what? How is staying out of this being a coward? I disagree big time.Originally Posted by maryklinden
what? How is staying out of this being a coward? I disagree big time.
>>what? How is staying out of this being a coward? I disagree big time.
JB,
I think the feeling is that the neighbor was/is being asked for help but he's holding back for fear of getting hurt himself.
And, he will probably get hurt, some, but he might lessen someone's else's, a lot, if he acts.
I appreciate that he asked for help before wading in, it's been helpful I think... But, now it's probably time to get on with it.
MKL
[SIZE="2"][/SIZE]
[SIZE="2"][/SIZE]
I think I must have missed something here.
.................................................. ........thanks............ORCHID
Now tell us how you really feel without sugarcoating it Mary
Wow big shocker there.........
How'd I guess you of all people would have disagreed with what maryklinden has said :brolleyes:
Last edited by Sammy777; 08-20-2009 at 08:40 PM.
Warning: This post may contain up to 63% post consumer recycled Sarcasm ... or Peanuts."
"Sammy, really next time do try to make your point without being quite so abrasive." -RD
I think you should stay out of it. I think you are doing the correct thing by recommending the internet, etc.
If you out anyway then I would say then get involved more than you are.
But, let me ask both of u "heroes" a question:
Now tell us how you really feel without sugarcoating it Mary
Wow big shocker there.........
How'd I guess you of all people would have disagreed with what maryklinden has said :brolleyes:
Do u wear your wildest "drag queen" imitation outfits out shopping at Macy's? Why not? There's no LAW against doing that is there?:brolleyes:
Why not? What r u afraid of?
Does it have anything to do with living in the REAL WORLD? And those realities include men that fool around with neighbor boys can get into BIG trouble! And there R LAWS against that!
I agree that as a friend and neighbor, he SHOULD be able to try and help the kid!
But, considering the REALITY of the litigious and gay/ CD suspicious world in which we live, advising him do so, WITHOUT knowing all the people involved, and the details, I think is A BAD IDEA!
I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with; "fear", or, "being heroes", but, about using common sense!
Last edited by docrobbysherry; 08-20-2009 at 10:39 PM.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I'm can not disagree more with Maryklinden. Like it or not, the young boy is not our charge and no one has the right to parent him but his mother. The fact she confided to her neighbor and friend doesn't disloves the family unit.
The situation is not Guyinheels' situation to slove. In no way is it being a coward to respect the situation and be what in fact he is, "someone looking in". What this family needs is a good freind(s) and friends do not judge a situation but are simply there to support and encourage love and nurturing. As in all things, there is a time to stand quiet, time to talk, there is a way to talk, a purdent way, a sensitive way, and that is not being a chicken little, it's being wise and disreet and it's being a friend.
The fact that this young boy dresses as a female in no way opens himself to any self-proclaimed gender expert. Who is anyone to decide anything for this young man. We may see the signs of things to come, we may relate to it so very truely, but this journey is his and his mothers, respect it and keep your lipstick to yourself.
Cassie
Last edited by TxCassie; 08-21-2009 at 12:09 AM. Reason: spelling and other late night ooopps
I disagree with you too if that's any consolation to you.
DS and TC,
I would have no problem with CDing at Macy's - my cash is as good as anyone's.
And, I did not say GnH should parent the kid. He - as we all should - should manage his life so that his choices, interests, politics and viewpoints do not someday come as a sudden difficult-to-deal with damaging surprise to himself and others.
I'm firmly in the "don't get involved" camp.
I mean, as we all know, crossdressing is easily the worst thing in the entire world that you can do. Under NO circumstances should you ever admit to anyone that you're into that kind of thing, and you certainly shouldn't go around insinuating that it's in any way an acceptable behavior. This is basic stuff, people...don't you remember the speech we got on the first day? The first rule of crossdressing is, You do not talk about crossdressing. The second rule of crossdressing is, YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT CROSSDRESSING.
Here you have a teenager who looks like he might actually be showing some signs of comfort and self-acceptance regarding this awful lifestyle. The best thing you can do for his advice-seeking mother is to remain stone-faced, agree that it's quite an unfortunate situation, and maybe urge her to "do what needs to be done" to nip it in the bud. Do not even suggest anything along the lines of "It's no big deal," lest you be branded a SYMPATHIZER. Or worse!
Hopefully, the mother will harangue the boy and forbid him from ever dressing up again, he'll develop a robust sense of shame, and he'll repress the hell out of this side of himself for the rest of his life. Then he'll be cured! Everyone wins!
