I'm the only one, why pick on me?

[charlie]

Hello!
Last night I went out to a nightclub that had a drag show on Thursday night. I am visiting Phoenix for business and dressed in a new outfit that has a dress with a short skirt and a jacket of the same color. It is a nice peach colored suit. I had my nails done, nylons, heels, and red sexy slingbacks. At the bar are couches, tables, piano bar and traditional bar. The stage is around the piano. The place was full...straight couples, lots of single girls in groups, a few gay guys and me..the lone crossdresser. The problem I had at the place is that one of the drag queens started picking on me a bit. They picked on others too, but I was being called a bitch in ***** shoes and that "prostitution in this area was being cracked down on". Let's face it, when I go out I'm not the most super confident, I would really prefer to be left alone, like I would have been had I been in guy mode. I suppose I'm being picky and trivial, but I did not need to be singled out and have to use my lady voice unless it was really necessary. Fortunately when the girl was doing her performance she had some hair in her mouth and had to dig it out while lip singing. My retort was asking what she was doing upstairs to have hair in her mouth. Who is the ho here? I then left, but she had the crowd laughing as I left. I did not like the lights and recognition while dressed in a crowded mixed bar.

[tracigirl_tv]

Wow Charlie, sounds like that got a bit intense, eh?

I think at many drag shows, the hostess does a lot of give and take with the audience and it can easily get down and dirty. Your being the only one CDed, it shouldn't surprise that her attention was drawn to you. I would say that if you don't like the recognition, once you see how the evening was going, you did right in making your exit.

Here in Philly there is a long-running weekly drag show at a dive bar, lots of fun. I went in male mode w/ my gf and the hostess decided to pick on me. Had I been dressed I may have been more defensive, but I had fun with it (and got a free t-shirt, woohooo!!!) Embarrassing? yes, but luckily I was working on my 4th or 5th Pabst at the time

[linnea]

I find that when individuals pick on others, it usually has to do with that person's frailties or insecurities. That does not make the abusive behavior any easier to handle or any less disturbing, but it may help the target--you, in this case--feel a little better. I have never had this particular thing happen to me while I was dressed en femme, but I have been singled out during stage shows. When the lights are focused on an individual, it can be very nerve-wracking.
It's too bad that your otherwise pleasant evening turned sour. Better luck next time.

[Eileen]

Charlie look at it this way, you survived! I am guessing you were no the only one singled out. Every one was there to have a good time and yes a few laughs at the expense of others. You took it and had a few good comebacks of your own. And you can talk about it here. All in all, I would say you had a good evening.

Eileen

[sterling12]

"Ditto's" on Eileen. And remember that next time, you will be ready for the harassment. Next time, it won't seem so bad. Tis' a bummer, your being The only CD on The Premises. I'm sure you felt "out there on an island." Next time, take a friend(s).

Just another good reason to join a social group. We keep recommending it!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Joanne f]

It is all to do with this humour thing , when it is directed at someone else it can be funny(humorous) but when it is directed at you it becomes personal, it is like are personal space is being invaded, i have had it happen quite a few times (in male mode) and i am a shy person so to have all eyes on me is a bit daunting to say the least .
Once a female comedian said a few things directed at me partly because my wife is a lot younger than me , and i had to stop her from going up and hitting the comedian , that's how it can get at you , another time one came over and sat on my lap and said , is that your wife she looks lovely can i have a kiss , so i said yes OK and the comedian kiss me .
Now if it is someone else we laugh, find it funny , but not so funny when it is you , so don`t let it put you off just think about it and laugh.


joanne

[Salene]

I sure it was nothing personal, theres a local club where I live that has events hosted by drag queens. When I go CDed I'll get alot of attention from them and they are always super nice until they get on stage. Once the lights go on they turn into douchbags. Why? Because it's there job to make people laugh and crossdressers are easy targets. But, it doesn't stop me I just have some combacks ready and have fun with it.

[AmandaM]

She was just jealous.

[Alice B]

There is a supposed T-Girl bar here in San Diego called "Lips" and one night a week they play what is called "Bitchy Bingo". The treatment you describe is the norm on these evenings and from what I've heard - all the time. You just have to go with thick skin if you attend.

[mklinden2010]

People get picked on because that's the drill...

And, a lot of the laughing is, "Better them than me - whew!"

Been selected both ways. The easiest thing to do is anticipate that it could be you and just agree with everything they say. If they can't get an obvious rise out of you, they just move on.

Having worked on the stage too, but not in that particular mode, you do look for "live ones" in the audience. A happy couple is a safe bet; a single person - maybe not so much. Either way, working with the public is a tough act...

I'd add that, after the show, go up to the performer and say, "Wow, great job!" Person to person, they probably don't want a hassle and their tune may very different. If they go at you again, well, shame on them. But, making personal contact you mostly realize, "Ah, they're just going their job...." Also, you come off as a good sport for not being sore.

