Dearest Sam,
(Please take note: I am not a doctor. I have no diplomas to establish myself as an absolute authority on any given subject matter. )
As I read your post I noticed similarities to what I myself, and probably other members, have experienced.
Your spouse’s response to your revelations is typical. Please do not fault her for that because most people are not well informed about this type of behavior. Information they have comes from questionable sources, such as TV shows or the internet. People tend to believe everything they hear or see.
Firstly let me state unequivocally that you are a “NORMAL” human being. No doubts about that.
What you are experiencing is a “behavior”.
Some behaviors are simple in and have a well-defined purpose while others are more complex .Cross-dressing and other gender related mental issues fall into the more complex category because the clear purpose and dynamics are often clouded and difficult to define. But take heart; there is always a reason for a behavior to manifest.
I can only speak for myself.
“The catalyst for me was the experience of a traumatic series of events in my life. The resulting triple whammy threw me into a state of severe depression from which I had extreme difficulty recovering. Being a typical average everyday stubborn male I scoffed at seeking out any professional medical help and figured I could fix me. So I reached back into my past, remembering how wonderful and soothing wearing woman’s cloths was for me growing up. I opened the preverbal Pandora’s Box, not once stopping to think about how this would affect my wife, daughters, son, friends and all the people who knew me.
I didn’t care about them. All I was thinking about was me….me…ME! I was selfish and being self-centered. (I regret that now.)
Sometimes when things are really bad, people have a tendency to use “dumb” logic in order to figure out what to do. At the time I was hurting bad and needed something to feel better and be able to function again. Everything in my life seemed to be collapsing and suffocating me. I couldn’t breathe.
In my desperation I even had brief thoughts of suicide.
So I put on a dress and suddenly, like magic, I started feeling better.
At this point I should have seen the writing on the wall and bolted like an Olympic runner straight to the nearest hospital for a hefty dose of Prozac, or some other wonder drug.
No! Not me. I figured I was too smart for that. Yeah right?
My wife and children were accepting of me on the” outside”. What I couldn’t see, or didn’t want to see, was that the whole situation was tearing them apart from” within”.
The first thing that a “behavior” wants is: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.
I was getting “acknowledgement” because….well…there I was standing in front of them in all my feminine glory and being kind of hard to overlook.
The second, and most crucial, thing a “behavior” wants is: ACCEPTANCE. (Giving a “behavior” acceptance is like feeding it a steady supply of steroids.)
In order to spare mine and forsake their own feelings, my wife and children feed me all kinds of nice compliments. They told me exactly what I wanted to hear. (I don’t fault them for that. They didn’t know what they were doing.)
The third, and final, thing a “behavior” wants is: EVERYTHING ELSE.
I’m not going to go into the details about what I’ve lost. Use your own imagination to fill in the blanks.
At some point you have to ask yourself: Was it worth it?
The answer should be: No.
I can only encourage you to seek help while you have the opportunity. Don’t be an arrogant SOB like I was.
You will save yourself a lot of regrets in the many years ahead of you.
Make the RIGHT choices NOW!
