Goofus
what I dont get is you look so fem, I think no one would have paid you any mind, if they looked at you, it was probably to check out the cute outfit you were wearing and thinking...Damn, she looks good in that....
Goofus
what I dont get is you look so fem, I think no one would have paid you any mind, if they looked at you, it was probably to check out the cute outfit you were wearing and thinking...Damn, she looks good in that....
I'm sorry to hear you had the fashion police called on you...literally. That stinks. I think you could have avoided all of this trouble if you had taken the courage it took to tell the police the truth about what you were doing and used it to buy the dress in the store. My suggestion to you would be to not go back in there ever, for any reason, and just shop online at the fashionbug.com where you can take as much time as you want buying your stuff.
Believe me I know how hard it is to shop sometimes. I tend to be a nervous shopper and on a bad day I will pace around a store a few times before I get up the nerve to go look at things. Other times I'll get out of line when other people come up behind me. I guess it's just part of my natural shyness. Though I do shop in public quite frequently without problem, I actually prefer to shop online. It's so much easier. The only thing I have to worry about is when the package comes it won't be marked with anything that will embarrass me.
I hope we don't see your episode on COPS or hear about it on the evening news. I wouldn't be surprised if we did however. I know how the media loves to humiliate crossdressers.
Dear Goofus,
How did the policeman know it was you after driving off and returning to another park?
Did you drop your drivers licence in the store or some other ID?
Luckily there were no TV cameras in sight. I don't know, I guess it could be an item in the paper, I doubt they mention me by name, however.Originally Posted by Trisha CD
No, one of the SA's totally had the eagle eyes on me. I guess I should have suspected something right then and there. She got a really good look at my vehicle. She no doubt called the cops and gave them a description of me and my vehicle...
>shaking head from side to side in disbelief<
i know when i frist started to buy my own things i was a bit nervious but i picked them out went to the check outs and was rang up (i dont use the self checkouts,i like personal service), and then i leave,,, no one says anything even those in line and if they do BIG FRIGGIN DEAL its not llike they know u,,,,
i still get a bit red when i place nail polish bottles on the belt but i still buy them,, :D
i had one young checkout girl tell me that the silver color i had on wasnt my color,,
i do 90% of my shoping at wal mart and they ARE always busy no matter what time u go in,,,
live and learn Goofus
I was checking out somewhere and had a guy as me where I got my purple nail polish from, he said it would match an outfit that he had. So I told him.....
[SIZE="3"]Ms Tori Jones [/SIZE]
just think when you are more comfortable with yourself this might be a funny story you can look back on.
Anyways i do all my shopping at wal-mart. it helped me get over the whole "buying clothes thing" because time after time no one cared what i was buying. so hang in there! like all things it takes practice and practice takes time and repetition.
In my book.
I shop at a Fashion Bug in a town in Mississippi. The managers have always gone out of their way. They know I am a CD. So the backwater theory does not hold.
The racist thing is unusual, Goofus. I promise you black women, old or young, are a lot more tolerant of me than any white women. I guess they see a lot weirder stuff going on...(just my guess). I prefer to shop in the black areas of town because there are less people that know me there. They also have larger sizes that fit me. And many of the customers establish conversations with me while I shop calling me baby and sweetie and love and such nice things. You could have gotten unlucky where a real racist b**** got you.
You acted way suspiciously when getting in your car and parking within their sight. But we have all done this at some point or another (I think) and that is still not a crime. I can't tell you how many times I have gone in a store and seen 10 women at the checkout and I just decided to wait outside to go back in to get my panties and other stuff and check out. Gee. I can tell you I have gone in and out of the same store 3 or 4 times consecutively especially if I get a call while I am in the store.
The thing that I do not like and may keep me out of Fashion Bug after hearing this story is that they banned you after you explained your story. Or did they ban you before anyone heard your side of the story? Maybe I will write them too and if I do not hear back anything I will stop going there. Really the bottom line is you did nothing wrong and you should not be banned.
