I would personally deal with this particular issue in your male persona. At this stage going in dressed is like throwing fuel on the fire. If you end up staying or in another job and you made a decision to dress to work that is different. To handle this current crisis by going in dressed I believe would be the wrong decision. Just my opinion.
No, I wouldn't use your cross dressing as an excuse. If you dont want to go public for any other reason, than trying to use it for this purpose is just plain fraud.
I can't help you on the job front beyond suggesting that if I worked at a place where I was no longer wanted - whatever the reason - then I'd start looking elsewhere. That's a lot more constructive and productive than trying to find basis for a lawsuit.
Could it be that you have stagnated, that your ideas are, for lack of a better word, "old fashioned"? Do you honestly think you are as good as a recent college graduate would be in this job?Originally Posted by VickiTheGamer
It's difficult for us to see us or our work as others see it. You might want to enroll in some courses to keep your skills and ideas up to date.
The company is not going to fire you because you are too old. They are looking at the bottom line and if a younger person seems more productive, that's the direction they will take. If your work is as good or better than a younger person's they will keep you.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Some people do get fired based on age. Sometimes it is even completely legal, even in places that are not "right to work". For example, in Canada, high court cases have ruled that age-based mandatory retirement of university professors is legal.
With respect to "bottom line", what has to be calculated is not just "Are you more productive / better at producing ideas than recent grads", but "Are you more productive / better at producing ideas than as many recent grads together as could be bought with the higher salary you are being paid?".
(If your company happens to be contracting out work to India and the like for cost reasons, then you should certainly expect that you too are being examined on a "What could we get for that money?" basis.)
Take some FMLA time and explain you are have a stress related breakdown due to work situations.
Once on FMLA they cannot fire you and you will still be paid.Not your full pay but that will be enough to get by until you find another job.
You will have to go to a Dr and be evaluated but it sounds like you are having stress issues and you need to go to a Dr seriously.
Its for your own health and well being.
I have worked with people going thru the same thing so go see a Dr and discuss this with HR pronto.
The Company is messing around with you and looking for a way to dismiss you because of your age and this is the only legal way they can do this with out it being called age discrimination. Going in enfemme will be considered a disruption in the work place and will get you fired I'm sure.Not a good idea.
Get legal help too now is the time I'm serious.
Last edited by Tracii G; 02-11-2013 at 11:34 PM.
Do NOT show up dressed, for all good reasons listed above.
Do NOT listen to any of the "legal" advice listed above. We do not know enuff about u or the details of your situation to give u any useful advice.
U can talk to an experienced labor attorney if u like. But, why? U haven't a legal reason to see one yet. Unless u wish him/her to speculate about what u MITE do if such and such DID happen?
I think your money would be better spent on a good therapist! U could discuss all your worries openly and he/she mite give u some useful direction/options!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
When I search about FMLA, I consistently find it described as being for unpaid leave, a maximum of 12 weeks in most cases ??
We do not have FMLA as such in Canada, but there are labour laws having to do with medical leave. One of my relatives here was fired while on medical leave; it isn't supposed to happen, but as hinted at by one of the previous posters, if it does happen you pretty much have to start legal action to get paid for the time until you would have gone back to work. (The actual procedure in Canada is quasi-judicial rather than judicial, and you do not need a lawyer, but using an experienced labour lawyer helps a fair bit.) If I interpret correctly, in the case of my relative, going through the system got the "firing" removed from their record, got some back pay, and gave enough time for my relative to apply for disability pay. But my relative is still out of a job... and wouldn't have wanted to work there anyhow, after the way they were treated.
Well I don't think you should, it would affect to many other areas of your life and since you have never been out in public before you probably would not have any confidence in yourself as a woman in the world. It would most likely make things a whole lot more stressful then they already are.
I'm sorry for everything you are going through
I went through some similar job insecurities the last couple years - ended up keeping the job but it was nerve-wracking and I did lose my house and go bankrupt - its scary stuff. But just keep it a day at a time, try not to project to much, breathit will all pass.
If you do loose your job what about freelancing? I have several friends that are freelance graphic designers that do alright.
First and foremost do not go in dressed. It will only complicate things and may keep you from getting work elsewhere. While companies usually officially refuse to tell others why you were let go it is not hard to find out. Something like you are thinking of would cause a lot of talk among your co-workers.
If you live in one of several states that have 'employment at will' a company doesn't need any reason to terminate you. All they have to tell you is that they have decided to let you go. I assume that you are not a member of a union so you will have to go it alone. Even in major corporations doing business with the government it is not hard to let someone go. I've done it from senior officers down. In most every case I only explained that the company no longer needed their services.
I never enjoyed letting people go and always felt I had valid reasons for their termination. I found it interesting that when they were told many expected it and cited the reason they were being terminated. I've also been there, so I know from experience the pangs of being fired.
Having employed graphic designers among other artistically talented people I found that corporate management didn't understand or relate to their skills. Corporate may feel that your work is not current with what or where they want to be. I can't answer that for you, but you need to review your work. Have you kept current? Have you taken courses to enhance your work. Attended seminars about new things etc. One of my pet peeves was when an employee expected the company to train them for new opportunities and refused to make any effort on their own. They would become moribund at their desk doing the same thing as the world changed.
