Not a Good Day - This is not a feel good thread

[BillieAnneJean]

Isha,
How terrible. I am so sorry to hear this. They obviously were cowards as they attacked from your blind side.

This is precisely why I feel much safer going out with our Group The Grand Illusions
http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com

My heart so very much goes out to you. I can imagine the thoughts that will go through your mind.
I too have been beat up and for a long time I felt fear and had bad dreams. It was mostly because of my race and occasionally because of religion, WAY before I dressed. But the leftovers are similar.

So when I say I understand, I truly do. I am SO sorry.

And forgive, but time will heal. Mostly.
Hugs!

[Michelle 78]

Hi Isha,

I'm utterly disgusted by the way you have been treated by this pack of animals, because they are not men they are cowards nothing else. When I walk down the street I couldn't care if somebody was gay, lesbian, trans, disabled or of a different religion or anything else, it's their life and their business, I wouldn't discriminate against anybody. But there is still a minority out there that think such things can justify beating or killing somebody for that. This is supposed to be the 21st century!! Our family's fought two world wars for freedom of speech and equality and this happens to people in this day and age. Totally unacceptable.

Isha you are a really nice person and I was so shocked when I read you post yesterday, please don't let these small minded scum stop you from ever being yourself, it's your life, live it how you want to and don't let cowards win.

Please get well soon Isha, take care

Many hugs

Michelle

[Karen R!]

My word what an awful thing to happen to you. Awful to anyone. You need to make a report with the police right away. This at least needs a paper trail started. If it happened to you it could happen to anyone at anytime. The report may be a starting point toward these criminals or maybe its happened before and this may be the link needed to stop them.
Do get well soon and remember it was not in anyway your fault.

Karen

[Dawn cd]

Je suis Isha. You are not alone, girl.

[JustineFallow]

Damn, Isha--my sympathies. I'm glad you're healing well, mentally and physically. Your concerns are understandable, re: reporting this and you'll get no tsk-tsking from me for that.

I didn't realize you were another Canuck.

[Marleena]

I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience Isha. You encountered some cowards with strength in numbers. I doubt any of them are brave enough to start anything on their own. I'm just glad you'll be okay and that had to be scary! It's a good thing those other guys came to your rescue.

As far as a hate crime, it definitely was! Unfortunately I doubt the police would do much unless pressured by the news media or a lawyer. We have rights and protections but unfortunately we have to use them after the fact. I see the laws as more of a lip service.

[suspender]

Hi Isha, educate it does. I do not post often but felt it worth it since I have been through similar. About five years back in Footscray it happened to me here in Melbourne, the difference being I did not make it to dinner. Romper Stomper is a movie about the neo types taking on (bashing) other ethnicities in the same suburb, however, it was me at the hands and feet of these type of thugs that evening and the only difference was I was dressed up. I wont go into the details to say that I got my own back on the first one to invade my space, but its hard when you are way outnumbered. The result is that I am much more reserved when I go out and selective of where I go and where I park. So much for freedom in a democratic society. Sorry to hear you went through what you did. Bigotry is alive and well in the 21st century.

[Paula_Femme]

What a horrible thing to happen to someone like yourself, I do hope you're recovering, both in body AND spirit!

In todays follow-up post you said, "I did note a hint of beer induced courage in all of them so it could have been the booze but it also could have just been pure hate." I've always said that if you want to see someone as they really are, get them blind drunk. Alcohol doesn't make you do a damned thing, it strips away your inhibitions, and looses the real you on the World, warts and all, so I would go with the "pure hate" in this particular instance.

But on the plus side, there are good, decent people in this World; I like to think they may just outnumber the scumbags, and I'm glad there were a few on-hand when you needed them!

[~Joanne~]

Isha, I am sorry to hear about this I wish the world was a better place but unfortunately it's not. This could have happened to anyone, if they hadn't singled you out, they surely probably would have some one else. Your a big girl, I am not going to tell you if you should report it or not. Is it the right thing to do? probably BUT depending on how far "out" you are, is it worth the risk even if they find these idiots to make them pay for their crime, and yes, it was a crime.

The only mistake I see that you made was you turned your back on them and I wouldn't have. If they made that much effort to follow you they surely weren't just walking away. I understand hindsight is 20/20 and from MY view it's easier to see. I am just glad that your ok for the most part and this encounter hasn't changed your view as to being yourself.

I am really glad though that you chose to share what happened with the rest of the community and whoever views this in large. We read about all the great trips out, how easy it is to do, and how positive it is but never enough of the bad experiences to help sister's keep on their toes or observe the warning signs so they do not become a victim of hate crimes or worse. Thank you!

