The desire to be seen

[Billie_P]

Ohh yeah!! Once you've been out and about enfemme.. Setting around the house all dolled up just doesn't cut it any more!! And its like a drug.. You got to do it more often and more flagrent!! At least it was for me...

Yuppers.

[Kaz]

Sorry, I didn't read the thread - aaargh!

I reacted to the initial question: welcome to what for me is the line.

Once crossed you will never be the same again.

ever

for ever

but is it good?

don't know about good (god - same language root)

it is a deciding corner in our lives.. I am now addicted... and a confirmed CD...

Ouch!!

[Lorileah]

I notice is when I am dressed I want to be seen. What I was wondering is if the feeling of wanting to be out and seen is common with others?

Thus the two camps here. The ones who want to "Pass" and not be noticed and the ones who shout "Hey look at me!"


Personally if I bother getting dressed up with make-up, heels and a short skirt...someone better look at me and say something. Otherwise I'll stay home and eat Ben&Jerry's.

[Kaz]

Thus the two camps here. The ones who want to "Pass" and not be noticed and the ones who shout "Hey look at me!"


Personally if I bother getting dressed up with make-up, heels and a short skirt...someone better look at me and say something. Otherwise I'll stay home and eat Ben&Jerry's.

Lori... as ever, an inspiration! So on the point!

[vjaducd]

Yes dear, It is obvious & common thirsty feeling among us to look like complete fem & others may take notice of it. The more the desire ,the more fantasy & perfection for c.d.ing & confidence to be on & out. Keep it up
vjaducd from india

[msginaadoll]

I definitely have caught the bug to get out. Once you do it opens so much of the world to you. I feel like I am no longer a vampire, confined to roam the night. Isnt the world funny! I see Samantha's picture and wonder why I am even trying to dress up. Talk about a lovely fem lady. Then I hear she thinks she is built like a linebacker. I guess we are our own worse critics. The last time I got out I so expected, the shouts and cries and burning torches. The strange thing was i didnt have any problems or even notice people looking at me as I was shopping. Maybe my dress wasnt short enuff!!!

[Shannen]

If you want to go out, you will. And you will never be the same.

If you are willing to shave your face, there is no male body out there that can't be fixed up to give an impression of femininity.

Someone once said, females are by definition feminine.

Look around, it's a big range... you can do it!

[SuzanneS]

If you want to go out, you will. And you will never be the same.

If you are willing to shave your face, there is no male body out there that can't be fixed up to give an impression of femininity.

Someone once said, females are by definition feminine.

Look around, it's a big range... you can do it!

Shannen, I do hope you are right...I haven't been out yet, BUT I will be...Thank you for the words of wisdom.

Suzanne

[crusadergirl]

I too have a desire to be seen but i'm not trying to pass just be me with a different look.

[Kimmie]

"

'Kimmie' I also would like to know what you mean by clocked. If you were hit or attacked while 'en femme' that's terrible. It's a very real risk if you're in the wrong place at the wrong tme. Unfortunatley, at night or in a rural area is the only time some of us first & second timers dare to go out.

To answer your question. For starters I'm no rookie at CDing in public. Curiously I have had some success at meeting GG's while en femme. Confidence was not an issue. Although this time, it was my first time out during the day. It was on Hollywood Blvd, a place where many T-girls cruise. Not exactly a socially conservative hub. Yet a place where many tourists visit. I thought I could pass. I believed I had the voice and mannerisms down. I was wearing a modern dress with flats, not attempting to draw attention. While walking, a guy made a comment out loud. "Boy you need a shave." That made it clear I couldn't pass. It was followed by a few more looks of utter disgust from passers by. It was a sobering experience that was two weeks later I'm still trying to make sense of everything. Like I said, getting clocked...I mean read can really really really suck.

[KateC]

Yeah it hurts to get read and especially if people look or say something. But as long as you're not physically in danger, it should be fine, let people think or say stuff.. whatever

I just went out a few times and I can't get enough of it, even though sometimes I'm terrified of going places. I have to do it though and I will very soon for a few things. Going to try grocery shopping soon.

[Prissy Linda]

doesn't matter if i'm in full girl mode or just a boy wearing makeup i want to be seen.

[Hali]

At times I want to be seen in my complete essence; a mixture of male and female.

I want to be seen as a woman when dressed en femme so passing can really mean alot to me atleast to escape some of the unwelcome comments.

[Kaz]

Going out in public is the second best thing. It is just an overall experience. I feel things that you just can't get inside. The breeze lifting your skirt or dress, the cold (in northern climes) on your legs and thighs, your hair blowing in the wind, the sound of your heels on the sidewalk, just a rush of feminity. So alive and vital. Once experienced it's hard to stay in.

So true... it is addictive (Karren)...

I am still nervous about getting clocked but as Karren points out... so what...?

Kaz xx

[deja true]

So! You wanna be seen by a couple of hundred men and women and not a one will give you a hard time? You wanna sit at a bar or go into a restaurant with a group of girls and have a nice dinner and get excellent service? You wanna go shopping and try stuff on and have great conversations with cute SAs? You wanna learn more about yourself and your place in the gender world in a week than you will on your own in a month of Sundays?

For the newbie, there is no better introduction to getting out in a safe and sympathetic environment than a conference like Be-All(Chicago in June) or SCC (Atlanta in September) or Fantasia Fair(Provincetown in October) or any one of a score of gatherings through out the year. (See Tracy's list on her blog: http://tracyschapes.blogspot.com/).

