How do I attempt to date after many years of not dating? How do I find a GG that is interested in a cross dressing father of one?
Even the pay sites don't seem to have much in the way of GG's that are interested in cross dressers in my area.
Candy
How do I attempt to date after many years of not dating? How do I find a GG that is interested in a cross dressing father of one?
Even the pay sites don't seem to have much in the way of GG's that are interested in cross dressers in my area.
Candy
As a single person and a CD ,,,,,I find you just got to get out there and meet some People . Shop ,,,,,,talk to the shop assistants and become friends .
Get makeup and become friends . Lots of times the first step is in becoming friends first
Jean Ann
After a bad break up with a longtime girlfriend I started dressing more. I would go to the same places and evebtually became friendly with a few SA, and when one found out I wasn't gay, she asked me out and we dated for a few months. I agre that if you go looking for it, its much harder than just going about your daily routines and being friendly.Originally Posted by Jean Ann S
I'd really just like to be with the mother of my child. It's been very difficult, though. I'm thinking of just being the very best guy I can be and see if it will work. She has been extremely insensitive and cruel over the years, but since she's been armed with the cross dressing, it has been unbearable. Last night she said she was sorry and actually enjoyed it as long as it wasn't too often. I think I'm gonna run with that one for a bit.
54, only had a few semi- serious relationships, hundreds of painful rejections, losing to other guys. I went to a number of weddings of ggs i dated and lost. I go to a singles dance, for 10 yrs, and only a few dates, in thjat time. GGs over 45, and I see none who want to go out. They will dance, yes, and talk some there, but the ones i know, seem to want no part of dating most of the men. The competition thing, has been a hassle all mt adult life. There always comes another guy, to compete, and win the gg over! It has never ceased to amaze me, that there are so many men competing for too few single ggs!!! Some of us come from very destructive, dysfunctional parents, and families, were given very negative examples, and no clue about relationships! Major deficits, and loner ways, make it a whole lot more painful, and challenging, to start positive communicating with a gg, who doesn't understand the difficulty such men struggle with, and confidence is extremely hard to have for, some of us. I have had personals- both as a guy seeking gal, and have had myself as CD. There are many guys answering my ad as CD, wanting to meet! Very few ggs answer my guy seeking gal ads! Why should i be surprised!? I will keep going to the dance, still hoping against hope. Someone told me, that I, and others, were never meant to have mates, or marriage! That may well be true, but it hurts bigtime, like an anvil dropped on your chest!
MlleErin said:
One would like to think it worked both ways. Having spent the whole weekend (and this week coming since it's half-term) picking up after and cooking for his school-age (18 year old) brats I'm beginning to have second thoughts. As an "older" woman I've got my offspring safely and fully equipped off to university. My SOs guilt has meant he can't say "no" to his kids and as a result they're lazy and over-indulged.One good thing about older women is it is way less likely they will have school-age brats living at home, or if they do live at home, they are usually at least old enough to not need constant attention like younger children.
Yours is the million-dollar question.
Here's the deal as I see it:
One could ask the question, How / Where do I go to find a GG who likes a short guy that enjoys fishing? Or, How / Where do I go to find a GG who enjoys theater and gardening, or from the GG perspective, How / Where do I go to find a GM who likes family activities and camping?
I kinda think that every single-person out there seeking a partner asks these questions, and there just isn't a single answer. For what it's worth, my recommendation is to put yourself 'out there' (online dating sites, church groups, rec-league sports, community volunteerism, whatever) and just meet people. Always be yourself, and always try to genuinely listen to possible romantic interests when they cross your path. Don't be shy to invite someone for coffee or a beer, or to grab a slice of pie after the movie.
Now, having said that, all of us in this forum know that CD/TG issues and enjoyments are not widely accepted in our society---certainly not as openly as camping, gardening, fishing etc. For this reason, ours is a road a little more difficult to find. Honesty, openness, and perseverance are our best tools in our search.
Hang in there, know that dispointments will happen, but also that they will pass, and that finding that *someone* can happen if you stay with it, and be open to flexibilty.
Krissy
wow, reading your post. it was like some thing i would have put on about eight months ago. i too am a father of one. single for years. i even wrote to a uk newspaper problem page with the same sort of question. i spent ages, looking for hat perfect person, one who would love me for who i really am. now, the answer to your question ! here it is, ready. DONT go looking for that perfect gg. she will find you. good tip. BE YOUR SELF AND, this is important, BE THRUTHFUL to her. go out, have fun, go to clubs etc have drinks and meet people. from the start, you will see if a friend ship is possible. then, after a VERY short time, tell her, that, you enjoy wearing clothes like her. i did just this. i met some one. after a couple of dates, i told her all about my self. i wanted for that moment where she would run, but she didnt. she said, because i was truthful from the start, she was ok. Only then could i be my self. now, we are planning to get married in 2010. she has said that if we started seeing each other, then after seven months i told her, she would have not trusted me.
