Wish I could GIVE IT UP!!!!!!

[Cool Stacy]

Hello, Although still new here, I have been dressing for awhile. How many of you feel that crossdressing is messing with thier lives. I am a closet dresser. I am married and have been for awhile. My wife and I are expecting our first child a BOY and I am so scared this will happen to him. We ,well I think about dressing allot. While working and many other times so I find it hard to concentrate on what I am suppose to be. And when I do get the chance to dress. I don't get stuff done around the house. I LOVE it but want to give it up. I have tried once getting rid of all I own. But the stuff is so easy to buy. Has anyone given it up and been successfull. I don't get why we were born this way. Wish I was'nt. Any how any Thanks for listening.

[carolinoakland]

Nope, no one who's ever done this has ever given it up successfully. Actually, how would we know? If they gave it up forever? No, I think that you need to integrate the two halfs, the fact that the compulsion is intruding into your work thoughts is a bad sign, your're repressing yourself and your subconcious is rebelling. The danger is that the desire to dress will over ride your better judgement out of desperation. I called it the pendulum of shame. I'd start out in the middle trying NOT to dress and be normal. and the need would grow and grow until I had to do something, sometimes put myself at risk, physically and emotionally. And then once I've submitted to the desire I would feel so ashamed at letting it get the better of me I'd swing the pendulum all the way over to the shame side. I started to worry about the whole schizophrenic nature of the two personalitys and that being ashamed about oneself not being very healty. you need to find a balance that allows for your true expression, but in a way the meets your need for safety and acceptance. Hope this helps. Carol

[Kate Simmons]

Admitting you have the feelings and accepting them is the first step. Balancing them is the next step and the final step is integrating them into your overall self. What that does is give you the latitude to always be yourself no matter how you are dressed. The final step is the hardest, believe me I know. It all takes time my friend. It took me some 49 years to accomplish it. Hopefully others can make the turn around time shorter with insight learned here on the Forum.

[SherriePall]

Unfortunately, I don't think that you will find anyone here who has given it up permanently. (It would be like an alcoholic purposedly going into his old favorite bar to say hello) Some have stopped for years. Some for months. Others of us for days. In my opinion, it would be difficult because I believe we were born this way. Some of us started way before puberty, some at, and some much later, but I believe the urge was there from the beginning.
I have had times when dressing was all I could think about. After telling my unapproving wife about nine years ago, I just tell her I need time for myself when it gets overwhelming. That seems to help. Have you told your wife?
As for your worries about your son, it doesn't appear you would be passing along the dressing habit.
I wish you the best as you go down this road so many of us have traveled.

[avril findlay]

I really couldn't envisage not being a crossdresser. I honestly don't know what I would do if I couldn't be Avril.
If I couldn't be myself I don't think I would want to be. I know that sounds a bit melodramatic, and I'm not a drama queen but that's how I feel.

[Carole Cross]

I don't think it is possible to give up . I tried and managed to supress it for a few years but the urge never went away, it was always at the back of my mind.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm not sure all of us were 'born this way'. I wasn't, at least; there were a lot of influences going on when I was growing up that instilled the desire to crossdress into me. But I wasn't ever able to give it up completely either, however; the longest was for a few years while dating and married, as it seems stress is instrumental to making me want to crossdress. Like you, I think about it almost all the time, unless I'm quite busy concentrating on something else. And yes, the desire to dress up interferes with getting other chores done, although for me it at least gets me to keep the house tidy when I dress, and act, as a house maid. Because of how it developed in me, I don't know whether the desire to CD is inherited. Maybe sometimes, maybe not. But I don't know how many fathers tell their sons about it, so it's probably not a widely studied topic.

[mklinden2010]

Hello, Although still new here, I have been dressing for awhile. How many of you feel that crossdressing is messing with thier lives. I am a closet dresser. I am married and have been for awhile. My wife and I are expecting our first child a BOY and I am so scared this will happen to him. We ,well I think about dressing allot. While working and many other times so I find it hard to concentrate on what I am suppose to be. And when I do get the chance to dress. I don't get stuff done around the house. I LOVE it but want to give it up. I have tried once getting rid of all I own. But the stuff is so easy to buy. Has anyone given it up and been successfull. I don't get why we were born this way. Wish I was'nt. Any how any Thanks for listening.

S,

Well, sounds like it's time for the talk.

And, it's not uncommon to feel like you are being pushed by circumstance... Fine. There's a time and place for everything.

Oh, and before I go any further, I don't see beginning and continuing with CDing all that different from playing basketball or collecting baseball cards as a kid or teenager.

We all start somewhere and tend to repeat what gave us pleasure. How many guys get busted, for example, for collecting beer bottles, beer cans, or, beer mugs long after college? That too, drives their wives to distraction.