It is just "a routine..." after all.

Look on the plus side, having had it bad, it's going to harder for anyone to make you feel worse. It will be easier to smile at some fool and say:

"Oh, you're right about that! Man in a dress! Keen eye, Sherlock!"

(Duuuh.)

[MJ]

lets face it you were at the wrong place wrong time. and you got read and like it or not became part of the act weather you like it or not.
I've been there done that got the bumper sticker... i know it's not nice or fun for you but when you go to those events you could become part of the act ...

[DonnaT]

Sometimes retorts work, sometimes witty comebacks work. But I understand not wanting the spotlight on you, but it's bound to happen for many of us. Whether in a club or at the mall.

Developing a thick skin is important, as well as having comebacks at the ready.

Example: "prostitution in this area was being cracked down on" comeback: "not to worry, no one could afford me anyway"

Remarks about high heels? -> "my boyfriends 6'8" and a solid 290 lbs, so I need high heels to kiss him, not fk him. We do that lying down"

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]I am so sorry that you were picked on. This seems to be the norm for many of the insecure drag queens. They generally do not know when to stop or lighten up. Sometimes they can be vicious towards CDs simply because we actually typically look better than them. Not trying to be sassy, but they accent everything feminine to the point of being outrageous and we typically don't. I have had more than one drag queen stop by my table and tell me I look too good, which I actually took as a compliment.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]I typically go dancing in a casino club that is not known for any specific group. There may be a few gays or such but rarely a CD. Now when I go the lead singer typically turns up the house lights and says "lets see who is with us tonight". The first time he saw me he pointed out the lone CD in the crowd. At a break I talked to him and found that he was very nice and actually apologized. From that point on whenever he pointed me out in the audience he just calls me a gorgeous woman. Being nice sometimes helps. [/SIZE]

[kristinacd55]

Wow, what a bunch of jerks!!

[docrobbysherry]

I guess what they sat is tru;

It's hard being a girl!

[Kate Simmons]

I love being part of the show Charlie and actually feel left out when I'm not picked on. I have retorts that not too many others can come back on. I look at it as a fun thing and the more "publicity" for me really.

[deja true]

Yeah, seen that happen before. It seems common that the drag hostess is almost expected to make off-color remarks at audience member's expense. Especially if the audience is usually made up of straight people.

Unfortunate really, as it's this kinda outrageous and rude behaviour that most people associate with us, too.

Ah well! Maybe you need to find a new place to hang out!

[Kayla_CD]

Sounds a little rough, but Drag shows can be like that. All the power to you for heading out there alone!

[sometimes_miss]

Hmmm, I'm staying in my nice warm closet. I know that I'd be fair game for treatment like that if I went out en femme, and it might push me over the edge. I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you, though.

[Bootsiegalore]

I used to go to a club in Phoenix called winks with drag shows and some of the Drag Queens cn be quite catty!

It is all and act!

Don't take offense!

it is like they are testing you!


Tara

[Nicki B]

The easiest thing to do is anticipate that it could be you and just agree with everything they say. If they can't get an obvious rise out of you, they just move on.

.

[Desiree2bababe]

Very common at drag bars, you just gotta laugh back. When they see it doesn't phase you, they let up.....

[Cari]

I wouldnt worry about getting read. When you attend a drag show the whole crowd is looking for the man in a dress, thats what they are there. Its not like the mall where people are just going about their business.

Drag Queens are the stand up comics of the TG world ; the same thing could have happened at any comedy club or show.

Like any other group some treat us well and some can be catty and insecure. In our area there a few who are transgendered off the stage and treat us wonderfully on or off stage.

I have really enjoyed some Drag Performances and dont avoid them. Its lots of fun in a group.

Have one funny story : I was tormented by a Drag Queen one nite. Only I was with a date and in drab just having a drink in martini bar. I look up and he is standing there -- 6' 8" inches of sequins and wig in full on drag. Just in case he wasnt blending in the DJ announces he is performing next door and the show is worth checking out.

He had just finished a set and came over to get away and have a good drink. We had a very pleasant conversation but the whole time I was thinking he's gonna tell this girl about Cari. He really enjoyed watching me squirm and of course she wanted to see his next set. But he kept my secret and didnt single me out from the stage.

See it could have been much much worse

Cari

[Sally2005]

Oh oh... I thought these shows would be me watching, not me being part of the show. I would have to be prepared to be a target before I ever think about going to one dressed. I guess one response is no response...or a smile. I would think if you are 'over done' you could be entertainment for the audience. If you are blending hopefully you get passed over.

Sorry to hear you got picked on. I wouldn't enjoy what happened to you.

[Niya W]

Hit back. They can take it . I get certain amount of abuse from drag queens , and that just the one s I know. If you see drag queens talk to each other it can seem like a vicious cat fight.