If you tell some one, and they run, then they are not a true friend or possible partner. To say im lucky tohave met tracy is a understatment. i never push any thing. we just have fun with it.
thats the best thing i could say. time will come when you meet some onme, you click, and you can fall in love. it WILL happen, might take time
sophieuk
Just being open about what your hobby is helps a great deal.
I have met several ladies lately and been up front about CDing and they don't have a problem at all.It really shocked me the level of acceptance they have.
We have shopped gone to the movies as two girls out on the town.
The trick is let them make the choice of who they wish to go out with.
I would say it been 50/50 girl/guy mode so far.
The 23 year old GG I went out with last night(in drab)explained to me she was very interested in me over the younger guys because I was a gentelman and treated her as a lady and listened to everything she had to say.
She liked the fact that I could understand the female side of things too.
Just get out and meet folks at the places you like to go.
I have met lots of GG's at the places I buy femme stuff and they always want to talk and see pics.
I have found if you go LOOKING it never happens if you find someone that intrests you comment on her outfit or shoes on how nice she looks in them that breaks the ice so good luck I hope you find someone PE.
Good to see you back on here.
I am happy for you, and hope that all will work as you would hope it will. As I read what you wrote, I was thinking you live in wonderland but I was wrong, it is the UK. (Hehe...)
Actually I know that you are right in what you say - but some of us, well at least me, are not quite so outgoing, having found that through decades of working on doing what you suggest, that the pain of doing that was greater than the pain of being alone.
And I am not only old, a CD, having a BDSM fetish, financially conservative, and only enjoy slim girls age 45 to 58, who do not smoke or drink, and who might enjoy or simply put up with a partner who crossdresses. That's not quite as simple as "Kissinpink" equivocates to the "short guy who likes fishing." Although what she says is all correct, so as with "Sophie."
So far in this short span of 53 years, since I was 21 years old, successful femme contacts have been very far between and very few to begin with.
I do go out, but have given up on ordinary places, the statistical odds are astronomical. I go to kind of kinky gatherings and feel that my chances are significantly better there. That's true with the exception of the age question. In those groupings the females are pretty young - Occasionally I have a "happening".But a finding relationship seems precluded.
I thought things would be a lot better after I retired, but it doesn't seem to be that way in "partner hunting."
"Who's around your TV is more important than how big it is...." Dr. Phil
http://profiles.urnotalone.com/54617
http://www.frappr.com/?a=myphotos&id=1265395
when you find such a girl can you ask if she has a younger sister?
this is sertainly a question that I have been asking for a while now, so thank you for getting it out here. now that I have learned what it is all about (thank you Deja and all that have had a say) I can get back on that horse myself.
Out'a my mind
back in 5 minutes
leave a message!!
It's not likely that on a dating site you're gonna find a woman who is actually looking for a CD. That, hunny, is probably the very furthest thing from their minds.
Women are looking for what we are looking for, a copacetic, polite, smile-inducing, stable person. You gotta meet the ladies first, see if there might be a little chemistry, get a little bonded, so that she knows you're a reasonable, reliable, trustworthy guy...
Then, very early on, if a more serious relationship looks possible, when you're at the stage of trading info about backgrounds and likes and dislikes, it's time to fess up...
Sure, we can easily make lots of GG friends while dressed, especially if we present well and are friendly (rather than lascivicious and look like a stalker), but rarely, I think will any of those accepting ladies ever consider us their Prince Charming, just a new, and slightly exotic friend.
(For most we may fall into the same kind of category as a GG's trusted gay male friends, fun to be with, but not threatening, and probably not husband and father material, straight or not. But that's okay, too,'cos a good way to meet more women is through that woman's circle of friends.)
There was also some discussion a while back about what kind of woman might even consider hooking up with a CD. And a little consensus showed that women in certain fields, who might be more comfortable with the idea might be found in the worlds of the theatre, the arts, music, all fields where a more liberal and open mindset prevails.
Good luck, Candy. It'll be some work, but there are women out there for us. They are the golden needles hidden in the haystack of society.
Bingo. The more women you meet, the more you'll meet.
silly question, but what is BDSM ???
