Yes, I am a closet person. In fact, about 11 years now, I almost doubled the size of my closet,
As I needed more room to at least walk around in it. It was kind of a Buss Mans Holiday.
A Carpenter comes home from work and builds a room addition to his house, Actually 2 rooms.
Rader
Well I was happy with four walls around me, safe from the world. Finding this site and all the info and support The walls gave way and Bobbie was out and about. If they can do it so can I!!! Small steps at first then bigger ones. Have a bucket list so will empty it bit by bit. Have "passed" have been outed. Yes I'm a guy in a dress, and darn happy that I own it and am able to do it. Just me being me!!
BobbieB
To Dream of the Person you want to beIs to Waste the Person you are.
unknown
And like the song: What doesn't kill you, can't hurt you.
Idon't know if I will ever wander out of the safety of my home but if my wife
would ever learn to accept meand go with me it would be wonderful.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~...
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Let's see now.When I was younger I was very closeted but then got the nerve to go out in public and loved the thrill of it all.Now I wear some "feminine" clothes while at home and am completely satisfied,but if and when I feel like leaving the house I prefer to present myself as a woman from head to toe,the hard part is not to over dress for the activity planned.I was very happy in the closet and after stepping out now feel at ease in or out,I guess being comfortable in my own skin is what really counts.We all need to find our comfort level.
bye-bye Lisa
"you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.
A natural progression to the CDing is to want to go from a single to a multi-faceted expression (staying home in front of a mirror vs. going out in public), but this isn't for everyone. Some CDers have families who would never condone this. Other CDers feel they would never be able to pass and they do not want to subject themselves to ridicule. Others are prominent in their communitities and they don't want to risk doing anything to lose their standing or their jobs. In other words, people balance their CDing needs with the other aspects of their lives.Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels
And for still other CDers, it is a pure fetish, whether it is sexual or not, and there is absolutely no need to take it beyond the realm of the very private.
So no, not all CDers will want to leave their closets. Who said they do?
Reine
A natural progression to the CDing is to want to go from a single to a multi-faceted expression (staying home in front of a mirror vs. going out in public), but this isn't for everyone. Some CDers have families who would never condone this. Other CDers feel they would never be able to pass and they do not want to subject themselves to ridicule. Others are prominent in their communitities and they don't want to risk doing anything to lose their standing or their jobs. In other words, people balance their CDing needs with the other aspects of their lives.
And for still other CDers, it is a pure fetish, whether it is sexual or not, and there is absolutely no need to take it beyond the realm of the very private.
So no, not all CDers will want to leave their closets. Who said they do?
Don’t leave me out Reine. I just don’t NEED to go out. It’s not a natural progression for me. And it's not a fetish for me either.
Suzy feeling a bit left out here.
To go or not to go? That is not the question. The question is are we happy being who we are? For some it is enough to come to terms with who we are when we see our reflection in the mirror. For others it is the positive acknowledgement of others. But it is being happy where you are that is most important.
I remember a quote I heard as a child and it still holds true today, "be who you is, not who you is not. Those that do this are the happiest lot".
If the clothes make the man then the makeup makes the woman.
I'm a firmly in the closet person. All the usual reasons. I don't want even to try to fool anybody "outside" that I am a woman but I would love to be able to go out dressed. As I've explained before, it's the feelings I enjoy from wearing the clothes and I would love to know how it feels to walk down a breezy street or relax in the park or get on the bus, etc., etc. wearing a variety of my favourite clothes. I know I will not do it, though, and I accept that I must make do with occasional solo dressing at home (or occasionally in a hotel room). I enjoy underdressing and spending time walking around, having a restaurant meal, shopping, travelling, etc, feeling the bra, the girdle, the stockings responding as I move - but that's the best I can do and I'm happy to stick to that.
I agree that this is definitely part of it. Another is that there are a fair amount of discussions where someone says they are interested in going out and look for recommendations. Just seeing all the responses can skew the view of this site to having a majority of people pushing going out. We should support those that want to go out and we shouldn't tell someone that they should go out. Unfortunately there are a few that tell people what to do. Don't let those few cause you to view the site on a whole a certain way.
I'll rise a quick objection. It seems that You are objecting to a sweeping generalization by making anther sweeping generalization. Lots of CDrs, myself include are surprised that eventually they are not satisfied with dressing alone and in the confines of thier home. That doesn't mean we we expect or demand the same of anyone else.
Last edited by kimdl93; 07-09-2012 at 02:34 PM.
Suzy, let me ask. How full is your social calendar? How many activities do you engage in on a regular basis with friends outside your home? How many friends do you invite over for dinner and vice versa? Are you happy and fulfilled in your male life and is the CDing for you just a little thing you do on the side once in awhile, and nothing more than this? If it is, then you are correct, I should have mentioned that for some CDers the activity is nothing more than an occasional, non-fetishistic, hobby.
