I have two boys from a 14 year marriage. One 8 and one 4, and I love them more than anything. Most people don't get that I transitioned for them, that if I didn't, they would have to visit me in a cemetery. And they still might.
In reality I have abandoned them, and I know this. They now live over 1000 miles away from me. I talk to them almost every day and get pictures sent to me when the ex has time to do that for me. I am current on my child support and never miss calling them on special days. I have flown out to see them a lot of times, but I fear it's not enough. For them, or for me.
I cry a lot when I think of them. I miss them so much. And I know this post is probably not coming off how I want it to, I'm just really emotional rite now. I just want to hold my boys and tell them I love them, and buy then a slice of pizza and just be with them.
I don't know if what I'm asking for is advice, or if i simply want to vent. All I know is than I'm in pain.
Sorry if this is not an appropriate place to post this. I'm rambling.
