Hello. I would like you to listen to my story and tell me what you think about it, what you feel when crossdressing and why you do it.
I am a guy around 25. Ever since I was a kid I have felt a great admiration and fondness towards women. When I was around 10-12 I secretly tried on pieces I found in the house like women bodies, knickers, pantyhose.. I did not quite undertand why but I loved how it felt trying those on and looking at myself on the mirror. That went on for some years, during which I also liked collecting sheets of women underwear magazines, I thought they were all so beautiful.
I eventually stopped doing that later on during my teenage years because I had girlfriends normally like any other guy and I was afraid of telling them about all that. I had a few long relationships, during one of which I told my girlfriend about it, just the top of it, and she thought it was a little weird and became worried, so I backed off and said I was only joking. I live in a small city so these things can be known around quickly.
During these last few years (I am alone now), I have been regaining my "interestes" quickly, taking them further beyond what I used to do. I can not describe the feelings when I am trying female clothing and thinking how it would be like being a real female. I start shivering and become teary with an immense feeling of happiness, it feels so sweet and natural, but the harmony is suddenly broken by the cold reality of what I am. I have worn underclothing outside a few times, but nothing that would be apparent and totally afraid of someone finding out. My build is a little on the petite side for a guy, so the clothes fit me well. Nobody knows about this.
To make it clear, I do not like guys, and I am pretty sure of that. Even the simplest skin contact with guys makes me feel really awkward, uneasy and it feels completely disgusting. After the last few years I am more and more sure I would like to have been a female instead. I know about crossdressing, MTF correction surgery, hormones and everything, but I could never go that way. I want to be a real female. Getting surgery would never make it, I would feel like something awful not even worth of a person status. I hope you are not getting offended by my words, that is just how I feel; I know I would live with a disgusting feeling for my entire life.
These feelings are getting deeper and deeper as years go by. When I am out on the street and see a beautiful girl/woman, my first thoughts are "I would love to be her, how I wish I could be her or someone like her". This goes on in my mind several times a day and before I know it I am already crying in a deep estate of gloom and pain. Sometimes I get so sad that thoughts cross my mind such as trying for a new life and maybe if people are reborn I would be a female this time.
I want to be female so badly, why did I have to be born like this ?