No fluff, please ...

[Byllie]

Why is that every time I try and start a thread to seriously discuss what it means to CD, I get a few serious replies and then it dribbles off into fluff? Why?

I would truly adore having a serious discussion to get to the heart of the matter rather than skating around the issue. My reason is to learn how I (we) can make a difference with respect to how society deals with us, and vice versa.

So, if you would, could you please post a serious reply of how you define crossdressing for yourself? And if any of you feel the urge to be flip or to simply write this thread off, do not reply. I'm not being arrogant; rather I just want serious posters in this thread.

Toodles!
Byllie

[Sandra Dunn]

I started by getting envolved with the local LGBT community, the community center and my church. This gave me the exposure I needed to get use to myself as me and to answer those questions we get asked. By doing this it got me connected with other groups/organizations outside of our community. I began with one person at a time and moved up from there.

I go shopping and when I am asked questions about what I am or why do I do this I stop and take the time to visit with that person. It helps to do a lot of reasearch with the bible, books about us, on line searches and of course sites like this. You can never have to much information. You will get asked all kinds of questions and comments about being gay. I like that one. I enjoy asking questions about SRS and does it make me boy or girl and then the subject goes to the bible and then I ask about Klinesfelter syndrome and they just stop.

We run into all types and some it's best to let them spout of their nasty uneducated rubbish and go on. When we do get the chance to educate someone we need to be prepared with our own education of ourselves.

I started looking into the company polocies about TG issues and I've asked several if they have such a polocy. My next step is to get a job as me, this is to futher my education on being me and what it's really like in West Texas for a working TG. I know of a couple of TS that are out and they are working, I don't know of any TG like us working here.

Most girls I meet and have met have a lot of things to concider before they even try and dress up let alone go out and do educational interaction. Some will go to another town and be girl for a day and that's the top of it. I still have to take into concideration on how will this be recieved where I'm going and be prepared for what might come up.

I would love to chat with you more and if at all possible face to face in person. Let me know if I can help you in anyway.

HUGS Sandra,
board member of Outstanding Amarillo, Facilitator of Amarillo TG support group, church member of Amarillo MCC, Pride commitee member.

[Louise2009]

Crossdressingf or me is all about destressing and feeling more comfortable.
When in female clothing i feel more relaxed and at peace with myself as if all my worries have been lifted.
Don't get me wrong i do not want to change sex, but would love it if we males could wear dresses skirts etc the same as females without it being seen as a perversion.

[curse within]

Crossdressingf or me is all about destressing and feeling more comfortable.
When in female clothing i feel more relaxed and at peace with myself as if all my worries have been lifted.
Don't get me wrong i do not want to change sex, but would love it if we males could wear dresses skirts etc the same as females without it being seen as a perversion.

IMO. With no dis respect to anyone( sometimes I think I need a legal statement under my post)..The Public is more opt to perversion as an acceptance over what cding really is ( a desire to express one inner feelings)..

[BLUE ORCHID]

After sixty years of dressing it just feels like the right thing to do.
I don't know what it would be like not to be able to dress.
Dressing for me just takes me away from the everday world
into my own little world where I am in control
ORCHID

[Jenniferpl]

Wearing female items just felt right when I tried some on when I was 10 or 11 years old. Bras are not the most comfortable things to wear but I have to wear one or that is all I think about. It takes away stress in my life and I find it relaxing. I get as much enjoyment shopping for my female clothes as do for items of my other hobbies.

It took my a long to admit to myself that I was a crossdresser but since doing that I seem to be more relaxed with myself. I can thank my wife for helping me.

[Byllie]

Crossdressingf or me is all about destressing and feeling more comfortable.
When in female clothing i feel more relaxed and at peace with myself as if all my worries have been lifted.
Don't get me wrong i do not want to change sex, but would love it if we males could wear dresses skirts etc the same as females without it being seen as a perversion.

Louise, you reflect what I have felt for a long time. I agree, it would be sooooo nice if males could wear feminine clothing without society looking down its nose at us. I love wearing skirts, comfortable ones, not neceassarily tight or sexy, just comfortable.

Wearing female items just felt right when I tried some on when I was 10 or 11 years old. Bras are not the most comfortable things to wear but I have to wear one or that is all I think about. It takes away stress in my life and I find it relaxing. I get as much enjoyment shopping for my female clothes as do for items of my other hobbies.

It took my a long to admit to myself that I was a crossdresser but since doing that I seem to be more relaxed with myself. I can thank my wife for helping me.

Do you *really* think of CDing as a hobby? Why? for me, being a CD is who I am. To deny this part of me would be like denying that I'm of Italian ancestry and love pasta and a good red wine.

[Karren H]

Personally I like fluff!! It adds to the entertainment value and with out it this place would be so friggin serious and depressing....

