CW...despite your constantly stated position that you don't want to offend anyone, you're actually starting to offend me.
"You just don't get it." is a dismissive mantra that you're using to allow yourself to ignore a lot of very insiteful and sympathetic commentary here. Especially since, as most who have posted in response to your OP have agreed with you about the depth of shame and guilt and "not rightness" that they have also experienced, just like you!
Is it they have been able to get over it and accept themselves and you are unable to?
What makes you so adamant in apparently not even wanting to try to accept yourself for what you are? Are you a fundamentalist preacher? Are you the ultimate alpha male in your community? What are you afraid of?
We get it alright! We get that you are opposed to change in your own mind, even change that could make your life a lot happier for yourself and those around you.
One so-so experience with a therapist doesn't mean that therapy can't ultimately help you with your negative or 'contrarian' mind set. You just gotta find one that youre more in tune with.
Candy Darling's post at #110 (which is one of the only ones that you actually agreed with) probably got it right. You're addicted to SHAME!
That's not nearly as healthy as being addicted to Vicoria's Secret catalogs...