearly and would never do purposely anything to hurt her except dressing.. Why because as hard as I tried and as much as I fought it off, dressing would win.. Even though she didn't see me doing it and never found my stash, she knew!!

So I have found myself trying to keep a balance of my wifes happiness and me indulging in stupid clothing.. My point stupid clothing!! That is how Lisa's wife see's it, don't get me wrong I totally relate to Lisa .. It must have been pure hell going through the constant mind battles she has been going through keeping the balance of her desires and keeping the wifey happy.

Lisa come clean with the wife!!! Lay it out on the table , tell her this is you , tell her you love her but this is something that doesn't go away and for her to remain with you she has to understand crossdressing..Marraiges can co exist with crossdressing but it takes two. If she can not accept it why go on being unhappy? You know it will never go away but you can control it, tell her you don't do it to hurt, lie or decieve her. Tell her you don't want to see her unhappy with you over something she doesn't understand!!

Keep in mind Lisa this is something you can not force her to accept, this is something she has to take upon herself to explore.. Just remember she has feelings to she hasn't been forced to live with these nagging desires her whole life ,try to compare it to something she enjoys something that no matter how hard she tries to stay away from she returns to it..Like eating for most of us but I am sure something is there for you to use..Something she could get an ideal that wow that is pretty nagging I can understand ..

[Brandiwvr]

so sorry for the turm oil. you will be ok whether you split or not. we dont get much opertunity to change but we can communicate and either way i would try to keep that open and honest from here on. bigg huggs and go see the therapist either way.