(Yes, in case you haven't caught on by now, I'm being sarcastic. Now seriously....here we have a young "sister" who's in a pickle because Mom caught him and is terrified that he might be gay, or a sexual deviant, or worse....and Mom, completely serendipitously, comes to EXACTLY the right person to offer some perspective.....and some people's instinct is to say things like "Run the other way!" and "Nothing good can come of this"? Seriously? Unbelievable.)
I have to say I agree with DRS... If anything, I would get your wife to try to explain about TGism to the neighbour without outing yourself... at this stage.
What do you mean by "fooling around"? Look, no one is suggesting that he invite the kid away for a private weekend of crossdressing at a secluded estate in the Appalachians.
What has been suggested is that his wife take Mom aside and say something like, "Hey, this might seem like a really strange thing to you right now, but I know for a fact that it's no big deal, because my husband is a Perfectly Normal Guy who does the same thing." That seems perfectly reasonable to me, and it seems like it would go a long way towards allaying the woman's uneasiness. And I think that putting it that way would be far more effective than the middle-ground, don't-out-yourself route of saying "Hey, I have a friend, who has a friend, who has a friend, who's a crossdresser, and he's OK."
To think that this woman, after hearing something like the above, would somehow leap to the idea that guynheels has been surreptitiously inculcating the youth into his nefarious lifestyle seems awfully paranoid to me.
IMHO, something like that would be a huge mistake. Who says this kid's Mom wouldn't broadcast it to the whole town? Don't get involved AT ALL is the best advice. Let this family deal with their own issues. This is the type of thing that could come back to bite you.
I have to agree. You could become part of the problem and she might decide to move away from you.
Dana Ryan
I agree with those that think that the wife should educate her neighbor without outing the spouse. She can definitely point the way for both her neighbor and her son without introducing a new issue.
With respect, I disagree with some of what you say. As long the OP is happy to be outed then that will allow the wife to talk about about TGism with some authority. It will allow the mother to see that being TG is not incompatible with having a normal family life. Step one in all of this should be to help the mother come to terms with her son's TGism.If anything, I would get your wife to try to explain about TGism to the neighbour without outing yourself... at this stage.
Best Wishes
Paula
Warning: This product may contain Badger
Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed Badger.
"Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain?"
- Tony Hancock
I disagree with you too if that's any consolation to you.Thanks for making my day!
:w00t::yahoo:
"Sammy, really next time do try to make your point without being quite so abrasive." -RD
You're right. There's no guarantee that she wouldn't. But if she's really as close to Guy's wife as he says, it seems highly unlikely. And do you really think that the overall guiding force in life's decisions should be desperate avoidance of every little risk?
Hey, I'm just saying what I would do in the situation. I'm not "out" at all. But I'd encourage my wife to talk to this woman, and I'd tell her that, if it seemed appropriate and would help reassure her, she should go right ahead and out me to her (making it clear that this was being shared in confidence, of course) without a second's thought.
I remember all too well being 15 myself. The guilt and confusion about why I felt the need to borrow my sister's clothes whenever I could get away with it. And the scorching, white hot terror at the thought of getting caught (thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I never was).
If my mom had caught me and gone off on a screaming/crying jag like this, I'd've wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
But if she'd come back later and said, "You know, I talked to a good friend of mine, and I did some thinking, and now I think I overreacted earlier. This isn't such a big deal, and if it makes you happy, go for it," I'd've been the happiest kid in the world.
And as I'm reading this story now, I'll say that if I were in a position to help bring about that latter conversation, and did nothing because I was afraid of what would happen to me, I'd feel like the biggest asshole in the world.
Last edited by Xenia; 08-21-2009 at 05:37 PM. Reason: fixing awkward phraseology
So you are outed to Mom. Maybe Mom thinks well, how about that? If my nice neighbor does that, then it is alright after all. Well, that's what we all would like for her to say isn't it? But, maybe Mom, who is already very distraught, doesn't react like we wish she would. She might certainly begin to see you in a new light for sure; a light that might lead her to suspect all sorts of things in her agitated state. A mother who is that concerned for her son might conclude something totally wrong. In today's world, things could spiral out of control quickly, and quite ugly as well. Don't out yourself. Find a way to support them both but don't put yourself in the 'jack-pot'.