But to answer you question...

Boreingly plain and simple.... I just like to look pretty......

[docrobbysherry]

I believe that CDs, or anyone else, that takes themselves TOO seriously, may have a serious problem! And I'm trying to be completely serious here!

Byllie, for some, being CD/TG/TS, is quite tragic! And nothing to be made fun of!

On the other hand, I believe most people have a sense of humor, and r able to enjoy a laugh in the unhappiest situations. And that is one of the best of the human traits! I'm truly sorry for anyone who is NOT able to do that!

Oh, answer the question? CDing to me:
I don't know WHY I do it. Or, where I'm going with it. And AS a CD, I haven't dressed long enough to reach puberty yet!
I DO know that it's A LOT OF FUN!

[dedeman]

Why is that every time I try and start a thread to seriously discuss what it means to CD, I get a few serious replies and then it dribbles off into fluff? Why?

Because your asking a message board about opinions. Opinions are impossible to dispute, and if you ask people for their opinion, that's what you'll get. Asking what anything means to someone will get you a short series of interpretations, and future readers will read them, agree or disagree, and figure that their answer has already been posted.

Anyway, crossdressing to me is an especially private affair. Kind of like a secret that I only share with the other side of me. Like something that makes me distinct from everyone I know (that I'm aware of), that I can indulge in, in private, or privately.

It is a way to get away with something, to the world, that only I know about. Also, it's a source of extreme excitement, and an intimacy that I get from nothing else, or from no one else.

I think it's something that the world won't really accept, at least not for a long long time. It won't be found in popular media, it's not attractive for society at large, and it's not really marketable.

But that's fine with me. When out in regular public, I just want to see pretty girls. I'm not the sort that needs for everyone to know what my private hobbies are. If you need the world to know (which some people do), then take a walk outside in your favorite outfit. Expect a few odd looks, but I think we live in a far more accepting society then we did 20 years ago.

[Jacquilynne]

First off, I was thinking about this -- how much I too do NOT really like the word "hobby" to describe what I feel is "me"

I feel comfortable and relaxed while en femme and it just feels right. I realize i also enjoy the comfort and feel of women's clothing and I think that feeling is further accentuated by the way seeing myself as a woman makes me feel.

That said, here are 3 definitions of "hobby" cited on dictionary.com

Hobby

1. an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation.
ride a hobby, to concern oneself excessively with a favorite notion or activity.

2. An activity or interest pursued outside one's regular occupation and engaged in primarily for pleasure.

3. A subject or plan upon which one is constantly setting off; a favorite and ever-recurring theme of discourse, thought, or effort; that which occupies one's attention unduly, or to the weariness of others; a ruling passion.

After looking at these definitions, I can see where others have a valid use for describing their activity as a Crossdresser as a "hobby". As I have read on this forum that is just what it is for some -- they are comfortable being male but have a desire to explore the feminine side of themselves on occasion. IMO some CDrs do NOT desire to go out or to be viewed as a woman -- just enjoy the feel and comfort of womens clothing with possible sexual arousal.

For me . . . I feel being a CD is much more than a "hobby" for me in that I think I am becoming more used to being dressed and feeling like a woman more than just "on occasion" and not just for pleasure -- being feminine is becoming a part of me. Hopefully this makes some sense and these are not just serious "Pink Fog" ramblings.

The New Year has been a great change for me in that I finally have aired my feelings with my SO and that has brought on many changes in me. My SO is accepting of the new me but is struggling with the changes just as I am struggling to maintain some sort of balance. I have jumped into this new exploration of my feminine side with both heels I realize am still trying to find my "face" that is why I say being a CD'r for me is more of an attitude or new state of being rather than simply a "hobby". But this is simply my little opinion

Just thought I'd add a voice to this thoughtful thread

Thanks to all you sisters for the support and kind words

*hugs*

Jacie

[TeriAnn]

Well for me I enjoy being dressed as a female every chance I get. I would love to be able to wear my favorite skirt and heels in public without being look down upon. I beleive everyone should be treated equally when I comes to dressing in public.
When I dress I get this feeling of contentment, I am relaxed and feeling very right with the world. The sad part about it is the world doesn't reflect the same feeling as I do. If someone was to realize that I am a male dressed as a women they think I am crazy or someone to be afraid of, thing is it is the total reverse. I am just trying to express a part of me that I love and have a strong passion for I am not out to hurt or scare anyone one just to have fun and be me . Maybe someday soon people will realize that we are people to and except what we do as a part of a world that we all share equally.

[sterling12]

First question..."How do you define Fluff?" If you mean that you don't get a deep answer, or the answers tend to be trivial, then don't be surprised.

