As much as I have always loathed the idea of being with a man when I am in guy mode, I have no problem with either sex when I am her....until I discovered recently about my crush for my friend (whom I've known for about 18 years and just discovered there is something overwhelmingly powerful about wanting to be with him either as a guy or girl) So this feeling has me thinking about the possibility of being with a guy, as a guy, but still not feelin it. But this leads to the problem at hand. I feel and am acting out MUCH more feminine now than I ever have. Never really had thoughts as a child, not one of those. Just feelings of being a girl that started early on and suppressed for many years. Now the thought of men. And hating my hair on my legs....and anywhere else it shouldn't be....and my heart is racing constantly, every second of the day and has been now since this whole "crush" on friend thing. It won't go away and I have no idea what's happening to me. My hands feel like their shaking and I feel antsy all the time. Can anyone shed some light on this? I know it may seem redundant from an earlier post of mine but I am trying to understand why this is happening. I've accepted that my friend and I won't be. I can live with that. But I still feel this way...and it's not so much a crush anymore. I feel like this is me now....what ever that is. I also noticed that I don't feel like dressing up as much but I am becoming increasingly feminine on the outside and in public. And when I do dress, it feels more normal than the usual "rush". Sorry for the rant and thanks for listening. ugh