Can't add a single thing to what Deja wrote. If my wife unassed me today, that would be exactly what I'd do. Get to know each other first, then share the deep dark secret. lol
I have met and dated accepting women without having any difficulty. First off, I am not a full-on CD - no forms nor wig, and only the occasional dab of makeup; just a guy that likes girly things. I normally have my nails very long and polished pink or red, and I wear jewelry. Sometimes I am wearing a skirt when they meet me. The point is, I am me.
Because of my presentation, they ask questions pretty quickly - usually on the first date - sometimes second. Gay? Transitioning? (No. No.) I talk about myself completely openly - it was a bit uncomfortable the first time or two, but pushing through that discomfort, it now makes for an interesting and engaging conversation.
The women I have dated certainly go through a process as we get to know each other - "Is this something I can be comfortable with?" "Has he told me everything?" If we like each other and continue dating it becomes necessary to discuss boundaries such as how I will appear if I meet their family.
So, advice? Be yourself and completely open. If you are wearing something feminine that you like, the topic will come up naturally. More than one woman has said they did not feel one way or the other about how I dress, but that they were strongly attracted to my openness, honesty, and confidence to be me.
After this comes the hard part - finding a woman that I feel I can spend the rest of my life with.
depending exactly on what you are look for you might try two web site--urnotalone.com and alt.com
[SIZE="4"][/SIZE]
I was just thinking about women that enjoy a CD'n spouse. Woweee, would that be a lucky score.
Less than one percent of women are truly interested in us. That said, there are still millions of them out there, but there's just no particular way to find them. Best way I came up with would be to place an ad with some of your pics normal and some 'en femme', on one of the huge dating sites, and start writing to every single woman you find attractive. But that only works if you are willing to be 'out', and are able to stand a >99% 'read and deleted' rate of your letters, with no response at all. Outside of that, chances are very slim indeed of ever finding anyone who's really alright with the crossdressing, that you also find attractive. I guess you could befriend a gay woman and ask her to take her with you to her gay bar, and hope to meet a bisexual woman who might be interested in you, but usually those are interested in masculine men and feminine women too, so that's a limited resource as well. The big stumbling block is whether to be 'out' or not. Let's face it, women are generally attracted to masculine guys. Wearing what we do simply destroys that image for them, pretty much permanently. So far, it seems our choices usually involve staying in the closet and dating without telling about the Cd'ing, or remain alone. Unless of course you want to date guys; there are plenty of them interested in CD'ers out there. But that isn't an option for most of us. If by any chance anyone locates a club where there are women who like crossdressers, let me know. So far, I don't think they exist.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
What a great big heap of steaming optimism you are!
Speak for yourself. Of the girls I've dated, about half are okay with crossdressing, and the other half enthusiastic.
In the last several months, what started as making just a few new friends has resulted in making a lot more -- and meeting literally dozens of women. Among those, I've run across ONE who's turned off. But that one is a too young for my taste, and a little on the promiscuous side anyway. Some of them I've met "en femme," and some in guy mode. Doesn't matter.
Saturday night, I was out at the bar, doing karaoke & such. Complete guy mode, but I did opt for a little eyeliner. I had three females flirting like mad, two of them I showed pictures of me dressed (to some ooh-la-las), and one tried to drag me home. That one might have been fun, but as her boyfriend was there, and I had ridden with someone else myself, it was unavoidably out of the question. Ah well. Maybe I'll call her.
Another night, I told a girl I liked her shoes, wanted them, and wanted to know where she got them. It led to a date. Not just with her, but with her rather fetching friend, too. I'm not sure what kind of friends they are......but maybe I'll let you know later this week....
I don't think I'm the fluke here. You are.
Now that's true. But where your thinking strays is in what you think "masculine" means. Masculine isn't what you wear, or how hirsute you are. Masculine is your attitude. It's your confidence, your skills, your carriage, your strength, your courage, your protective nature.
Whether or not you dress in women's clothing is not at issue here. Rather, it's what kind of man are you -- inside? It's not like you can just put on a man suit. You need a spine. For attracting females, a man suit is optional. A spine is not.
I don't know you. I don't know what you're like, how old you are, what you look like. But, at the risk of sounding like a jerk, I have to say this. Your problem isn't in your wardrobe. It's in your head.
I think others have written here about thinking u won't find a GG becoming a sort of selfullfilling prophecy! NOT coming out rite away, and just meeting as many GGs as u can in your everyday life, sounds like good advice on the surface!
However, there is a downside to spending your all your CD time in a closet! Specially if U CD a lot. U mite end up with your female alter ego, as your most attractive fem partner option!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I've been thinking about this. At least I wouldn't be lonely.
However, there is a downside to spending your all your CD time in a closet! Specially if U CD a lot. U mite end up with your female alter ego, as your most attractive fem partner option!