Hey, you know, this isn't about not being ashamed of being a crossdresser. It isn't about "taking a stand for the cause". If you feel fearless and believe that nothing bad can come of your involvement, then dive in. Many here cannot take that risk. If you feel froggy, jump.
Unless you are a professional counselor, just be a good neighbor and simply let your wife be a good friend. You really do not know what your neighbor's son feels like. You do not know all of your neighbor's family issues and problems. This is not about you. Let you neighbor work this out without confusing things. Keep things simple. I think you can help best by not helping.
OK Guyinheels, you have now heard EVERYBODY'S OPINION. It's been quite a few days, so how about an update?
If you can tell us; what has happened, what you decided was your best course of action, and what do you think The Future holds for this family?
We all shot our "Opinion Wads," so we now want to know! Please keep us informed.
Peace and Love, Joanie
Last edited by sterling12; 08-22-2009 at 03:06 AM.
Ol Charlie Dickens would say that outing yourself here is "a far, far better thing to do". That could be a line from A Tale of Two Selves. OK, I will stop trying to be cute.
Only you can evaluate the consequences of outing yourself in this case. But, only you can share some very valuable and possibly life-changing insights and advice. But, before you do it, be sure to evaluate your own TG as it applies to your life. Be sure that you feel very solid about yourself and that you have valuable thoughts that would have helped you in that same sort of situation years ago.
Go in peace.
Ok, the biggest problem or conflict in this thread is that everyone is making wild assumptions based on one single post without a ton of information.
First of all, let's stop acting like this kid is perfectly well adjusted just because his sister and her friend know. Let's not forget that the reason his mom originally became suspicious is that his behavior had changed so dramatically that she thought he was doing drugs or something worse. Despite how "convienent" it may seem to some that his mom just happened to catch him and his sister, doesn't mean they planned it. Kids get caught all the time doing things they don't expect to be caught doing. I definitely almost got caught dressing a few times as a teen, and also sneaking out of the house, and it wasn't cause I wanted to be caught. Teens do dumb stuff.
Having said that, we're also assuming a lot about the relationship between the two women. So rather than say "Hey, she'll obviously think that guynheels corrupted her son," why doesn't GnH instead talk to his wife about it and say "Do you think she'll think that?" Obviously there is some level of trust between the wife and her friend that her friend felt she could tell her, the wife probably knows if her friend would blab her husband's secret to the neighborhood.
So all Guynheels should do right now is decide with his wife if they are comfortable with the wife's friend knowing he crossdresses. That's the first step. Then if they decide to move forward, as others have suggested, it should be his WIFE, not him, that talks to her friend and just says "Ok, you trusted me with a big secret, so I'm going to trust you." and then go into the information about her husband.
No offer whatsoever should be made or even inferred for Guynheels to speak to the kid, and guynheels absolutely should not do so without the boy's mother suggesting it first. And if the mother does suggest such a thing, make sure she is present and that GnH's wife is present too. Also, as others have said, no attempt to play gender therapist should be done, no "tips on crossdressing" should be shared. The only thing that GnH should do is provide an example for the boy's mother of an adjusted, stable, married man who wear's women's clothing, and if need be, pass on some constructive references for information should the mother and son decide to pursue that on their own.
Yes, there is a lot to risk here, which is why the most important thing is for him to speak with his wife about what she thinks the best course of action here is, rather than us bickering back and forth about what her friend who we don't know would do.
And honestly, if they decide not to out GnH, it has been a few days, The wife could conceivably say "Hey, after I talked to you, I asked a friend of mine who crossdresses and he told me to tell you...." Honestly, I think it's reasonable that a stranger consulted would provide some helpful info. If someone you knew who new about your dressing said "Hey, my girl friend just caught her son crossdressing, do you think you could give me some info to help her deal with what to do" that you wouldn't be like "oh sure, here check out this web page and this book..." I think it's a pretty wild assumption to think that the friend would make the leap from "I talked to a friend" into "my husband crossdresses"
All good advise, as most said. The lady wanted to speak to your wife and you were asked to leave. It is still in your wifes hands. Stay out unless asked.
Best to all involved
For someone at that age I would not out myself but I would recommend that both the mother and the son seek professional help - to educate her and to help the son understand what he is feeling and going through. There likely is nothing worse than a nonprofessional at talking to someone and, likely, not having a clue as to what to say or do or recommend. It would be folly to get involved in a situation such as this a young man, an unknowing neighbor. I think that there can oinly be a disaster waiting to happen in this situation.
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