I have always had issues within my mind, I suffer from Bipolar Disorder(Diagnosed at 10 years old) but even before then, I can remember certain events that very much sounded off for a little boy to do. Back when I was 6 years old, maybe even younger, I can remember hiding out in the bathroom, and playing with my mum's makeup(Lipstick, blush, eyeliner, etc), I didn't know why, but I enjoyed doing that, and it didn't seem wrong to do. On and off as I grew, these kinda events popped up, wearing makeup here, wearing girls clothes there, normal crossdressing stuff. Though, even when I was younger, I can remember that I once shaved my legs, though having nothing but peachfuzz on my body. Mum noticed, asked me why, and I basically said "I have no idea, just did it, I guess," and nothing was talked about since. I had periods of time where I would go over to a girls house, crossdress, for a laughs, halloween, them wanting to dress me up, etc. To not get too into detail, I had a traumatic childhood. Bullied, beat up, laughed at, teased, parents got divorced, no time to take care of me, only my older brother(Has Aspergers), ignored for 3 years, switched schools several times, etc, etc. In junior year, I started questioning things, mainly, my gender. I was in extreme distaste of being male since I was this short, easy to cry, sensitive 16 year old no-so-boy weirdo. A friend, who was a crossdresser, basically showed me more into the Transworld, where I started picking up crossdressing as a regular thing. He helped me pick a name, and even wanted to help me through becoming a girl, but after some more traumatic events, I moved away from wanting to be a girl, and just stuck it out. I had on and off moments where I questioned it again, but nothing came of it. Not until I was out of high school for a year and out working, did the feelings and thoughts surface again, so I just crossdressed again, as I took a break from it completely. As of recently, I've been every few months having my mood tank completely, because these damn thoughts and feels resurface, but I'm not entirely sure if its legit trans thoughts, or a mix of my Bipolar Disorder and the past traumas. What I'd really like to know is what makes most sense to any of you. Am I sounding like a Tranny, or Am I just trying to cover up past traumas with these thoughts? When the thought of transition comes up, it really scares me and my girlfriend. We are really lost, I wanna be able to be happy, and not deal with these damn thoughts every few months. What is there I can do? Are there more options than transition? Is there a compromise between the two? All thoughts and ideas are welcome. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this long post.