The reason I cant go out dressed is because I live in a conservative town.

[Tracii G]

I will probably rustle a lot of feathers but here goes.

I get really tired of hearing that excuse.
Where I live you have rednecks and socialites, the poor and very wealthy and I really don't think they care either way how I dress.
Yeah I'm different to say the least and yet people just don't say anything 99% of the time.
So what I'm saying here is that is a lame excuse and to me it just shows ones lack of guts to just go for it and be yourself.
The only one holding you back is you.

[Meghan4now]

Why you feather steeling little so and so. You'll never get MY Boa and matching Mules!

Ohhh you meant ruffle, not rustle? OK then. Love you Tracii. I concure, wasted too many years in the closet. Time to be mystical not mythical. And guess what, there are some really cool people to meet when you do.

So when do we get our cheerleading uniforms? Mmmmmm.
Give me a T, give me a G, give me a UR2! Go crossdressers go!!!!

[flatlander_48]

I would say that if it is a small town, the problem is more like the increased probability of seeing someone that you know. That can be a real hurdle for folks.

DeeAnn

[melissa247]

I live in a town with a great deal of violence,shootings murders,etcetcetc..so even though i don't really concern myself with that,i do think if dressed an attack could be possible.in male form..most find me intimidating for some reason.

[Rachael Leigh]

Traci you are right I too live in a conservative area and most people I see or encounter are nice or don't care, my problem and others in my situation may be more about our spouses reputation if we saw someone she knows or I knew. I know it can be a problem and I try to be sympathic with that so that's another thing to consider for those who stay in

[Teresa]

Traci,
My previous counsellor tried to stop me thinking assumptions all the time, much of it is in our heads. I live in a very conservative area but the seamstress who did some alterations told me the people may be conservative but also very accepting and not to worry about it. Also don't forget you won't be the only CDer in your town, who knows what goes on behind other people's curtains !

[Taragirl427]

Well, there is conservative and then there is the Bible belt South, lol. If a CD went out around here, and didn't pass, they would meet with a lot of disapproval. We are a little behind the power curve when it comes to the tolerance most of the US is experiencing. That said, apparently Chattanooga is in the top 25 or so most LGBT friendly cities in the US.

[Nadine Spirit]

i do think if dressed an attack could be possible.in male form..most find me intimidating for some reason.

Do you know that statistically men are more likely to be victims of crime?

Tracii-
I totally agree. While I do know how most view California as full of crazy ultra liberal people, the central valley is considered as California's bible belt. And that is where I live. My town is about 1,000 people where everyone knows everyone and everything. So apparently they all know about me and nobody cares!

[Dana44]

Tracii, LOL you are always out girl. Now I have moved into a small town. Two towns connected and live close to the other. So run in male one side of town and go out dressed in the other side. I know that one time the odds will be against me, but hey I've been outed before in a large town. Yippee Ki Yaaa, I have the guts to go for it. My SO asked me that if we got any negative comments if I would throw a fit. I would like ignore them until they laid a hand on me and well that will be a different story. So far its been really nice out. No fear here.

[melissa247]

nadine spirit...so being en femme is actually safer..lol..who woulda thunk that..haha..i am sure you know though as you have ventured into the wide wide world while i hide in my home peering out windows occasionly seeing through mascara covered lashes.lol thank you for the info

[lingerieLiz]

Hate to tell you there are rednecks and conservatives on this site. I've lived in small bible belt towns with both and people knew. Reminds me of the time a guy had a heart attack and died trying to get help alongside the rode. He was wearing a long pink nightgown. Someone asked his friends about the nightgown and they said ole Bob liked that stuff but he was a great guy and liked fishing and hunting.

I've lived and worked in more states than most people have visited and really had no problem in any of them. I'm small and not perceived as a threat so a big redneck could be tempted to do me harm. None did and I was never ostracized. Not saying that it won't happen.

[Stephanie47]

I hope nobody blissfully takes up your challenge. After all you are not the person who will have to bear the brunt of any negative consequences. I think having read posts on this forum for many years that even those who venture forth fully attired as a woman do so on their own terms. It's off to a club. It's off to a town miles away. It's on vacation.

It's never in front of their wives. It's not going to work. It's not going to church. It's not going to the neighborhood BBQ. It's not reading a book at the local elementary school to the kintergarten kids. I'm fairly certain those recreational cross dressers calling those who do not venture forth attired, and, not those transitioning from man to woman, imposed restrictions on themselves. So, this Veterans' Day get that burn barrel out and toss in those male clothes and burn them to a crisp. You really do not need them. Or do you?

[faltenrock]

Tracii, this os so true. Whenever I got out dressed for a day or two, I'm usually traveling and visit places where I feel save and where it is most unlikely to be known for my real identity. I enjoy going out so much, but don't do it near my home, my wife has also asked several times no to do it around our community or nearby.

[Amanda M]

One person's excuse is another person's reason!

[pamela7]

the only people so far to take exception to my crossdressing are a couple of of old "hags". the young folk around here seem really accepting, so i reckon the need to hide is literally "dying out".

[sometimes_miss]

I will probably rustle a lot of feathers but here goes. I get really tired of hearing that excuse.

Then don't listen!

Where I live you have rednecks and socialites, the poor and very wealthy and I really don't think they care either way how I dress.

Careful, thinking that you can read minds might generate a visit to the looney bin!

Yeah I'm different to say the least and yet people just don't say anything 99% of the time.

I'm more concerned about the 1%; you know, the ones that will come up behind you with a bucket of tar and a big bag of feathers. Or just a 2x4. There are people out there that want us dead for no other reason besides us being crossdressers, and others who will subtly mess up our lives, jobs & relationships, simply because they don't want us around. I prefer to avoid all those issues. Life is difficult enough.

