Absolutely a great question Kitty!
In my case the answer is yes, it is transsexual purgatory. I did not have the fortitude to make the change when I was younger. It (the operation) was scary and primitive, and I didn't have the cojones.
Often an outwardly accepting spouse can become an "enabler," someone who through their acceptance and support makes it easy for a CD husband to get better at being feminine. Unfortunately this seems to make things worse. There is a tipping point, when there is just too much femininity for that SO to even outwardly pretend to accept. It's OK to see your husband's feminine side once in a while, but not so good when he's girly-girl all the time. (I don't just mean dressed, but swishing around and acting fem all the time) I know about this. It's real easy to slip down that slippery nylon slope!
If you find yourself negotiating, cajoling, pressuring, and otherwise using all your wiles to get more "feminine privileges", be careful. Your wonderful SO has her limits. Give her that space.
As far as active denial of a CD husband wanting to really be a woman, I think that is quite common. I read the posts on this forum; many, many express this thought. We have sort of finally accepted (most of us) that we are all TG in some way, and sometimes it can be easy to find ourselves in a different place on that TG spectrum.