My SOs (I'm older than you, for sure.) were all women who liked women's clothing and figured, "Well, you COULD do worse. Oh, and forget the green blouse; it's not for your skin tone! We'll go get you some shoes for your birthday - you can't wear white all year 'round."

That's how things worked out for me using the theory and thinking described below... And, this was many kids, many in-laws, many rotary club meetings ago...

My theory is that, down deep, a lot of people are just very honest people. They can keep things to themselves for a long time, but eventually their honesty just works itself to the surface.

You've got a "new deal" coming up with a child and you have honest concerns about your here-to-fore-private-and-managable business interfering with the rest of your life - and lives. The "right thing to do" is to sit down for a little talk. You know it because you feel it. Trust your feelings to clue you in on when to act and not act. That's what feelings are for - do something with them.

Might help if you just admit you started out as a young idiot and now you're just an older idiot with more on your plate - and you need to talk about it. You're not crazy. You're not gay. You're not a dishonest creep. You're just a guy who got into something that worked and/or works for him - but which looks a little strange to other people.

You are the same person you were last month and last year, just being more honest about yourself. "And," and this is a big "and," more concerned than ever that the future go well for you family.

So, good for you. Time to cross this bridge. It's not a matter of being too late or too early, it's just a matter of it being now.

Oh, and your son will be your son and who knows how he'll live his life or what will influence him.

I get such a kick out of people who are against gay marriage and adoptions. I ask, "But, didn't nearly all those gay people come from "properly married couples" What are we going to do about their kids being gay? Stone them too?"

Were your parents crossdressers? Did they "give" you the idea? Was it their fault? Probably not. From what people write here, probably not at all. And, if your kid winds up CDing, being gay, or, a Republican, you'll love him anyway, right? That's your only and best job from here on out. Focus on that.

Kids are impressionable, but, on the other hand, they are notorious for not paying any attention to their elders.

So, don't worry about what might happen - no on has any idea how things will really turn out 20, 30, 40 years from now. Deal with how your feel now and what you think you need to do about it - that's all you can do, deal with the now.

Thinking this far ahead, you'll be a great Dad.



Good for you. Good for you wife and son. Good for everybody.

Thank you for the honest email...

[Tracii G]

Why would you want to remove part of your being?.
Having two sides leads to balance.I love both sides.

[gennee]

[SIZE="4"]I have been crossdressing for 3 1/2 years. I feel complete and liberated. I denied myself for several weeks and that was pure hell. When I accepted who I was I was filled with inner peace. I love crossdressing because it's a part of my life.

Gennee[/SIZE]

[Karren H]

I agree that life would be so much simpler if it would just go away!! But it won't and so I embrace what I am and I enjoy what I'm driven to do......

[charlie]

Hello Super!
Welcome to the forum. I hope you get as much support and help here as I do. Most everyone here is in your same shoes. We have alll found out that we can't quit. Toss out stuff, in time, more arrives. I did quit for over 12 years, then the pink fog decended and I'm back at it again. I do not think we can quit or fight it. Find a suitable place to dress and go with it. Good Luck!
Charlie

[jina]

You will get good information here,.. and also you will find answers to questions you haven't even thought of yet.

I have 5 children (1 adopted). I put off my feelings for a lot of years (but they would surface in other ways). I had a paying performing music career (which is rare) through my kid's baby years. That allowed me to act out in some ways that were considered normal for my profession (and comical too).

I have had a melancholy streak all of my life (past puberty anyway). I believe it is related to being out of place in the world of gender (it's hard to quantify exactly what that means). I mention this because these feelings you have will likely find their way into your life and marriage in different ways. Be careful about that (especially misplaced anger and resentment in your marriage).

Regarding your son I understand your concern. I would say based on my parenting experience that children come to earth more or less who they are. If he did have the same problem then it was probably going to be there anyway (I think this is very unlikely though). Children always have their own individual soup of factors to wade through, different from their parents. I have had concerns many times though about my trans-ness interfering with normal and healthy development especially with teens (most people would never even know I had this though - my wife and my councilor are the only ones that know). In some ways I think it's made me a better parent... it's a mixed bag really. Getting a therapist might help you balance the conflicting feelings.

You are in a dilemma that many have had to live. Sometimes i feel that there's no real answer for it. If you could get your wife on board it might help. But that could be a whole other set of problems too. This is our challenge as a type of people the way that we are. No easy answers.

I wish you well and can be reached by private message if you would like to talk further..

Be well,.. jina

[paulaN]

There is some really smart gurls here. And you have gotten some great advice. Try to strike some kind of ballance and accept your self. I know it is hard but you must accept your self and the sooner the better.

[Cheryl T]

Success???
The only success I have had in over 40 years of buying and purging is finally admitting this is who I am. Once I did that and made the difficult decision to discuss this with my spouse I finally won. I no longer feel guilty about my femininity and the clothing that I wear. I no longer feel that I need help, as I have it in her love and acceptance of who I really am.
I can't begin to count the times I bought something that made me feel wonderful only to let the pressures of society make me feel guilty about ME and end up discarding something that any other woman would have been able to enjoy.

