Specific boundaries

[JoAnne Wheeler]

For those of you that are subject to specific BOUNDARIES that were set up by your Spouse or SO and you, what SPECIFIC BOUNDARIES do you have ? I REALLY NEED TO KNOW IN DETAIL - I'm having a real hard time with this right now and I need som TLC.
Distraught,
JoAnne Wheeler

I guess none of you sisters have any specific boundaries - or don't want to mention them - I don't mean to pry, but I need to know if others Spouses or GG establish SPECIFIC BOUNDARIES. I am having a hard time living up to mine.
JoAnne Wheeler

[Mitch23]

not boundaries as such but areas that have kind of evolved and where we can get on with our lives and cope. I dress twice a week when my wife is not around and when i go out, I do not dress in my home town. I do not keep my clothes at home. I only go to places and do things that i could take her to even though she wont come. i do not do nails or have my ears pierced but have my legs and eyebrows waxed

mitch

[JILLBILLY]

Well, I suppose almost every couple and every GG has their own limits.
I've underdressed with skivies for years, 15 or so, and my SO never had a problem with that. But when it age and gynocomastia paired with driving my breasts actually started hurting so I started wearig a bra, my SO could deal with a sports bra, but when I started getting more of the lacy stuff she got angry. I told her it was more comfortable (and it is), she agrees but she still doesn't like it, But she allows it. I don't dress full enfemme nor could I.
Nighties are kinda OK as long as I'm not expecting any intimacy. I don't waer them very often any more because I know it bothers her.
It's real simple really, If you know it will upset her DON'T DO IT! YOU HAVE TO BE MAN ENOUGH TO TELL YOURSELF NO! especially when you know it will cause your SO grief.

[AmandaM]

Mine are pretty open. I can dress anytime I want including sleepwear. The only time I can't is in front of the kids.

[Shikyo]

I've only got boundaries set by myself. My wife has only asked me not to do somethings, but she has never forced me to follow it; however, for her sake I'm following her wishes.

- Not to change my voice, she does not want me to speak in a high pitched voice, but the voice she's gotten used to.

- Look male on my first meeting with her parents(they kinda think I'm a girl already now, they send me a rather girlish T-shirt for Christmas), so she wants them to see that at least I used to be male.

- Not to leave her for a guy, which I'd never do anyway, so this is very easy to keep.

[Lorileah]

One major rule...Don't do anything that would embarrass her

[JoAnne Wheeler]

My Spouse goes APE S____ when I try to shave any of my body hair with the exception of my face - it is driving me crazy - I want to - she says if I do, then its divorce - what should I do ?
JoAnne Wheeler

[LaurenInDC]

While I know it won't help, it does seem to be a case of which is more important. It sounds like she's laid out pretty clearly what she wants. You can either accept it, or go with what you feel you need to do.

I know for me, my liberty to do things like shave increased when the wife felt like her wishes were being respected...

Good luck, and I hope you find peace with whatever you choose!

-L

[Maria_1969]

My Spouse goes APE S____ when I try to shave any of my body hair with the exception of my face - it is driving me crazy - I want to - she says if I do, then its divorce - what should I do ?
JoAnne Wheeler

Honestly, You only live once, do what MAKES you HAPPY!.... Good luck in your decision.

[Angel.Marie76]

I would say that, based on a few of the messages I've read here, that it is a 'one thing or another' flip of a coin if you will. You have either to follow your own road and leave the rest behind, or stay on the course that is currently mapped out for you. I would weight your options fairly, and with as much accuracy and (self) HONESTY as possible. If the scales are more than relatively falling in one direction, perhaps that is the better direction to follow. I'm not trying to preach in anyway believe me, but when you put things on a balance, and take the time to see both the options and their expected outcomes, sometimes things become clearer.

A boundary, if you will, that my SO had/has placed before me is that she requested that I do not CONSTANTLY shave my arms, and that I leave a little stubble on the face every so often for her. Meanwhile my legs (and other places, etc) are shaved, and she has no problem with that. Besides shaving it is nothing more than giving my SO her /man/ when it seems like the time is right.

The fog is often very thick and seemingly impassible, but if you persevere, _sometimes_ the clear weather on the other side is worth the effort.

Best of Luck.

[Sheila]

hun, tough as it is she has laid her ground rule out pretty damned clear ....... you have only 2 choices shave and get a divorce or learn to live with your hair and remain married ......(and I know there will be some who say it's your body and nobody should tell you what to do with it) ......... nobody can tell you what to do ......... I am sorry you feel you are between a rock and a hard place right at the moment, but 38 years is a long time to lose over some hair especially when your wife is very accepting of your need to dress.

Having revisited this thread [SIZE="4"]Long night - no sleep - boundary dispute[/SIZE]I get the impression you are in a very,very severe case of the dreaded "PINK FOG" NOT AN EASY PLACE FOR EITHER OF YOU TO FIND YOURSELF IN


I came across this you posted 2 days ago

Wow, have I ever been there - married almost 38 years to wonderful GG - she has known about my need to CD for 37 years. We have had some good and a lot of bad moments over my CDing.