So what I'm saying here is that is a lame excuse and to me it just shows ones lack of guts to just go for it and be yourself.

You're right; I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the potential backlash which could make my life miserable and force me to move at least a state away to get away from it.

The only one holding you back is you.

Yes, and fortunately, so far I've been holding effectively. I don't bother anyone, and no one bothers me. Works out pretty well that way, I might add. But to each their own.

Do you know that statistically men are more likely to be victims of crime?

Uhhhh....you do know that statistically most crossdressers are men, and statistically about, oh, 99% of us don't pass, right? So we're included in your statistic as being more likely to be victims of crime!

[Lauri K]

Everyone has there own reasons for not going out, but I think to Tracii's point the most common one said on here is "I cannot go out because where I live, it's very conservative)

If you even remotely pass hardly anyone will even recognize you most of the time, trust me. Getting out of your own front door at your house on your own street should be the hardest thing you do, once out of the house and down the street you are just in public like a million others are.

Anyhow that is my take on this from personal experience, so if you are waiting on an invitation to arrive at your door telling you it's ok to come out dressed, it's not going to happen.

[Jolynne Wynn]

I used to use those excuses all the time and would envy those who would venture out en femme. Until last week, when my s/o dressed me and applied my make-up for me, and took me out to dinner with some friends. Was so scared at first. First few glances from people, no one said anything. No odd looks towards me. Then a lady came up and asked me about the restaurant. She then told me I really fooled her until I spoke. I told her it was my first time and she congratulated me and told me not to worry. Felt more confident and will not use any excuses anymore to go out as myself.:D

[STACY B]

Maybe get looks for an outlandish outfit,, If you choose wisely and look conservative and well put together and dress to blend in the right places at the right time you will have no problem. I think it's the Fetish dressers that shock people more like having a costume on more than someone in simple jeans and a top. If you go into the Dollar General dressed to the nines or Home Depo in the middle of the day you will get stares,, But if you choose the mall or a woman's store a more appropriate place you will blend in much better with less people to deal with.

STOP LOOKING AROUND,, People think and sense something is wrong and think you are SUSPECT!!! Go about your Bizzness and act like your there for the same reason they are, Don't over think it,, Go slow and ease into it with small things and build up in time,, Little things added over and over end up a lot after time and before you know it you will be really comfortable where ever you are.

[Marcelle]

Hi Tracii,

I don't really see the phrase as an excuse but more justification for some until they get truly comfortable with who they are. Going out in public can only occur when you have reached a place in your own mindset where you don't care at which point you will launch yourself across the door frame into free fall and IMO has nothing to with courage short of exiting the house. This requires the person to be comfortable presenting when they feel they don't pass, comfortable with the local populace of their neighborhood knowing, comfortable with any backlash which may befall their family, and a whole host of things we have to overcome in going out. Yes, a vast majority of your outings will be uneventful . . . the biggest non event but some will be disconcerting and you need thick skin for that to be certain. When a person is ready, they are ready and once out they will find whatever justification they used to stay indoors was truly not founded but I don't agree they lacked courage to not act until they are ready.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Sarah Beth]

I don't go out dressed anywhere for a variety of reasons and I would never go out in the town I live in, less than 2000 in population. So Tracii you come to where I live and go out dressed or try to live here trans and see how far you get.

[STACY B]

She was a Truck Driver for a long time,, She prob already has been there,,lol,,,, Don't temp her she's CRAZY !!!

[Krisi]

Traci, I think you are pretty naïve. Either that or you are posting something as true in the hopes that it will become true.

Stephanie nailed it in her post #12. Read it.

We all have our reasons for being in the closet or confining our dressing to inside our homes or far away from our hometowns and to us, they are valid reasons. Being known as "the town tranny" can hurt us in our careers and in our social relationships. It may not be embarrassing to you but it might be to your wife, children, parents, etc. I'm talking about the real world, not the Internet world.

By all means, feel free to prance around town in heels and a miniskirt, that's your right but don't look down on those of us who don't. That's our right.

[reb.femme]

Hi Tracii,

In the main I agree with you and I think Marcelle says it so well, as usual (blows air up... fill in the blanks ) Everyone is different and comfort levels vary for each. I cannot bring any crap to my own front door as agreed with my wife. I've got no feathers to ruffle, this old hen is past the age of having any, but my own worry is strictly just outside of my own front door and it pays to be aware.

I've recounted here before of my brother telling of a house near him getting a brick through the window. Reason submitted: "well he is a ***king tranny". I won't bore with my anecdotal evidence but troubles like this are real. I know you've confronted people that have attempted to cause you grief, but not everyone can. However, I too can be a bit chicken liver on the going out CD front, so am not outside of being open to criticism either. So, as stated already, in the main, I agree most of the fear is very definitely in our own minds.

Becky (partial wimp)

[heatherdress]

I usually encourage everyone to be who that are, live their lives fully, take chances and do what they believe is right for them. But I don't think it right to simply condemn those who do not go out dressed as being gutless.

Although many of us could probably go out dressed and totally enjoy ourselves instead of staying at home, many times there are important reasons we do not or cannot - and they are more than a lack of guts. Discovery by family or friends we know to be non-accepting might lead to difficulties that should have been avoided. Discovery could threaten school life, social life, careers. Discovery could also threaten personal safety in some neighborhoods.

I agree with the point - that we should take more chances, live our lives for ourselves, and not use where we live as a cop out. But we also have to deal with our realities, consequences, individual anxieties and personal comfort levels.