Some people think they know the answer to "why do I like to dress up as a woman/girl?" But the answers are always something like: "Because it makes me feel good." Or, "I was born this way." They are valid for that person, but not very enlightening, and probably not much more than superficial.

A lot of the rest of us have given up trying to answer that question. It seems to be waste of time and can be counter-productive. I personally don't think any of us will ever get The "Deep-Down Answer," and probably that's the way it's meant to be. Speculating and agonizing over The Reasons tends to make many people crazy!

So, at the risk of being "flippant," the short answer is "I don't know why." And I would guess neither does anybody else. Probably that won't satisfy you....but it's probably much closer to a universal truth.

Peace and Love, Joanie

PS. Almost lost your original question, or at least I kind of "skirted around the edges." Crossdressing for me is a spectrum of attitudes, behaviors, and ideas. It is what defines me as an individual and yet identifys me as part of a group..."The Transgendered". Once again, can't really give you the specific reasons for why I feel this way about things, perhaps it's a conundrum.

[sometimes_miss]

>what it means to CD< snip >

how I (we) can make a difference with respect to how society deals with us, and vice versa. <snip>

how you define crossdressing for yourself?

O.K. Byllie, 'what it means' is to dress in the clothes of the opposite physical sex. That's the definition.

Make a difference in how society deals with us?? Good luck. It's going to take a long time. As long as we are attracted to the opposite sex for differing reasons, there will be some animosity towards us when some of us 'step over the line'. For the most part, women don't care much unless it's THEIR mate who is distorting the gender defined barrier. But men often find us something they feel like they have to eliminate from society, and that's a belief that is going to be difficult to change, especially since most of those who believe it feel it comes from religious doctrine, which we cannot challenge in this country (religious beliefs and practices are protected under the constitution, so the loonies that hate us believe they have a 'right' to hurt us because their religion says so).

Why do I do it? Easy. Read my bio, link is in my signature. Short version, I wear female clothing because that's what I feel like I should be wearing. Conditioning throughout my childhood permanently established the feeling that I was supposed to be female. Sexual orientation is apparently not necessarily linked to this, and I am heterosexual. That makes me a heterosexual crossdresser which feels the need to behave and dress as a female, but with females. Not a great combination. Howzat?

[Kelsy]

For me . . . I feel being a CD is much more than a "hobby" for me in that I think I am becoming more used to being dressed and feeling like a woman more than just "on occasion" and not just for pleasure -- being feminine is becoming a part of me. Hopefully this makes some sense and these are not just serious ramblings.

I agree, Playing with toy trains is a hobby it becomes more when you wear your conductors outfit out in public!!

Kelsy

[JamieDP]

To me it is like performing charity, it means different thigns to everyone...

Just like with charity, for some it is a hobby, for some it is just a passing interest, for some it is a way of life, for some it is a profession, for some it just feels good, for some it is special and close to their heart, for some it is worthless waste of time, for others they have no clue why other people do it, for some it is an addiction.... i could really go on with this...but in the end i still feel like it is charity..

for me it is just who i am...sometimes it feels like all of the above sometimes, but mostly it is just who i am. i enjoy the both male and female parts of this world and just hate being defined by either sometimes. I love my male body parts, but i love those of a woman. i love the feeling of womens clothing as some is just more comfortable but i like the rugged all terrain wear of mens clothing too sometimes...for me its just in my transgender/or gender identity nature.

[Nicole Erin]

What CD'ing or being a CD means to me -

It is someone who enjoys wearing clothes of, or looking like, the opposite sex. Note I said "enjoy".
It could have a sexual thrill, or a feeling of being pretty, or just more comfy.

Drag queens or other male actors dressing as women are probably not a CD.

Being CD has nothing to do with how "out" someone is.
It also has nothing to do with fashion. Some CD's like to dress ****ty for their own enjoyment, and some dress to blend in in public.

Being a CD is something you feel. It beings comfort.

For me, I dress mostly to blend into everyday society, and it brings me comfort, and I feel pretty, more attractive than in Drab. My fashion - semi-femme, as in women's clothes but not normally wearing makeup.

[Cathytg]

You ask the question very well: How do I define crossdressing for myself. You have done well, grasshopper.

For me, CDing is a way of expressing my own gender place somewhere between masculine and feminine. It is a very easy way for me to do so because it so easy to see in the mirror and to feel. That makes crossdressing a very handy means of self-expression. In a word, it is a way to make me feel very good about myself by giving me an easy way to fulfill myself to myself.

By way of profiling: I am 64, straight hetero, and not the least bit interested (anymore) in transitioning. Those bits or information are pretty important to the color of the answer.

[Nicki B]

I couldn't put it any better than Joanie, or Katie B. But would you rather I hadn't posted? Serious question..

