Why do women dislike crossdressers?

[Callum2000]

I don't get why women would feel threatened by CD's? its not them having to compete with us, its us trying to usually compete with them. A lot of my female friends love that I crossdress..they see it as flattery that I want to be like them. Any dislike I'd say is mostly due to them not being used to such things and it being a shock to them.

[Jill]

Without having read the other responses... The human brain is wired to put everything and everyone into categories and when someone identifies with a certain lifestyle, religion or whatever, people tend to automatically lump someone into a certain category based on their lifestyle, profession, religion, political party or whatever. Even your opening statement of "women dislike us" is a perfect example. You don't want to be lumped into a category but yet you're doing some lumping but it's called being human. The "social norm" for people like us is generally a negative view. If you tell someone about your crossdressing without giving them a chance to know you and they don't have any other experience or exposure to it, they are going to lump you into a negative category. Perhaps you are telling people without giving them the chance to know you.

[Jenniferathome]

I don't get why women would feel threatened by CD's? its not them having to compete with us, its us trying to usually compete with them.

It has nothing to do with competition. Crossdressing is odd. It is not something that comes up in the general life experience of most women. They are not threatend buys, they are confused. "What man, in their right mind, would want to dress as woman?". It just doesn't make sense. As a result it is easier to avoid this kind of relationship than engage it. We crossdressers have an obligation to try and help women understand, not simply expect it.

[Callum2000]

It has nothing to do with competition. Crossdressing is odd. It is not something that comes up in the general life experience of most women. They are not threatend buys, they are confused. "What man, in their right mind, would want to dress as woman?". It just doesn't make sense. As a result it is easier to avoid this kind of relationship than engage it. We crossdressers have an obligation to try and help women understand, not simply expect it.

Thats very true!. It takes time for things like to make sense to people, you just have to be patient really when it comes down to it.

[kimdl93]

Way too sweeping a generalization there. I find in my experience that most women I encounter are at least tolerant and many a very friendly and encouraging.

[STACY B]

No body hates you young LADY !! People dont like anything different . What about all those Goth kidds ? Or rememeber Punk Rockers back in the day ? Or someone who is Realy tall,,Or realy Fat , Or is different in any way ,,,People stare ,,Gawk, An ridacule ,,Anything they dont understand an that is different from the NORM,,,That socity has deemed Normal ! So IMHO Woman are realy alot nicer than men ,,Cuz men seemed more threatend than woman ,,Cuz woman realy see us as FUNNY ,, Thats so cute ,,Look at that poor guy dressed like a girl ,,,An he didn't even get his makeup on right ,,,LOL,,,

[sissystephanie]

I am now 80 years of age, and started crossdressing when I was 6. In all that time there have been only 2 or 3 women who let me know that they did not like crossdressers. Most of the time I talked with both men and women while crossdressed and was warmly received!! The few who did not like me admitted that they thought all crossdressers were were "gay" and they wouldn't have anything to do with a "gay" person. Having been married for almost 50 years to my late wife, and helping to raise 2 wonderful children, I am definitely not "gay!"

I have told other CD's, over the years, that the way to get over your fears is to forget about them! Concentrate on being your self n the best way possible. I am a crossdresser, but I am terrible with makeup and fixing my wig. My dear late wife always did that for me. But I still like to crossdress, so I do. And I go out in public dressed enfemme! But I look like the man that I am! Do I care...........NO!! It is who I am!!

[Lorileah]

Just one Q for you. Is your CDing something they NEED to know about? Especially right up front?

Or is it possible that you simply feel pressured TO TELL by the very few GGs who participate here on a regular basis?

I see a train wreck coming on that. Since this is not a thread about why or when one should tell I will let that go but....oh boy you just made a lot of women hate you

[suchacutie]

I don't think this is an issue of hate, dislike, or any other violent negative.

I believe the issue is "baggage"! On the surface of it all, we bring a lot of issues to a relationship and unless a woman can see past that baggage to the positives that we bring (and there are many) then the conversations will never get to first base. It's avoidance, not hate!

Note, that the Latin word for baggage is "impedimenta"!

[Jilmac]

I think some women feel that their own femininity is threatened if they associate with a known crossdresser. They could be hung up on the sexual aspect and not on gender issues which for me is a big part of crossdressing.

[bridgetta]

Its competition. I dont think they hate it if they dont see you as a possible partner. Thats the generality. Exceptions to the rule exist.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Some women jus tdon't like competation and are afraid of what they don't understand.

[KellyJameson]

It is possible to be disliked equally by men or women for bending gender.

Also each person is a sojourn into the city of amalgamation so being disliked could happen for many reasons unrelated to how we dress.