If you advertise that you are a CDer that is looking for a GG for marriage, it is doubtful that you will ever find one
JoAnne Wheeler
I have to agree with what seems to be the general consensus. Find a GG who you like, not specifically one who likes CDers. Once you find someone you like and the relationship starts to get more serious tell her about your 'hobby'.
That is exactly what I did with my wife, and it has certainly worked for me. I made it clear when I first told her that while it was something I liked doing, that didn't mean she was forced to participate. She certainly wasn't looking for a CDer when we met, so I let her get used to the idea at her own speed.. Now many years later she regularly puts a bra on me before or during sex. It is not because she wants me wearing a bra, but because she knows I like it. She figures it is only clothes and it doesn't hurt anyone, so being able to do something that makes me happy then makes her happy.
Some of this stuff is hilarious.
Right. I've been asked out by a woman once, exactly once, in my entire life. Waiting for a woman to find me, I'll be dead and buried first.DONT go looking for that perfect gg. she will find you.
O.K., I'll bite. Where do they look? I mean, this is the age of google. A quick search would turn up this and other crossdresser sites for her in an instant. All other things being equal, the same percentage of single women who are interested in guys who CD in the general population would be represented among the millions on, say, match or POF. Or are we to assume that for a woman, being interested in crossdressers means she lives as a hermit in a cave somewhere and has no access to modern communicative tools?It's not likely that on a dating site you're gonna find a woman who is actually looking for a CD
So, you have found women to be 100% accepting of crossdressing. Sorry, but that doesn't wash. I don't think anyone here at all would believe that all women are just fine with crossdressing. Yes, if you go out with some obvious female things about you, such as make up, female clothing articles, or heels, you might locate the few women out there who find it interesting. But not everyone wants to be 'out'. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, there are plenty of people who don't want us around.Speak for yourself. Of the girls I've dated, about half are okay with crossdressing, and the other half enthusiastic.
Now that is as close to reality as you're gonna get.If you advertise that you are a CDer that is looking for a GG for marriage, it is doubtful that you will ever find one
Again, none? They all love it? Really? Amazing. They must have a private club somewhere, and never come out into the real world.I have not met any who made that a deal breaker.
Yes, and there are plenty of women who have no problem with gay men either, and some love to have them as friends. Doesn't mean those women want to date those men. And, that's where the division lies. Sure, they'd 'consider it'. But I think they were just telling you what they thought you wanted to hear. Women tend to do that with people.I have to agree completely, I am married to a very accepting and supportive woman so some of you will ask what do I know about finding accepting GG's. I know a few women who know about my feminine side and don't have a problem with it, sure some of them might think of me as just one of the girls or not a threat because i'm married or they think I might be gay but some have said they wish they could find a guy like me because I know who I am. So I've asked them if it would bother them if a guy who dresses like a woman would be a turnoff, Ok, all of them said that it would not be high on their list of priorities they look for (yes they giggled) but if the guy is a decent, well mannered, HONEST man who is strong in his values they might consider it.
I've never been able to get it up with a woman who I found physically repulsive, no matter how nice they were, and I've made several attempts at this. Sure, you can always close your eyes and think about someone else or put a bag over her head, but I don't think that's something I would like to do. And how do you answer honestly when they want to know how they look? Lie all the time???It sounds like you have plenty of mental attraction with this girl. Perhaps you might read up on how much of sex is in your head. If she's that ugly, just turn the lights off. But seriously, I don't think I'm the only one here who will tell you some of the best sex of their lives was with someone they didn't find visually appealing.
While I congratulate those of you who have found a female SO, you are a very small minority. There are millions of us out here, and most of us are single. And as above, if there were all those women who don't find it to be a deal breaker, we'd all be in a relationship with someone by now. I've run identical ads on personal sites, one that mentions the crossdressing, one that does not. The one that mentions the crossdressing usually gets zero hits other than prostitutes and guys. The other ad gets numerous responses. I'm not an unattractive guy; I make good money, looks, well, I'm a six or a seven (and that's from other people, not my own evaluation), basically I'm pretty much an average person other than being tall (which is something that works in my favor, usually). I do go out on dates, but in carefully asking about how the woman feels about guys who crossdress, I haven't met anyone who would date us. The response I usually get is along the lines of the Seinfeld show's 'not that there's anything wrong with that' as their eyes roll towards the ceiling when I bring up any transgender discussion, usually in reference to someone else at work or one of our sales reps or customers. In fact, one of the most common responses is 'Eeeewwwww, I don't think so', when I ask if they ever dated someone like that. And that, my friends, pretty much says it all.
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 02-13-2009 at 09:37 PM. Reason: spelling correction
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