[Anne-Marie]

Crossdressing is wearing the clothes of the opposite sex. No more, no less. Women who wear trousers are crossdressing. Bikers who wear earrings are crossdressing. (Yes they are, just a tiny bit.)

Not sure I totally agree with this. Whilst the wearing of clothes of the opposite sex is without doubt crossdressing. When a group adopt items of clothing from the other sex as their own and society at large accepts the adoption as a norm, then as in the case of women wearing trousers, it is no longer cross dressing. It is in fact possible to get trousers specifically designed for women. Men wearing these are in fact crossdressing as they are wearing womens trousers. As for bikers wearing earrings, depends on whether the earing was intended for a woman - i.e. in a femanine design or if it is one of the types available specifically for men - most women would just not wear the latter type as they are generally seen as being for men.

If that wonderful day arrives when society accepts men wearing skirts or dresses as a norm then this action will no longer be cross dressing.

Therefore I propose that crossdressing is defined as the wearing of clothing that society in general would consider as being intended for the opposite sex.

This would then allow as a norm the anomilies such as Scotsmen wearing a kilt or perhaps even men wearing one of the skirts that are now available specifically for men - usually based on the kilt though not generally tartan.

What do you other girls think?

That's it, I'm gone

[Byllie]

So, at the risk of being "flippant," the short answer is "I don't know why." And I would guess neither does anybody else. Probably that won't satisfy you....but it's probably much closer to a universal truth.

Joanie, that was not flippant in the least. When I said "fluff" I meant the type of replies that make fun of an attempt to having a serious talk. Of course, what serious means for folks varies, but it does not mean IMHO being rude or such.

Thanks for a *serious* reply. I understand that for many, being a CD is something not easily defined. I'm just trying to get the dialogue going a little deeper than normal, that's all.

Toodles!
Byllie

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Crossdressing has let me be me. It is so relaxing, so right, so necessary, so comforting, so expressive. It has calmed my nerves, satisfided my desires, allowed me to create JoAnne, given me incite to real GGs, allowed me to wear the clothing of my choice, allowed me to wear makeup. It has saved my life from despair and suicide.
That is what it means to me
JoAnne Wheeler

[valenstein]

I'll do my best to answer this seriously. The written word is so often misconstrued, one person may write something being totally serious and it comes across as a joke and vice versa, so I try to inject obvious humor where I can. Other times I think people crack a joke in a thread to try to break the ice when things become a little heated. Personally, I get to know people easier through humor, if they get my weird sense of humor, it's easy to make friends, but there are things here I take very seriously.

How do I define crossdressing for myself? Already there are a lot of opinions above, so I will say this is only how I define it. I'm not crazy about the word or definition of "crossdresser", it leaves a lot open to opinion and interpretation and usually requires a set of conditions. To me, crossdressing is a combination of perception and intent. Sometimes I'll borrow my gf's scarf because I'm cold, sometimes because I want it to go with a particular outfit. I can put together an outift using all men's clothes and give the appearance that I'm dressed as a female, or wear only women's clothes and still present as a male. What if I sew my own clothes? What gender do my clothes become? Does it only matter if it is a skirt or pants? Or if it is pink or blue? Yes, if I put on heels and makeup and a bra, most of the public perception will be that I am a crossdresser, but if I put on the same outfit only on Halloween, maybe they're not sure..."he is crossdressing, but is he a crossdresser?"

IF the word were applied equally without strings attached, the word I would choose would be "janegirl", the opposite of a tomboy. I get more happiness out of life hanging around with women and sharing in a lot of things that have come to be associated with women. Period. No questions about my sexuality or manliness or whether or not it is right or wrong. The only other issue would be why I choose to adopt a female name when I see fit. I've known GW with male-ish nicknames and GMs given female sounding names at birth. Crossdressing to me is nothing more than freely being the sum of my parts.

[Anne-Marie]

This would then allow as a norm the anomilies such as Scotsmen wearing a kilt

(Fluff: If I'm not mistaken the kilt was never traditionally a woman's garment.)

Surely that's why it's an anomaly i.e. a deviation from the common rule.

[Lorileah]

OK I am back and strangely enough answering a post that asks specifically for me to be serious. But here is a point, when I dress I do it to enjoy myself. IF I wanted to be serious all the time I would be a politician. Dressing and being silly and flirtatious is part of the whole. Didn't someone say "girls just wanna have fun"?

One of the earlier posts said when a section of society claims a piece of clothing as it's own it is no longer crossdressing. I guess the corollary to this would be when a section gives up that same clothing it becomes crossdressing. Guys wore pumps long before women did (in the French courts young men wore shoes that made a noise similar to "pump pump pump"). We all know similar things that guys gave up. Funny (and I mean that seriously) how when you give something up it is hard to get it back.