Being feared sometimes feels the same as being disliked and anytime you step out of behavior that is familar to others there is a risk of being feared until they feel
safe.

You mention that you are still single in a way that leaves me with the impression you do not want to be single and your hurt and maybe a little angry ?

It is very easy to meet women but first you must become comfortable with the person on the inside otherwise you will fall into the trap of selling yourself and most people do not like being told to buy something against their will, it makes them suspicious and resentful

Stay honest but be sure within your honesty there is no defensiveness because you will come across as "my way or the highway" where relationships require compromise as long as you are not compromising your integrity.

If I was interested in dating a woman I would not be sexual until they knew me completely but I would be honestly flirtatious ( as opposed to manipulative seduction ) so they know I desire them.

During this time I would try to explain that I resonate more strongly with the feminine than the masculine and need to express this in my life to feel complete
as a human being.

I do not give people ultimatums of take me or leave me but instead understand that everyone is trying to find their way through life looking for happiness and some measure of security and I'm not the first place they usually look for that.

Be true to yourself but stay sensitive to others and do not personalize rejection because just as you should have the freedom to choose who you want to share your life with so to their freedom to choose should be honored.

When you protect others in this way you also protect yourself because using deception to secure love creates evil.

[BRANDYJ]

A false blanket statement. Not all women dislike crossdressers. Most could care less one way or the other. Many will even be friends with us, but they may not want a CD for a mate or husband. No differnt then my liking lesbian women, but I don't want one for a wife. or the women that really like some gay guys, but they would not consider them as a mate. duh!
I think it's foolish to tell women upon first meeting that you are a CD. With all the pre-concieved notioins about us, no wonder they are not interested. You have to give them time to get to know you as a man: a man they can like and trust. And the simple answer to your question without complicating it, is that it's not the social norm. Most women want a man that they can trust to be her pillar of strength. Without them knowing much about you, they assume you can't be the man of her dreams. Honestly, I don't blame them one bit. I understand their reluctance until they get to know you quite well as a man. And even then, not all are going to want you as a mate. I know what I want in a women, they know what they want in a man.

[MsJanessa]

Maybe I am the exception. Most of the women with whom I associate have absolutely no problem with me crossdressing.

I think that is generally true that most women don't have a problem with crossdressers. What they seem to have a problem with is being in a romantic relationship with one.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Agree, Janessa. To the original poster- isn't it more likely that those you've met just don't want their S.O. to be a crossdresser? With the notable exceptions on this board, I think most women don't like having crossdressing in their own lives. I think most would be ok with having a crossdressing co-worker, but they are looking for something else in a relationship.

[Launa]

How early in the relationship/dating do you tell them about yourself? All the women including the one I'm with now had no problem with me but they knew me a bit before I told them. Looking back I was lucky guy because I would think its a lot of baggage to take on in a relationship. Could you imagine if you were not who you are now and were just a common man, then you meet a girl you like and right off the bat she says she likes to dress as a guy with a beard and all. You might think WTF then if you think about it even more would you say hey I don't need this s*it and thats even if she is "super model hot."
Take your time you will find a good woman and tell her right before things look like they might get serious.

[Badtranny]

Again, women are NOT the problem. There are a lot of women who would have no problem dating a CD but so much of it depends on who you are in your life. Many CD's are closeted and that's fine, there's nothing wrong with having a private life but how deep does your closet go? Many CD's act like macho douche bags out in the world but then put on a bra and panties and come on this forum and giggle and titter like raging queens. I understand the need (or desire) for privacy but even a woman who would love a CD boyfriend doesn't want any part of a weirdo with two personalities.

This all gets down to self acceptance and I say this over and over and over but until you can be comfortable with who you are, you have very little hope of ever allowing anyone else to be comfortable with you. Being in the closet doesn't mean only dressing at home, in your closet. I know for a fact that there are couples who do lots of gender play in the bedroom and the man considers himself a CD but he is not hung up about it. He has a good time with it and because of that, his wife has a good time with it. Now the guy I know doesn't walk around acting macho. He's a dude, he loves the Giants, he rides a Harley and he isn't attracted to men in the least but he will dress up at the drop of a hat for parties and whatnot. He is careful because he's not out to anyone but his circle of friends but he is beloved because he's a fun guy. He is married but I will guarantee you that he would not have a problem finding a woman. I would be all over him, and I'm on record as not being attracted to CD's.

It ain't the cross-dressing kids. It's the attitude.

[Melissa Rose]

It ain't the cross-dressing kids. It's the attitude.

BINGO! We have a winner.