On the good side of being terminated is that in many cases it has opened up new opportunities. You indicated that it would be hard to find a job. The answer to that is become your own. I have always told my employees that they are self employed even if they didn't realize it. The company will contract with them until they quit or the company doesn't need them anymore. It is their responsibility to make the company want them. Find something you want to do and do it better than anyone else.
Last edited by lingerieLiz; 02-12-2013 at 12:38 AM.
With FMLA you will use up sick time and vacation time just depends on how your contract is written IIRC.
Hi Vicky,
I have to concur with the advice given here. Two things I embrace in my philosophy are, one, never concede your control of how information is given out, and two, what you say can and will be used against you.
If the upper management has already set their sights on you, then there is nothing you really can do. One scenerio would be, you do your best and perform as you always have and still get fired. You fight the front of having to go start over in the workplace somewhere. The other scenerio is, you put on pumps and go to work, they back off for a bit to regroup and strategize on how to let you go anyway, without loss on their end. The end result is, two, maybe, three paychecks later and you are back to square one and looking for a job, plus now you are fighting on a second front with family, friends, etcetera.
Fighting both the Allied Forces and Russians on two different fronts was Hitler and Nazi Germany's undoing. Don't let the current dilemma force you to put yourself in that same position. Only tell people in your world about your crossdressing, if you can honsestly say it is something you are ready to do, when there are no other major events going on in your life. Never make life changing decisions when under duress.
If your family is as hostile as what your post makes them out to be, now is not the time to bring crossdressing into the equation. Remember, timing, in show business -and life- is everything. You want to be 100% focused and dedicated to dealing with people when that time comes, if it comes, to share your secret.
I think you will lose your job there no matter what you do if the upper management has already decided to lock onto you. Don't lose more than that.
Good luck and best wishes,
Kalista
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I would update my resume and find a new job. If you are getting impeccable reviews, you should be able to find a job. If you want to wear a dress to work, wear it to your new interview.
I don't recall that you have said which part of the world you are located in. If you are in USA, then I recommend you have a look at the description of a California Supreme Court decision of a few days ago, Harris vs. City of Santa Monica.
I might be misinterpreting (I am not a lawyer in any jurisdiction), but the decision looks to me like it says that if a company is thinking about firing someone, and then that person presents them with something the company is not supposed to discriminate against, and the company proceeds to fire the person, that (A) the person would not be entitled to anything if the company can demonstrate that it would certainly have fired the person anyhow; and (B) the person would only be entitled to legal expenses and an order to the company to stop discriminating, if the company can demonstrate that it was justified in firing the person anyhow but the matter the company discriminated against might have been a partial trigger; and (C) that a full discrimination case would only be accepted if the firing was "substantially" motivated by the matter the company was not supposed to discriminate against. This is how I understand the case, so anyone this case might affect is urged to have a lawyer check it out rather than relying on my interpretation.
Why would you want to add the stress of family issues to the job issues you already have. I don't know what state your in, but I don't think crossdressing is a protected status in most states. So going to work as a women is not going to get anything accomplished for you and will only add the family issues on top of it. I would suggest you not bring the crossdressing into the job problems. As for the job, I understand what you may face looking for a new job. I'm older and finding a job has been a real problem for me. You may have to accept lower pay, part time, or jobs outside of your field to keep the house and other things going.
Fours words of advise..... At-will / No cause. Unless you have an ironclad union contract they can dump you for no reason. I know, it's happened to me. Not for dressin, although that would have made scense, it was for turning in another employee that I caught stealing. Yea, I know right... I turned the other employee in and they dumped me. The other person was union and I was at-will no cause. I apparently was not as well connected as I thought.
Here's a few other words of advice... The best time to look for a job is when you have one. Always be on the look out for another or even better job.
Hope this helps.....
Renne.....
I would not reccomend you do the going into work dressed thing. Unless perhaps, you lived in the UK, where as I understand it there are presonal civil liberty courts set up whose rulings are generally for the plaintiff and quite liberal most of the time. In the US, being LGBT you are not part of a protected class under federal law........just yet. (Though I do believe the time is slowly coming....'bout time too I might ad). I would strongly suggest you start documenting everything that is going on with you/your position at work. Take a weekend, stay home, get a spiral bound note book and cronologically write down every thing you can think of in the order it has happend about your past and present employment situation. Document who you talked with and when. Next,call your local legal aid society or state department of labor, and find out who some good labor law attorneys are. To me, it sounds like you have a good shot at an age discrimination case/suit in the event you are terminated by your employer, unless I am missing something or you are purposely hiding relevent info. If your company is large and has deep pockets, I think any attorney worth his/her salt would want to take on your case, as it sounds like it would be a nice pay-day for the both of you. Good luck.
Last edited by Sarah V; 02-17-2013 at 07:03 AM.
:2c:
Sarah[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]
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