[Jason+]

Isha,

Glad you hear you are recovering. Thank you for the timely reminder and education that I wish had not come at your (or anybody's) expense.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Isha

It must have been very difficult to tell that story, but I'm glad you did. It should serve as a warning to all of us the think like a girl in situations like this. These guys were really bullies, because they were not looking to make a fair fight of it.

I'm still of the opinion that you should report it. since there's no hate crime law, it's a simple assault and you could potentially report it without discussing how you were dressed. When I was in elementary school, I was beat up by a bully. He stood head and shoulders above me, and coul have easily beat me in a fair fight. In site of that, he felt it necessary to attack m from behind when my hands were in my pocket. The police were called. In this case, I knew my attacker by name and could have file charges against him. The police talked my dad out of filing charges because it could make me a target for retaliation. I always wished I had filed charges, but I was young enough that I didn't really know my rights.

I have a very relevant story for you. Last year at the Keystone Conference I met Kristin Beck, the former Navy Seal. I was talking to a friend and said, "Kristin is one T-Girl who doesn't have to worry about being beat up because she is trans." In fact, in a fair fight, it might have been even odds between Kristen and your 3 attackers. i'd like to emphasize that I said fair fight. However, I was told that someone did old **** Kristen with an attack from behind. So if a former Navy Seal i vunerable, than every trans girl is.

I'm very glad that you weren't hurt worse -- they could have had knives, and I wish you a speedy recovery.

[Michelle789]

Isha,

I am really sorry to hear this happened to you Isha. It's really disgusting and these individuals are cowards. They aren't men, and they aren't animals, nor are they retarded. Calling them as such would be an insult to every decent man, animal, and mentally retarded individual out there. They are cowards, douchebags, criminals, and the scum of the earth, as is anyone who feels a need to inflict violence on another human being.

This is also a reminder that you need not be TS, you need not be on hormones, you need not be transitioning nor living full-time, to become a victim of transphobic violence. Anyone cross-dresser, or part-timer, who walks outside the house en femme faces being a victim of a transphobic hate crime. The only reason these hate crimes seem to happen more to TSes is we have to live full-time, while a CDer only dresses occasionally. But when the CDer or gender fluid person ventures out in public dressed as a woman, you're just as risk as a full-time TS. Oh, and this can happen to transmen too.

Oh, and if we're not clocked we still face the same risk of sexual assault and harassment that GG's face. And even if you're not initially clocked, you might get clocked mid-way through an attack.

Isha, I hope you feel better and don't let these bullies stop you from going out. Be strong, brave, and continue on your journey to embrace living authentically.

You said it yourself you turned your back to a threat. Girls this is a lesson to all of us who happen to step outside the house, never turn your back to a potential threat. We all must be aware of our surroundings. When walking keep your head up and eyes moving.

This is probably the best advice I've seen.

Alcohol plus the numeric superiority made these punks very brave.

A coward using alcohol can become a much greater threat, but one of us under the influence becomes a much greater target.

[MissTee]

Glad to hear an update from you Isha. I respect your careful consideration of what is best for you AND your family in choosing to report or not. That is very wise.

Years ago my wife and I were out for a date and some lunatic decided to make us a target. Never understood why. He attempted to run us off the road with his car, and harassed us in every way imaginable as we tried to avoid his assaults on the highway. We finally turned off, and found a restaurant. Unbeknown to us he followed at a distance, and when we exited the car and were walking toward the restaurant he tried to run us down. Again, we had no idea why he picked us for this assault other than he was psycho. I got my wife to safety and as he circled the parking lot I tried to confront him. He left. I thought that was the end of it. We reported the incident and since i had his tag number we quickly found he had done this before. I picked him out of mug shots with the local police, filed a warrant, and that was that.

Or so I thought. He was picked up and arrested on the warrant, and subsequently posted bail. A week later he shows up at my Mom's house, threatening her and threatening to put a warrant out on me for something trumped up. Scary stuff. My Mom called while he was at her house and I rushed over there. I called my police buddies and notified them of what was happening. I got to Mom's house before they did and I confronted him.

I am a big man. A very big man and I do NOT make a good victim (or pass respectably in femme, either.) At the time I was still in special forces military. He decided to try his luck and take me on. He failed. Miserably. The police arrived shortly thereafter, and called EMTs to scrape what was left of him off my Mom's porch. For the next two years we were in and out of court before they finally sent him off. I never heard from him again.

Was it all worth it? Not sure, but I do know I would never be able to live with myself if I let this punk bully me and my family. I stood my ground and made it clear I refuse to be an easy target. In this case he had done this same thing to a dozen other people. Every one of them backed down. Every one. That's crazy. I chose to stand my ground.