NO More!!
Closets are for Clothes !!
Now we shop together and find a new link that has only brought us closer. Now I purge only because something no longer fits, is out of style, or to make room for something new. Now my cast offs are donated to charity, not relegated to the landfill.

Purging doesn't work...loving yourself as you are does.

[KatGRL774]

S,

...............

Oh, and before I go any further, I don't see beginning and continuing with CDing all that different from playing basketball or collecting baseball cards as a kid or teenager.
................

Wow.. personally I strongly disagree here. I have been a CD since about age 5, and it has ALWAYS consumed my thoughts and desires even when my sensible brain wanted to turn it off. It's hard wired, and I doubt that you could understand that based on your quote about baseball cards. This is VERY different.

It's not quite the same, but I would say it's on almost the same level as hunger. It nags at you until you feed yourself.

I'm sure it's different for some, but let me say - I have purged quite a few times. I have purged items that when added up, probably totals more than $5,000!

Good luck out there...

- Kat

[susanCD123]

I just love all of you girls, and your great advice. I am a father or 2, and a grandfather, and have dressed all my life. I love who I am now, and am no longer ashamed or embarrased. I am a retired professional, and it is what it is, please feel free to private message me.
susan

[Julieanne]

My wife and I are expecting our first child a BOY and I am so scared this will happen to him.

Much of what I would say has already been said (and probably better) by other ladies who have replied to your post. My input is don't worry about your son. My son is certainly different (a juggling unicyclist who teaches special ed) but not a crossdresser. Crossdressing isn't a virus that you have to be worried about your son catching. Just love him, nurture him, and enjoy him. He'll be one of the best things that ever happened to you.

And if, perchance, your son does become a crossdresser, who better to have as a father than you?

Hang in there.

Hugs, Julie

[MissConstrued]

Were your parents crossdressers? Did they "give" you the idea? Was it their fault? Probably not. From what people write here, probably not at all. And, if your kid winds up CDing, being gay, or, a Republican, you'll love him anyway, right?

Yikes... I should hope the kids I have someday will grow up to be libertarians.

[jennifer41356]

Hello, Although still new here, I have been dressing for awhile. How many of you feel that crossdressing is messing with thier lives. I am a closet dresser. I am married and have been for awhile. My wife and I are expecting our first child a BOY and I am so scared this will happen to him. We ,well I think about dressing allot. While working and many other times so I find it hard to concentrate on what I am suppose to be. And when I do get the chance to dress. I don't get stuff done around the house. I LOVE it but want to give it up. I have tried once getting rid of all I own. But the stuff is so easy to buy. Has anyone given it up and been successfull. I don't get why we were born this way. Wish I was'nt. Any how any Thanks for listening.

I wouldnt trade this for anything, I love being fem and embrace, it has made my life so wonderful, sorry it has been a burden to you

[beenherelongtime]

you should not give it up out of concern for your boy. it is not an inherited trait, i have 2 sons that are the picture of masculinity. they don't know about me although their mother does. they are now 40 and 39 and i don't know how they would react, but i have no intention of telling them. we all, i think, go through periods of feeling that its wrong but i think this is the stigma brought to us by society.

[Jenniferpl]

Some great advice from some smart girls. I for one have no plans on quitting. Tried in the past and it just made me miserable. I enjoy being a girly girl and, I have to believe, so does my wife. I am fortunate in that I have a supportive spouse. It makes my decision to be femenine easy. My heart goes out those that do not.

[Farrah]

I think at some point we've all felt this way. I feel this way sometimes even now. Lately i've been trying to accept that fact that I'm 2 people. Since I'm married to an unsuspecting wife, I can't dress as much. I long to go out and be a free spirit. I have a son as well. I really don't want him to go through what i've gone through. Its really tough. Its hard to tell your parents you want to wear your sister's clothes. However, I never did and probably never will. I've tried to quit on many occasions. However thats trying to quit being who you are. No one can do that. I'm coming to grips with this is just who I am, and I'm going to be who I am even if its just in my mind or just for a little while when everyone is out of the house.

[kymmieLorain]

I have felt the same way as you do about children and CDing. I have 3 boys. None know what I know of. my oldest may think but hasen't said anything. They do how ever know I paint may toe nails, and wear differant underwear. I do however keep my sexy lingerie under cover and also most of my fem cloths. Being that I keep in the house with my CDing I only dress when they are in bed or gone.

Kymmie

[docrobbysherry]

If you're on the CD fence, and not TS/TG, u just take the pill.

And the desire to dress will disappear!

( Yeah, I know. Some of u will say there's a pill available now, that does that. But, thorazine isn't what I had in mind!)