Almost caught, what to about my kids

[Kendra08]

So today I thought I had a few hours to spend as Kendra. My Kids were at there mother's and then going to a movie that I am picking them up from. So I get my makeup done and put on a new dress and head downstairs to take some pics and just relax. As I'm in my kitchen I see a car pull up and its my kids, their cousin and aunt. I freaked out and ran upstairs to my room covered everything up with my blanket and hopped in the bathrom to take a shower. So my kids come in the house and knock on the door to say Hi and tell me they were picking stuff up. They left pretty quick but I'm worried that 1 of them must have seen me in the kitchen as they pulled in. I'm getting really tired of hiding all the time but don't know how to explain this to my daughters. They live with me 5 nights a week so I don't get a lot of me time. I'm just at a loss and feel stuck. I want to be me but don't want to hurt or confuse my kids. How have any of you dealt with this?

[Shelly Preston]

A lot will depend on the ages of your daughters

The advice will be varied depending on age

[Kendra08]

they're 15 and 12

[Di]

IMHO Since it sounds like you must have joint custody they prob are early teens or younger. If this is the case UNLESS you are out to everyone work ect. You should not burden them with this.Peer pressure and all that and besides you want them to feel they can bring friends home. If it is still a secret...not 24/7 out at work and with everyone it would be not fair to them to burden them with a secret.Just be happy...enjoy them they grow up fast and put them first At least you have a break of 2 days a week

[JamieDP]

Ok honestly this is just a thought...and every household will differ...
The thoughts that popped into my head were if I would tell my kids about severe financial trouble if it were headed my way, would I tell my kids about a medical issue that say was not life threatening, but yet I had to cope with, would I tell my kids about issues in my relationship between myself and their mother or step mother, etc....and if I did how much would I tell.

I realize growing up my parents ran into issues, some they told me about, others they left vague allowing me the time to focus on school and growing up...lord knows being a teenager was rough enough many days just trying to be "normal" as it was...but then again what is normal.

just take your time and follow your true instincts as a parent. You know your children better than anyone else, except maybe their mother...if you are a good parent, the right choices and decision will come to you....but do not act in haste...take the time you need to determine whats right for the situation and right for your household!!

[Nicole Erin]

OK they probably didn't see you or see what you were wearing and here is why -
From inside a home it is easy to see outside but to look inside the house from outside, you have to be within a couple feet of the window. Lighting differences, it is usually real light out but dark inside.

Just try this - whatever time of day they stopped, go outside at that time and look into the kitchen window. See if you can make out much details of anything.
Now consider they were probably not staring into the window with an eagle eye.

So basically, you CAN prepare for the worst but it is unlikely they even noticed what you were wearing.

If they DID see you, make up a BS story like instead of a wig, you had a towel on your head and whatever... I know it sounds silly but ya gotta say something, unless you are ready to explain about CD to them.

[victoriamwilliams1]

At that age they may already know. You could have been part of the lets catch him at home dressed. Now if that is not the case I would not burden them until they are older.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I suggest you really think about this. I assume you are divorced (because of the 5 nights a week). If you are, Your crossdressing may be used against you in a custody situation (I know it shouldn't but I think it would).

Only you can decide if you should tell them, but maybe it's best if you let them tell you if they know.

[Celeste]

I've chosen to keep it quiet considering the derogatory comments concerning it they are likely to hear.I think we have to consider what may not be a burden for us could very likely become one for others.

[kristinacd55]

It all depends on ur situation, only you can decide if it's right to tell them. My wife knows, but I haven't told my daughters 23 & 17 yet....

[Violet]

Does their mum know? Is it something you could talk about with her first?

I tend to agree with Di, but I also think that if it were my dad, it would be a secret I would be willing to keep for him. It also depends on what kind of relationship you have with them, how close you are. Whatever you do, don't tell one and not the other.

MlleErin is right, too. The likelihood that they saw you through the kitchen window is very small.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

MlleErin really covered it well with the being seen in the window thing. I've looked in several of our windows from outside during the daytime and you really can't see far in. Even if they did see you in the kitchen it is likely they didn't get a great look and their minds filled in what they were expecting to see. Also as mentioned, a back up story doesn't hurt to have.

Before I came out with my wife, I almost got busted a few times. I've learned to always prepare for unexpected interruptions.

* Never leave things where family members might venture should they arrive home earlier than expected. Place any items that have not been returned to their stash-location out of sight.

* Any items that are out during a session should be counted. I used the number system many times to be certain that everything was picked up and returned when I was done. If 8 items are removed, 8 must be accounted for and returned after. This will help you be certain that nothing is left out by accident afterword.

* Never get loose with precautions. Always expect to be interrupted early. Not to the extent where you won't be able to relax - just keep it in mind and be prepared.

If your kids do find out... I'll offer this, not personally having any kids in my own house. My take on it would be to educate them if they ever found out. Once they know, you had better fill their heads with the facts so that they understand this does not mean daddy is mentally sick, a bad person, or someone to be ashamed of. Might also be a good idea to tell them why they should keep this between you and them and no one else - and with that point, be blunt and honest. I don't think they would want to see anything bad happen to the father they love.

My home life has been so much better since coming out to my wife. No more sneaking around and having a wife who understands (and even enjoys it) allows me to really enjoy myself, relax, and have a sense of freedom in my own home.