What value does that have? I helped my family feel safer. I affirmed my family protector status. I suppose that's worth something by some calculation. In the end, it's really a personal choice on what is best for you and your family. Cowards will be cowards and I refuse to be their clay pigeon.

[Sallee]

Certainly glad you are not more hurt than you are. That has to be very rare occurrence at least I hope so. I wish you had reported it just for the crime stats if nothing else Although I totally understand why you opted not to.
Hope you feeling better soon.

[Sarasometimes]

Wishing you a full and speedy recovery! It must be hard when you do the what if's but you are smart to focus on the guys who helped you and the good in society. Those guys were heroes, and acting without thought for their safety to come to the aid of a stranger, very commendable. After reading your article last night I was standing in drab, in a restaurant waiting for more of my group to arrive and I noticed a women getting into her SUV and I realized how more vulnerable she is to a loony than a guy.
Thanks for sharing, we all gained something from your unfortunate experience.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

hope you are feeling better Isha, those thugs must realize every "dog has his day" maybe when they end up in prison they won't like their "female side'?

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Sorry to read about what happened to you Isha. Get well, because you are inspiration and motivator to us indoor never leaving our house dressers!

[Jeninus]

I'm very relieved to hear that you are recovering in body and spirit from that cowardly attack, and also very glad to know that others came to your assistance. Their intervention somewhat balances the ugliness of what happened. I can also fully understand your reluctance to formally report the attack. This is a cautionary tale for all of us and lessons are there for all to learn: best to go out with others, never turn your back on potential attackers.

Jenn

[Ruby John]

Wish you a speedy recovery. Thanks for posting about what happened to you as that makes us all think about where we go and how we react. Thanks Again Ruby

[Jane P]

Thank you for sharing your story Isha . It sucks that this happened ,but is a good reminder for us all to keep our guard up. Not so we will walk around always frightened that something like this will happen at any moment , but to remember that it can happen and to be careful . I know from past stories that you are capable of taking care of yourself and I am sure you are probably beating yourself up over the way things happened but it wasn't your fault . It happened and it sucks.

I hope things will get back to normal for you soon . I can't help but think what a strain this has put on your life in so many ways . I worry how this will affect your marriage , I feel that your wife is going to probably be more protective of you and worry a bit more whenever you are out , be patient with her , in a way this happened to her as well.

To add insult to injury you have had so many caring people on this forum telling you what you should have done. Stuff that you already knew . Again it sucks , but it is just people who are outraged trying to reach out and tell you that they care.

Like I said , I hope things are back to normal for you soon . Take care of yourself and enjoy life , this could have been much worse.

Jonnie

[Stephanie Julianna]

I just answered a post about someone en femme who was approached by a man but he did nothing thank God. Now I read your story. First, I don't know how they read you since you always present as a lady. However, with that being said, I'll repeat here what I said in the other thread. I've been doing this for 35 years in public and mostly in NYC. I learned early on that if you want to enjoy a night as a girl you have to apply the whole experience. That means, after you have done your make-up, hair and outfit to the best of your ability, practiced your best girl voice etc. YOU NOW HAVE TO START THINKING LIKE A GIRL. YOU ARE NOW MUCH MORE VULNERABLE THAN YOU ARE IN MALE MOOD. Those heels and dresses with pocketbooks can hobble you in many dangerous situations. Mothers teach their daughters about this stuff from an early age. You only have to pick up the paper to see that women are always the targets of this kind of assault . Whether you are a gg or transgendered, there are monsters out there that either want to get in your pants or simply abuse someone weaker. And yes, when we are dressed, we join the weaker sex. Are women weaker? Of course not. But in the eyes of far to many men they still are. The difference with gg's and us is they have training and instincts that we don't and we have to educate ourselves on how to navigate the world safely. I feel so bad for you because I can not imagine the physical and emotional pain you must have experienced. I agree that at least it ended on an uplifting note with the decent men helping you. I hope you get back in the saddle as soon as you mend and look forward to hearing about your nights out soon. Just think more like the beautiful woman you are and stay safe.

[MeDeanna]

Wow. I hope you are OK. Your experience was horrible to read.

[Michelle Deere]

OMG Isha. So sorry to hear about this. Hopefully you will be back to full health in no time.
M.

["Gabriela"]

Hi Isha,

I'm so sorry, so sad, so angry to read this. I can only send you a big warm hug and wish you heal very soon. At least there's still hope in humanity, but it's so unfair that in these times, many of us have to suffer because of the ignorance and hatred from narrow-minded ones...

I think I'm not going to be alone when out, never!

Take good care.

Gabby

[Michelle colson]

Thank you for sharing this sobering story with us. It's a sad but necessary reminder of the dangers we face when out dressed. I wish you well and a speedy recovery.