CD friendly or not, this is major BS.
Michelia
Next time take the dress to the register and just pay for it. If asked, say you're going to be in a charity drag show. Women seem to love that. Before I went full time, I'd always say that, and more often than not, they offered to help me, or asked about shoes or jewelry. If you act like it's no big deal, they'll react the same way.
As I always say, f*** 'em if they can't take a joke! :D
Hugs, Marci
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] My GG GF Julie and I send you all hugs
Do not send an Email. Have your attorney send a real letter unless there is more to the story.
well the sales clerks may have been frightened and thought they were justified called police , but going into a store open to the public and not buying anything is not a crime. neither is being in your car in a parking lot that is open to the public.the fact that someone is scared doesn't make
anything you did wrong.As far as the police searching your car they were only able to do that because you gave them permission.I don't think they had anything to convince a judge they needed a search warrant .but if they could have found anything in their free search they would have used it against you( what if someone dropped a perscription pill outta their pocket
by accident?)remember you have rights that protect you from ramdom searches. you also have the right to not answer any questions without an attorney present.If you would have said anything they could have twisted
to be able to file a charge the possibility exists.I had an attorney tell me to NEVER consent to a search of anything. they think they have cause let them get a warrant. most times if you don't consent they will just say ok. But why give them a free fishing trip . And who said you was banned from the store?
was it an employee, a store manager or just the police so they didn't get another call. without knowing where that statement came from its hard to know if it has any official status. sorry for your bad experience!!
Well I already kinda see the humor in it actuallyjust think when you are more comfortable with yourself this might be a funny story you can look back on.
Anyways i do all my shopping at wal-mart. it helped me get over the whole "buying clothes thing" because time after time no one cared what i was buying. so hang in there! like all things it takes practice and practice takes time and repetition.. As for Wal-Mart, I think they're evil corporate *******s and I refuse to shop there. Besides, I can't imagine their clothes are all that stylish?
Yeah, like I said, it was racist on my part to make assumptions. And the cops said I wasn't to go back there again because I made the staff uncomfortable, even after I told them my side of the story. And I agree - it is at least minor BS
Yeah, there's that. But I usually prefer to be honest...although maybe the occasional white lie wouldn't hurt...Next time take the dress to the register and just pay for it. If asked, say you're going to be in a charity drag show. Women seem to love that. Before I went full time, I'd always say that, and more often than not, they offered to help me, or asked about shoes or jewelry. If you act like it's no big deal, they'll react the same way.
As I always say, f*** 'em if they can't take a joke! :D
Hugs, Marci
I consented to the search 'cause I figured it would be best to be cooperative. I had nothing to hide - I hadn't stolen anything, I didn't have a weapon, and I don't do drugs so they wouldn't have found that. The cop told me that if I went back to the store it'd be considered trespassing and I'd be subject to arrest. I'm not sure where it came from, if the FB staff requested it or what.
Last edited by Holly; 01-06-2008 at 01:05 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts. Multiposting is not allowed. Please use the EDIT button to add additional content to your posts. Thanks
Hi goofus,
I'm really sorry you had to go through that. You've been given some pretty good advice here, so I won't add much. But as tammi said, just because a police officer told you that you were banned from the store, that doesn't make it necessarilly so. You owe it to yourself to find out how much official clout that statement holds. On the other hand, a store, contrary to what some think, is not a public space, and they can exclude entry to whomever they think is a disruption, as long as they are not breaking any anti-discrimination laws. You should find out if you really are banned, but just the same, I would move on. There are plenty of great places left to shop. Heck, I have a huge wardrobe and I've never even been in a fashion bug!
Hugs,
Melissa
What's the point of instruments, words are a sawed off shotgun-Radiohead
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/melissa.c.keiper
Someone asked why goofus could be in jail.
