I'm sure there have been other posts similar, but this is about me...dangit!

I just need to vent. I don't know what to do. I have this deep longing to be en femme or quite possibly even more. If someone told me I could have breast implants I would more than likely take them up on it. I just want to be en femme. I wonder though is this just because I can't be en femme very often? I have 5 kids and my wife is not on board at all with me cding. She was quite pissed when I told her.

I stopped for some time but now it's back with a vengence but I am so confused on what I want. Do I want to go to the extreme of losing my family so that I can have myself surgically transformed into a woman or do I keep dressing here and there just to keep everyone else happy? I love my life but I know there is this other part of me feeling abandoned.

Does that make any sense? When I go shopping I want to go to the women's section...I don't want to shop for men's clothing at all anymore. When I'm anywhere I watch women not to check them out, but to wonder what it would be like to wear what they are wearing. I don't go past VS to see hot women I go past it wishing I could shop in there.

Anyway no good answer and I don't think I'm ready to make this kind of decision. I mean there is the consideration of religion, long time friends, etc. It's easy to say they'll understand and so will God, but in the end will it all have been worth it. What if I get there and I find out it was all a fetish and not really anything else.

Well thanks for listening. I do have a couple new outfits...don't like the wig I bought, but if I can make it work I'll post some new pictures soon.

Not trying to be a debbie downer, but just thinking out loud. Thanks for listening gals