And at any one of them, you're bound to run into a few of us, people you already know!

[Nicki B]

What else I notice is when I am dressed I want to be seen.

It's much more than the desire to be seen. It's actually the desire to "be".

Wanting to be seen is usually part of the CDing package. I suppose it's a kind of validation.

Thus the two camps here. The ones who want to "Pass" and not be noticed and the ones who shout "Hey look at me!"

Perhaps it's not just being seen? It's being seen (and then being treated) as a woman.. Doesn't that cover both of Lorileah's camps?

[Carly D.]

I wore my booties with my regular jeans and the jeans cover a good 90% of the shoe most of the time, but I walked to the mail and every time a car would be coming down the road I would freak. why?? nobody probably saw my shoes.. it was night time.. pitch black (mostly) and all I can think is what if they saw my shoes?? big hairy deal.. anyway I'm inching my way out of the closet.. I don't understand why I suddenly have the desire to wear in public.. I mean I've wanted to wear in public (have worn in public limited to about what I'm doing now, and that was well over ten years ago) now I have the desire to try to wear in public.. I mean to cross dress in public.. even if that would mean a darker place in another town..

[LA CINDY LOVE]

I have to say that Cindy is a showoff and loves to be seen, when I was going out to the clubs I would stop at 3 stores before I would hit the clubs just to be seen buy others.

But when Cindy started to go out in the day time it was a bigger rush, out and about in the day time open a whole new world for Cindy and I would aways push the boundaries.........Cindy just loves the attention.

Going out in the day time is a real challenge but the one thing that I have learn is if some one is looking at you DO NOT SHY away make eye contact with them and smile in other.......... WORDS STAND YOUR GROUND.

LA CINDY LOVE

[Emily01]

What I was wondering is if the feeling of wanting to be out and seen is common with others?

i share that desire and have acted upon it often. it presents some weird dichotomies though.....on the one hand i want to be seen but at the same time i don't want to recognized. also i want to be seen but i want to avoid half the planet - men.

add to that the fact that i can largely pass if i'm dressed appropriately for my age, and the setting, that fact takes away from my greatest challenge - to be a really hawt babe! LOL

then i'm left with the question: if the ultimate is to pass as a real hawtie, what's up with the fear and avoidance of men?

i'm sure that others, further along the path than i, could answer some of these questions better ~ but i too have the desire and always have. be well and especially be safe!

[crazybiker]

Bah! I havn't been out yet, doing that today :p... but I guess i'm going out drab, not too sure... any how... I know I went from my bedroom (then I was discovered) and then I wanted to get out into my living room (which is connected to my room), to walking around the basement floor where my roomies are and they know and accept, to going upt stairs when my roomes dad wasn't home and walk'n around in my heels up stairs, to Going out in dress pants, and a long jacket covering my (what I think) a kinda guyish face, but still walking out in public at night in my heels, now to going on a road trip to see what getting out of the house and going on a road trip where nobody knows me so I dont give a flying "you know what"... to hopefully this will allow me to go to the next step, going out as if I know I belong! *thumbs up*

[Nattastic]

You can add another tick to the - "likes to go out and be seen" side of your list in my case.

I started out the exact same way. Yes, that first evening stroll.... What an adrenaline rush indeed! I beleive you were right in your assumption as well, that it will get less nerve racking as you get to doing it more often - as was certainly the case for me.

I found alot of truth in another posters' stating that, "people really don't care"
You spend so much time working yourself up, you are certain that what you are doing/about to do, is this "great big huge deal" and it only really is, to you!

I think mainstream has come a long way, and we, as the community are a lil bit slow in addressing that actually.

A brilliant friend of mine once told me something not too long after he had discovered my diversity, and that was - Cake. He said, people can eat a whole cake, just not all at the same time. I applied that with great results.
Hopefully someone here can find benefit in it as well.

Nice to relive my earliest experiences, if just for a moment, upon reading this post - Thank you

[KateC]

If no interaction, usually people don't care... unless you're cute/attractive etc.. or don't pass that well... people claim I'm "cute" or whatever on this forum but I think otherwise, I guess that's why they look at me more.

[ReineD]

Perhaps it's not just being seen? It's being seen (and then being treated) as a woman.. Doesn't that cover both of Lorileah's camps?

Or is it being seen and admired as a woman? IMO women and men are equally treated with courtesy by SAs, restaurant staff, etc, who do so because they want the customer to return. And nowadays many women and men hold the doors open for each other, depending on who gets there first. But to be honest, if I walk into a room and sense that someone admires how I look, I am flattered. It gives me a lift. But then who knows ... they could be looking at me critically and I wrongfully take their glances as being admiring. It could just be my feminine ego that makes me feel as if I am admired.

Which brings me to the next question .. how does a TG tell the difference between being stared at in admiration for her overall look, vs. being stared at because she's been read?

[Greymancd]

Thanks to all for replying to my post. It is nice to know the feelings I have are shared by so many!

[Lorileah]

Which brings me to the next question .. how does a TG tell the difference between being stared at in admiration for her overall look, vs. being stared at because she's been read?

I would believe in most cases both occur simultaneously. Not many of us here are 5'5" 120# with a size 6 shoe. My hope would be that after I was read, I would still be admired. One of my photo shoots was done at a local well known park here in Denver. I am 6'3" at least in heels so it wasn't a secret. By the time we were done with the shoot there were at least 20 people gathered around. Most complimented me on the look. I am sure some were there for the show. Either way, everyone had fun