@melissaK - I understand that my changes strike at my wife's identity, and I don't fault her for them being incompatible with it. However, I also fail to see the love coming back my way.
I still care about her, and I'm still taking care of her. Me? I got kicked out after 4 months because this was too hard for her to deal with. It was just too painful for her. I have some 15 year old furniture (which I bought), a set of 10 year old dishes (which I bought because she had to have them, then decided she didn't want 'em after all), the saddest ****ing towels you've ever seen. I think the movers were actually a little sad for me that the small set of boxes (mostly technical books) and the few pieces of furniture I left with were all I had to show for 20 years together. (Honestly, it would've been cheaper to buy new, cheap, furniture than to spend 2600 to move the old stuff. Especially since my wife got mad that I took some furniture - that she offered - and went out and bought new stuff to replace the old.)
So I guess I'd like to see a little even "conditional" love coming back my way, but nope - loyalty is dead, and as soon as I mention that I may not be able to perform to contract at some time in the future, I am ****ing fired from the marriage.
I'll never trust her again. Ever. That alone says it's over. After how she's treated me? How could I? During the most fragile period of my life, when she KNEW I was suicidal, she did everything she agreed not to do, lied to my FACE about it and explained "well, this is all just too hard for me to deal with." She couldn't have done a better job of making me want to die if she'd been deliberately trying to do that. A significant part of her grief is over the fact that her lifestyle will no longer be so extravagant as it was. She blames me for this - and wants me to suffer too. She's admitted this - "Why should YOU have a good life, when I have to do without?" (Well, uh, you kicked me out hon...)Originally Posted by JessM.
Over the years I shouldered most of the burdens in our relationship, it turns out. But now that I need something - and I'll admit that it's something that doesn't allow for a long term relationship to continue - I got nothing. I got kicked out.
I have 20 years with not much to show for it. Not just the stuff - **** the stuff. I mean emotionally. I've been there for her and her family. A LOT. Then something happens to me and I'm treated like toxic waste that has to be gotten rid of NOW! And all the stuff I did in the past? It didn't even buy me time to make a sensible move. (This is all I really expected - a few more months, at least a couple, to put some things in order to make this easier on the both of us.)
Did I get any of that? Nope. I got ****ed over.
I don't get to move along yet. I'm still married to her. Divorce will come after our son's wedding, which I am dreading like I've never dreaded anything else. (I gotta go as a guy.)
I'm pretty angry and bitter right now - I'm not sure I'll trust anyone again, at least not in a relationship. I'm tired of being used.