A cross dressing friend of mine has voiced the opinion, based on years of observation and experience, that cross dressers as a group are among the most selfish and self-centered she has encountered. Unfortunately, I agree with that statement. Of course, there are exceptions. Often it is driven by "pink fog" which does not always fade or disappear. It is too easy, but very understandable, to hang dating difficulties or relationship failures totally on cross dressing. It is really about the individuals involved, and being narcissistic and self-centered is often poison to relationships. Sure, cross dressing itself will be a deal breaker for some women. But to say all (or most) women hate or feel threatened by it is putting the blame where it does not belong in most cases.

[TGMarla]

Gee, maybe it's because most women are heterosexual, and they want their men to look, feel like, and want to be men. They don't want their men emulating females.

Kinda obvious, don't you think?

[WifeofWrenchette]

I don't understand why women dislike us so much. I am still single, maybe because I am just honest about what I do. I do not dress often. Just because women know about this they wont give me the time of day, Tough I do not push this on anyone that doesn't accept nor I would dress when I go on a date. Am I being honest to quickly or are people just that closed minded and nasty? any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

I don't dislike crossdressers and am a woman. I know other women that don't dislike crossders too. your statement that women don't like crossdressers is a generalization. I don't view it as competition or anything like that. My husband dresses all the time and I'm 100% accepting of that.

Now if he lied to me or if he slept with another man that would totally different.

Perhaps those things may be the issue rather than the dressing in some cases.

Also, there are women who were brought up in strict religious backgrounds that were not tolerant of gender variations.

[noeleena]

Hi,

As a woman i would not wont to marry a crossdresser,or a trans. because of a lot of issues that would be presented .

Now if the dresser or trans lives next door or down the road i have no issues or problems , its a very different matter being in a relastionship . you know the saying you cant have two women in the same kitchen its still applicable to day.

I know only too well what its like, Yet Jos & i & our daughter did work in the same kitchen one night every week for 7 weeks we just did & serveing between 12 to 15 people, we just got on worked to gether as a team.

Yet in our house truck Jos & i did the cooking with Jos close by , till our daughter came home she took over & i was gone & Jos did the same.

Other wise we get on pretty well.

Jos married a man or so she thought yes i was perceved as one yet i was not i did not act as a male did not think as a male or relate to males, not a dresser or trans as most of you know,

a delemer when i told Jos im really a female from birth with a male side./ part to me. I S. that was 19 years ago. after 35 years married & known each other over 37 marrage anuuld , we are still close very infact, just we live apart. for now,

From age 10 on i knew what i was , just you have to remember 65 allmost years ago i had no idear of words & meanings & intersex was what , ment nothing to myself & most others , so what could i say, nothing,

Had Jos known before we were married it would not have happened,

We have come a long way of cause Jos accepts im a female / woman . she lost the man she soposedly married ,

Each of us must approch how we see each other wether dressers trans I S like my self or others who are different, in reguard to friendships marrage haveing children or being life long friends,

For my self i base this on trust honisty love & being open ,not hideing behind a door or putting up a false wall.

Im not excussing myself though it sounds like it . fact is i only found out about intersex & related issues about 4 years ago.

I could not explain in words what i was , today we have the info , we know more about ourselfs ,

so do women wont to be married to dressers trans I S or others its a very indirvidule issue that we all must look at before a relastionship is entered in to.

...noeleena...

[Victoria P]

I think many women are conditioned from childhood to seek out the macho tough guy type of male that will protect them at all costs,though aren't many women today also feminist minded and do not require constant care and reassurance?
LOL.
I think the dangerous type of male,the caveman, mega athlete or alpha type male are what most in my experience seem to want.In effect they may see us CD/TG/TV types as limp wristed (something I definitely am and am proud of),weak,indecisive ,scrambled and non assertive. However many of these stereotypes are not correct,as each person is an individual and I know from chatting in here that many of us are decent,self assured and caring types who can be great providers and hold a family together.
That's my take on things either way. I think it takes a really mature and open minded woman to see past our eye shadow and lipstick and see the person wearing it!
Luckily I have met 4 women in my life who have accepted my CD/TG self and am I happy with that.

[Victoria P]

Marla, great answer though it make me chuckle lol!

Hugs VP

[LisaTaylor]

I think that is generally true that most women don't have a problem with crossdressers. What they seem to have a problem with is being in a romantic relationship with one.

I tend to agree, though I've had a few girlfriends who were not only OK with it, they encouraged it. That being said, I think the reason SOME women disapprove of us is that crossdressing is a "game changer". This is particularly true if said woman is in a relationship with you. Unless you started out telling her you were a CD - and she was cool with it - the revelation (or discovery) suddenly changes things. She thought she was getting one thing, and now she's getting another. It's easy to see how this would be a potential turn-off for someone.