This year, JoAnne resurfaced after 12 years of hiding - my Spouse took it hard at first --- and then, she saw what my struggle with crossdressing was doing to me .

My Spouse has been helpful in JoAnne's return - its not perfect, but it is a workable situation -

I may not be able to shave or wax all of my body hair off and dress like so many of you do, but I still have my Spouse and I still have JoAnne and all of us live in the same house .

Last year was both rocky and rewarding all at the same time. I love my Spouse, but both she and I know that JoAnne has to have her space .
JoAnne Wheeler

AGAIN ........... I get the impression you are in a very,very severe case of the dreaded "PINK FOG" NOT AN EASY PLACE FOR EITHER OF YOU TO FIND YOURSELF IN

[Brandiwvr]

Hi Hun, is she willing to read any postings on here? you might find something here that would help her be more accepting. will she agree to try it for a month or so? it will grow back. is there some kind of trade you can work out? dont give up on yourself, just get creative.
I wont change me as I have transitioned for the most part but am single and dating too. most of the girls I have been with prefer clean shaved body "which dont have much hair anyway" so not going to change anyway.
I still beleive 60 percent of women prefer a man only, its the other 40 percent I want.

[Mirani]

No secrets.
No lies.
Mutual respect.

- well those should be present in all relationships.

[Katrina red nails]

3 main boundaries.

1) Indoors only
2) If kids are in the house then bedroom only.
3) Don't involve her when dressing - (but she is happy to go fem shopping with me.)

A sub issue is, as with yourself Joanna, body hair. I have shaved everything from the nose down. The out of sight bits don't bother her but the arms do as she finds them rough to the touch when she hugs even though they feel ok to me My argument about women not having hairy arms doesn't wash with her as she has some very very fine hairs on her arms.

[Paula G]

The only boundary I have is not to go out dressed, which is fine for me. My wife also wants me to stay upstairs if I dress for myself, unless she's in the mood to see me dressed.

The boundary she has for you is mild, just wear long sleeve tops and opaque hosiery. If you can show her that you're able to honor this boundary, she may relent in the future. You can also ask her about trimming the hair once the dust has settled.

[Karren H]

One major rule...Don't do anything that would embarrass her

That's THE golden rule, in my humble opinion.

[Di]

Just think of it like this...will you be happier alone and shaved?...or with your wife and making it work with boundries.
Asking what boundries others have will not really help you....what the two of you work out together is the only way.
You can not dictate to her what others have.
I would come at it not in anger but by talking together and telling her what you feel and see if you can work it out calmly together.
From your post .... she accidentally found a SPANX Box in our garage.and she was upset ....her finding things by accident prob doesn't make her feel secure and she might feel she has to keep a lid on things.
Think long and hard about this..but before you do anything....try talking and being upfront...tell her you love her and you want to figure a way you both can be happy.
From all you posts where you talked about her you do sound like you love her alot. Whatever you decide I wish you the best.

[Tomara]

Hi JoAnne
If your wife is threatening to divorce you if you shave you body. My opinion would be that you need some marriage counseling , and my guess would be that there is more than shaving that is the problem.
I hope you are able to work threw your problems.
Tomara

[Jess_cd32]

or option three......... you could shave and........ buy a gorrilla outfit for the times she wants her hairy guy, just a thought

As far as boundaries go w/ us, we're still working that out as its only been one week now since I came out to her. Each has to give a little sometimes, so long as its within reason, and you can live with it.

[JenniferR771]

Sigh. I have a lot of boundaries. Don't talk about cding. Keep everything out of her sight. Don't tell anyone, family or friends or anyone else. Wash my face better when I have been cding when she has gone out for a while. BUT...I am always pushing the boundaries--and she has made a few tiny concessions. Claims I should have told her before we got married. True--but i didn't really understand myself. Thought it was just a phase.

[curse within]

Well Honestly.....Would you like for your wife to STOP shaving???

[Jenniferpl]

We have three main rules.

I will not do anything to embarrass her.
I will not dress in front of the kids.
I will not go out in public dressed.
I guess a fourth rule is not to parade around in front of her with bigger boobs than hers.

I can live with those rules after all; she buys me my makeup, underwear and shoes. I can wear what ever I want to bed. I can under dress 24/7 if I choice toand she helped me come to terms with being a cross dresser.

I have an understanding wife, what else could I ask for?

[Billijo49504]

She knew I had a coupon for 15% off at Lane Bryan. So she said why don't you get dressed up and we can go see what we can find. I got a few new things and so did she, we ended up putting $250 on my card. The price you pay for acceptance....BJ

[MissConstrued]

Well Honestly.....Would you like for your wife to STOP shaving???

The real question is, would she stop if he asked her to, or would she tell him it's her body and she'll do what she damned well pleases with it?

Fair's fair.

[curse within]

The real question is, would she stop if he asked her to, or would she tell him it's her body and she'll do what she damned well pleases with it?

Fair's fair.

That is true.....So the question goes even further......if she did stop shaving would he divorce her?