And for nothing
ANYWAYS people, here it is -
Goofus probably did make them a little nervous. I used to work as a cashier and I would get nervous when people would wander around too long. I guess not too many men are in Fashion Bug, so they didn't quite know what to think.
Goofus - I doubt the police even believed you when you said you were a CD. It is one of the few times when people DON'T believe us.
When can you go back to the store? Well, I say give it about 3 months.
The cashiers probably won't remember you anyways. It is not likely they have a photo of you behind the counter with the words "Do not allow this person into the store."
The cashiers who called on you today probably won't even be working there in 3 months. Cashiers hate their job, hate the work, hate the customers, and simply do not last long.
SIDE NOTE - I always laugh when stores say they "banned someone for life". I always think "Yeah like they are gonna remember who is banned".
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Wow! The Xmas shopping season was so disappointing to retailers that they're having people arrested if they don't buy anything. That's desperation!
Dear g.
Your story is very amazing for me. I can't understand how a store can ban a custommer (as far as nobody prooved you are criminal, I think you are a custommer, and nothing else). In my country the custommers bans the stores, and not the oposite. All "public" place are supposed to be "open" to the public and must let you enter. No store can "forbid" a customer to enter in the store (as long as he don't commit any crime).
Then even if there is some legal possibility in your state (apparently there is???) for a store to ban a custommer, I assume that you should have the right to know WHY you are banned. And then WHY????? Why were you banned? You commited no crime. Entering a store, walking a store, is not "suspicious". I don't buy it. If you were a shoplifter, you will never been "suspicious" you blend with the crowd and stole as discretly as possible you don't spend 30 minutes walking the store. No honey in my point of view you were not "suspicious" of being preparing any crime. Therefore the store manager attitude to call the police on you seams disproportionate and even probably criminal. He is the one who should be putted in jail, since whitout any reason (you are a customer, and not "suspicious" of shoplifting) he put you in a lot of trouble.
Somebody recently explained here she was shopping "en femme", and when she went out one of the custommers called the police. She could go away but as she knows the store manager she learned then that the police effectivly came and ask if the "suspicious" person was behaving in an inapropiate way etc...
Somebody former member of the police told that as everybody in the store (except the "molested" guy) testified to the police that she was behaving correctly she could go after the guy.
I don't know in your state but for me the just thing should be you banning the store (I personnaly never buyed in a fashion bug, but if I see one I promess to stay away). And the just thing should be you asking why they called the police on you. And the just thing should be the people who called the police on you being molested not you, because again you committed no crime, and apparently somebody difamated you or worse segregated you.
My advice: when victims are feeling guilty it's time to fight for your rights, eventually vote for somebody who will protect the customers, not the "shop managers". And please don't go to this store, something stinks there.
Kisses
Carla
Carla, the thing about stores here in the USA is they have a right to refuse business to anyone.
Now granted Goofus had no bad intentions, but the store personnel did not know that. As far as they knew, goofus might have been waiting for the perfect time to pull a gun and rob the place.
I have said this but here it is again - Cashiers don't make a lot of money. They do not care about sales or anything except their next break or time to go home. Therefore, don't expect particularly good treatment from them.
NO one wants to do a cashier's job. It is a job people sometimes make snide ass remarks about. The best thing to do is not draw their attention.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
I am sorry you had a bad experience, at least you were not dressed enfemme when the police showed up, any way what you must do when buying feminine clothes is hold your head high, show confidence, and act like you belong there. acting nervous and looking around with your face down sets off warning signs someone is acting suspicious, we as crossdressers need to act with confidence when we are buying womens clothes, so what the line is long, just get in line and buy that dress, who cares what someone might think, I do it all the time, I like it when there is lines at womens stores, because I like talking to the ladies in line, it has always been a positive experience for me, I have done it in small towns as well as big towns with all different races of peaple aroud, and like Michelia wrote black women are the most understanding I have found also, I do like how they call me sugar or hun. Another thing you should not do is sit outside the store in your car if you are nervous, just get in your car and leave imediately so as to not draw attention to youself. anyway good luck next time.