If you ever felt it was possible to live openly in your own household, I'd suggest follow that road. I've read many accounts of cders who's kids knew and accepted them. In terms of confusion - I was confused about who I am until doing some serious research a while ago. I'm not confused anymore. Do you think that maybe educating your family may also remedy any confusion they might have before any arises? Only you know what's right for your family.

Good luck.

[terri1984]

If you were in the shower when they came in, they probly had no idea, as far as telling them, personally i wouldnt. however it depends on how u feel. And considering their feelings and mabe even how theyd have fear of their freinds finding out. Even though slim chance im sure, still kids worry about these things, just my take, good luck

[Kendra08]

Thank you all for your advice. Its probably really paranoid about them seeing in. I am not going to say anything unless they ask me. I feel its best to leave it alone and like Gabrielle said be prepared the next time for any interruption.

[Sally24]

They are fast approaching the age where they would be able to understand. Many people say "don't burden them with your problems". Well, this is not a problem so much as it is YOU. The secrecy is the biggest problem with crossdressing. Elliminate that and alot of the involved stresses go away. They are your family, and much like wives, are not happy with the lies or deception if it continues for decades. On the practical side, it is very unusual for you to continue this for years without them suspecting something. There are little things like how you use language, body movements, and your reaction to things that can give them hints. Then there are the big things like outsized ladies clothing, makeup remnants on your skin, and the all too numerous photos that most of us keep on our hard drives. If you were a full time spy you might be able to keep it a secret. Most of us fail in that at some point.

My point is that they are probably going to find out sometime, the only question is when? Do you want it to be an accident, or a plan?

That's the way I approached it with my kids. Granted they were 25 and 28, but then I wasn't dressing when they were small.

Good luck whatever you decide!

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Close calls cause us to have to CHANGE our panties !!! I guess a lot of us have had similar experiences. I think this is all part of a MURPHY'S LAW - whatever the worst thing that can happen will

JoAnne Wheeler

[kathrynjanos]

I do not have kids. This seems to be a recurring confession for me to make. But let me state my piece.

It is my intention that if I have children, I will want them to be aware of it as early as possible, while maintaining the secret from some members of my family. That is, I feel very strongly that they should know it as soon as possible while their minds are in a good position to understand.

I think it is best if children know as much about their parents while they are young as is reasonable to tell them. Naturally, there are limits, but I don't think that this is something that would radically change a child's life if it's introduced to them as part of "being different."

At the age of 12 and 15, though, I think they are old enough now to accept this, especially if they have gay friends. I would try to tell the 15 year old first, preferably alone in the house so that you can take the time to answer all her questions and put her at ease. As the older sister, she can then help you take it to your 12 year old.

Good luck no matter what decision you make.

[tricia_uktv]

Been there, done that, lived through it. You don't dress at home, you find a place where you can go and dress away from your children. You are their Father and thats important - and vital to them. 17 is the earliest you can tell them.

Good luck hon,

[Lori A]

When my soon to be step-daughter was in her mid to late teens she thought I was homophobic because as a truck driver I used to hear a lot of gay and lesbian jokes on the CB radio and then tell them when I got home. Little did we know that she was Bi/Bi curious at the time and was offended because she felt that some times I was dissing her and her friends. I wasn't trying to be politically incorrect, sometimes jokes are just funny. Not all blonds are dumb. I tell jokes about truck drivers for my company as well as other companies, that doesn't make them all un-skilled. She knew before her mother and I became an item that I wore silky panties, but didn't consider me a Cross Dresser. I dropped a few hints, like clear nail polish on my toes that had a slight pink tint to it, and I would sometimes wear a camisole (one cut like a "wife-beater" as she calls them)under my T-shirt while I was home, but it wasn't until she turned 18 that I came right out and told her that I was a Cross Dresser. The first time she walked in to our bed room and I came back from the bath room dressed, she said I have issues and nothing more was said. But for Christmas this past year she helped her mother pick out some femme things for me, make-up kit, exfoliation kit, and bath jells, and a clutch purse. All that to say, "Baby Steps"
Who knows? they may think it's fun helping daddy with his make-up.

[Karen564]

I doubt very much they saw you, otherwise they would of said something, kids don't usually hold much back when they see something out of the ordinary, so you saw them, and they could of looked in your direction, but it doesn't mean they saw you. so relax..

As far as telling your kids anything, I say no, you don't need to burden them with that, especially at that age, they have enough problems going through their head, since this is only a CD thing and nothing more than that.

Karen

[sterling12]

Well since you are not choosing to tell them about this, I would suggest that you buy a couple of cheap suitcases down at The Thrift Store, and then find your self a cheap, clean, motel where you can go for a hiatus. You can obviously use the suitcases and be "prepacked," and you will look more "legit" with luggage. Then you will be safe to indulge, no matter how much time you have.

Lots of people handle things in this way. It's not ideal, but you are the one who has to decide what will work best for you and yours.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Tomara]

I don`t have kids , but I think I know what you are feeling when you think they might have seen you , on several occasions ( I live in a suburban area , but my home is close to the road ) I have felt that ,oh I wonder if the person driving that car or that person walking by could see me dressed threw the window , and on several occasions I have tried to look into my home as a casual passerby and not once could I even pick out the TV or the couch or even what color the curtains are , so I would not worry too much about if your kids saw you. And since I have never had children I will let the ones that have give you advice on to tell or not to tell.
I wish you all the best for you and your children !

Tomara