I have gone through the same thing with my spouse , before and after she left me. I still don't understand why she can't understand but I did get a little insight from an online conversation I had with another wife of a trans woman. She said that because she did indeed marry (what she assuemed to be) a man, had sex with her spouse, had kids and lived in the roles of husband and wife for years, she was not going to accept the fact the fact that, in essence, her spouse was a woman the whole time. Either she could not get her mind around that concept or it was threatening to her own sexuality, sanity or sense of womanhood. With some people there is no hope of gaining acceptance or support. A wife is very typically such a person. Unfortuantely we cannot change someone else. Maybe in time she will "come around" but most likely, in order for you to move forward you will have to "move on". I stll cry almost daily over the loss of my beloved spouse and best friend but in my mind I know losing her was nessesary in order for me to progress and transition. It sucks and it is not easy.