Doing absolutely nothing and being harassed to this extent.It really ticks me off.I have also been a victim of unwarranted harassment by police in the past and am sorry to hear you had to put up with this.I'm really hoping this wasn't a SA who just had a bad attitude about you violating womens privacy in stores or something. I mean it sounded like the police might have been told that they saw you taking something also.Could it be one of the clerks is biased and told them they didn't want to see you back period.
goofus, you sound just like me, when i started buying femme things for myself umteen yrs. ago. so nervous and scared. rather in femme or drab. nowdays, doesn't bother whatsoever. usually in drab. don't care anymore. my money is as green as the next guy/girl. example, bought some lovely heels at a DSW recently (in drab) checking out, the young cashier (female) said ohh these are lovely, but there not for you. i replied, weel sweetie, what do you think i'd look better in. she blushed and smiled she knew.
OK Erin, "stores" have right (sounds weird to me, I thought people had rights!). But then custommers have no rights? For exemple the right to check if the ban is not due to discrimination? Because it is probably the case here, and even if it not the case here, is it possible to a "store" to ban people due to race religion genre behaviour thoughts opinion and get rid of it? Not having any explanation to give just because they use the right the "store" has? There is a clear issue here between property and liberty.
Kisses
Carla
Goofus, Stephenie and others have already let you have it so I will take it easy on you. If I was one of the SA's I would have called the cops on you also. Especially knowing after the fact there had been robberies recently in the area. You already know what you did wrong so do not do it again. So grow up and act your age. Shoplifters skulk about in a store. If you are in a store and are shopping than shop, and let the SA's help you as that is their job. Actually next time walk into the store and to the the first SA you see and ask for help. And it does not matter if you are in male mode or enfemme. I have shopped many stores in both modes and have tried on clothes in both male and femme modes including Fashion Bug. Accept yourself, accept who you are, accept what you want to do, then others will accept you. Act like a shopper and you will be treated as one. That is my experience.
If you want to shop there more call and talk with the store manager. When talking with the store manager and you get them told who you are and why you are calling, you may even try to set up a meeting with them just to talk face to face prior to shopping their again.
KimberlyS - CD
joe in a skirt
PS you know others can feel your self acceptance, when you are browsing at Victoria Secret in very obvious male mode including 2 day beard; and when after the SA has talked your ear off for 15 minutes about all the details of new bra she was showing and telling you about; she pauses and then asks "so would you like to try this bra on tonight".I guess it was that obvious I did. You can do it also.
KimberlyS-CD
joe in a skirt. Being myself not trying to be some other CDer
Just trying to find a balance for my son and myself.
Standard disclaimer: Going out of the house was right for me, it may or may not be right for you. If you've got no desire to leave the house, that's fine, I'm not trying to push you out the door. But for those who've been yearning to do so, I just want to let you know the world may not be as scary a place as you think.
That's just plain nutty. A friend of mine is a regular customer of the local FB near her. They know full well she is a CD and she even gets solicitations in the mail from the president of the company. Some people.:rolleyes:
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
I’m stunned how quickly all of this could blow up the way it has. I’ve never heard of staff calling the police before, except in cases of shoplifting. It goes to show how it all can get out of hand. If a sick female relative had asked you to go into the store and buy something for her you would have probably gone in there, pick it out and pay for it without too much thought. But because you know it was for you, then obviously you felt embarrassed. But it’s no different to young guys buying condoms I guess !
Advice: Next time take Karren Hutton in there with you. You’d have a ball and end up buying what you wanted with no bother !
I think I would send them an e-mail, or phone, just to explain, even if you don't ever go back - they can then see they over reacted
That really sounds like something that could happen to me. I feel your pain I really do. I doubt if it would be going on your record though. I would say if you go to the manager it could be fixed.
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