But if the CDing takes up more time and energy than that, there are umpteen reasons why people choose to keep it in the closet. I can't possibly address each one in a short post.
... and each reason to keep it closeted is valid. As I said earlier, it is a question of balancing the CDing needs with the CDer's other, non-CDing needs.
Last edited by ReineD; 07-07-2012 at 11:24 AM.
Reine
Suzy, let me ask. How full is your social calendar? How many activities do you engage in on a regular basis with friends outside your home? How many friends do you invite over for dinner and vice versa? Are you happy and fulfilled in your male life and is the CDing for you just a little thing you do on the side once in awhile, and nothing more than this? If it is, then you are correct, I should have mentioned that for some CDers the activity is nothing more than an occasional, non-fetishistic, hobby.
But if the CDing takes up more time than that, there are umpteen reasons why people choose to keep it in the closet. I can't possibly address each one in a short post.
... and each reason to keep it closeted is valid. As I said earlier, it is a question of balancing the CDing needs with the CDer's other, non-CDing needs.
I wasn’t criticising you Reine.
I spend about 50% of my time out with friends/family and being involved in motorsport.
The other 50% of the time I live alone as Suzy. Am I happy? My life is almost perfect. [For me that is!]
As you say Reine, there are umpteen reasons for staying in the closet. I love my life just as it is. Simple!
SUZY
Last edited by suzy1; 07-07-2012 at 11:29 AM.
I don't feel criticized Suzy.
But I chose to answer your post because it is in the same vein as the OP. I get the impression that people who choose to keep it in the closet feel criticized. They are not, or at least, not by me. I also think that the closeted members on this board far outweigh those who do go out.
But, there are also umpteen people who say they would go out if they could, and each and every reason for keeping it closeted is valid. Some people do not even consider going out because they are not interested in overcoming their reasons for staying in, whatever those reasons are. This is what I meant by "natural progression".
If we lived in world that totally accepted the expression of non-binary gender, if a significant amount of the male population had a strong enough desire to present as women and we grew up with a significant amount of men presenting as women on a regular basis in our families, in our schools, in our neighborhoods, at work, at the mall, in the media, I don't think there would be any need to keep the CDing closeted for anyone, do you?
Reine
I am totally happy being an in-home cross dresser, which includes my backyard. I dress for the peace and tranquility it brings me. I will never pass as a woman on the street because I have the physical stature and facial appearance of a man. I have gone out for evening walks and found the adventure rather boring. Walking around in a dress and heels loses its appeal when there is nothing to do. And, if I am going to an event that would not be associated with cross dressing, then why go en femme. If I were to go for example to a plastic model building expo at the Museum of Flight, I do not feel the need to be en femme. I would not mind attending a cross dressing convention such as the one held Port Angeles, WA en femme, of course. However, that is specifically for cross dressing. I guess for some of us being en femme is a private thing.
All that being said, I've seen many pictures on this forum of young attractive young ladies who have the body size, facial features, etc who easily pass. If I had a feminine face, five foot seven and wore a size ten dress, then I would probably venture out during the day time.
I have been criticized by a few members Reine. And I immediately go into attack mode. I’m not apologising fore that, that’s just me being me.
I am not in the situation where I am ‘not interested in overcoming my reasons for not coming out’ I just don’t deed to, if that makes sense?
Yes, members that do not choose to go out are criticized here sometimes.
And I agree with your last point Reine.
Hugs,
Last edited by suzy1; 07-07-2012 at 11:57 AM.
This seems to be one of the biggest reasons for staying in: not feeling one can pass, and a healthy wish to avoid the very real negative consequences of being read as a man who is presenting as a woman. The other huge reason is the overall bias about this among our families, friends, coworkers, and in society in general.
If any member here ever says, "It's all in your head, you can pass if you want to, all you need is confidence, you can go out if you want to and no one will say a word", they are wrong because they can only speak for themselves and not for you. They do not know what you look like, the makeup of your personality, the area you live in, and they do not know the strength of your CDing needs or how you've chosen to balance them with the other aspects of your life.
My SO goes out frequently and I join her. But this does not mean that everyone else will feel comfortable doing this. In fact, I'd say that most members here would not feel comfortable doing this. At the same time, it is possible for those who do want to venture out.
EDIT - And I want to emphasize again: the number of members on this board who are closeted far outnumber the CDers who go out. We have about 7,000 current members who have logged in in the last three months. I'm picking a number out of the air, but I do not see more than 500 members who post regularly about going out and even this seems high. This leaves about 6,500 who do not and I'm guessing if they did go out they'd post about it.
Last edited by ReineD; 07-07-2012 at 12:23 PM.
Reine
As usual, very good point and well said Reine. Then there are those of us that do go out to places that other TG's are known to frequent and are well accepted there. I am one of those, but to go out into mainstream...NEVER.
Oh Wow! One of THOSE threads! I has no idea it would turn out like this!
OK Once I was in the closet. Then I got to go out and play - some great times, some good times and some plain scary! I am less inclined to go out now... This is NOT a one way street! There is no set direction - do not pass GO until you have had 10 trips the 'the mall'... If we want board game analogies or metaphors, try Snakes and Ladders. That is more like real life as a CD!
For most of us it is just a weird brush with the reality of what we would like to do and what we are comfortable with doing. I love going out but am quite comfortable being 'in the closet'. I would certainly rather be in the closet than not 'in' at all!
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
I saw it coming with the very first post. :p
I think that one of the issues with this topic (and I understand why it comes up on occasion), is that other than the handful of members who take it upon themselves to tell others what to do, there are TONS of posts from members who do share their going out success stories and who make no comment about someone else's choice to stay in, but whose posts might still be seen as "criticism", as if the going-out CDer is making a comparison when she isn't at all.
Last edited by ReineD; 07-07-2012 at 12:34 PM.
Reine
Wise words from a wise women
“Might still be seen as "criticism", as if the going-out CDer is making a comparison when she isn't at all”
Guilty as charged.
To those who are comfortable being closeted and have no desire to head out, I accept you for who you are and totally understand and would no belittle you for your feelings. It is your right to do what feels right for you.
There are others that would like to try going out but are afraid for various reasons. To those all I can say it's a a lot scarier until you try it and realize that there are no pitchfork mobs waiting to tar & feather you. I've kinda passed this stage although I still do chicken out when I really do want to dress.
Then there are you that go about your everyday lives dressing as you please and wearing what you want. As long as you're happy go for it.
To the TS members, this is a non issue, you dress as a female because you feel that this is what you are.
Long story short, we are a broad spectrum and there is no right or wrong. You have to do what feels right for you.
Good point Reine. I suspect that many of those that do go out (me included here) are so 'gobsmacked' that they did it and it worked (or didn't) that their posts are focused on what they did rather than what others didn't. We do need to get a better balance though in how we position things.
I have enjoyed being out and about, but not in the full frontal assault of some of our community here. But I am more in the closet these days... a mixture of circumstance and 'wariness' rather than fear, but certainly worried.
So I feel a kindred spirit with everyone... we should all recognise this. It is a game of snakes and ladders rather than ludo.
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
Some will remain closeted forever. Appearance, family situations, fear and a myriad of other reasons.
Some just want to dress and do not aspire to go out either.
On the other side the intention is to go out and see how living a womans life feels.
Others because they're more out going, feminine in appearance, more fortunate circumstances, and again family and friends acceptance, will shed the shell and go out on the town. Younger ones these days have more bravado and support to emerge, whereas twenty years ago acceptance was quite different.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Hell some stay in ,,,Some get out ,,,Not everyone want to get up an sing ! But ya cant shut some of em up ,,,Some sing well ,,,Others not so well ,,Some think they can sing,, Some think they cant ! If ya want to just Sing in the shower then Sing ,,, But if ya wanna get up in front of every one then Get up an get it on .. But rememeber one thing about being up front ? Your the first one they will look at ! Some folks just dont like being in the spotlite ,, Low ,,Slow,, An easy ,, Others wanna blow there horn for all to hear . This stuff is just like swimming ,,,Some dip there toe in an say ,,,No way ,,,,, Others dip it in an just jump off an swim all day ,,Some dip ,,,Dip,,, Little more,,, Little more ,, An say thats enough for me ,,, Some go all in ,,,An some are just satisfied getting there foot wet,, It no fun being all the same ,,, Anyway ya dont want all of us out on the town ,,They dont have enough size 12 heels as it is ~!!!!! :D
Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,
This is a great post.
There are some cd'ers who make us feel bad about being in the closet. One, who wears a different wig every two days in her avatar, said some thing like I am missing out on all the good stuff. And there are a few others that criticize the closet.
For the most part I ignore them because it is obvious to me that they are a bit how do I say, daft. I mean there are all kinds of us on this board.
I am not really a them and us type, and I am usually(except today)respectful of the choices of others. There is no them and us but just, we, together.
Well I do not like long posts and it is sounding like I am going to go on and on and could............
Those of us in the closet have our reasons. I still love to be Noemi(need to be her). Looking at my pink painted toes as I write this makes me very happy.
And to reiterate there are only a few who are pushing us out the door. Most folks here are intelligent enough to understand why we are in the closet.
Now the closet does come with some emotional issues. And it is lonely at times, for me. I am more then a cd'er and I know this, maybe I will go further, but when I am ready.
I have learned a great deal from reading these boards and am grateful for this place.
♥♥♥
Noemi
polythene pam
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